Alright, so, I was readingā¦ or, more accurately, someone *told* me about this thing. Itās like aā¦ convention. I donāt go to conventions. Too many people dressed up as superheroes. I saw a guy dressed as Aquaman onceā¦ in a parking lot. It was a confusing situation. Anyway, this convention thing, apparently it's aboutā¦ animals. Endangered animals. Which is a good thing, right? We don't want the animals to be endangered. Like, what ifā¦ what if dogs became endangered? I don't even want to think about it. Who would you talk to? Cats just stare at you. So, they have this meeting, see, and they all decide on stuff. Like, important stuff. About the animals. Dozens of decisions. That's a *lot* of decisions. I can barely decide what to have for dinner. My wife usually just picks. Usually it's chicken. We eat a lot of chicken. I think *it* might be endangered soon, the way weāre going. But these are decisions about international trade. Like, what animals you can buy and sell. I didn't even know you could buy and sell animals internationally. That seems complicated. Shipping aloneā¦ You know what kind of paperwork is involved in that? Itās unbelievable. I once tried to return something to Amazon and I almost lost my mind. So, basically, a bunch of people got together to make sure no one is trading animals that are about to disappear. Which, good for them. Sounds like a lot of responsibility though. Iām glad I just do comedy. My biggest problem is remembering my jokes. And sometimes I wear the wrong shirt. Like today. Maybe. I don't even know. My wife packed for me.
2025-12-05 18:34
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ well, my wife was reading it, and then *she* explained it to me. Basically, these smart people ā doctors and scientists, you know, the kind who understand things ā theyāre saying pregnant women should get, like, boxes of organic vegetables. Which, okay, I get it. Organic vegetables, good for you. I try to eat vegetables. Sometimes I forget. My wife puts them in front of me, and Iām like, āOh! Right. Vegetables.ā But the reason they want the pregnant women to have these vegetables isā¦ pesticides. Thatās the thing. Pesticides on the *other* vegetables. Now, I donāt know much about pesticides. I just know they sound bad. Like, if āpestā is in the name, itās probably not something you want to be eating, right? Unless youāre an actual pest, I guess. I donāt know any pests personally, so I canāt confirm. So, theyāre worried about these pesticides getting to the babies. Which, I mean, makes sense. You donāt want to start a baby off with a bunch ofā¦ pest-killing chemicals. Thatās just not a great first impression for life. So, the solution is: give pregnant women organic vegetables. Which is nice. Itās a good thing. But then I was thinkingā¦ what about the rest of us? Are we just supposed to eat the pesticide vegetables? Is that how it works? Pregnant women get the good stuff, and the rest of us are justā¦ pest-resistant? I don't know if I am. Nobody has told me. Maybe they figure weāve already been exposed to so much stuff, it doesnāt matter anymore. Like, "He's already seen a commercial for beer with a talking frog. He's immune!" I don't know. Maybe that's the logic. It just seems like if something is bad for babies, itās probably not great for adults either. But what do I know? I just try to remember to eat my vegetables. Organic orā¦ whatever the opposite of organic is. Just vegetables.
2025-12-05 18:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing, right? Aboutā¦ gold mining. But not the legal kind. The, uh, *secret* kind. You know, where people aren't supposed to be digging for gold, but they are. It's happening somewhere... far away. I'm not sure exactly where. Somewhere with... trees, probably. And the thing is, the governmentā¦ theyāre trying to stop it. Theyāre really trying. Theyāre throwing, like, a LOT of money at it. You know, like when you try to fix something around the house and just keep buying more and more tools, but itās still broken? It's kind of like that, I guess. They're trying to fix a broken illegal gold mine situation. And I was reading this thing, this report, and it said thatā¦ *even though* theyāre spending all this money, itās not really working. Like, at all. I mean, theyāre trying, I guess. That's what they say in the report anyway. I'm just reading what they wrote. Because these illegal gold miners? Theyāreā¦ resilient. Thatās the word they used. "Resilient." Which, I had to look up. I thought it meant, like, they bounce back after you hit them with a shovelā¦ I don't know. But what it *actually* means is they're really good at not getting caught and keeps going, digging up gold where they are not supposed to. So, basically, weāre spending a bunch of money to try to stop people from digging for gold where theyāre not supposed to, and those people are justā¦ still digging. Theyāre winning, I guess. Like they are really sneaky or something. I don't know. Itās likeā¦ playing hide-and-seek with a professional hider. You know? You're just never going to find them. I'd probably be bad at that. I'd probably just stand in the middle of the room and be like "Alright! Come on out! I don't have all day!" I mean, that's how I play hide-and-seek anyway. I guess it wouldn't make for a very long game. So yeah. Illegal gold mining. Itās happening. Theyāre trying to stop it. Theyāre not succeeding. And Iām pretty sure I wouldnāt be good at either one of those jobs. Iād probably just get lost. Orā¦ distracted by something shiny. Maybe a little bit of gold? I don't know...
2025-12-05 16:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day, you know, trying to stay informed, which is already a struggle for me. I swear, everything's just so complicated these days. But anyway, I saw this article, and it was talking about... drones. Now, I don't know about you guys, but drones still feel like the future to me. Like, aren't those supposed to be delivering my pizza? I haven't seen a single pizza drone yet. I'm starting to think the pizza people are just lying to me. Theyāre still using a regular guy in a Honda. But this wasnāt pizza drones. This was serious. Apparently, over by this... place...near the waterā I can't even pronounce the name, it was like a tongue twisterā¦ anyway, this place has a base, a military base. You know, the kind with soldiers and whatnot. And get this: they saw FIVE drones hovering around it. Five! Now, I don't know what kind of drones these were, but I immediately thought, "Are they taking pictures? What are they taking pictures of?" I mean, I donāt even like people taking pictures of *me*. I'm never ready. And the article said this all happened around 7:30 at night. Which, I gotta be honest, is dinner time. So, were these drones just hungry? Were they looking for a good place to get some, I don't know, drone fuel or something? I don't even know what drones eat. Electricity, probably. So, yeah, five mystery drones, hovering around a military base at dinner time. It's probably nothing... but it just seems a little suspicious, doesn't it? Like, maybe they were just lost. That happens to me all the time. I drove right past my exit yesterday! I'm lucky I found my way back. Maybe the drone pilot just wanted to see if they had any openings? A lot of people are looking for jobs these days. Probably not... but you never know. They might have been taking a tour. Maybe they were just curious what soldiers eat for dinner! I know that I am!
2025-12-05 15:04
Okay, so I saw this thing on the news. They're having some weather issues on this island. I don't know which island, it wasn't super clear, but an island somewhere. Now, Iām not a weatherman, I donāt even understand the weather usually. My wife always knows when itās going to rain. She can just *tell*. I always get caught in it. Like, *every time.* I check the weather app, it says sunny. Five minutes later, Iām drenched. Itās unbelievable. Anyway, this island is getting hit with some bad stuff, like serious storms and stuff. The authorities are estimating the repair costs. They said it'll cost between 6 and 7 billion dollars. Now, Iām not a math guy. I barely passed algebra. My dad tried to help me with my homework, but it just made things worse. I think he was as confused as I was. But, I know that 6 to 7 billion is a lot of money. I mean, I could buy a *lot* of those little miniature golf pencils for that. Probably enough to last me the rest of my life, and my kids' lives, and their kids' lives. They're saying this island's economy is just barely getting back on its feet after a crisis in 2022. See, that's the worst. It's like when youāre just about to finish a puzzle, you know the feeling? And then somebody knocks it over and you have to start all over again. It takes all the wind out of your sail. So yeah, itās rough over there on this island. I hope they can get it figured out. Maybe they should hire my wife. She seems to know about weather more than anyone. Then again, they might just have to start building an ark. I don't know. Iām just a comedian. I don't have the answers. I just point out that the weather is weird, and big numbers are big.
