Headlines Served With Humor You Didn’t Know You Needed

"Daily news retold with gentle confusion, clean humor, and everyday absurdity that makes reality surprisingly funny."

Elon Musk is preparing the mega IPO of his SpaceX rockets

I heard about this company. They want to raise eight hundred billion dollars. Eight hundred billion. I don't know what that even looks like. I tried counting that high once, and I fell asleep around fifty thousand. Here's the thing: They want all this money because they’re going to build data centers. But they're putting them in space. For Elon Musk’s AI. And I’m just sitting here thinking, we can’t get good Wi-Fi in the living room. Now we're going to put the Wi-Fi box on the moon? It just sounds like a lot of steps.

2026-01-22 23:04

Nestle baby formula: two criminal investigations opened after infant deaths in Bordeaux and Angers

I read this thing about some baby formula. Guigoz. They recalled it because of a possible contamination. They said there was a toxin in it. But then they found two babies who drank this recalled milk, and they died. And the report says they couldn't establish a causal link between the deaths and the contamination. I just... I don't know what else they're checking for. What other box do we need to check to make a connection? Did something else happen that day? Did the babies go skydiving right before they drank the milk? I just feel like if you're pulling a product because it has a toxin in it, and people die after consuming it, we can probably just assume. I'm just saying. I don't know.

2026-01-22 22:33

How researchers managed to get AI to cite copyright protected books

You know, I was reading about these American researchers, and they're saying that artificial intelligence is basically memorizing entire texts, just because they were used to train it. I mean, that's like me memorizing every single instruction manual I've ever read, just in case I need to recall it later. It's like, what's the point of that? And apparently, this could affect some future court cases, which is kinda weird. I don't know, it just seems like AI is like that one friend who's really good at trivia, but only because they're cheating.

2026-01-22 20:32

LIVE, Greenland: Nobody else is authorized to make agreements regarding the island, says Greenlandic prime minister

(Calm, confused tone) I don't know about you all, but sometimes I read these headlines, and I just get confused. So, you got Trump, you got NATO. They make an agreement. The agreement is about not annexing something. So, great. Problem solved. They shook hands, I guess. But then, immediately after the agreement, the NATO guy comes out and says, "Just so everyone understands... annexing that place? That's a red line." Well, I thought we just agreed not to do it. It's like agreeing with your neighbor not to park in their driveway, and then, immediately after you shake hands on it, they go, "Now, just so you know, if you park in my driveway, I will be angry." I know. We literally just talked about it. It makes me feel like maybe we didn't actually agree.

2026-01-22 18:06

Ubisoft: behind the announcements of radical overhaul, years of crisis

You know, I was reading about this big video game company in France, and they're having a rough time. They just announced they're reorganizing, canceling some games, and closing some studios. I mean, it sounds like they're just trying to figure some stuff out, you know? It's like when I'm trying to get my cable to work, and I'm just restarting the box over and over, hoping something changes. But I guess when you're a big company, you can't just restart the whole thing. Although, that would be pretty funny if they just had a big "restart" button in the conference room.

2026-01-22 17:40

Baby formula: criminal investigation opened in Bordeaux over infant death

You got a baby born on Christmas Day. That's already rough on the kid, having to share with Jesus. Then you get past the holidays, you're trying to settle back down, and about January 7th, the kid starts having "digestive troubles." And I'm thinking, what kind of digestive troubles *doesn't* a baby have? They're basically a small digestive trouble machine from day one. So they're testing the milk for something called "Bacillus Cereus." It sounds like a spell you'd read out of a book. *“Bacillus Cereus!”* Just give me a regular bacteria, man.

2026-01-22 16:41

LIVE, Davos: It is unacceptable to try to give away our country to others, says a Greenland minister

Vous savez, j'ai entendu que le Groenland, il est comme ce cousin Ă©loignĂ© qui dit : « HĂ©, je suis dĂ©solĂ©, mais je ne suis pas Ă  vendre, mĂȘme si vous m'offrez une belle somme d'argent. » Le vice-premier ministre, Mute Egede, a simplement dit : « Non, nous ne sommes pas intĂ©ressĂ©s par vos offres, merci. » C'est un peu comme si quelqu'un essayait de vous acheter votre maison et que vous rĂ©pondiez : « Non, je suis dĂ©solĂ©, mais je vais rester ici. » Sauf que, vous savez, c'est un pays entier. C'est donc un peu plus compliquĂ© que ça. Mais je suppose que c'est juste une façon polie de dire : « Non, merci, on va rester comme on est. »

2026-01-22 14:36

A woman shot to death in her car in Nice, while she was with her baby

Police said a couple of guys on scooters shot at a car. And I just don't know where you get that kind of confidence. You’re trying to escape, but you’re probably going to get passed by a minivan. You know, I just don't understand the logistics of that whole operation. And at 6 p.m.? That’s just inconsiderate. People are trying to get home for dinner.

