Alright, so, I was reading the news the other day, trying to figure out whatās going on, you know, like you do. And I saw this thing aboutā¦vegetables. Specifically, vegetables and pregnant women. Which, okay, already a lot to unpack. So, apparently, thereās theseā¦ people. Scientists, I guess? And doctors too, maybe? Anyway, they're saying that pregnant womenā¦ should get, like, boxes of vegetables. Organic vegetables. And local, which I guess is good. I don't really know why, but I guess it is. See, and this is where I get lost, they're saying it's to protect the babies. Fromā¦ pesticides. Now, I don't know much about pesticides, except that I don't *think* you're supposed to eat them. But they're saying it's getting to the babiesā¦ early. Like, even before they're born. So, the idea is, give the pregnant women a bunch of organic vegetables, and that solves the pesticide problem. Whichā¦ I mean, I guess it makes sense? It's not like they're going to spray the pregnant women with pesticide, right? That would be a whole different news story. Itās all kinda confusing. Like, how did they even *find* this out? You know what I mean? Is there someone going around testing babies for pesticides? That sounds like a hard job. āYep, this oneās gotā¦ a little bit of spinach in it. And definitely someā¦ *organic* lettuce.ā But anyway, so yeah, pregnant women, vegetables, babies, no pesticides. Seems like a good plan. I just hope they like vegetables. Because if you're getting a whole box of them, you better like 'em. What if you just hate celery? I mean, I wouldn't like that at all! You know what I'd do? I'd try to trade my vegetables for some pizza. Now that would be a good plan. A pizza plan. I should tell those scientists that.
2025-12-05 18:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, you know, because I like to keep up with current eventsā¦ or at least *try* to. Itās always a challenge. Anyway, this guy ā and look, I wonāt even try to pronounce his name, because Iāll butcher it. Just trust me, heās a smart fellaā¦ maybe. He works at this āInstitute Montaigne.ā I donāt know what that is, but it sounds important. Probably involves a lot of thinking, which, you know, not my forte. So, he wrote this whole article ā a ātribune,ā they called it ā about how Russiaā¦ get thisā¦ is kind of, like, nudging America away from Europe. Like they're at a party and Russia is just saying "Psst... hey America, over here! We got snacks!" And America's like "Oh... well, alright!" And then Europe is standing there like āHey! We were talking!ā And this guyās basically saying, āHey, this might be a problem.ā Because if America and Europe arenāt, you know, buddies anymore, then what happens withā¦ stuff. World stuff. He's especially concerned about the Ukraine situation. They're trying to get the whole "peace talk" thing going, but he's not sure how successful it'll be. And if America doesnāt care, which I guess they might not, then Europe's kinda left dealing with things on their own. I don't know what any of this means, really. Just seems like everyone needs to go to couples therapy, or something. And maybe Russia needs to stop offering America snacks. So yeah, thatās whatās going on. I think. I mean, I *read* it. But, you knowā¦sometimes reading is justā¦looking at words. Anyone else ever feel like that? Just me? Alright.
2025-12-05 17:04
Alright, so I'm reading this thing... and I'm not even sure what it's about at first. It's aboutā¦ politics. Over in, you know, *that* place. With the accents. See, the deal is, there's this guy, right? He's the head of like, a Brexit Watching place. You know, like theyāre keeping an eye on it like a hawk. Seems important. Iām assuming the Brexit happened. Iām not entirely sure *what* Brexit is, but I know people get mad about it. I think it has to do with leaving Europe, which... okay, sure. Anyway, this guy is saying theā¦ Labour Party? Is that like, the blue team or the red team? I always get them mixed up. Point is, they're doingā¦ something... wrong. Something "authoritarian." Which I guess is bad. I mean, *I* don't want anyone telling me what to do. Unless it's my wife. Then I'm used to it. And get this, they're in a "race to the shallot" with this other party, the "Reform UK" party. A shallot! Like the little onion! Now, I don't know what that means. Is it like, who can grow the best shallots? Who can sell the most shallots? I'm thinking of opening a shallot stand. I don't know how big the market is for shallots, but it sounds like they're important in *that* place. I guess what heās saying is that theyāre trying to be the same as this other party, and he thinks thatāsā¦ not great. So, political squabbling over there. Sounds about right. Politics is always the same, right? People arguing about shallots and stuff. And I'm over here trying to figure out what's for dinner. Maybe I should suggest shallots. My wife would love that. Probably.
2025-12-05 16:04
Alright, so I was reading something the other day... well, my wife was reading it and she was telling me about it. It wasā¦ news, I think? You know, those articles people write about stuff happening. Anyway, apparently, there's a group of smart people, like doctors and people who, you know, actually *go* to the doctors, and they're a little worried. They wrote a letter. It wasn't addressed to me personally, which I appreciate, because I already get enough mail. Catalogs, mostly. I don't even own a horse. But, this letter, they put it in thisā¦ paper thing. Not a *paper* paper, more like a news... thing. They're concerned about, uh... how people are going to be taken care of when they're sick. It's like they're saying something might make it harder to get the right help when you need it. Which, I guess, is a problem. I mean, being sick is already bad enough, right? I don't know all the details, because, well, I was mostly just listening to my wife. And sometimes when she talks about serious things, my brain just goes to like, "Do we have enough mayonnaise?" It's not on purpose. I think it's a defense mechanism. But the gist of it is: these experts and patients are saying, "Hey, maybe we should think twice about this new thing." I don't know what the "new thing" *is*, exactly. Probably something complicated. And I'm not really an expert on anything other than... breathing, I guess. So yeah, people who know things are worried about sick people. I feel like that's a sentence you should agree with. You know?
2025-12-05 13:34
Alright, alright, howās everybody doing tonight? Good? Good. So, I was reading the news, right? Trying to stay informed. Which, you know, is already a challenge. I feel like the more I know, the less I understand. Like, I read the instructions on the microwave, and I still end up setting off the smoke alarm. Anyway, thereās this storyā¦ itās about, uhā¦ roads. Apparently, theyāre gonna, like, *build* roads different now. Theyāre gonna useā¦ I think itās this stuff called, uhā¦ asphalt. Yeah, asphalt. Itās this black stuff, you see it all the time, you drive on it every day. They use it for parking lots, too. I think. I'm not a road expert, okay? I just drive on them. It's like, I use a toaster, but I don't know *how* it makes toast. But hereās the thing. This asphalt, itās made withā¦ recycled stuff. Yeah, likeā¦ old tires. So, picture this, you're driving on a road, thinking youāre just driving on a normal road, but underneath you, there's, like, a graveyard of tires. They're like, "We will have our revenge!" Not really, of course, tires can't talk, but wouldn't that be something? And they say it makes the roadā¦ *better*. Less potholes. Which, that would be amazing. I swear, I hit the same pothole on the way here tonight. I think itās actually trying to swallow my car. I'm not kidding, itās just a matter of time before they ask me to put my license plate on it... But here's my question. If theyāre putting old tires in the roadā¦ what happens when *that* road gets old? Do they just dig it up, find all the tire pieces, and then put *those* in another road? Itās like a never-ending tire cycle. I picture some guy in, like, fifty years, digging up a road and just being buried under a mountain of old tires. Heās gonna be like, "I just wanted to retire!" And supposedly, this is supposed to be better for the environment too, you know, using recycled stuff. Which is good, I guess. I'm always trying to be more environmentally friendly. I tried to recycle my coffee cup the other day, but I threw it in the wrong bin. I think I recycled someone elseās newspaper. I just walked away like I owned the place. I hope I didn't mess up their recycling for the whole month. So, yeah, roads made of old tires. I donāt know, sounds a little crazy, but maybe itāll work. Maybe weāll all be driving on smooth, pothole-free roads in the future. And maybe Iāll finally figure out how to work the microwave. Probably not, but you never know. Thanks, everybody. Youāve been great. Tip your waitress, try the veal.