2025-12-05 15:04
Alright, so, I heard this story... It's about drones. And I gotta tell you, drones still feel pretty futuristic to me. I mean, I remember when the best technology we had was a kite. Now, kites are fun. But you're *holding* the kite. You're *in charge*. A drone? That thingās flying on its own. It's like, "I'm gonna go check out things! You just... watch." So, apparently, these five dronesā¦ five. Not one. Five. Were seen above this... place. Near the water. A "rade." I don't know what a "rade" is. It sounds fancy. Like, "We're going to the rade for some croissants." But this rade was next to this base. A military base, you know? Like where they keep... soldiers. And probably tanks. And maybe, like, really big paperclips? I donāt know what they keep in a military base. And these drones, they were there around 7:30 at night. Which, to me, is almost bedtime. I mean, Iām not gonna be out flying a drone at 7:30. Iām usually trying to find the remote. So, five drones, hovering above a military base, near a "rade," at almost bedtime. It's just... weird. Who's flying these drones? And why five? Did they have a drone convention nearby? Are they just checking out the view? It's like, "Hey guys, letās all fly our drones over to theā¦ rade! I hear the rade is beautiful this time of year!" I just hope those drones knew where they were going. Because a military base seems like the *wrong* place to accidentally fly your drone. Like, you're gonna be explaining that one for a while. "No, officer, I swear! I was just trying to get a good picture ofā¦ the rade! I had no idea this was a military base. And I don't know why there are five of usā¦" And that's the story. Five drones. Rade. Military base. Iām still trying to figure out what a rade is. I think I'm gonna Google that after this. I probably should have googled that *before* I told the story. But, you know meā¦ Improvise.
2025-12-05 11:34
Okay, so, I heard some news, right? And you guys know I'm not the *smartest* guy, but I'll try to explain this the best I can. Basically, uh... there's this place, right? Let's call it... "The Big House." Not *my* house, I just rent. But The Big House, they're kinda in charge of stuff. They told... another place, let's call it... "The Money Place," 'cause that's where all the money's supposed to be. Anyway, The Big House told The Money Place, "Hey, uh, people are complaining about the electricity bill." Which, I get that. I got an electricity bill last month, and I was like, "Did I leave the Christmas lights up all year?" I didn't, but it *felt* like I did. So, The Big House tells The Money Place, "Figure out how to make electricity cheaper." Which, to me, sounds like a tough job. Like, how do you *make* electricity cheaper? Do you just... ask it nicely? "Hey electricity, could you, you know, not cost so much this month? We'd really appreciate it." I don't know. Maybe they have some ideas. The Money Place, they're supposed to be good with numbers. I'm not. I can count to ten... sometimes. But after that, it gets fuzzy. So, yeah, that's the news. They're trying to make electricity cheaper. Hopefully, they figure it out. 'Cause right now, I'm thinking about just going back to candles. A lot of candles. Then *I'll* be the one running a Big House. A Big Candle House! I haven't thought this throughā¦ I should stick to comedy.
2025-12-05 11:34
Alright, so, I heard about this thing. They got a podcast, right? Itās calledā¦ well, I don't know how to say it, itās not an English name. Sounds kinda warm, like maybe about sweaters. So these people, theyāre answering questions aboutā¦ weather. Not just like, āIs it gonna rain?ā kinda weather. No, no, this is the serious stuff. Theā¦ whole planet weather. Which, I don't know, thatās a lot of pressure, isn't it? Like, if you get a question wrong, it's not just a bad picnic; it's, you know, *the whole planet*. And people are writing in these questions, which I admire. I mean, I donāt even know what to ask. I usually just go with, āIs it hot or cold outside?ā Thatās about as deep as I get. But these people are really thinking about it. So, every week, this podcast, with theā¦ warm nameā¦ theyāre trying to help everyone understand what's going on. So, if you got questions about the weather, this podcast seems like it could be really useful. Probably more useful than just asking me. Although, I will say, Iām pretty good at guessing if you need a jacket. Thatās my contribution to solving the whole world weather thing.
2025-12-05 06:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing... I don't know where I was reading it, some website or something. Anyway, it was talking about... seeds. You know, like for plants? I'm not a plant guy, myself. I can barely keep a cactus alive, and those things are supposed to thrive on neglect. It's a real skill, killing a cactus. I should put that on my resume. So, these seeds, apparently, they're making new ones. And, get this, they're using... *genetics*. See, this is where I get lost. Genetics is way above my pay grade. I barely understand how my phone works, let alone the building blocks of life. I think it involves the tiny DNA right ? But the part that really got me was that these new seeds, they're gonna be allowed in Europe... and they don't have to tell you *what* they are. No label. So, you're planting something, and you have *no* idea what's gonna grow. It's like buying a mystery box, but instead of getting a singing fish, you getā¦ who knows? Giant tomatoes? Talking corn? And then, here's the kicker: they can *patent* these seeds. So, somebody owns the *idea* of a seed. That just seemsā¦ weird, right? I mean, seeds have been around for a while, havenāt they? So, basically, they're changing the seeds, they're not telling us what they changed, and somebody owns the changes. That's all I got from it. Iām sure it's more complicated than that, but that's all my brain could process. I told my wife about it, and she just nodded and said, "That sounds European." I don't know what that means, but it sounded right. Maybe they just do things differently over there. I don't know, I haven't been. I should probably look into that, but then I'd have to learn about geography andā¦ ah, maybe Iāll just stick to the seed thing for now. It's less complicated. Somewhat.
2025-12-04 20:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, and, you know, I try to stay informed. My wife, she's the one who really *gets* it, but I try. So, there's this group, farmers, right? And they'reā¦upset. Now, I'm not a farmer, I just buy the stuff. Appreciate them, though. Like, really appreciate them. Especially corn. Anyway, these farmers, they're mad because, apparently, someone is, I guess you could say, getting rid ofā¦ their livestock. Like, permanently. Now, Iām not saying the farmers are wrong to be upset, I would be too. We had a goldfish once, lasted about a week, and even *that* was tough. And whatās interesting is that the farmers are saying that they are upset because the decision to take away livestock has not been properly explained to them and that the policy in itself is inneficient. So, they're all getting together, like a big meeting. Theyāre not happy, these farmers. Theyāre saying this is an āauthoritarianā thing. Which is, you know, a *big* word. I had to look that up. I donāt know whatās going to happen. Hopefully they can figure this out. Maybe everyone just needs a nap. Naps solve a lot of problems. That's what I tell my wife, anyway, when she wants me to fix something around the house. "Maybe just a quick nap first, Honey?" Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot. So yeah, farmers are meeting, theyāre not happy with how things are going with the animals. Thatāsā¦ pretty much it. Now I gotta go home, and I think my wife wants me to build something. I'll take a nap first.