2026-01-22 14:03

Mercosur: the European Parliament rejects a no-confidence motion against Ursula von der Leyen

You know, I was reading about this thing where they voted on whether to get rid of the president of the European Commission. And I'm thinking, what's the European Commission? Is that like a book club or something? Anyway, it said 390 people voted against getting rid of her, 165 voted for it, and 10 just didn't bother. I mean, I've had days like that too, where I just don't feel like making a decision. 'I'm abstaining from doing the dishes, honey.'

2026-01-22 13:32

In Davos, Trump mania has given way to fed up

So, I'm looking at this, and a year ago, apparently, all the European business guys loved this president. They thought he was great. Now, a year later, they are exasperated. I don't know what happened in those twelve months. It seems like a quick change. And Wall Street is starting to worry about all this fighting. Wall Street gets worried when people stop getting along. I guess that affects money.

2026-01-22 11:37

No kids zones at SNCF: controversy over optimum plus, the new premium class on Paris-Lyon TGVs promising calm and comfort by excluding children

This train company, SNCF, they had to defend themselves. So they got this new class, "Optimum," right? And people are mad about it. So they came out and said, "Look, it's fine. Anybody can get in. You just have to be 12 years old." Twelve. Why 12? Like, what happens when you turn 12 that makes you "Optimum"? An 11-year-old on that train, he's just regular. But a 12-year-old, he's "Optimum." And then to make it better, they said, "It’s only 8% of the spaces on the train." So they created all this drama, all this confusion, all these rules for 12-year-olds, for 8% of the seats. That seems like a lot of work.

2026-01-22 11:37

Bosch will close its Moulins-Yzeure plant, in Allier, and cut 270 jobs

I read about this place that makes trajectory correctors. That’s a very specific job title. I'd like to meet a trajectory corrector. "I correct trajectories." "Oh yeah? Good for you." They said they're down forty percent since 2020. Forty percent. That's almost half. I don't know how you lose forty percent of anything and keep going. If I lost forty percent of my house, I'd probably just quit. I wouldn't try to find a new house. I’d just live in the yard. They decided to restructure. They’re moving everything back to Germany. Just sounds like a lot of boxes. I bet they're looking at all these trajectory correctors and saying, "We gotta put all these back in the truck. We don't have enough room in Germany for all these trajectory correctors." It’s just a lot of work. I don't know if I'd do it. I'd just start over with new trajectory correctors.

2026-01-22 11:12

Renault wants to dismember its electric subsidiary Ampere, symbol of the Renaulution of Meo's years

So this car company announced a big reorganization of how they make electric cars. And they said they're taking their factories and reducing them down to an engineering center. But then they immediately said they were taking the factory part out of the engineering center. So I guess now they just have an empty room where they used to make cars. Which, I don't know, seems like they skipped a step on production there. I guess they're just hoping the engineers figure out how to put cars together using just a whiteboard.

2026-01-22 11:12

The Secretary of Commerce Serge Papin thinks we need to take it to the Chinese

A guy who used to run a grocery store got up at a meeting for all the other small businesses and just started complaining about Shein. I guess the issue is that Shein sells stuff too cheap. The government is actually suing them. I didn't know that was illegal. I thought that was just called shopping.

2026-01-22 11:11

Mercosur: the French government opposes a provisional application of the free trade agreement

So I was reading this thing. This government spokesperson, Maud Bregeon. She was talking about a trade agreement. Mercosur. Sounds like a new car model, doesn't it? So they’re trying to start this treaty early. Provisionally. Like a trial run. And she says that doing it that way... she calls it "a form of democratic rape." I don't know all the specifics of this trade deal. But I do know that if your agreement makes someone say *that*, maybe you just need to start over on the agreement. It sounds like someone just didn't want to buy the car, and then they had to go to court about it. I think I'll just keep buying my stuff from where I'm at right now.

2026-01-22 10:39

In 2025, electricity produced in Europe from wind and solar surpassed that from fossil fuels

It's confusing when you see all this stuff about energy. I feel like we decided nuclear power was a bad idea, maybe in the 90s, when they started making those little signs on the highway that said "Go Solar." But then I see this report that says nuclear is still number one for Europe. Number one. Solar is taking off. It's doing great. So you’ve got solar, which is the new guy, coming up fast, and nuclear, which is the old guy that just keeps winning. And then coal, which is like the guy who got a flat tire before the race even started. It’s just a weird race. I don't know.