2025-12-05 13:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day, which, you know, I try to do, even though most of the time it's like reading a foreign language, even when it's in English. Itās a skill. You can be lost in your own tongue. Anyway, there's thisā¦ situation... with this journalist guy. Apparently, he's been sentenced to seven years in jail. Not good. Seven years. That's a long time. I don't know what I'd do with myself for seven years. I mean, I guess I could finally learn to play the harmonica. I always said Iād get to it. But here's the thing: this happened inā¦ a foreign country, it seems. Not naming names, because I'm terrible with geography. I barely know where my keys are most of the time. I mean, I know generally where it is, but you know, likeā¦if I go there, I donāt know if Iām driving the right way. And from what I understand, people are saying that this journalist getting seven years, it doesn't even helpā¦ the country that sentenced him! Thatās what I donāt understand. Like, sometimes you do things that, even if they don't make sense to *me*, at least make sense to *you*. You know? Like when I wear a hat indoors. It doesn't make sense to my wife, but *I* think it looks good. So thereās logic to it. But this? This is like... punishing the journalist for something, and everyone agrees it hurts the country even more. Which is... I donāt know. It's like they're just doing it to prove a point. And Iām thinking, āWhatās the point?!ā What is *ever* the point? Is there a test? If there is, I missed that, and I wasnāt prepared. You need to send me an email before you send me a test. I have things going on. And Iāll probably miss the email because I forget to check it. So yeah, a journalist, seven years, and nobody really knows why. That's my news update for the day. Maybe tomorrow Iāll learn where I left my other sock. One never knows.
2025-12-05 12:35
Okay, so, I was reading this thing, and it was talking aboutā¦ Turkey. Yeah, the country. Seems like they're, uh, peacemakers now? Which, you know, good for them. I always thought they were mostly known for Thanksgiving. But, apparently, Turkey's doing this whole, like, international peace thing. And theyāre doing itā¦ *well*. I was surprised too. Theyāre calling it a āfaiseur de paix.ā Itās a fancy term, I think it means āpeace-makerā. So, get this. They said it's because Turkeyās got this, like, really important spot on the map. Which, okay, I get that. Like, location, location, location, right? Thatās what they say in real estate. Is it the same with countries? I don't know. But it makes sense, I guess. Theyāre in the middle of, like, everything. Almost. And then, they said it's also because of their president. Apparently, he's really good at this stuff. Like, *really* good. I don't know much about politics, to be honest. Iām mostly trying to figure out if I should get a dog. Itās a big decision. But, the president, yeah. They said he's got, like, skills. āHabilitĆ©,ā they said. Now, what does that even mean? Is that like having a special skill in a video game? Like heās got āNegotiation +5?ā I donāt know. I should probably look that up. So, basically, Turkey is in a good location and their president is good at peace-making. Thatās why theyāre doing the peace thing. I guess thatās all it takes. I should try that. Just find a good spot on the couch and then just be good at peace. My wife might appreciate that actually. Weāll see how it goes. I'll report back.
2025-12-05 12:04
Okay, so I was reading... well, I was *trying* to read, anyway. I'm not a big reader. My wife's the reader. I just nod and say, "Yeah, that sounds... book-y." But this book, right? "The CIA Book Club." Which, the title alone... already I'm in. The CIA has a book club? I picture all these serious guys, sunglasses indoors, sitting around discussing... I don't know, like, "How to Blow Stuff Up: Literary Edition." Anyway, apparently, back in the Cold War ā which I vaguely remember, I think my dad was still wearing bell bottoms ā people weren't allowed to read certain books in some places. Which is weird, right? Like, what's so scary about a book? I mean, I've tried to read some books and *I'm* not scared, just confused. So, the CIA, of all people, decides to help. Their plan? Smuggle books. Seriously. Itās like they thought, "Weāre good at sneaking around, and people seem to like these paper things with words on them. Let's combine them!" And these weren't just, like, cookbooks or something. These were books that wereā¦ against the rules of the government at the time. People wanted to read them, but the guys in charge werenāt happy about that. So they had to sneak them in. So the CIA is running thisā¦ underground book delivery service, funded by American taxpayers. Think about that, youāre paying for intelligence, but what youāre getting is a book to get to the right people. It's a true story, the author of the book, Charlie English, wrote all about it. I guess it was all about keeping hope alive and stuff, which is important. You know, because people want to have hope. I would too, especially if the CIA was smuggling me my books, I think that'd keep me hoping for the future. Makes you wonder what kind of books theyād be smuggling now. Probably ebooks. I donāt know, itās all very confusing. I still think the CIA book club thing is the funniest part. They need to do a movie on that. It'd be like "Argo", but with more footnotes.
2025-12-05 10:34
Okay, so I was reading thisā¦ thing. It was talking about Prime Ministers, you know, the guys in charge? Apparently, since the 70s ā and thatās a long time ago, right? I mean, I wasnāt even alive for most of that ā these Prime Ministers have beenā¦ how do I say thisā¦ borrowing ideas? Now, Iām not a political guy, I donāt really get all that stuff, but this thing said it was like these ideas were coming fromā¦ uhā¦ a certain direction. A *very* certain direction. Almost like if you were driving somewhere and kept turning right, right, right. Eventually, you're not going where you thought you would be. And whatās weird is, it's not just one guy doing it. Itās, like, everybody. Democrats, Republicansā¦ I don't know all of the parties in other countries, but it's all of them. So, it's likeā¦ if Iām understanding this right, it's like if everyone started wearing Crocs. I donāt understand Crocs. I just donāt. Theyāre comfortable, I get it, but theyāre Crocs. But imagine if, suddenly, Presidents, quarterbacks, *everybodyās* wearing Crocs. Thatās kind of what theyāre saying is happening with these ideas. Itās happening little by little, they said. They called it "progressive" and "continuous." I just know if I had to do something "continuous" and "progressive" at my age, it would probably involve a doctor's appointment. But that's the idea : that this thing is being used more and more, and that this is not just a one-off. It's weird, right? It's likeā¦ nobody's talking about it, but it's happening. So, basically, this paper says the people in charge are all slowly agreeing on somethingā¦ that I probably wouldnāt understand anyway. I just hope it doesnāt involve Crocs.
2025-12-05 09:34
Alright, so I'm reading this thing... it's about Notre Dame. You know, the big church? The one that had the fire a while back? Still fixing it. Looks like they're expecting a *lot* of people to come visit when it reopens. Like, millions. Millions of people looking at...rocks. Really old rocks. And this article, it's saying that they *should* charge people to go in. I was thinking about that. I mean, I get it. Churches are free. You just...walk in. That's how it works. But they're saying, "Hey, we need money to fix this place!" Which is true. Fixing a giant church has gotta cost a fortune. Like, way more than my car repairs. And my carā¦ it's always something. So, the thing is, the government is in charge of keeping this church up, and they're saying they don't have the money. Which, you know, I feel them on that. My bank account? Same problem. So this guy in the paper, he's saying it doesn't make sense to let all these people in for free when the government is broke. I guess he's got a point. You gotta think about it, I didn't go to college, but it seems logical to me... It's like, if you had a lemonade stand, right? And everyone came and got free lemonade all day, but you had to pay for the lemons and the sugar...you wouldn't be in business long. Youād be real thirsty, broke and confused! So basically, millions of people are going to see the fixed church, the government doesnāt have money, so this guy's wondering why they donāt charge them. Makes you think. Makes *me* think, anyway. Maybe I should start charging people to hear my jokes. Nah, I'm just kidding. Probably.
2025-12-05 06:05
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? Aboutā¦science. You know, the stuff with the beakers and theā¦thinking. Turns out, these science guys inā¦you know, over thereā¦they're a little worried. See, the government is trying to figure out the budget, which, budgetsā¦I don't understand them. My wife, Natalie, she handles the budget. I just know if thereās money left for pizza. Thatās my job. But apparently, these science people, they need money, too. For, like, research. Figuring out how things work, fixing stuff, all that. And theyāre saying that if they donāt get enough money, it could be bad forā¦everyone's health. Which makes sense, right? You want the science people to be able to, you know, science good. They wrote this thingā¦in a newspaper. A "tribune," they called it. I don't know what that is. Sounds fancy. Maybe it's a special kind of newspaper that only smart people read. I just read the comics. Keeps me grounded. But the gist of it is, these science guys, they're concerned. Because if they don't get the money, thenā¦well, then we might not get all the new medicine and stuff. And nobody wants that. I like medicine. Especially the kind you can chew. Reminds me of candy. Which is probably not what they *want* you to think. But still. So basically, it's a whole thing with the budget, the science, andā¦health. Seems like a pretty important combination. Iām just hoping they can figure it out. Because if the science people arenāt happy, then whoās gonna figure out how to make the pizza last longer? Thatās a *real* problem, if you ask me.