2025-12-04 20:04
You know, I was reading about this thing that happened on Thursday, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Apparently, there was an agreement made between some European lawmakers and 27 countries. That's a lot of countries, by the way. I can barely get my family to agree on what to have for dinner, and these guys are making deals with 27 whole nations. (chuckles) So, it seems they're trying to help out the wine industry, which is great, because I love wine. I mean, who doesn't, right? But, I guess the wine people are having some trouble with the whole climate change thing. I can relate, I have trouble with climate change too ā like, have you ever tried to pack a suitcase for a trip when you're not sure what the weather's gonna be like? (laughs) Anyway, this agreement is supposed to make it easier for wine growers to, uh, get rid of some of their vines, I think. Like, if they're not doing well or something. It's kinda like when I try to get rid of some of my old clothes, but my wife is all, "No, you might need that someday." And I'm like, "I don't think I'm ever gonna wear this neon green sweater again." (laughs) They're also gonna give more money to help the wine people deal with the whole climate change thing. And, get this, they're even gonna help them make wine without alcohol. Which, I guess, is like the equivalent of a hug without the squeeze ā it's just not the same, you know? (laughs) I don't know, maybe I'm just not understanding the whole thing, but it seems like they're trying to make wine growing easier and more... flexible, I guess. Like, if the weather's bad, they can just be like, "Oh, well, we'll just get rid of some vines and make some non-alcoholic wine." And I'm over here like, "Yeah, good luck with that, wine people. I'm still trying to figure out how to use my garage door opener." (laughs)
2025-12-04 18:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? Itās aboutā¦ uhā¦ nuclear waste. Which, already, I'm thinking, "This is going to be interesting.ā So, apparently, they have all this, you know, stuff thatāsā¦ glowy. Not glow-in-the-dark stars you put on your ceiling, but the other kind. The kind thatā¦ I donāt know, you probably shouldn't touch it. And they gotta put it somewhere. And I guess someone in France ā I donāt know who, exactly; just some people over there ā theyāve come up with this idea to bury it. Theyāre gonna dig a big hole. A *really* big hole, I imagine. And justā¦ put it in there. Now, I'm not an engineer or anything. Iām not even good at putting together IKEA furniture. My wife, Natalie, does that stuff. I justā¦ point and try not to get in the way. But burying nuclear waste seems... complicated. But hereās the thing. This French nuclear... uh... "safety group," they looked at this plan, and they said it was "satisfactory." Satisfactory! That's what they went with. Youād think theyād aim for "excellent" or "super duper safe," but nope. "Satisfactory." I don't know. That doesnāt exactly fill me with confidence. Like, if Natalie makes dinner, and I ask her how it is, and she says āsatisfactory,ā I'm getting pizza. I'm just saying. So, yeah, they're burying nuclear waste, and everyone involved thinks it's... "satisfactory." I just hope they put a little sign up that says, āDon't dig here unless you have to!" You know, something clear and concise. Because, I mean, Iād be lost down there.
2025-12-04 17:04
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? It's aā¦ well, I don't know what it is, exactly. They said it's a study. Which is already intimidating. I don't do well with studies. I usually just nod and pretend I understand everything. Like when they talk about finance. "Oh yeah, derivatives, sure, makes perfect sense." But really, I'm thinking about what I'm going to have for lunch. Anyways, this studyā¦ it's about those shots everyone was getting. You know, the ones that made your arm sore. I got 'em. I figured, everybody's getting 'em, might as well join the party. Plus, my wife was making me. You ever notice how wives are always right about stuff? It's weird. Like they have a built-in GPS for common sense. So, apparently, some people were sayingā¦ things about these shots. Stuff that wasn't so good. You know, like "It'll turn you into a robot," or "You'll start growing a third arm." I'm not making this up! People actually believed this. I mean, I didn't. Mostly because I can barely operate my remote control. Becoming a robot would be way too complicated. So this study, it's trying to, I guess, clear up some of the confusion. Basically, it's saying, "Hey, those shots? They're okay. You're not going to grow a third arm." Which is good news, because I just bought a new shirt. Three arms would be a nightmare. Tailoring costs aloneā¦ forget about it. So, yeah. Study says the shots are fine. Don't worry about becoming a robot. Just, you know, keep washing your hands. My mom still tells me to do that. It's good advice. Even if you're *not* worried about growing a third arm.
2025-12-04 17:04
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? It was in... uh... well, it was somewhere they speak a different language. Not important. The point is, there was this protest, see? In a town. Sainte-Soline. Sounds fancy, right? Like a soap opera or something. I wouldn't know, I don't watch 'em. Anyway, this Sainte-Soline protestā¦ I guess people were protesting *something*. I didn't quite catch what *that* was. Seems important, probably. I should probably know that. But hey, you know me. I'm just glad I found the place on a map. So, people are protesting, and things get a littleā¦ spicy. I think "spicy" is the right word. Like, the salsa got too close to the sour cream. Just a little *too* much going on. And, uh, turns out, four people got hurt. Not like scraped-your-knee hurt, either. Like, *seriously* hurt. Not good. Real shame. You know, you go to a protest, you're hoping to make your point, maybe hold up a sign, yell a little. You're not thinking "I'm gonna end up in the hospital after this." I mean, I wouldn't. I'd probably just stay home. Protests are like, way too much walking. I get winded going to the mailbox. So, yeah, four people hurt. At a protest. In... Sainte-Soline. Itās like, if you're going to name a town, maybe don't make it sound like a pain medication? Just a thought. I'm just trying to lighten the mood here, folks. Because, seriously, four people injured is no laughing matter. Unless they slipped on a banana peel. Then, maybe... just a little chuckle. But only a little one.
2025-12-04 16:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, I think it was an articleā¦ or maybe a long email? I donāt know, I skimmed it. Anyway, this lady, Marine Braud ā sounds fancy, right? ā sheās like, a consultant. Which, Iām still not entirely sure what consultants do. I think they tell people what theyāre already doing wrong, but charge a lot more for it. Is that accurate? I need to look into that. So, Marine, she used to work withā¦ uhā¦ āthe executive.ā Iām guessing thatās like a fancy word for the boss? Maybe a really, *really* big boss? I don't even know if I have an executive, I think my manager is the most executive I've dealt with yet. Anyway, sheās written thisā¦ thing. A book, maybe? Itās about her experience trying to get people to do this āecological transitionā thing. And, from what I gathered, it's not going great. Which, you know, I get it. I tried to transition to a healthier breakfast. I thought it was a good idea, oatmeal instead of donuts. Lasted about two days. Oatmeal is rough. I donāt know how those health guys do it. So, basically, this lady wrote about the struggles of trying to get everyone to care about, you know, trees and stuff. Which, Iām all for trees. Theyāre good. I like sitting under them. Justā¦ asking people to change is always a tough sell. Especially if it involves giving up donuts. Maybe that's why she wrote the book, now that I'm thinking about it !
2025-12-04 09:04
Alright, so I was reading something, I think it wasā¦ online? Could have been a pamphlet. I don't really remember. Anyway, it was talking about food. Which, I like food. I eat it all the time. My wife is a good cook, although sometimes she makes things Iāve never heard of. But that's besides the point. So, this thing I was reading, it says there's stuff in food, likeā¦little tiny things. They call āemā¦ PFAS. Yeah, PFAS. Sounds like a medicine you'd see on TV, right? "Are you struggling with extreme boredom? Ask your doctor if PFAS is right for you!" But apparently, itās *in* the food. Like, not *added*, but it's *there*. And these PFAS are really small. The smallest ones. Which, I don't know why that matters. I guess small things can sneak in easier? Like when my daughter tries to hide candy in her pockets. You never see the big candy bars, itās always those tiny little candies you find months later in the washing machine. And according to this studyā¦ I think it was a study, could have been a strongly worded emailā¦ these foods are a major source of exposure to the smallest PFAS. So basically, they are saying some foods are the worst offenders. Which is a bummer, because food is good, but these PFAS sounds like somethinā you *don't* want in your body, or your washing machine for that matter. I just think it's weird to find things out about food, like, you never know what's in it. I might just start eating at restaurants more oftenā¦ at least I have someone else to blame if something goes wrong. Just kidding. My wife would kill me.