2026-01-22 10:07

LIVE, Davos: there is still a lot of work to be done to reach an agreement on Greenland, says Mark Rutte, NATO chief

So, you read the news, and it’s always something. The President, he says he just worked out this whole framework deal with the NATO guy for Greenland. But then the NATO guy comes right out and says, "We didn't even talk about sovereignty." It’s like, now wait a minute. Did y'all just have two different meetings in the same room? Because one of you thinks a deal was made, and the other one thinks the main part of the deal wasn't even mentioned. I just don't know how that works.

2026-01-22 10:06

Michele Benbunan takes the helm of the group Les Echos-Le Parisian

Pierre Louette quit his job. Eight years. Eight years of crises. That's just a lot of crises for eight years. I feel like if you're having crises for eight years, maybe you just need to move on, you know? So he leaves, but meanwhile, another person, from Editis, gets her job "enlarged." Now she handles the whole "perimeter" of LVMH media. The whole perimeter. And she reports to Stéphane Bianchi, the deputy general manager. I didn't even realize LVMH media was a thing, let alone had a perimeter. It feels like I'm always one meeting behind on what's going on with these companies.

2026-01-22 08:36

Book A in sharp decline, the first in ten years

So, I saw this report about "regulated savings." It lost two billion dollars in 2025. I don't know why they call it "regulated" if it just loses money. I thought that was the whole point of saving—to not lose money. They said it's because they kept dropping the interest rate. So they kept saying, "We're going to give you less money." And eventually, everyone just said, "Yeah, I'm good." I mean, if you keep cutting the pie into smaller pieces, people eventually figure out they can go eat somewhere else.

2026-01-22 06:42

Anthony Edo and Hillel Rapoport, economists: L impact of immigration on the employment rate of natives is overall neutral

So these two economists, they went through a hundred studies. One hundred studies. Just to figure out what happens with immigration and jobs. They're trying to put a scientific angle on it. I feel like if you read a hundred studies and you still don't know, maybe just quit reading the studies. Maybe just guess at that point. I don't know.

2026-01-22 06:41

LIVE, Davos: Donald Trump claims he has designed a framework for a future deal on Greenland with the head of NATO

So, Trump was meeting with the head of NATO in Switzerland. I guess they talked about some stuff, like tariffs. But the big part of the story, the part that really got me, was at the end. The NATO guy, Mark Rutte, he had to clarify something. He came out and told everybody that he did *not* talk about Greenland with the president. I mean, that's what he said. Like, "Hey everybody, just to be clear: Greenland never came up." I just want to know who was asking. Like, who saw those two guys walking into that room and thought, "Oh no, I bet they're going to talk about Greenland again." I guess it's good that they cleared that up. We can all sleep better now.

2026-01-22 02:04

The Supreme Court seems to want to preserve the independence of the Fed and not let Trump fire Governor Lisa Cook

You know, I was reading about this thing with the Supreme Court, and I'm thinking, what's going on here? So, they're talking about this Lisa Cook person, and I'm like, who's that? And they're having this big meeting about it, and I'm just sitting here wondering, what's the deal? Apparently, they're trying to figure out if the president can just fire someone from the Federal Reserve, like, for no reason. And the judges are all, "I don't know, man, that seems kinda weird." And I'm like, yeah, that does seem weird. I mean, can I just fire my neighbor for no reason? That'd be great, actually. But, I guess that's not how it works, right? There's gotta be some rules or something. So, the judges are all, "Hey, we need a good reason to fire this person," and the president's all, "Nah, I just don't like 'em." And I'm just sitting here, thinking, this is like my family reunion or something.

2026-01-21 23:33

The baby formula industry is in turmoil after massive recalls of Lactalis and Nestle products contaminated by the same toxin

You know, I was reading about baby formula the other day, and I found out that some of the big milk companies had to recall a bunch of it. Apparently, they found this thing called cereulide, which is like a toxin or something. And get this, it's made by a bacteria. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not something you want in your baby's food. So, it turns out that all this bad formula was made from stuff that came from the same supplier in China. I don't know, man. It's just weird to think about how something like that can happen. I mean, you'd think they'd have some kind of system in place to check for that sort of thing. But I guess not. It's just one of those things that makes you go, "Huh, okay." You know, like when you're at the grocery store and you see a recall notice on something. And you're like, "Oh, yeah, I had that for lunch yesterday." It's just a weird feeling, you know?