2025-12-05 05:34
Okay, so I was readingā¦ well, my wife was reading, and then she told me about this article. See, I don't read articles, really. Unless itās about, like, a new way to grill a burger. Then I'm in. But this wasā¦ different. Apparently, there's this guy, a smart guy, a *really* smart guy. Heās one of these people who thinks about complicated things for a living. Likeā¦ *dreeeugs*. And he wrote an article becauseā¦ okay, so hereās the thing: it's about drugs. He was saying, like, people are talking about drugs, right? And they're trying to solve the problem. Which, that's nice, I guess. But he's saying the way they're trying to solve it is too...simple. Like when my daughter tries to "help" clean. Bless her heart, itās a nice thought, but suddenly my sock drawer is in the refrigerator. It's too simple, and it makes things worse. So, this guy, heās saying with drugs, you canāt just go, āDrugs bad! Stop drugs!ā Because, apparently, and Iām not a drug expert, this smart guy is saying itās more complicated than that. Thereās all these things happening, like gears turningā¦and if you ignore all thatā¦ I donāt know, you end up making things worse than they already are. I'm with him. Because... I don't know anything about drugs, but I do know that if you don't pay attention to what you're doing, you can mess things up. Like, I tried to fix my dishwasher once. Thought, āHow hard can it be?ā Now, I'm washing dishes in the bathtub. So basically, this smart guy is saying, āEverybody calm down. Letās think about this. It's a lot more complex." And, you know, maybe heās right. Seems like a good idea. We gotta be careful, because I already got enough problems. The bathtub's backed up now, too...
2025-12-04 14:35
You know, I was reading about the president the other day, and I gotta say, it's always something with that guy. So, apparently, he's suing a TV channel in Britain, and I'm thinking, "What's the deal with that?" (pauses) Turns out, they made a documentary, and they took one of his speeches and, you know, edited it in a way that didn't exactly make him look great. And now he's all upset, saying they defamed him. (chuckles) I mean, I've been misquoted by my wife before, but I don't think I've ever asked for billions of dollars. (laughs) But, seriously, the president is asking for between 1 and 5 billion dollars in damages. That's a big range, right? It's like me saying, "I'm gonna eat between 1 and 5 pizzas for dinner." (laughs) I mean, which is it? Are you hungry or are you starving? (smirks) And what's the criteria for deciding how much money you get? Is it like a pain-and-suffering scale or something? "Oh, you looked a little silly in that documentary? That's 2 billion dollars. You looked really silly? That's 4 billion." (laughs) And I'm just wondering, have you ever tried to explain to someone why you're suing them for billions of dollars? That's a tough conversation to have. "Hey, Bob, it's the president. I'm suing you for 3 billion dollars because you made me look bad on TV." "What? But, Mr. President, I just edited the footage to make it more interesting." "Interesting? You call that interesting? I call it defamation! Now give me 3 billion dollars." (laughs) You know, I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it works. Although, if it is, I'm gonna start suing people left and right. "You looked at me wrong? That's 500 million dollars." (laughs) Ah, the possibilities are endless. (smirks) Anyway, that's the president's latest thing. I'm just gonna stick to my day job and not try to become a billionaire by suing people. (laughs)
2025-12-04 14:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, well, trying to read it. It was about this filmmaker, see? And he made a movie, a documentary. Big, fancy one. Aboutā¦well, about the war we had way back when. You know, the one where we told the British, "Hey, maybe not anymore, okay?" So this filmmaker, he went deep. Like, *deep* deep. It wasn't just, "We fought, we won, fireworks!" Nope. He was talking aboutā¦ nuances. Thatās the word they used. Nuances. I don't know what a nuance is, exactly, but it sounds complicated, right? Probably has something to do with fancy cheese. And apparently, this filmmaker's take on the whole thing isā¦ different. Heās saying there's more to the story. Which, I guess, makes sense. I mean, history's long. Probably lots of stuff happened that didn't make it into the textbooks. You know, like maybe someone lost their car keys during the Battle of Bunker Hill or something. Thatās important too! But hereās the thing. Some of the folks who, uh, really like the country, like, *really* like the country... they're not too happy about it. Theyāre saying heās not patriotic enough. Which is weird, because it's a documentary. Shouldn't documentaries show you what *actually* happened? I thought that was the whole point. Like, if I did a documentary about making eggs, I couldn't just say, "And then I just clap and eggs appear!" No, you gotta show the whole thing. The cracking, the frying, the yolk breaking when you flip it... Itās a whole process. So, yeah. A filmmaker made a movie about the Revolution, tried to show the whole egg-making process of history, and now some people are mad. I don't know. Maybe they wanted the clap-and-eggs version. Seems a little easier, I guess. I just hope no one yells at the filmmaker. I get yelled at enough already when I load the dishwasher wrong.
2025-12-04 13:34
You know, I was reading about this consultant, Marine Braud, and she wrote a book about her time working with the government. (pauses) I'm not really sure what a consultant does, but I'm pretty sure it's not as exciting as it sounds. I mean, I've consulted with myself on what to eat for lunch, and it usually just ends with me eating a sandwich. (chuckles) So, Marine Braud, she's trying to help the government with this whole "ecological transition" thing. And I'm thinking, "Ecological transition" ā that's just a fancy way of saying "we're trying not to mess up the planet as much." (laughs) But seriously, it's a big deal. I mean, I've been trying to transition to a more ecological lifestyle myself, but so far, it just means I've been using reusable bags... to carry my single-use water bottles. (laughs) But Marine Braud, she's on the front lines of this stuff. She's working with the government, trying to figure out how to make all these big changes happen. And from what I've read, it's not easy. I mean, have you ever tried to get a group of people to agree on something? It's like trying to get my family to decide where to go for dinner. (laughs) "I want pizza!" "No, I want burgers!" "Can we just get both and eat in the car?" (laughs) Anyway, Marine Braud's book is all about her experiences trying to make this ecological transition happen. And I'm not gonna lie, it sounds like some pretty tough stuff. But hey, if anyone can do it, it's her. I mean, she's already figured out how to make a job title like "consultant" sound exciting. That's no small feat. (laughs)
2025-12-04 09:34
Okay, okay, so I was reading this thing, and it was talking aboutā¦ the United Nations. You know, the place where everyone gets together? It's like a giant HOA, but for countries. And apparently, they have this Security Council. Sounds important, right? Like, theyāre securing things. I thought they were in charge of making sure nobody runs out of snacks during the meetings. You know, keep the peace... literally. But, so, they came up with this peace plan forā¦ well, a place. I'm not great with geography. Letās just say it's a place where some people are, and other people want to be. Complicated, right? Iām already lost. Now, here's the thing. This peace plan... it's like throwing a surprise party for someone, but you don't invite them. Apparently, the people who are actually *from* this place werenāt involved in making the plan. Which, seemsā¦ counterproductive? Like, wouldn't you want their input? I ask my wife what *she* wants for dinner before I plan the meal. And even then, I'm usually wrong. And this lady, Tatianaā¦ sheās a smart lady, deals with humanitarian stuff. Sheās writing about how the UN is supposed to be protecting the right toā¦ self-determination. Which sounds like a big word for just letting people decide things for themselves. Isn't that the whole point? So, basically, the UN made a plan to help some people decide their future, without asking them what they want their future to be. I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe they have a *really* good reason. But it sounds like if you want to make a pizza for me, but you don't ask me what topping I want? I mean, you tried, butā¦ I might not eat it. Makes you think, though. About pizza. Iām hungry now.