2025-12-04 06:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? And it was talking about theseā¦things theyāre making. Like, in a lab, or a farm, I donāt know. Places where things grow, generally. And apparently, they're making these newā¦ uhā¦ well, they called them GMOs. Which, you know, stands for something. Genetically Modifiedā¦ Organisms, I think? Yeah, that sounds right. Anyway, these GMOs, theyāre like the regular ones, but different. See, usually when they make these GMO things, they putā¦stuff in them. Like, DNA. Foreign DNA. Which, to be honest, sounds like a spy movie. āWe must extract the foreign DNA!ā You know? I donāt know why they need the DNA in the first place, but thatās another thing. But these *new* GMOs? They said they don't need any DNA. Like, they justā¦change the insides without adding anything. I thought, "How are they doing that? Is it magic?ā Probably not magic. Scientists doing science, you know? Theyāre very smart. Iām not. So, you got these farmers, right? Big farmers, the big union guys. They're like, āYeah, we want to use these new no-DNA GMOs!ā Which, fine. Do what you gotta do. Grow the corn. I like corn. But then you got these other people. Theā¦ environment people. The people who are nice to the environment, which I try to be, too. I recycle. Sometimes. And the people who grow the organic stuff. Theyāre saying, āNo! Donāt use the no-DNA GMOs!ā And Iām sitting there thinking, "Why are they fighting? Theyāre both growing food.ā Itās like when the kids fight over the toys. You just wanna say, "Play together! Make a sandwich!ā But the thing is, I guess these no-DNA GMOs are changing the plants inside, but theyāre not adding anything *new*. Which, if you ask me, sounds even *more* suspicious. Like, what are they even *doing* in there? So basically, some farmers want these things, and some other farmers and environment people don't want them. And me? I'm just trying to figure out what DNA even *is*. Still not sure.
2025-12-04 04:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? About food. And it was saying they were trying to putā¦ labelsā¦ on the *outside* of the food. Which, you know, makes sense. It's hard to eat the label if it's *inside* the food. I tried once with a granola bar wrapper. Lesson learned. So, anyway, these labels. They want them on more stuff. Like, *all* the stuff. Now, I'm not a food scientist, I just eat it. But it sounds like a good idea, right? Know what you're putting in your body. I mean, I mostly know. Chicken, mostly. I understand chicken. Sometimes it's chicken nuggets. But itās still chickenā¦ish. But then, it gets weird. Apparently, some peopleā¦ *didnāt* want the labels on more stuff. And they *voted* on it. Which, I get. We vote on things. I voted for president one time. I think. I donāt really remember. Iām easily distracted. Shiny objects, you know? Anyway, the voting. It was close. Like, *really* close. Down to the wire. You could probably tell I didnāt pay a ton of attention in school. So it was, like, 120 people saying "No labels, more mystery!" And 117 people saying "Labels! Let's know what we're eating!" So, the "No Labels" side won. Barely. Which meansā¦ weāre still kinda in the dark about whatās in our food. Which is fine, I guess. As long as it tastes like chicken. Or chicken-ish. Iām not picky. But you gotta wonder, right? What *are* they hiding? Probably just broccoli. Nobody likes broccoli. They probably just donāt want us to know we're accidentally eating it. Makes sense. We gotta protect ourselves from vegetables somehow.
2025-12-04 02:04
Alright, so I saw this thing on the news, and I gotta be honest, Iām still not sure I fully get it. Itās about the President, right? And I think he changed some rules. See, under the last guy, Bidenā¦there were, like, rules for cars. (Shrugs, looks around as if expecting someone to explain it better) Yeah, car rules. I donāt know what they were exactly. Probably about, you know, gas mileage or something. Maybe how loud the horns can be? Iām just guessing here. Iām not, like, a car rule expert. I just drive āem. You put gas in, you go. Thatās about as deep as I get. Anyway, so Biden had these rules, and now the new President is like, āNah, weāre not doing those rules anymore.ā And the car companies, the big ones, Ford, Chevy, the guys who make the trucks...theyāre happy! Theyāre like, āYes! No more rules!ā Which makes you think, right? What *were* these rules? What were they making them do? Maybe paint the cars a different color? I don't know. But then you have these other people, the, uh...environmental people... (leans in conspiratorially) ...and they're *not* happy. They're saying it's bad. Theyāre worried about the, uh, the climate changing. Which I get, I guess. I mean, I like it when the weather's good. Nobody wants a bad weather, I think it's a common consensus. So basically, the President took away rules for cars that the car companies liked, and the environmental people didn't like. It's like when you try to please everyone with the playlist in the car, it never works out for anyone. I donāt know what it all means. I just saw it on the news. Iām just trying to keep up. You know? Sometimes I feel like Iām just a guy trying to figure out if I should buy regular or premium gas. Iām not sure that the premium makes a difference, but Iām not ready to take a side. I need more data. This is what I'm all about.
2025-12-04 01:34
Alright, so I saw this thing... farmers protesting. Now, I'm not a farmer, I'm a comedian, so, you know, I mostly deal with people being annoyed when my jokes don't land. But these farmers were legitimately upset. See, theyāre saying that the government wants to get rid of all the animals, I think. I don't know exactly what animals. I'm guessing chickens, maybe some cows. It was a big deal in a few places... Lot-et-Garonne, la Creuse, les Landes, lāAveyron, and Dordogne. These aren't places near me, so I had to look them up on a map. Turns out theyāre all near each other. Anyway, they're all pretty rural, so that makes sense. I thought it was funny, a lot of names I don't know, but all near each other. If I tried to list towns here, people would look at me crazy. Theyāre all probably really nice towns. The farmers weren't too happy. They're saying the government policy of ātotal slaughterā is not good. āTotal slaughter"ā¦that just sounds scary. They're not wrong. So these two farm groups, the ConfĆ©dĆ©ration paysanne and Coordination rurale, they organized these protests. I don't know what those names mean. If you know, send me a DM. But the whole point is, they're not happy about the possibility of total slaughter of the animals. I guess if I was a farmer, I wouldn't be happy either. I think they were trying to do something about it. Makes sense.
2025-12-03 21:04
You know, I was reading about the Olympics the other day, and I found out that some folks from the International Olympic Committee just got back from a trip to the French Alps. (pauses) Now, I've never been to the French Alps, but I've been to some pretty nice mountains in my time. I mean, I've seen some hills that were so steep, I had to take a break just walking up 'em. (chuckles) So, these IOC people, they went to the French Alps to check out some potential sites for the Winter Olympics and Paralympics. (in a matter-of-fact tone) They spent three days looking around, which is a pretty good amount of time, if you ask me. I mean, I can barely decide what to eat for lunch in three days. (laughs) But, seriously, they were checking out some venues, like ski slopes and ice rinks, to see if they're up to Olympic standards. And I'm thinking, "What does it take to be an Olympic venue, anyway?" Do they have a checklist? "Okay, is the snow fluffy enough? Check. Are the hot chocolate machines working? Check." (smirks) I guess it's kind of like when I'm planning a vacation. I research the place, look at pictures, read reviews... (pauses) Although, I have to admit, my vacation planning usually involves more searching for "nearest pizza place" than "Olympic-worthy ski jumps." (laughs) Anyway, the IOC folks seem to be taking this pretty seriously, which is good, because the Olympics are a big deal. (in a deadpan tone) I mean, it's not like they're just picking a random mountain and saying, "Hey, let's have the Olympics here!" (smirks) Although, that would be kind of funny. "And the gold medal in downhill skiing goes to... the guy who didn't crash into that tree!" (laughs)
2025-12-03 20:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing, you know, about fish. I don't fish, I've tried, I just mostly end up tangled in the line. Anyway, it's about these merlu... mer-luh... merl-oo... whatever they call 'em, these fish, right? Apparently, they're in some trouble. Like, *real* trouble. See, these mer-fish are in this...golf? A lion's golf course? Is that a thing? No, it's like, a part of the ocean. The Gulf of Lion, they call it. Sounds fancy. Probably has a dress code. Anyway, these mer-dudes are living there, and their numbers are way down. Like, they said "collapsed." Collapsed! That's a strong word for a fish population, you know? Usually, things collapse and you think, "Oh, a building," not "Oh, a school of fish." So, because these mer-whatevers are having a hard time, the guys who catch them, the...chaluters? Chalutiers? The fishing guys, the ones with the big nets ā they're having to follow some rules. Which makes sense. You gotta have rules. I mean, I try to follow the rules. Sometimes. Okay, rarely. But I understand the concept. So, the fishing guys are saying, "Okay, we get it, fewer fish. We gotta be careful." But it also sounds like they're saying, "But how are we supposed to fish? That's what we do!" Which, I get that too. I mean, if someone told me I couldn't do comedy anymore, I'd be like, "Wait, that's how I avoid having to get a real job!" So it's just a whole situation. The fish are down, the fishermen are figuring it out. And hopefully, everyone can just... coexist. That's the word, right? Coexist? It sounds like one of those things you put on a bumper sticker. You know, "Coexist... and maybe catch a few mer-fish along the way. Responsibly." I don't know. I'm just trying to follow along. And maybe avoid any lion golf courses in the process. Those sound expensive.