2026-01-21 21:34

Crisis at Ubisoft: six video games canceled, studio closures and a restructuring underway

So, this video game company... they've been having some trouble. For years now. Now, when you have trouble, you gotta fix it, right? So they announced they're doing a big reorganization. The reorganization itself... they said it's gonna cost a billion dollars in losses. So, you're already in trouble, and then you go into more trouble to fix the trouble. I don't know why you don't just keep the billion dollars and just try to win.

2026-01-21 21:34

Budget: the stunning failure of the high income tax

They put this new tax in place, right? On people who make a lot of money. And they were sure this tax was going to bring in a ton of revenue. A whole lot. But it didn't. It brought in almost five times less than they expected. And now everyone is all surprised. Like, “How could this happen?” I don't know what they thought was going to happen here. You’re taxing the people who are really good at figuring out money. You introduce a new tax on them, and you’re surprised they figured out how to keep their money instead? That’s like asking a magician to make a rabbit appear and then being shocked when he actually pulls it off. You gotta know your audience.

2026-01-21 20:42

Despite a record solar development in 2025, the renewable energy sector is worried about a near-moratorium situation

You know, I was reading about solar power the other day, and I found out it's actually surpassed hydro power. That's like me finally beating my neighbor at golf, it's a big deal. But here's the weird part, they're not letting anyone start new solar projects right now. It's like, 'Hey, we're winning, but let's just stop and see what happens.' I mean, I've put off doing laundry for months, but that's just because I don't want to do it, not because I'm waiting for a new plan. Anyway, I guess that's just how energy works, right?

2026-01-21 19:42

The European Parliament plunges the EU-Mercosur agreement into uncertainty

You know, I was reading about these European parliament folks, and they're trying to figure out this trade deal thing. So, they've decided to, uh, take it to court, I guess. Like, the European Union's court. And that's just put everything on hold, which is pretty wild. But here's the thing, the Commission people can still be like, 'You know what, let's just go ahead and try this out for now.' It's like, I don't know, it's all just a big confusing mess, but I'm sure it'll all work out... somehow.

2026-01-21 19:42

What to take away from Donald Trump's speech in Davos

So, we just decided to buy a country. I guess that's where we are now. The President, he just calls up Denmark and says, "How much for Greenland?" I didn’t know you could do that. I thought we were done with that kind of shopping. And then he made sure to say, "Don't worry, we won't use force to get it." That's good, I guess. It’s just weird to have to clarify that when you ask for something. Like asking your neighbor for a cup of sugar and having to say, "And don't worry, I won't use violence if you say no." It just feels like a lot.

2026-01-21 19:42

LIVE, Greenland: Donald Trump's ambition regarding the autonomous island remains intact, Denmark estimates

You know, I was reading about the President saying we're not gonna send troops to Greenland, and I'm thinkin', "Okay, that's good, I guess." But then the Danish foreign minister is like, "Hold up, that doesn't fix everything." And I'm over here thinkin', "What's goin' on with Greenland, anyway?" Apparently, someone's tryin' to make a deal about people, and the Danish guy's all, "You can't negotiate humans, that's not a thing." And I'm thinkin', "Yeah, that makes sense, we don't do that... I don't think." But then I start thinkin', "Wait, what if it's a really good deal? Like, a buy-one-get-one-free kind of situation?" (laughs) No, seriously, it's just weird to me that we're even talkin' about this. I mean, I've never even been to Greenland, I don't think I know anyone who's been to Greenland. But I guess it's a big deal, and we gotta figure it out. (chuckles)

2026-01-21 19:08

Textile industry: the environmental cost developed by the government is starting to show up in big retail collections

You know what's weird? I was at the store the other day, and I saw they're putting these new labels on clothes. Apparently, it's like a score for how bad it is for the environment. Like, I'm trying to buy a shirt, and now I gotta think about the planet too. I mean, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure my old t-shirts from high school are still out there somewhere, causing some damage. Anyway, I guess the government made this thing, and some stores are using it voluntarily. I don't know, it just seems like a lot to think about when you're just trying to buy some pants.

2026-01-21 17:40

The French are tentatively starting to spend, leisure activities are sacred

You know, I was reading about the French, and apparently, they're spending a little more money now than they were. But here's the thing, they're still trying to find the best deals, you know, like they're on a mission or something. I guess they wanna make sure they've got enough money left over for the important stuff... like having fun and not being stressed out. Which, I mean, sounds about right to me. I'm pretty sure that's just called being an adult, right?

2026-01-21 16:36

At the Davos Forum, China presents itself as a reliable partner in the face of an unpredictable Trump

It’s like they’re trying to throw a really nice party and invite everybody, but they keep looking over at Washington to see if they’re having a good time. You can’t really enjoy a party like that, can you? You’re trying to make new friends, talk about equity, but you keep having to check if your main guest is mad at you. It sounds exhausting, honestly.