2025-12-04 08:34
Alright, so I heard about something happening over inā¦ uhā¦ you know, that place thatās shaped kinda like a boot? No, wait, is it shaped like a boot? Iām not good with shapes, geographical ones, especially. Anyway, they're having some issues. Basically, it sounds like there's some folks over thereā¦ letās just call them āthe problem people.ā And the problem people, theyāreā¦ influencing things. See, I don't even like saying āmafiaā, feels a little intense. But the news says theyāre basically making it hard for everyone else to do normal stuff. And the thing is, it's been going on for a while. It started in March in, like, one part of this place, and then by November it was happening somewhere else. So theyāve been at it for months. And theyāre controllingā¦ everything, basically. Like, the news said they're controlling the population. Now, Iām not sure *how* you control a whole population. Do you get a remote control? Is there a button for "Do what I say"? Because Iād buy that. That would come in handy with my kids, I tell you what. āEat your broccoli! Click! There you go.ā But hereās the part I understand ā the regular folks, the normal people, are getting tired of it. Theyāre like, "We don't like that." So theyāre going out and marching, protesting, you know, the whole deal. Theyāre saying, "Hey, problem people, stop being problem people!" And honestly, good for them! You know, it makes you think. Because thatās what democracy is, right? People getting together and saying what they want. I just hope it works out for them. Because dealing with problem peopleā¦ thatās a universal thing. We all have them in our lives, donāt we? Maybe not ācontrolling the populationā problem people, but, you knowā¦ still a problem. My uncle, for instanceā¦ never mind. Thatās a whole other set. Itās exhausting just thinking about it. Anyone need a nap? I know I do.
2025-12-04 06:05
Okay, so I saw this thing... and it was about theatre. You know, plays. I like a good play, I went to see one once in... well, I don't remember. My wife, she likes plays more than I do. She'll read the playbills. I just look at the pictures. Anyway, apparently, there's this group of... theatre people. Important ones, I guess. I recognized one name. Isabelle... something? Sounds French, doesn't it? See, I always think people with one name are fancy. Like Bono. I bet they have nice houses. So these theatre people, they're worried. And they wrote something. A 'tribune,' they called it. Sounds important. Like a podium. They wrote this thing to say that... well, they're not getting enough money for theatre in schools. Think about that. Theatre. In schools. I went to public school. We had a basketball team. Theatre wasn't really a big thing. Although, I did play the tree in the third-grade play. I didn't have any lines. Just stood there. Which, looking back, was perfect casting. So, less money for theatre in schools. I don't know what to tell you. I mean, I'm not in charge of the money. I just tell jokes about airplane peanuts. But these theatre people are serious. They're saying the kids need theatre. Maybe they're right. I don't know. Maybe if I'd gotten more theatre, I wouldn't have spent so much time just standing there as a tree. Although, I was a pretty convincing tree. I stood *really* still. I mean, they even thought of giving me a line, but decided it would be to hard to get me to "stay in character".
2025-12-04 06:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing... well, my wife saw it and *told* me about it. It was in... the news. Somewhere. And it was about therapy. See, there was this idea, I guess someone had it in their head, to... well, not pay for certain types of therapy anymore. The kind where they talk about your... your inner thoughts. Like, the stuff you don't even *know* you're thinking. I always thought you knew what you were thinking. That's the whole point, right? They call it... "psycho-analysis." Which sounds pretty serious. I mean, anything with "psycho" in it... that's usually a red flag. Like, if someone said "I'm a psycho-analyst," I'd probably slowly back away. Just a little. Anyway, this idea, to not pay for it, it almost happened. But then... they changed their minds. Which is good, I guess. I mean, people should be able to talk about their feelings. I just don't know why it has to be so... *deep*. I usually just talk to my wife. She usually just tells me I'm being ridiculous. That works. But these therapists, they were saying that this idea, this not paying thing, was like... someone thinking humans don't have unconscious thoughts. Which... I don't even know what that *means*. I'm pretty sure I have unconscious thoughts. Like, when I'm sleeping, I'm not consciously thinking about... anything, probably. Unless I'm dreaming about trying to parallel park. Then it's *very* conscious. And usually unsuccessful. So, yeah, basically the news was saying people got upset about possibly not having the government pay for some therapy where they talk about stuff you don't know you're thinking. Then they decided not to do that. It's complicated. Honestly, I think I need therapy *just* from trying to understand it. But you know, the kind where they just tell you to relax and maybe eat some pie. Now *that* I understand. Pie.
2025-12-04 05:34
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? It wasā¦ a drawing. Yep, thatās where weāre starting. A drawing. Turns out, some folks got a littleā¦ worked up about it. See, there's this newspaper, a really big one, with the news. And they put this drawing on the front page. The *front* page. Which, you know, that's a big deal. You'd think it'd be about something important, like a sale at the grocery store or something. Anyway, this drawing was done by a guyā¦ from Holland, I think? Or maybe Netherlands? Are those the same? I always get those mixed up. Like, is it Hollandaise sauce or Netherlands-aise? I need a map, is what I'm saying. So, this guy, heās part of this groupā¦ Cartooning for Peace. I like that. Cartooning *for* Peace. That sounds like a pretty good gig. Beats working, right? They're trying to make the world better with doodles. Honestly, seems easier than, like, actual peace talks. You just draw a dove and call it a day. I could do that. Maybe I should join. Although, my stick figures are pretty aggressive. But anyway, yeah, the drawing was on the front page, and that's where the story gets interesting, I think, because some people were not very happy with the drawing!
2025-12-03 16:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing the other day, because, you know, gotta keep up with the times. I think I was reading it. My wife might have been reading it and then told me about it. Either way, it's about this whole AI thing. So, apparently, there's a bunch of smart people...like *really* smart. People who probably understand math. I don't. I can balance my checkbook, but that's about it. Fractions? Forget about it. Anyway, these smart AI people ā they're like, engineers and professors and people who wear lab coatsā¦probably not all the time, but you picture it, right? Lab coats. They all got together and wrote something down...on a piece of paper, I guess? Or an email? I don't know. But it got around, and it was all about how we should use smart people and, get this, *science* to make this AI thing work better. Yeah, I know. Science. Seems obvious, right? But, you know, sometimes you gotta remind people. It's like telling someone to use a fork to eat spaghetti. You just assume they know, but then you see them using a spoon, and you're like, "Hey, maybe we need to clarify." So, that's what these AI folks are doing. They're clarifying. āLet's use smart people, and science. Not...I don't know...magic rocks? Guesses?" I don't know what the alternative is, but theyāre saying no to it. And the other thing theyāre saying is to use talent. So get this. You need smart people and talented people. And I'm thinking to myself, well, this sounds expensive. Am I gonna have to pay for this? Maybe I'm in the wrong business. I should start offering my talent! Iām good atā¦telling stories. And being confused. Is that a talent? It's definitely something I do. So basically, they're just saying, "Hey, let's not mess this up." Which, you know, fair enough. I mess things up all the time. Just yesterday I tried to make coffee and somehow ended up with hot water and coffee grounds *everywhere*. So, yeah, let's leave this AI thing to the professionals. The ones with the lab coats and the science. And hopefully, the talent. Otherwise, we are all gonna be doing our own coffee-ground-explosions in the future.
2025-12-03 16:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, and it was about... whales. You know, the big guys in the ocean. Turns out, they're having a little bit of a tough time hearing these days. See, apparently, we're making a lot of noise. Like, *a lot*. And I thought, "We're loud?" I'm always getting yelled at for whispering in movie theaters. I guess when you compare that to the whole world, it's not a huge issue. But anyway, this lady, Laurence Paoli, she did a *deep dive* - get it? Whale pun. I donāt know. I try. ā into all the sounds we're making in the ocean. Fishing boats, shipping lanesā¦ even the military's out there, practicing, I guess. Makes sense; you gotta stay ready for anything. I wonder what kind of noises they're making? Probably the "Pew pew pew" laser sound effects from the old cartoons. You know the ones. And all this racket, it's messing with the whales. Like, they're singing. Whales have songs. I didn't even know they sang! I thought they just did the "Woo-oo-oo" thing, and that was it. But no, they're crooners down there. Underwater Frank Sinatras. But they can't hear each other sing anymore because we're too loud. So, the thing is, the whales, they are trying to have a conversation, but the world is getting too loud, and they can't hear each other, and I think that is sad. So basically, the whole ocean's like a really loud concert that nobody wants to go to, and the whales are just trying to have a normal conversation but they canāt hear. So maybe we should all try to be a little quieter? Maybe just a little. No pressure.