2025-12-03 16:04
Okay, so I was reading this thingā¦ well, not *reading* it exactly. More like looking at it. You know how sometimes you see a headline, and you think, "I should probably know what that's about"? Yeah, this was one of those times. So, apparently, there's thisā¦ thing. It's about whales. And noise. See, that's already confusing. Whalesā¦ noise? I'm from Tennessee. We got crickets. Loud crickets. That's about it. But this thing is saying that all the noise we make ā fishing boats, regular boats, you know, when people are out there jet skiing, having a good time, andā¦get thisā¦ military exercisesā¦ all that noise? It's messing with the whales. I didn't even know whales listened. I thought they were justā¦ whales. Floating around. Eating krill. I don't know *anything* about whales. But apparently, they communicate with each other through sound, right? Like, whale phone calls. āHey Steve, howās the krill over by Madagascar?ā And all this noise we're making is likeā¦ dropping your cell phone in the toilet. It's disrupting their conversations. This lady, Laurence Paoli ā I don't know her, but she did a bunch of research. Like a *lot* of research. I'm assuming she knows her whales. She figured out all this noise is not good. Itās like when my daughter's watching TV and I'm trying to talk to her, and I just end up yelling. The whales are just trying to yell to their buddies, but all they hear is a boat. So, the long and short of it is, we're being too loud for the whales. Which, I guess, is a thing. I just feel bad for the whales, you know? They didn't ask for all our jet skis. They were just swimming around, minding their own business, talking about krill, and now they have to deal with us. We canāt just let the whales have a little peace and quiet ? Maybe we should all just be a little quieter. Especially at the beach. Iām already quiet at the beach. I just sit there with my shirt on.
2025-12-03 15:34
Alright, so, I was reading something the other day, and honestly, I'm not sure I fully understood it. It was aboutā¦stuff. Like, *stuff* stuff. Raw materials, they called āem. Like, what, wood? Dirt? I donāt know. I pictured a pile of rocks. Anyway, apparently, Europe, the whole place, not just France - I think, is trying to get theirā¦suppliesā¦of this stuff, from different places. Like, theyāre buying it from one guy, and now they want to buy it from, like, two other guys. It's like when my wife, Natalie, goes to the grocery store. She always goes to the same one. I say, āNatalie, why donāt you try the other one?ā She says, āThis one has the good bread.ā I get it. Good bread is important. But I guess Europe's tired of just one guy having the good bread. They want to, you know, spread the bread around. Pun intended, I don't know. The official plan was released on a Wednesday, on December 3rd. Which, I don't know why they picked that day. Seems random. Youād think diversifying something thatās apparently really important would be a Tuesday thing. Or maybe a Thursday. Wednesday just feelsā¦mid-week. Like youāre not sure if you should be tired already or not. So yeah, thatās basically it. Europeās buying different dirt. Or whatever it is. And I'm just sitting here, trying to figure out what "critical raw materials" even are, while hoping Natalie gets the good bread. Priorities, you know?
2025-12-03 14:34
Okay, so I was reading this thing, and it's about this cityā¦ itās in India, I think. And it's HUGE. Like, they said 30 million people. That's a lot of people, right? I mean, I get overwhelmed just trying to find parking at the Kroger. Thirty million people? Theyāre gonna need a bigger Kroger. Anyway, the thing is, this city has a problem. It's always foggy. Like, always. And at first, I thought, "Oh, maybe it's just like San Francisco." You know, a little moody. But then I read further, and it turns out this fog isn't just fog. It'sā¦ toxic. Toxic fog. I didn't even know that was a thing! I thought fog was just water. You know, H2O. Turns out, you can add other stuff to it, apparently. And this city, they're adding all sorts of things. Likeā¦ factories and cars. Thatās what the article said. So, you got 30 million people driving around, factories chugging along, and they're all just adding to theā¦ fog. And itās not good fog. This is the kind of fog you don't want to walk around in. Iām thinking, āOkay, so the fogās bad. I get it.ā But then, Iām wondering, what do you even DO about that? Like, do they just have fog days? "Alright everybody, stay inside, the toxic fog is really bad today." Or do they justā¦ get used to it? I don't know. I'm just saying, it sounds like a rough situation. Iām glad I live in Tennessee. We got humidity, but at least it's notā¦ poisonous. I mean, I hope itās not. I havenāt checked lately. Maybe I should look into thatā¦
2025-12-03 14:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, right? It was talking about cheese. See, I like cheese. Brie's good. Mozzarella? Versatile. But this was about Babybel. You know, the little cheese balls wrapped in red wax? My daughter loves those. She calls them "cheese planets." I don't know why. Anyway, this company, Bel, which, I guess, is a family thing, like my family, except they make cheese, not awkward Thanksgiving dinners, they're investing money. 60 million euros. I don't even know what that is in real money. Probably a lot. I should know more about Euros. Theyāre putting it into their factory in this place...Sable-sur-Sarthe. That's a lot of syllables. I practiced it in the car - Sable-sur-Sarthe. Probably didn't say it right. It sounds fancy, like a place where cheese should be made. They're adding another line just for making more Babybels. They must be selling a lot of those "cheese planets." And then, get this, they're thinking about making their American factory bigger too. See, I didn't even know they *had* an American factory. I just thought they appeared magically in the grocery store. Likeā¦socks. How do they get there? So, basically, the story is: this family cheese company is making more Babybel. That's it. I guess people really like those little cheese balls. I mean, they're good. I'll probably buy some for my daughter later. Maybe I'll ask her what a Euro is while I'm at it. Because I feel like I should know. Cheese and moneyā¦itās all connected somehow, right?
2025-12-03 14:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing... I don't even know where I read it. Probably on my phone. Everything's on my phone now. You guys ever notice that? It's like, the future is here, but it's just all on this little screen. Anyway, this article was talking about our water. The water we drink. Which is... you know, important. I mean, you gotta drink water. Unless you're one of those guys who only drinks soda. I don't understand that. How do you just... not drink water? You're made of it! It's like a car that only runs on sugar. Doesn't seem sustainable, right? So, they tested the water, like, all over the place. They got... I think it said 600 samples. That's a lot of water! Someone was busy. Probably had to pee a lot. I know *I* would. And get this: they found stuff in almost all of it. Like 92 percent. That's a crazy high number. It's this thing, I'm gonna try to say it... it's like, "trifluoroacetic acid." Try saying that five times fast. I can't even say it *once* fast. Sounds like something you use to clean a spaceship. Apparently, it's a type of PFAS. Now, PFAS, I know about these. They're not good. They're in everything. Your frying pan, your rain jacket... probably my socks. They're tiny. Invisible. Like little ninjas of chemicals. And they might not be the best for you. This trifluoro... whatever it is... might be a bit toxic. So, basically, our water has tiny spaceship cleaner chemicals in it. Not great. Makes you wonder what else is in there. Probably dinosaurs. Little ones. Living in the pipes. I don't know. Maybe I should just start drinking soda. No, I'm kidding. I'll just... boil the water more. You know, really get the dinosaurs. This is why I drink coffee. You have to boil it so long, everything's dead by the time I drink it.