2026-01-21 15:06

LIVE, Davos: Donald Trump has arrived in Switzerland and will deliver a speech at the summit this afternoon

It sounds like there's this big summit, and all the Americans were just... talking. And it sounds like they were being pretty tough on Europe, monopolizing everything. So now the president has to give a speech. And everyone's really focused on it. I don't know, that just seems like a weird spot to be in. To have to follow that. It's a lot of pressure.

2026-01-21 14:04

A police officer seriously injured in the eye during farmer protests against Mercosur in Strasbourg

Five thousand five hundred farmers just showed up at the European Parliament. That's a lot of people for a Tuesday. And they’re waiting outside because the politicians inside—the MEPs, which I assume is some sort of important acronym—are deciding whether to send something called the "Mercosur agreement" to the European Court of Justice. It just sounds like a very complicated process to decide whether or not to buy new combines.

2026-01-21 12:36

A year after Trump's arrival, doubts over the direction the US economy is taking

I’m trying to make sense of this. They tell me the economy's really doing great right now. They're talking about massive investments in... AI. Which, I don't know what AI is doing, but it's apparently really helping. But then I look around, and everybody I know is struggling to pay their bills. It's weird, right? It's like we're living in two different economies, and I think I'm stuck in the one that owes money.

2026-01-21 11:40

The European Commission hopes to create an investment shock in telecoms

So, Brussels is getting involved in the telecommunications thing. They want to make a new regulation. It’s about accelerating fiber optics and 5G coverage. And I read that, and I thought, "I just got 5G." I didn't even know what it was, but I got it. And now they’re saying we have to "accelerate" it. I don’t know. I guess it’s good. I just feel like if you already have fiber optics, and you need to accelerate that, then you’re probably just moving too fast. I just want to be able to load a webpage, and now I have to worry about acceleration. It’s a lot.

2026-01-21 11:07

LIVE, Davos: Donald Trump expected at summit marked by transatlantic alliance rift

I just... I don't know how that works. So he's speaking at this big Economic Forum this week, and I guess everybody's just talking about how he threatened Greenland. I didn't even know you *could* threaten Greenland. Like, what did Greenland do? Is there a Greenland guy he's mad at? And Europe. I guess he's mad at them too. I'm just trying to figure out how you're supposed to get up on stage and talk about the economy after you just threatened Greenland. It seems like a weird energy for a business meeting. I'd feel like I missed something. I'd be looking around at everyone else like, "Did... did Greenland say something to *you* guys? I'm just trying to figure out where we're at with Greenland."

2026-01-21 10:06

John Makanda: With my bipolar disorder, my first stable job, at 44, was like finding a well of water after years in the desert

This guy, Yohanes, he's an administrative agent at a university. And they said he went through a thousand obstacles just to get professional stability. A thousand obstacles. That's a lot for an administrative job. I don't know what kind of obstacles those were. He had bipolar disorder, which I guess means he had a lot of obstacles. They're making mental health a "great national cause" in 2026. I just thought it already *was* a cause. Why wait until 2026? Seems like a long time to wait for a cause to get here.

2026-01-21 07:38

LIVE: Donald Trump en route to Davos after being forced to turn back due to electrical issue on Air Force One

You know, I was thinking, have you ever been on a flight and they're like, "We're gonna turn around and go back"? That's what happened to the President the other day. He's on Air Force One, headed to Switzerland, and they're like, "Nah, let's just go back." I mean, I've had flights cancelled, but that's just a whole different level. So, they turn around, and then he gets on another plane. I guess that's just what you do when you're the President. You're like, "You know what, this plane's not working out, let's just get another one." I've tried that at the airport before, it doesn't really work out that way for me. Anyway, he's headed to the World Economic Forum, where he's supposed to talk on Wednesday. I hope he makes it this time. I mean, can you imagine if he just kept getting on planes and turning around? "Sorry, folks, not gonna make it to the speech today, plane's not cooperating." Yeah, that'd be something.

2026-01-21 06:46

Retirement savings: the benefit of the SEP for self-employed workers

So, you're self-employed, which is already a decision. And then you decide you’re going to retire. But because you’re self-employed, you just
 stop working. And the money just
 stops. That seems like a simple, immediate problem. So they tell you about this plan. They say, "This plan has advantages. They're reserved for people just like you. It's a special deal." But then they immediately tell you this: "You really gotta look into it first. Don't just get it; you gotta study it." So, you get advantages, but only if you do homework. It’s like, I thought I was done with homework. Now I have to do homework so I can finally retire?