2025-12-03 15:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, I think it was... a news article? Itās tough to keep track, you know? I got three kids. Anyway, this billionaire, one of those tech guys, real smart, probably knows how to work a Roomba without yelling at it, which is more than I can say. So, heās saying thereās like, a globalā¦thing, you know? An order, like a set of rules everyoneās supposed to follow. And heās not a fan. Heās saying this āglobal orderā is making progressā¦ just stop? Like itās putting the brakes on, or something. Which, okay, I get that. Sometimes you just want to try new things, maybe rearrange the living room furniture, you know? My wife *hates* when I do that. She says I donāt understand āfeng shui.ā I told her, āI understand furniture, though. And moving it. That's most of it." But then thereās this researcher. And sheās saying, āHold on, hold on there, buddy.ā Sheās saying that this billionaire, and some of his buddies in āSilicon Valley,ā they want to replace this āglobal orderā with their own thing. Sheās calling it a ātechnological totalitarianism.ā I had to read that twice. āTechnological totalitarianism.ā Thatās a lot of syllables. It soundsā¦intense. Like, are they going to make us all wear Google Glass and eat Soylent? I donāt know. So, basically, this tech guy is saying one thing is bad, and this researcher is saying *his* thing might be even worse. Thatās usually how things go, right? Everyone thinks their idea is the best. I do that when I suggest board game night. It never works. We just end up watching TV. And the punchline is, apparently "Europe" is being told to stay away. Which, I donāt know why theyāre being singled out. Shouldn't everyone stay away from "technological totalitarianism"? Seems like good advice for all of us. I just hope they send out a memo with instructions. Iām not great with instructions. Iām just trying to figure out how to work the TV remote. This article did not help. I think I'm gonna go lay down.
2025-12-03 14:05
Okay, so, I was talking to my wife the other day, and she's real into the Christmas decorations. You know, the whole deal. And she starts talking about "Advent." Advent. Iām like, āIs that a medicine? Like, āTake one Advent a day?āā I had no idea. Turns out, itās this thing they do. Itās like the four weeks before Christmas. Which, I guess is good, you need some lead time for Christmas. I mean, itās a big holiday, gotta ramp up. Iām just trying to keep up with my wife here. And she's got this calendar. A special calendar. Itās got little doors on it. Like a tiny apartment building. She's got one for our daughter, too. So, everyday you open a door. Now, I'm thinking, "Okay, great. A tiny advent calendar. Probably some chocolate?" But no, itās not just chocolate. Sometimes it's just a picture. Like, what am I supposed to do with a picture? I asked her : "Can I eat the picture?" I was just being curious. She just looked at me. Didnāt even answer, just *looked* at me. I swear, my wife doesnāt need to say anything, and sheās still very, very clear. But anyway, the whole Advent thingā¦ apparently, itās a tradition. It's a very old tradition. A very serious tradition. Like something that goes back a long time. And it is linked to the darkest time of the year, so that you bring a little light and joy in that darkness. So, basically, itās a countdown to Christmas withā¦ pictures and chocolate. And, I guess, a lot of history I'm not really following, to be honest. But it seems nice. And my wife likes it, so Iām on board. Now, I just need to remember which door weāre supposed to open each day. I already opened door number 17 by accident. I ate all the chocolates inside. It's okay, though, right? It's Advent! Itās not that serious, is it? No? Should I stop eating all the chocolates in advance? Alright, alright, I will.
2025-12-03 13:34
Okay, so I was reading the paper the other dayā¦ well, my wife was reading it. I was looking at the pictures. But she was telling me about this article...it was talking about Syria. And apparently, theyāve been trying to, like, change things over there for a year. A transition, they called it. I guess, you know, going from one thing to something else. I understand that part. I transition from the couch to the kitchen for snacks pretty regularly. But this guy, this writerā¦ letās just call him Gilles from the paperā¦he's worried. He thinks all this changing things around could end upā¦ right back where it started! Which, thatāsā¦ thatās a bummer, right? Like, you spend all this time trying to do something different, and then you look around, and you're like, "Wait, am I back on the couch? I thought I got a snack!" And he called it "the most brutal authoritarianism"... I don't even know what that means. Like, is there a gentle authoritarianism? Like, "Hey, could you *please* do what I say? I'd really appreciate it." I'm picturing an authoritarian saying "please" now. It's messing with my head. Anyway, Gilles is saying it would be bad if they just ended up back with the same ol' thing. It makes you wonder... like, what was even the point of the snack then? I'm just kidding. They weren't getting a snack. I wish I was getting a snack. This story is making me hungry. So, the gist of it is, they're trying to fix things in Syria, and this writer guy...Gilles... hopes they don't accidentally make it worse. I hope so too. It would be like trying to fix a sandwich and ending up with just bread. You know? Justā¦ disappointing.
2025-12-03 12:34
Alright, so, I was reading this thing the other dayā¦ not sure where, probably saw it at the dentist office. You know, where you pretend to read so you don't have to make eye contact with anyone. But anyway, it was about how the president, you know, the American oneā¦ how he likes to negotiate. Which, okay, fair enough. Thatās his job. But the thing is, apparently, his style isā¦ intense. Like, heās all about the ārapport de force.ā Which, I donāt speakā¦ fancyā¦ but I think it basically means heās trying to strong-arm everyone. Like when my daughter wants a cookie before dinner. Just relentless pressure. And the thing is, this lady, sheās like a āspecialiste des Etats-Unis,ā which I think means she watches a lot of baseball? I donāt know. But she's saying that, while sometimes it works, this whole āforceā thing doesnāt always get results. Itās kind of hit or miss. Which is likeā¦ when I try to fix something around the house. I go at it with pureā¦ enthusiasmā¦ but usually end up making it worse. So, I guess the president and I have that in common. Weāre both out thereā¦ trying our bestā¦ and sometimes succeedingā¦ eventuallyā¦ maybe.
2025-12-03 12:05
Alright, so I was reading something the other day ā I don't know where, probably on my phone, which is never a good start. My phone knows everything. I donāt understand how that works, but that's a whole other bit. Anyway, so I'm reading this thing about France, see. Now, Iāve been to France. One time. We were in Paris. Beautiful city. Except, and this is true, I mostly remember the pigeons. Aggressive pigeons. You ever seen French pigeons? They don't mess around. Theyāre like, "Give me your croissant, or else." But the article, it wasn't about pigeons. It was about their budget. Which, you know, budgets, I don't even understand my own budget. I'm pretty sure my wife does all that. I just hand her the money and hope for the best. It's worked out so far. So, apparently, France isā¦tightening their belt. That's what they said. Tightening the belt. Which, I always think, if you gotta tighten your belt, maybe you should just buy bigger pants. Makes more sense to me. More comfortable, too. So they're cutting things. Like, trimming the fat, or something. That's what they say, right? "Trimming the fat." But Iām thinking, if youāre trimming the fat, wouldn't that just make it smaller, not get rid of it? See? That's why I don't do budgets. I can't even figure out the metaphors. But here's the funny thing. Apparently, while everyone else is maybe not loving these budget cuts, there are some folks who are doing just fine. They're, like, benefiting from it. Itās like when you find a twenty dollar bill in your old jacket you havenāt worn in a while, unexpected gains. The article didnāt say who, specifically, but theyāre justā¦ happy with it all. And that is odd to me. If everyone is struggling and cutting things, how is someone benefiting from that? Whatās that about? I don't know. I just read the article. Iām just trying to understand how pigeons and budgets are relatedā¦ and I donāt think they are. I just thought I would share because I have no idea what that all means. It's confusing, is what it is. Justā¦ confusing. Iām gonna go home and ask my wife. Sheāll probably know. She knows everything. That's why I married her. Because I don't know anything.