2025-12-03 13:04
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? About the weather. You know, the weather. Itās always doing something. Apparently, they had a lot of rain somewhere. Like, a *lot* of rain. See, Iām from Tennessee. We get rain, but this sounded different. They said it was because of the āmonsoon.ā Which, I think, is just a fancy word for a lot of rain. I mean, it probably means something else, butā¦ rain is rain, right? Unless it's sideways. I hate when it's sideways. And then they said it wasn't just the "monsoon," it was also because of twoā¦ get thisā¦ "tropical cyclones." Two! Like, one wasn't enough, they needed *two* cyclones. I donāt know, that seems excessive. Like ordering two entrees at dinner. You're gonna fill up on bread and then have two dinners sitting there. It's too much! Anyway, all this rain, from the monsoon and the *two* cyclones, just dumped buckets of water. I mean, it probably wasnāt actual buckets, that would be weird. But they were saying it was a ton of water. And I was thinking, man, someone's gotta go dry that out. I'm not volunteering. I'd be terrible at it. Iād probably just track mud everywhere.
2025-12-03 11:05
You know, I was reading about Norway the other day, and I found out that their government, which is run by the Labor Party, made a pretty interesting decision. (pauses) They're not gonna open up their oceans to this new kind of underwater mining, at least not until 2029. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's a big deal. I mean, underwater mining sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie, right? (chuckles) Apparently, this is a first for Europe, so Norway's like the pioneer in this whole underwater mining thing. But, for now, they're just gonna hold off on it. And the reason they're doing that is so they can get their budget for 2026 passed. (smirks) Yeah, because that's always the exciting stuff ā budgets. I mean, who doesn't love a good budget discussion, right? (laughs) It's like, they're saying, "Hey, we're not gonna do this crazy new thing... yet. But we are gonna make sure we've got our finances in order." (in a mock-serious tone) You know, priorities. I can respect that. Although, I have to admit, I'm a little curious about what kind of underwater mining they're talking about. Are they gonna be searching for treasure or something? (laughs) I don't know, maybe I'm just not understanding the whole thing. But it seems like they're being pretty cautious, and I can appreciate that. I mean, it's not every day you get to say, "Hey, let's not mine the ocean floor just yet." (smirks) That's like me saying, "You know what, I'm gonna put off doing the dishes until next year." (laughs) It's just not something you hear every day.
2025-12-03 10:34
Alright, so I saw this thing...it's about, uh, weed killer. You know, the stuff people put on their lawns so they don't have to actually... pull weeds. I tried pulling weeds once. Didn't go well. Back hurt for a week. Just sayin'. Anyway, there was this study, back in the year 2000. Which, let's be honest, feels like a lifetime ago. My phone back then was basically a brick. You couldn't even order pizza on it. So, this study comes out and says this weed killer is totally fine. Like, you could practically drink it. I wouldn't, but that's just me. I'm not much of a weed killer kinda guy. So, for, like, 24 years, everyoneās been quoting this study. āOh, it's perfectly safe! Study from 2000!ā It was like the gold standard for weed killer safety. But now? The magazine that *published* the study is saying, "Woah, woah, woah, hold on a second." They're taking it back. Apparently, the scientists who signed their names to the thing might have just been, and I'm quoting here, "endorsing a text prepared by executives of Monsanto." Which, correct me if I'm wrong, Monsanto is, like, the weed killer company, right? So, the weed killer company might have... written the study saying their weed killer is safe? It's like letting the fox guard the hen house, but the fox also *wrote* the hen house's biography. I don't know. I'm just saying, maybe donāt drink the weed killer. Regardless of what the 2000 study said. And maybe check where your information is coming from. Me? You can trust me. I'm just a guy who can't pull weeds without throwing out his back. It's a different kind of expertise, but it's still something.
2025-12-03 10:34
(Strolls casually to the mic, adjusts it slightly) Alright, alright. So, I was reading the news the other day. You know, trying to keep up. It's tough. I don't understand half the stuff they're talking about. But this article was about food. I understand food. I *like* food. And apparently, these companiesā¦ these food companiesā¦ they're in trouble. They're getting yelled at by theā¦ theā¦ attorney general, I think it was? Some important guy in a suit. And he's saying they made this food, right? He called itā¦ ultra-processed food. I thought, "Okay, I know processed food. Like, a hot dog? That's processed, right?" Iām not sure I understand what makes it *ultra*. Is itā¦ *too* processed? Like, they processed it twice? Did they forget they processed it and then did it again? Thatās what happens to me with laundry sometimes. But anyway, this ultra-processed foodā¦ apparently, it's causing a "public health crisis." That soundsā¦ not good. A crisis is never good. I don't want to go to a public health crisis. Sounds contagious. So, I'm trying to figure this out. What are we talking about? And he says, like, 70% of the stuff in the grocery store is this ultra-processed food. SEVENTY PERCENT. I mean, wow. Thatās likeā¦ I guess I'm eating a lot of it then. Explains a lot. I looked around in my pantry, and I see, like, chips, and cookies, andā¦ cereal. I thought cereal was healthy! You got a cartoon tiger telling you it's great! You gotta trust the cartoon tiger. Right? And he says these companiesā¦ they *designed* this food. It wasn't an accident. They *designed* it to beā¦ I donāt know, addicting? I donāt know the full details, but it's concerning. But itās alsoā¦ a little impressive, right? Like, they put a lot of thought into this. I wish I could put that much thought into, I don't know, remembering where I put my keys. But, yeah, apparently we gotta watch out for this ultra-processed food. Itās likeā¦ food, butā¦ *more* food. And that's probably not a good thing. I should probably read the labels more. You know, if I understood them. Anyone know where I can get a book to read those things?
2025-12-03 03:34
Alright, so I was readingā¦ well, I *saw* something. I don't actually read a lot, but this one had a picture, so it caught my eye. Apparently, in Europeā¦ and Europe's big, right? Like a really big stateā¦ Well, apparently, they were trying toā¦ uhā¦ "neutralize carbon." Now, I'm not a scientist, okay? I failed science. But I think it meansā¦ like, the air is gonna be lessā¦ uhā¦ bad? I don't know. But the guy who wrote the thing, he's aā¦ well, he works in Europe's capital building in Brussels... Or maybe he lives there, I'm not sure... But he wrote a book called, and I'm not kidding, "Winning the Green Deal Fight." "Winning the Green Deal Fight." Sounds like a Marvel movie. So, apparently, this guy, he's been fighting... *someone*. The bad guys, I guess. He says that it's like a "fight" to get everyone to agree to less carbon... I don't know why it's a fight... I feel like everyone's on board with better air. But maybe I'm wrong. He said something about the "far right" and them messing things up... I don't even know what that means. I only know where the right side of my car is... I get confused if it goes further than that... So basically, there's a guy in Europe. And he wrote a book. And they're fighting to make the air better. And I'm trying to figure out what that all means. You know? Itās complicated. I think Iām going to need a nap after this.