2026-01-21 06:45

The Too much campaign by the plastics lobby to rehabilitate plastic packaging

I guess plastic’s got an image problem now. So, they put out a campaign in the grocery stores. They want us to start feeling good about plastic again, which is a lot to ask of plastic. And then this minister guy, he says the campaign is “inappropriate.” I don’t know. I guess there’s a proper time for plastic. We just haven't figured out when that is yet.

2026-01-21 06:45

In companies, the integration of artificial intelligence is done at varying rates

You ever go to a meeting, and they start talking about AI, and it feels like some people are building a rocket ship, and other people are just asking if it can turn off the porch light? Because I went to this thing, and some places are completely transforming, like they're changing everything. And then other places are just trying to figure out if AI can handle the phone calls for that one department. I feel like we're all playing different games, and I'm not sure if I'm even on the right field.

2026-01-21 06:45

After Donald Trump's threats, Ursula von der Leyen is still betting on negotiation, the European Parliament divided

I don't know, I read this headline about the European Commission, and they're talking about bringing the American president "back to reason." Which, I guess, means he left reason. Did he just go to the store and not come back? And then over there in Europe, they’re arguing among themselves. The "European People's Party" says, "Let's not escalate." And then a bunch of other groups are saying, "No, it's time to show firmness." It just sounds like when you're in the car with your spouse and you're lost. And they want to stop and ask for directions, and you're like, "No, no, don't escalate. We're fine. We're going the right way. Just be firm in your belief that we are fine." I feel like if you’re a group called the "European People's Party," you probably don't want to start anything. You just want to have a good time.

2026-01-21 06:07

LIVE: before his departure for Davos, Donald Trump defends the imposition of tariffs, which he deems necessary

Well, we got hundreds of billions of dollars. And now we might have to pay it back. I don't know how that's possible. I mean, I'm not good at math, but I feel like once you spend hundreds of billions, that money is just... gone. You don't have it anymore. We didn't keep the receipt.

2026-01-21 00:39

Capgemini accelerates its layoffs

You know, I was reading about this company the other day, and apparently, they've been losing employees since 2022. So, they're like, 'Hey, we're gonna restructure and maybe get rid of 2,400 jobs.' And I'm thinking, 'That's a big restructuring... or a small company.' I don't know, it just seems like a lot of people to let go. I mean, I've had to downsize my fantasy football league before, but that was just me and my friends. This is a whole different level.

2026-01-20 21:07

The EU plans to ban Huawei from European mobile networks

So, Europe, they got this commission over there. And they’re getting rid of a Chinese telecom company. They said they gotta do it "to protect citizens." Protect them from what? The phone company? I don't know what kind of protection you need from a phone company. I thought maybe they just wanted to charge you for data you didn't use. I didn't think they were actually dangerous. It just seems like a lot to go through to keep them from sending you junk mail.

2026-01-20 20:03

Thomas Legrand: He must stop letting himself be locked into the narrative of the blogosphere

I guess all the news channels are fighting again. You ever notice how one news group will tell everybody that the *other* news group is biased? They say they’re lying and trying to trick people. But then the other news group turns around and says, "No, *you* guys are lying and trying to trick people!" It just seems like a lot of work. Both sides are saying the exact same thing to each other. I guess I don't understand why everybody doesn't just go home.

2026-01-20 19:40

In Strasbourg, European farmers angry at Mercosur

Alright, I read something. There was a big protest in Europe, right? Thousands of farmers went to Strasbourg. And they are all upset about something called "Mercosur." Now, "Mercosur" is apparently a free trade agreement. With countries in South America. So you got farmers in Europe, protesting a deal with South American countries, and the whole thing is called "free trade." Just think about that. You are mad because something is free. I don't know. Seems like a bad sales pitch.

2026-01-20 19:03

LIVE: in Davos, Canada's prime minister said his country strongly supports Greenland and Denmark

I heard a guy in Canada say something interesting. He said, "If we're not at the discussion table, we're on the menu." And I'm thinking, "Wait, are we talking about a restaurant now?" Because I just assumed we were talking about, you know, countries and borders. But if you're on the menu... [pause]... that's a whole different conversation. Because if I'm looking at a menu and I see "Canada," I'm probably going to order it. Right? What would that even be? A poutine? Maybe some maple syrup with bacon? I don't know. It feels bad. You never want to be on the menu. Because you always want to be at the table. Because if you're at the table, you're eating. If you're on the menu, you're the one being eaten. And I feel like that's just a bad deal for Canada. You never want to be the dish that gets sent back to the kitchen because you were too cold. And then the US orders something else, and you're just sitting there, on the menu. That's just a confusing way to run a country.