2025-12-03 12:05
Okay, so I saw this thing... I think it was in the news. Maybe it was Twitter. I'm not sure, I just get those things forwarded to me, you know? My wife, she's the one who understands all this internet stuff. I just...look at it. Anyway, apparently, the Head Dude ā itās like the guy in charge, the Big Cheese ā he's, you know, talking about how maybe we should label our news sources. Like, put a little sticker on them or something. Like you do with organic vegetables, but for... opinions. He thinks there are some bad apples out there, I guess. And some news places, like this CNews, and the "Journal du Dimanche"... that's "Sunday Journal" for those of you scoring at home... Anyway, they got a little upset about it. Theyāre like, "Hey, you're trying to tell us what to do!" Which I get. I mean, I don't like being told what to do. Especially when it comes to, like, what kind of chips to buy. My wife always tries to get the baked ones...and I'm like, those aren't chips! So, this whole labeling thing is happening because, apparently, we have these...algorithms. These things decide what we see online. I still donāt understand computers. When the Wifi is down, I just go outside. And my daughter always laughs at me. Then there are the "ingerences"... I donāt even know how to say that, it looks like āin-jer-ences." But these things are basically other people trying to mess with what weāre seeing. Itās like someone changing the channel when youāre trying to watch golf. And then there's this group, BollorĆ©. It's a name, I guess. It sounds like a fancy cheese. They've apparently become a, wait for itā¦ a "political actor." It's like they are in a play, but it is real life, and with higher stakes. Which, you know, I'm trying to figure out how they made it to the casting session. The reason all of this is happening now is because there's gonna be an election in, like, a year and a half. Which seems like a long time. I can barely plan dinner for tomorrow! But everybodyās already getting all worked up about it. So, basically, to recap: Head Dude wants to label news. Some news places are mad. Algorithms and "in-jer-ences" are messing with us. And a company that sounds like cheese is now in politics. I don't know about you, but I think I need a nap. And some regular chips.
2025-12-03 12:04
(Stands center stage, adjusts the mic, looks slightly bewildered) So, I was reading this thingā¦ uhā¦ I think it was aboutā¦ economics? (pauses, squints) Yeah, economics. See, I don't *get* economics. Like, I know money is involved. That part I understand. Spending money isā¦ easy. Saving it? That's where it gets complicated. Thatās a professional sport for some people. But anyway, this lady, this professor, sheās saying that theseā¦ economist people? They weren't paying attention to if countries were, like, *friends*. You know? Like, hanging out. I always thought that was important. If my wifeās mad at me, things arenāt going well at home. It affectsā¦everything. Even what I eat for dinner. And no one wants a stressed-out dinner. And, so, apparently, itās the same thing with countries. If they are all aligned, hanging out, sharing recipes (just guessing on the recipes, but it could happen), and everyone gets along, the economy is probably good. But if they are yelling at each other (that's never good), then things get bad. So, the professor lady said these econ people were not paying attention, and it was affecting their work. It's like when you're trying to build a deck, and you don't use a level. Like, you're buildingā¦ but it's going to be a *bad* deck. People might fall over. Same thing with countries, I guess. And hereās the kicker: Apparently that āfriendship thingā has always mattered. Not just recently. It was something they *should* have been paying attention to. So, I'm not an economist, but it seems like a thing you *should* look at. Makes sense, right? Friends make things easier. It is like being nice to my wife, makes things easier. You should try it. (shrugs, smiles) I just think that's interesting. Makes you wonder what *else* they might be missing. Probably a bunch of stuff. Probably explains why my investments arenāt doing great.
2025-12-03 11:35
Okay, so, I was reading... something. Look, I get my news. Sort of. My wife, she reads it, and then tells me the important parts, usually when Iām trying to figure out the TV. But anyway, apparently there are some people, and this is true, because my wife told me, and she doesnāt make things up, unless itās about how much Iām working out... Anyway, thereās this... group? Thing? Okay, so, I guess some people wrote this article, or a letter, or... whatever they do in... over there... Anyway, itās about this idea, see? Theyāre saying, āWhat ifā¦ and stick with me hereā¦ what if the regular people, like you and me, could decide on what gets voted on?ā I know, right? Sounds kinda complicated. Like, I can barely decide what to order at a restaurant. "Umm... chicken tenders? Is that still on the menu? Okay, maybe just a water then." But, no, no, these people are serious. There's like... a political scientist. Thatās a real job, I looked it up. Sounds important. Then there's the mayor of... Auger-Saint-Vincent. Okay, I'm not even going to try to spell that. Just picture a small town. Like, real small. Probably has one stop sign, and the mayor probably knows everyone's dog's name. And then, get this, one of the people who started thatā¦ you know, the vest thing? The yellowā¦ vests? Okay, so sheās in on it too. And a congresswoman. Which is like a congressman, but... a lady. I think. Still trying to figure that out. So, they're all saying we need this thing called a... citizen-initiated referendum. Which basically means, if enough regular people want to vote on something, they get to vote on it. Now, I donāt know about you, but that sounds like a good idea... in theory. In theory, I could run a marathon. But in reality? Iād probably get halfway, stop for ice cream, and then call my wife to pick me up. But, you know, maybe it'll work. Maybe regular people will vote on important things. Maybe they'll finally legalize chicken tenders for breakfast. Iād vote for that. Iād definitely vote for that. Iād even wear a yellow vest. For chicken tenders.
2025-12-03 06:35
Okay, so, I was readingā¦ well, I was *looking* at somethingā¦ and, you know, sometimes I read things. My wife's a reader, she'll tell you. I just try to keep up. Anyway, I saw something aboutā¦ a day. A day they want to create. A special day. You know, like National Donut Day, butā¦ different. And it's for... uh... well, the gist of it is, some people ā smart people, I'm sure, people who wear glasses and know things ā are saying we should have a day to celebrate immigrants. Which, okay, Iām on board. Celebrating is good. I like cake. I like balloons. But here's the thing. They want to make it on January 1st. The *first* day of the year. Now, I like New Year's, don't get me wrong. I *try* to stay up until midnight. Usually, I make it to like, 11:47, and then BAM. Wake up the next morning, wondering if I missed something important. But their reasonā¦ Their reason isā¦ a lot of immigrants, when they come over here, they donāt always know their birthday. You know? Like, they justā¦ don't. So, they just kinda pick January 1st. Because itāsā¦ easy? I guess? I donāt know. It's the beginning of the year. So, they're thinking, "Hey, let's make this day *their* birthday!" Which isā¦ thoughtful. It really is. Iām not knocking the thoughtfulness. But I just picture all these people suddenly having a birthday on the same day. Like, one big combined party? You'd need a *massive* cake. And what if everyone wants a different flavor? That's a logistical nightmare right there. Plus, January 1stā¦ people are hungover! Nobody wants to *celebrate* anything on January 1st. They just want to eat leftover pizza and watch football. Thatās the only kind of celebrating I'm doing. I just think... maybe thereās a different day? I don't know. Maybe in July? Julyās a good month. It's warm. Easier to have a party outside. Iām not saying it's a *bad* idea, this January 1st thing. Iām just sayingā¦ I'm already tired just thinking about planning it. And Iām not even planning it!
2025-12-03 06:04
Okay, so, I was reading something the other day... well, my wife read it and told me about it. It was about this guy, he's like a... a Europeanā¦ person, I guess. He's a Member of European Parliament, which sounds important. Like, Parliament! You know? Like King Arthur, but with more forms to fill out. And he wrote a book. About... being green. Like, not the color green, though I guess it probably has green stuff in it. Like leaves. Or maybe money, I don't know. The book is about how he helped get the whole European... thing... to try and not put so much stuff in the air that makes the earth warmer. You know, that whole deal. Neutral carbon. Sounds like something you'd order at a fancy coffee shop. "I'll have a neutral carbon, please. Is that extra?" Anyway, apparently it was a big fight. A lot of arguing. I can relate to that. My daughter and I argued yesterday about who got to use the blue crayon. High stakes stuff. But this was bigger, I think. He said it was a fight because there were other people who didn't want to be so green. They were against him. He calls them "extreme right." Which, I'm not sure what that means, but I picture them all sitting on the far right side of the room, maybe with extra leg room. And theyāre just, like, really stubborn. So basically, this guy wrote a book about fighting with people about recycling. Which, let's be honest, that's most of my Saturday mornings. Iām trying to explain to my neighbor that you can't just throw everything in the same can. It gets intense. So, I understand the guy. He's fighting the good fight. The green fight. The... neutral carbon fight. Whatever you want to call it, it sounds exhausting. I think I need a nap. And maybe a neutral carbon. Still not sure what it is, but I bet it has caffeine.