2025-12-02 19:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing on the news. Itās about cows. You know, cows? Big, moo-ingā¦ things. My wife really likes cows, and I always wonder if she actually prefer them to humans, she would take a cow in the house if she could, you know. We can't, we're not farmers, but i like them enough to know that those things produce milk and sometimes are on the side of the road. Anyway, so these folks, theyāre inā¦ near BesanƧon. Iāve never been, but it soundsā¦ fancy. Probably has, you know, croissants. So, in this fancy-sounding place, thereās a farm. And this farm has 83 cows. Thatāsā¦ a lot of cows. I can barely keep track of my own shoes, let alone 83 of anything. So, hereās the thing. These cows, they were gonnaā¦ beā¦ well, you knowā¦ *[gestures vaguely downward with hand]* the farm was going to get rid of them. And some people? They didnāt like that. They REALLY didnāt like that. So they all showed up at the farm. Like, a bunch of them. Hundreds, they said. Which isā¦ a dedicated protest if you ask me. I mean, I get upset when the grocery store is out of my favorite chips, but Iām not gathering hundreds of people, you know? Iām justā¦ disappointed. So theyāre there, protesting, trying to stop the cows fromā¦ *[again, vague gesture]* being gotten rid of. And thenā¦ well, then the police show up. Thatās when you know things are getting serious. Youāre protesting cows, and now the police are involved. It sounds more like a prank gone wrong. And the police? They used tear gas. Tear gas! On cow protesters! I mean, I understand that tear gas can be useful in some situations, but did they really needed it for cows? Were the cows, like, rioting? Were they charging at the police, mooing aggressively? Probably not. Cows are pretty chill, you know? They mostly just stand there and chew. So now youāve got hundreds of people crying, probably the cows were a bit nervous, and all this drama because of 83 cows. It's just wild. I donāt know if they saved the cows or not. I need to follow up with that. But the whole thing just seemsā¦ a little much, you know? Maybe they could have justā¦ I donāt knowā¦ talked it out? Offered the cows a better deal? I donāt know. I'm just a comedian. Maybe I should stick to jokes about airplanes.
2025-12-02 16:34
Okay, so you know how sometimes it rains? Like, a lot? I mean, I'm not talking about a "Oh, I need an umbrella" rain. This was a "Noah, get the boat" kind of rain. Apparently, there's this place ā Sumatra, I think? ā and they had aā¦ well, they called it a cyclone. Sounds fancy, right? Like something youād clean your house with. But no, itās just a real rainy time, and this rainy time, combined with their normal rain, caused a little bit of water. And when I say "a little bit," I mean a whole lot of water came rushing down the hills there. Like, imagine if you took a garden hose, put it at the top of a mountain, and just left it on for a week. Now picture that, but with a whole river, and instead of water, it's full ofā¦ stuff. You know, plants, trees, whatever's lying around. Natureās cleaning out the attic, I guess. So, all this water and nature-attic-stuff comes rushing down. And, uhā¦ well, it turns out it wasnāt great. I'm not a scientist, but I'm pretty sure when you have a river of plants and trees barreling down a hill, itās going to cause some problems. I heard that theyāre saying over 600 people did not make it through the flood. You know, that's justā¦it is too many people. You think to yourself, āHow would you even think to get out of the way?ā I would be standing there looking up the hill saying, āWhat is all that going to do?ā I donāt know what they are going to do. I hope they figure it out. Sometimes I think maybe I should move away from the house. But that is just me.
2025-12-02 10:34
Alright, so I was readingā¦ or, I *tried* to read something. It was aboutā¦ chickens. You know, chickens? Theyāre birds. But you donāt really *think* of them as birds, right? Like, you don't see them flying in formation or anything. Anyway, this thing I was reading saidā¦ and I might be getting this wrong, because numbers, I don't knowā¦it said something about "80 chicken houses." That's a lot of houses for chickens. You ever been to a chicken house? I haven't. I assume it smells likeā¦ chicken. Makes sense, right? So, apparently, these 80 chicken housesā¦ theyāre having a problem. Like, a chicken problem. Or, I guess itās a problem *for* the chickens. Iām not a vet. I just read this thing. So theyāre gonna give the chickens a shot. A vaccination. Like, when you get a shot. Exceptā¦ they already gave them two. That's what is really funny to me. Now they need a third one. I get one shot a year for the flu, that's it, these chickens are getting better health care than I am. And theyāre doing this inā¦ VendĆ©e and Adour. You know, I think those are places? I don't know I'd need to see a map. It's likeā¦ if I was sick, and I needed a special shot and the doctor said I had to go toā¦ Chattanooga andā¦ I don't know... Murfreesboro, or something. It's that kind of thing. So, yeah, a lot of chickens are getting their third shot. They're on the forefront of medicine, those chickens. Iāll stick with my one shot.
2025-12-02 10:04
Alright, so I was reading something, and it was talking about theseā¦ cyclones. Cyclones Ditwah and Senyar. Which, first of all, Ditwah? That sounds like what my dog would say if you asked him to say ādinner.ā Dit-wah! Heād be excited. Anyway, these cyclones, they were apparently causing a bunch of rain. Like, a LOT of rain. Devastating rain, they said. Which, rain, devastating? That's a little dramatic, right? I mean, Iām not a weatherman or anything, but I thought rain was mostly justā¦ wet. Turns out, too much of it, not so good. So, the reason for all this rain, supposedly, isā¦humidity. Now, I understand humidity, I think. Itās just air thatāsā¦ sticky. Right? Itās like walking outside and getting slapped in the face by a wet towel. You know, you go from air conditioned toā¦ bleh. But this humidity, apparently, was supercharged. Like, a Hulk version of humidity. And this climatologist guy, Roxy Mathew Koll ā sounds like a detective from an old movie, doesn't it? ā heās saying itās because things are warming up. Warming up. Like, the earth. Like, everything. Which is a little concerning, because I already sweat too much. I donāt know if I can handle more warming up. I mean, Iāll try to do my part, you know, shorter showers and stuff. Maybe even start recycling, finally. Iāve been meaning to get to thatā¦ Itās just, you know, the binsā¦ and sorting things... But yeah, anyway, Roxy says these big storms are gonna happen more often now, and they're going to be bigger. Which, I don't know, maybe we should just invest in really good umbrellas? I mean, seems simpler than fixing the entire planet. I'm just saying. I'm not a scientist, though. I mostly just talk about my wife's obsession with essential oils. Maybe those can help with the cyclones too? I should ask her. She seems to know everything.
2025-12-02 09:45
Okay, so, I saw this thing on the newsā¦ they said there was a lot of rain. You know, a LOT. Like, more rain than youād think you could even HAVE. And apparently, this rain, it caused someā¦ shifting. Land shifting. Which, you know, land shouldn't really do that. Land is supposed to stay put. That's kind of its job, right? Anyway, this shifting, they called it ālandslides.ā Which, I pictureā¦ I donāt know, like a big playground slide, but made of dirt. Except, you can't ride it. You definitely donāt want to ride it. So, the landslides and then the ācruesāā¦ which I think means āfloods,ā right? My French isā¦ nonexistent. Anyway, all this water and dirt moving around? Well, it was bad. Real bad. They said at least 410 peopleā¦ well, theyāre not around anymore. Which is justā¦wow. And 336 people, they don't know where they are. They're just gone. That's a LOT of people to just lose. You'd think you'd notice. I lose my keys all the time, and that's one thing. Three hundred and thirty-six people? That's a different level. So, the guy in charge, they called him...Anura Kumara Dissanayake. Try spelling that one. He said, "We need help." And you know what? Heās probably right. I mean, dealing with that much rain, and dirt, andā¦lost peopleā¦ I wouldnāt know where to start. I can barely figure out what to have for dinner. International help sounds about right. I don't know what else to say, you know? Itās justā¦itās just sad. And Iām glad I don't have to deal with that much rain. I complain when it drizzles. Maybe Iāll rethink my position on rain, after this.