2026-01-20 18:06

Netflix offers a simplified takeover bid to Warner Bros to expedite the agreement

So I heard about this streaming company, right? They're trying to buy something, which I guess is what they do. And at first, they were going to pay with cash and
 stock. Which, I'm always confused by that. It’s like, "Here's $100, and here's a picture of $100 for later." But now they changed their minds. Now they're just paying with all cash. All cash. And apparently, because they went from cash and a picture to just all cash, now the shareholders have to vote on it next year. It changes the whole timeline. It’s just confusing to me. It seems like less complication would lead to less voting. I don't know. Maybe that's just me.

2026-01-20 15:03

US-EU-Mercosur Agreement: a free trade treaty unanimously opposed by the right

So there’s this agreement they had. The EU and Mercosur, I guess. And they signed it on a Saturday. Now, usually, when you sign something, that’s it. That’s the end of the thing. You shake hands, everybody goes home. But apparently, these guys—The Republicans—signed it, but now they want to keep fighting to stop it from actually happening. It’s confusing. It’s like getting in a car crash, signing all the papers at the scene, and then trying to keep fighting the person for a week about whether the crash actually happened. Why sign it? You just—you just sign it and then immediately say, "Wait, don’t actually do the thing I just signed for." They're saying it's for French agriculture, which sounds like something you should probably sort out *before* you put your name on the document. I hope they figured out when the fight actually starts and stops.

2026-01-20 14:03

The rise of Chinese universities is shaking Western certainties

I read where China is actually doing a lot of good science now. And I guess that's great for them. But I feel like I'm already pretty stressed about doing normal stuff. Like, just remembering where I put my keys in the morning. And now I gotta worry about international science rankings? I didn't even know we were competing. I thought we were just doing pretty good on our own. I don't know what to do with that information. Am I supposed to start doing science now? I feel like I'm already maxed out.

2026-01-20 13:35

Environmental dumping: small French almond producers take on California giants

So there’s this company in France called The Almond Company. Which, a very straightforward name for what sounds like a big problem. They went to the competition authority, which sounds official, and they filed a complaint against California. I guess California has a lot of almonds. A real dominant position in almonds. The complaint is that California's a little rough on the environment. So now we have a fight. France versus California. Over almonds. It makes sense, I guess, that an almond would be a big deal. I don't know where my almonds came from this morning, so I guess I'm part of the problem.

2026-01-20 13:05

In Turkey, Ankara on the verge of a water shortage

So, I saw where they got a big drought in this place. The dams are almost empty. Like, they actually measured it, and it came back at 1.12 percent full. One point one two percent. At that point, why even measure? Just say "empty." We all know what that means. "We are in the single digits." And then, instead of figuring out where to get some more water, they started arguing about whose fault it was. The government blames the city. The city blames the government. It’s like, guys, look around. There's no water. The water didn't care who was in charge. The water just left. We just need a cloud, not a debate team.

2026-01-20 12:35

Wines and French liquors, favorite targets of Donald Trump

I keep seeing these headlines about tariffs. Two hundred percent. I don't know where they come up with that number. That seems like a lot. It feels like we've been doing this since 2019. That's a long time to keep arguing about something you don't really know what it means. It's just a lot.

2026-01-20 12:34

LIVE, Donald Trump trade threats: US president targets French wines and champagnes; dozens of leaders expected in Davos

So, the big meeting is in Switzerland. The World Economic Forum. And apparently, the world is all stirred up right now because of Washington. It’s just confusing to me that Washington would cause problems, and then everyone else has to meet in Switzerland to talk about it. It's like, "Hey, Washington. We're going to Switzerland because of you." I'm just wondering if Washington knows about this.

2026-01-20 11:11

In the United States, Donald Trump's deceptive victory to lower drug prices

You hear about these big negotiations, right? Like the government is really going to town on these high drug prices. And you think, "Okay, good. Finally, my part will be cheaper." But then you look at it. Because I have insurance, right? So I go to the pharmacy, and a pill might cost a thousand dollars, but I only pay ten. So they negotiate the price down. And now that pill costs five hundred dollars. And I go back, and I still pay ten dollars. I think I missed the step where it helped me. It's like they're saving *them* money on *my* behalf, and I just get to watch. It reminds me of when my wife tells me she got a great deal on something at the grocery store. I go, "What did we get?" And she says, "Oh, we didn't buy anything. I just saw the price went down for everybody else."