2025-12-02 19:04
Okay, so I saw this thing... it was... well, I *read* it. Which, you know, is a big deal for me 'cause reading is... it's a whole *process*. Anyway, this lady, Anne Kletzlen - I think that's how you say it, could be totally butchering that - she's a sociologist. Which means she studies... people. Like, why we do the things we do. I always wonder if they study *me*. Iām a pretty simple case study. So, Anne wrote this thing... this "tribune" thing, which sounds important, right? Like, youāre standing on a box in a park talking. I donāt know. But anyway, she wrote about... uh... stuff. Bad stuff. In this city, Marseille. I think that's how you say it as well. It sounds like it is somewhere near the Mediterranean Sea. I saw it on a map once. I didn't spend too much time with it because my daughter wanted to play a game. And this bad stuff is aboutā¦ well, you knowā¦ that whole drug situation. Iām not gonna say the words because my daughter might be watching. But, theā¦ you knowā¦ *that* stuff. It's gotten worse in Marseille, according to Anne. Apparently, it's not just the, uh, *stuff* itself, but the crime *around* the stuff. Makes sense, right? I mean, if you're selling something... well, I sell tickets to comedy shows, and thankfully there's not a lot of associated crime with that. Except for parking. Parking is a crime. So yeah, Marseille, bad stuff, getting worse, sociologist lady explained it. I'm just trying to keep up. She used a lot of big words. Sociologists, man, they're impressive. I just try to make people laugh. It's a lot less complicated. Unless you're telling a knock-knock joke, then you have to remember the punchline. And *thatās* where I get in trouble.
2025-12-02 18:34
Alright, so I saw this thing... I was looking at a newspaper. You know, like an actual paper. I still get one, I don't know why. My wife, she reads everything on her phone. I'm just... used to the paper, I guess. It's got all the comics in there, you know? Anyway, this newspaper... had a picture. On the front. Like the main one. Now, I'm not an art critic, or anything. I barely know what "abstract" means. I always thought it was something you got in trouble for in math class. But this picture, it was a drawing. And it said it was by this guy... from a place called... well, it's a long name, but basically he's a cartoonist. Like a professional cartoonist. I didnāt even know that was still a job, I thought that was the kind of jobs that just didnāt exist anymoreā¦ like an elevator guyā¦ And heās part of this group, "Cartooning for Peace." Which sounds nice. I like peace. I'm all for it. Seems like a good group. You know, not a lot of fighting in a group called cartooning for peaceā¦ I think. So the whole thing is... there's a drawing, on the front of the newspaper, by a cartoonist who wants peace. That's pretty much it. I just thought it was interesting. You know, somebody's job is to draw pictures for a living. I mean, I draw stick figures, but I don't get paid for it. My daughter likes them, though. She asked me to draw one of a dinosaur yesterday, it looked more like a potato with legs. But she liked it, so it was a success. Anyway, back to the cartoonist. Heās drawing for peace, Iām drawingā¦ potatoes with legs. Weāre both artists, I guess, just different levels. Itās good to have goals, though. Maybe one day Iāll draw a dinosaur that actually looks like a dinosaur. Or, you know, I could start drawing for peace. Thatād be something.
2025-12-02 16:34
Alright, so, I was readingā¦ well, someone *told* me about this thing I think they read. It was aboutā¦ lawyers. You know, lawyers. I always see 'em on TV. Seem like they know what they're doing. I'm never quite sure *I* know what *I'm* doing, but, uh... Anyway, this lawyer, a fancy one, I guess, like the kind with the suitsā¦ I own a suit, but it's mostly for weddings and the occasional funeral. And usually, I just wear it to weddings. I feel weird at funerals. So, this lawyer wrote something, somewhere, about how judgesā¦ you know, the people in the robes, they're kinda important for how things workā¦ he thinks they should be, like, *really* independent. Like, they shouldn't have anyone looking over their shoulder, telling them what to do. Which, that makes sense, right? I mean, nobody likes being told what to do. Especially not judges. I wouldn't want to tell a judge what to do, they could put *me* in jail. He wants to changeā¦ things. The constitution, I think they called it. That sounds important, doesn't it? I'm not sure I could even *find* the constitution, let alone change it. And he wants everyone to agree on it. Which, I don't know if you've met people, but everyone agreeing on *anything* seems kinda tough. My wife and I can't even agree on what to watch on TV. And that's just two people. But yeah, this lawyer wants the judges to be left alone, and he wants everyone to agree on it. It all soundsā¦complicated. I think I'll just stick to telling jokes. Seems safer. Less chance of accidentally changing the constitution. I'd probably mess that up.
2025-12-02 15:34
Okay, so, I was reading the news, right? And there's this countryā¦ somewhere. It's having a littleā¦ trouble. Turns out, their army and, get this, some other group, they're not getting along. Like, at all. They're fighting. And it's like, why are you fighting? We gotta figure out why everybody is fighting all the time. It seems exhausting. You get mad, you yellā¦ Iām tired just thinking about it. You would think with everything else going on, people wouldnāt want to be angry too. Anyway, so these two groups are battling it out, and the country isā¦ uhā¦ it's "dĆ©vastĆ©." I think that means it'sā¦ messed up. Bad. I looked up the world but I still don't know what it really means. So then I asked my wife, and she said "Well, do YOU know what it means?". And I said "No, I wouldn't be asking if I knew what it meant.". So I went back to google, and I still don't know what it means for sure. And the thing is, see, this country, itās got someā¦ neighbors. Powerful neighbors. Like the neighbors who have the really nice grill that you always want to borrow, but you're always too afraid to ask. They're kind of involved. They're watching everything, I guess. So, here's the kicker, and this is where I got really confused. They're hoping Donald Trump can get this whole thing straightened out. Donald Trump. Now, I like Donald Trump, heās a funny guy. But likeā¦ this seems like a lot. I mean, Donald Trump solvingā¦ international disputes? Seems like a new job for him. I wonder what his advisors said when he said he wanted to fix the situation over there. It's like, I don't know. Maybe it will work. I mean, Iām sure he has a plan. I don't know what it is. I donāt know how you tell people to stop fighting. Maybe heās got a magic word? So basically, yeah, this country is in trouble, its neighbors are watching, and they are hoping that Donald Trump can get them to stop fighting with each other. I don't know about you, but I think I'm gonna go watch TV.
2025-12-02 14:04
Alright, so I was reading... well, I *was* looking at something. Might've been a menu, I don't know. But it talked about, uh, bacteria. Now, normally, I donāt worry about bacteria. I figure, if I eat enough pizza, my stomach just takes care of it. Thatās how that works, right? But apparently, these... uh, experts, right? These experts are saying we're fighting bacteria the wrong way. Like, we're mad at *all* bacteria. Which, you know, seems a little broad. It's like getting mad at everyone at a buffet because *one* guy double-dipped. They're saying we gotta be more, uh... specific. Like, figure out which bacteria are causing trouble, and just deal with *them*. Not just yelling at all the bacteria in the world. I mean, how do you even do that? Do you go out on a street corner with a megaphone? "HEY BACTERIA! KNOCK IT OFF!" See, I always thought bacteria was just... there. Like dust. You clean it, it comes back. But these experts, they're saying we gotta be nicer to the good bacteria. Treat 'em right. Maybe give 'em a little vacation. I don't know how you vacation a bacteria, but, uh, maybe a petri dish with a little umbrella? Anyway, that's the thing. Less yelling, more understanding. Which, honestly, is a good strategy for everything. Even getting my kids to clean their rooms. Instead of yelling, I should probably, uhā¦ offer them a petri dish with an umbrella? Probably won't work. But, you know, itās worth a shot. For bacteria and for kids.