2025-12-02 09:45
Alright, so I was listening to this podcast, you know, just trying to be informed. And it's aboutā¦ garbage. Yeah, garbage. I thought, "Garbage? How interesting can garbage *be*?" Turns out, pretty interesting, in a scary kind of way. So, apparently, all our trash, all the stuff we throw awayā¦ it's a bigger deal than you think. Like, it's contributing a lot toā¦ you knowā¦ the whole planet warming up thing. I didn't realize trash had that kind of power. I always thought it just sat in a landfill. I pictured it like a retirement home for old mayonnaise jars, just relaxing. And the problem is, we're making so much garbage. So. Much. I mean, I understand *some* garbage. You eat a banana, you get a peel. Makes sense. But weāre buying stuff we donāt even *need*. I bought a thingamajig the other dayā¦ still haven't figured out what it's for. It's just sitting there, probably judging me. Now *that* thingamajig is going to end up in the garbage eventually! Contributing to global warming. Just because I thought it looked neat at the store. And get this, recycling isnāt even keeping up. Recycling! The one thing we thought was helping. They say it's not enough. We're making more trash than we can recycle. Which, you know, makes you think. Are weā¦ failing at trash? Is that even a thing? Like, is there a report card that comes out: "America: Needs Improvement in Waste Management?" Because if there is, I feel like we might be on academic probation. So basically, what I got from the podcast is: we need to buy less stuff we don't need, or the garbage is going to get us. Maybe. I don't know. I'm just trying to understand it all. Iām still trying to figure out this thingamajig. Maybe thatās the answer. Maybe thatās why I bought it. I think I need another podcast. Maybe one on thingamajigs.
2025-12-02 08:04
You know, I was reading about this big project the other day, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. So, London was supposed to give this French group a bunch of money - we're talking 1.15 billion dollars. That's a lot of cash, right? I mean, I've got a savings account, but it's not quite at that level. (pauses for laughter) Anyway, London decided to cancel the funding because they thought it was too risky. And I get it, I've made some risky investments in my time too... like that time I bought a timeshare in a chicken coop. (chuckles) But seriously, the reason they're worried is because of some potential security threats at the site. I guess that's like me worrying about my neighbor's dog getting into my yard, but on a much bigger scale. Now, the Netherlands were also thinking about pulling out of the project, but before they could make up their minds, TotalEnergies just went ahead and said, "You know what, we're good. We don't need your financial guarantee anymore." It's like they were saying, "We've got this, we're like the MacGyvers of energy companies." (smirks) I mean, I've tried to be like MacGyver before, but it usually just ends with me duct-taping my shoes to the floor. (laughs) I don't know, maybe I'm just not cut out for high-stakes business deals. But it seems like TotalEnergies is just rolling with it, like they're playing a game of financial Jenga. (pauses for comedic effect) You know, where they're just removing pieces and hoping the whole thing doesn't come crashing down. (laughs) Ah, the thrill of international finance ā it's like watching a slow-motion train wreck, but with more spreadsheets.
2025-12-02 08:04
You know, I was browsing the internet the other day, and I stumbled upon this website that's tracking all these liquefied natural gas projects. Now, I'm no expert, but apparently, it's a big deal. They're calling it an "unprecedented expansion." I'm like, "What's unprecedented about it?" Is it like when I eat a whole pizza by myself? That's unprecedented, right? (pauses for laughter) So, a dozen non-profit organizations got together and made this website to keep track of all these projects. I guess they wanted to see just how many ways we can... liquefy gas. (chuckles) I mean, I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's a thing. You know, like when you put a soda in the freezer and it gets all... slushy. (laughs) But seriously, it's interesting to see all these organizations coming together to monitor this stuff. I'm just curious, what's the criteria for being one of these organizations? Do you just have to be like, "Hey, I care about gas!"? (laughs) I mean, I care about gas, but only when I'm filling up my tank and it's, like, $3 a gallon. Then I'm really invested. (laughs) Anyway, it's nice to see people paying attention to this kind of thing. I'm just glad someone's on top of it, because, honestly, I've got enough trouble keeping track of my own schedule. (laughs) I mean, have you ever tried to organize a calendar? It's like trying to... well, it's like trying to liquefy gas, I guess. (laughs)
2025-12-02 07:34
Okay, so I was reading this thing... this report, you know? And it's about chores. Chores! I hate chores. My wife, Natalie, she's good at 'em though. Too good, maybe. I saw her sorting the trash the other day. Sorting it! We have a bin. You put trash in the bin. What's to sort? But anyway, this report... it's saying that women, they're doing most of the stuff to help the environment at home. Like recycling, probably. Which, again, Natalie's on top of. I put the can in the blue bin, I thought I was doing my part. I guess there's more to it than that. They're saying it's stuff like making sure we use less water, and turning off the lights. Stuff that makes sense. I try to help, I really do. Like, I'll turn off the light... after Natalie tells me to. You know? So I'm contributing. Just... indirectly. So, basically, women are saving the planet. And I'm... I'm opening chip bags. It's a division of labor, I guess. They save the world, I provide snacks. We're a team. But I'm thinking maybe I should learn more aboutā¦ sorting the trash. If I can find time between naps.
2025-12-02 06:34
You know, I was thinking, have you ever noticed how the weather's always trying to one-up us? Like, we're just trying to live our lives, and then suddenly, it's like, "Oh, you thought you had a plan? Well, let me just drop a bunch of rain on you and see how that works out." (pauses) And then, after all that rain, people are dealing with a whole new set of problems. I mean, the prices of things are going up, and there's a real risk of famine and a humanitarian crisis. It's like, we're already trying to figure out how to pay for groceries, and now we've got to worry about whether or not we can even get them. (chuckles) I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not how you're supposed to do a sale. "Hey, everything's 20% more expensive... and also, we might not have any food!" (laughs) And you know what's weird about all this? We're always talking about how we need to be prepared for emergencies, but I'm not sure anyone's really prepared for "it rained a lot, and now we can't afford bread." That's not really something you can put in a disaster kit, is it? "Okay, I've got my flashlight, my first aid kit... and a coupon for a free loaf of bread, just in case the apocalypse is expensive." (laughs) I don't know, maybe I'm just not thinking about it right. But it seems like, after all that rain, people are just trying to stay afloat ā literally and figuratively. (smirks) Yeah, that's a great idea for a new business: "Rain-Related Financial Lifesavers"... I'm sure that's a thing now.
2025-12-02 06:34
You know, I was thinking, have you ever noticed how some people really love their pets? I mean, I love my pets, but some people... they're on a whole different level. Like, I've got a neighbor who's got a dog, and that dog has its own Instagram account. I'm not kidding, it's got more followers than I do. (pause) Anyway, it turns out that in some places, people love their pets so much that it's become a big business. Like, a really big business. I was reading about how there are, get this, 17 million cats and 10 million dogs... and all these animals need to go to the doctor, just like we do. So, there are these animal hospitals and clinics, and they're making a killing. I mean, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it's just interesting to me that people are making so much money off of our pets. (chuckle) I guess that's just the way the treat crumbles, right? Now, I'm not a business expert or anything, but it seems like these animal hospitals are so profitable that they're attracting all sorts of investors and big companies. It's like they're saying, "Hey, we can make some money off of people who love their pets!" And I'm over here thinking, "Well, yeah, I love my pet, but I didn't realize it was a cash cow." (laughter) I mean, I've been paying for my pet's health care out of pocket, and it turns out I could've just invested in a pet hospital and made a fortune. (smirk) Who knew? It's just funny to me that something as simple as people loving their pets can turn into this huge industry. I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes. We find ways to make money off of everything, even our furry friends. (shrug) Oh well, at least our pets are getting good health care, right? (smile)
2025-12-02 05:34