2025-12-02 13:34
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? It was, like, a letter to the editor, or something. You know, those things people write to newspapers. I don't usually read 'em, but this one had a headline that caught my eye. I can't even remember what it said, but it made me think, "Alright, let's see what's going on." So, these folks, Stella and Jean, they run this book company, La Fabrique. Itās aā¦ French name. Which, you know, I probably shouldn't try to pronounce. It sounds fancy. Theyāre saying things are getting a little... weird. They said there are like, threats going on against publishing. Like, with *books*. You know, the things with pages? I guess itās not all just e-readers. Which, I still don't fully understand, but... the real books are being threatened too. And they were saying it's like a "witch hunt" kinda thing happening. Now, I'm not a historian or anything, but witch hunts... weren't those bad? You know, pointing fingers, people getting in trouble for no reason. They said this witch hunt vibe is happening all over the place. Like, every level. Like at the dentist, and the grocery store I'm guessing? So, basically, these book people are saying, "Hey, guys, things are getting a little too intense with the books." I donāt know. Iām just trying to figure out if this affects me at all. Like, should I stop reading? Or start writing? Probably neither, Iām not that smart. But yeah, just something to keep in mind, I guess. Books. Trouble. Witches? It's a lot. I might just stick to TV for a while. Easier to keep up with.
2025-12-02 11:35
Alright, so I was readingā¦ well, someone *told* me about something they read. Because, you know, reading isā¦ ambitious. Anyway, it's about, uhā¦ international stuff. Real grown-up stuff. I don't usually get involved in that. I'm more of a "what's for dinner?" kind of guy. But this wasā¦ interesting. So, apparently, everyone's getting a little moreā¦ direct. Like, back in the day, if you had a problem with someone, you might write a strongly worded letter. Now? Theyāre justā¦ using force. I don't know exactly what that entails because I donāt want to know but letās just say a lot more angry letters are involvedā¦ Maybe with some extra weight behind them. It's like a disagreement over the last parking spot at Walmart exceptā¦ world-sized. And the thing is, these demands that are coming out of all of this... They used to be what the "bad guys" did. And I put "bad guys" in quotes because I don't know who the "bad guys" are anymore. It used to be obvious. Like, they wore black hats. Now everyone's got a hat. Iām not even wearing a hat right now because I'm so confused. Then, this president, right? He's giving out pardons. Like, a whole bunch. Which, I guess, is nice? But I always thought pardons were for Thanksgiving turkeys. I didnāt know you could pardonā¦ people. I mean, I could use a pardon forā¦ something. I don't know what, exactly. Probably for eating too much pizza last night. But, you know, something. So, basically, the world's being a little more aggressive, and a lot of pardons are being handed out. I don't know what it all means. I just hope it doesn't affect my ability to get to a good parking spot at Walmart. That's all I really care about, to be honest. Maybe I should try to get a pardon for taking 2 spots because itās easier to get in and out of my car. Iāll probably botch it all up because I canāt even work the automated ticket system so Iād probably just get arrested. And then Iād need a real pardon, and it becomes a whole thingā¦
2025-12-02 11:34
You know, I was reading about this idea that some economists have, and it's got me thinking. So, apparently, there are these two guys, Didier Blanchet and Gilbert Cette - I'm not sure what's more impressive, their names or their job titles. (pauses) Anyway, they're saying that just basing a system on how long you've been paying in isn't really fair or realistic. And I'm like, "Yeah, that makes sense, I guess." I mean, it's not like I've ever thought about this stuff before, but now that they mention it, it seems kinda obvious. So, they're suggesting this new system that's based on an "Ć¢ge pivot" - which, from what I understand, is like a pivot age. (chuckles) You know, like a pivot table in Excel, but for your life. (laughs) No, seriously, it's an age where things change, like a milestone or something. And I'm thinking, "Okay, that sounds like a good idea." I mean, we've all got those moments in life where we're like, "Oh, I'm an adult now, I guess." (laughs) But, you know, the more I think about it, the more I'm like, "Wait, what's my Ć¢ge pivot?" Am I still waiting for it? Is it when I pay off my student loans? (laughs) Is it when I finally figure out how to use a spreadsheet? (chuckles) I don't know, man. Maybe it's just when I realize I'm too old to be eating cereal for dinner. (laughs) Anyway, these economists, they're saying that this new system would be more fair, and I'm like, "Yeah, that sounds great." I mean, who doesn't want fairness, right? (smirks) Unless you're one of those people who's like, "No, I want to be treated unfairly, as long as it's in my favor." (laughs) But, you know, I think we can all agree that fairness is a good thing. Unless, of course, we're talking about who gets to control the thermostat in the car. Then, it's every man for himself. (laughs)
2025-12-02 07:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing the other day... well, my wife was reading it and then *told* me about it. See, I only read the sports page. That's all I can handle. Anything else and I get lost. But, apparently, there's this thing going on where... women are doing most of the stuff at home that's good for the environment. Like, the *eco-friendly* stuff. You know, the stuff that's supposed to save the planet. And I'm thinking, "Wait a minute... so, recycling? That's an environmental thing, right?" Because I definitely recycle. I just put the cans and bottles in the blue bin. My wife actually *rinses* them. I'm like, "You're going to rinse them? They're going to a *recycling plant*! I think they can handle a little bit of Dr. Pepper residue." But she does it anyway. Dedicated. So, yeah, apparently, the ladies are doing most of that. And... and they're not getting *paid* for it. Thatās the kicker. Itās like a volunteer thing, but at your own house. Now, I'm not saying men *aren't* helping. I mean, I *did* change that lightbulb last year... the one that's supposed to save energy. It took me, like, an hour. I think I burned *more* energy just trying to change the bulb. But, apparently, the stats are that the women are doing most of that. That is just crazy to me. I mean, I can barely figure out how to work the thermostat, let alone save the world. It is just a lot, and I don't wanna do the wrong thing and make it worse.
2025-12-02 06:04
You know, I was reading about the Pope's latest trip, and I'm not exactly a Vatican expert, but I'll give it a shot. So, apparently, he went to Turkey and Lebanon, and I'm thinking, "That's a long way to go for a meeting." I mean, have you ever tried to get a group of people to agree on where to go for lunch? It's hard. Now imagine doing that with, like, entire countries. (pauses) Anyway, some expert on religions wrote an article about the trip, and they said the Pope's style was pretty diplomatic. Which, you know, is not always easy when you're dealing with different countries and, you know, different ideas about, well, everything. But apparently, he focused on international law rather than, you know, "my team's better than your team" kind of stuff. (chuckles) I don't know, maybe I'm just not used to seeing people get along, but it seems like a good approach to me. I mean, when I'm trying to resolve a dispute with my wife, I try to use logic and reason... for about 30 seconds. Then I just give up and say, "You're right, I'm wrong." (laughs) But hey, maybe the Pope's got a better system. So, the expert says the Pope's approach was all about using international law to build bridges, rather than, you know, relying on "we're right, you're wrong" kind of thinking. And I'm thinking, "That's nice, I guess." I mean, I'm no expert, but it seems like a good way to get people to talk to each other without, you know, too much name-calling. (smirks) Although, if I'm being honest, sometimes I think name-calling is just easier. (laughs)
2025-12-02 06:04
You know, I was reading about China the other day, and I found out something that kinda blew my mind. Apparently, they're not as into the whole "new silk road" thing as I thought. (pauses) I mean, I'm no expert, but I've heard of it, right? It's like, a big plan to connect all these countries with new roads and trade routes. Sounds like a real ambitious project. (chuckles) But it turns out, most of their loans are actually going to... (pauses for comedic effect) ...rich countries. Yeah, that's right. More than three-quarters of 'em, to be exact. Now, I'm no economist, but that seems kinda like the opposite of what I'd expect. I mean, if I'm lending money to my friends, I'm probably lending it to the ones who are struggling a bit, you know? Not the ones who are already doing just fine. (laughs) It's like, if my buddy's got a mansion and a yacht, I'm not gonna be like, "Hey, man, can I float you a loan?" (laughs) But I guess that's just me. I don't know, maybe China's just trying to diversify their portfolio or something. (shrugs) I don't know, I'm just a guy who's bad with money. I mean, I once spent $50 on a taco. (laughs) A single taco. So, what do I know about international trade? (laughs) Anyway, that's the news. China's lending money to rich countries. Who knew? (smirks) Not me, that's for sure.
2025-12-02 05:34