2026-01-20 11:10

The business model of the news press is in danger

So, I guess a study came out. Monday, January 19th. They put out a study on a Monday. It came from these big groups, the Ministry of Culture and something called ARCOM. You know, these official committees that get together. And they did all this research, and they found out that local news—they call it a "pillar of democracy"—is really fragile. I don't know why they needed a study to find that out. Seems like if you call something a "pillar," it should be sturdy, right? But now we’re supposed to be aware that this pillar holding everything up is fragile. I guess we just stare at it now. Hope it doesn't fall over.

2026-01-20 10:08

The American threat of additional tariffs, effects more political than economic for Europe

So I'm reading this thing. Apparently, we put up tariffs on Europe. Which, you know, a tariff is basically saying, "Hey, we don't really want your stuff here." It's like a really expensive cover charge for a product. And then the numbers came out, and it says they shipped *more* stuff than before. I don't know how that works. If I put up a wall to keep things out, and then more things get in, that wall didn't really do its job. Unless... unless the tariffs were just for wine. Because apparently, the wine shipments *did* go down. So we put up this big economic blockade, and the only thing it actually stopped was the wine. I guess we didn't want to get invited to the party. We just wanted to make sure nobody brought good wine.

2026-01-20 10:08

Mercosur: thousands of European farmers expected in Strasbourg

Four thousand farmers. That’s a lot of people. They’re coming from all over Europe. To go to Strasbourg. To protest something called Mercosur. I don’t know what Mercosur is. They want to "put pressure" on a bunch of deputies. Four thousand people trying to put pressure on a building. I don't know how that works. I just hope they all got good parking spots.

2026-01-20 09:04

In the United States, the cost of living has become a major political issue

I don't know. I get confused by stuff like this. You hear about all these prices going up, right? And then a guy comes out and says, "That's not real. That's a hoax." Okay. So, I guess it’s a hoax. We just imagine it when we go to the store. But then, a few months later, right before the election, the same guy starts making all these big announcements to fix the prices. So, I don't know, was it real, or did he just decide to fix the fake thing anyway? I wish someone would just tell me what’s happening.

2026-01-20 07:06

2025, a bleak year for business failures

Vous savez, j'ai entendu dire que prÚs de 70 000 entreprises ont eu des problÚmes légaux en 2025. C'est beaucoup, je pense. Et apparemment, 2026 ne sera pas trÚs différent. Je me demande ce qui se passe, mais je suppose que c'est juste la vie, vous savez ? Les entreprises ont des problÚmes, les gens ont des problÚmes... moi, j'ai des problÚmes pour trouver des chaussures qui me vont bien. Mais sérieusement, 70 000, c'est un gros nombre. Je me demande si c'est juste une coïncidence ou si il y a quelque chose de plus profond là-dessous. Mais bon, je ne suis pas expert, je suis juste un type qui essaie de comprendre ce qui se passe dans le monde.

2026-01-20 06:37

In Vanves, the Michelet high school claims to be cell phone free

You know, I was reading about this school in Paris, and they did something kinda weird. They banned phones in the hallways. Not just that, but they've got 2,300 kids, so it's a big deal. They did this back in April 2025, and get this, they don't even call it a ban. They say the kids are "liberated from their phones." I mean, that's a nice way to put it. So, I guess it's been working out for them. They're happy about it, the kids, the teachers, everyone. I'm just wondering, how did they even come up with that phrase? "Liberated from their phones." Like, the phones were holding them hostage or something. Anyway, I guess it's a good thing. Kids can actually talk to each other now. What a concept.

2026-01-20 06:37

Real Estate: the mountain market is spreading out

I don't know if you guys have ever looked into buying a house on a mountain. But apparently, people are getting really serious about it. Like, real estate agents are now telling people exactly where the snow stops. They're like, "We recommend you buy this house. It's above 1,900 meters." And if you ask why, they say, "Because if you're below 1,900 meters, the snow just disappears." I didn't realize snow had an exact height requirement. I always thought it was either there or it wasn't. I didn't know there was a specific line where the snow just stops existing and turns into... whatever else is down there. I wonder if you get a discount on the house below the line.

2026-01-20 06:37

Jeannette of FĂŒrstenberg, the tech investor who believes in a European Renaissance

So, there’s this lady in Germany. She's part of the nobility. Which is confusing because I thought that meant you just had a castle and a high-pitched laugh. But apparently you also need to invest in things. So she invested early in AI. And not just any AI, she found these companies called Mistral AI and Helsing. It sounds like a really intense law firm where they only handle cases for ghosts. But she found them early, and now she’s one of the most influential people in the European tech scene. So I guess she’s just really good at picking stuff. I couldn't even pick a restaurant last night, let alone the future of artificial intelligence.

2026-01-20 06:06

Unauthorized access to Urssaf data: 12 million employees potentially affected

So, 12 million people. That’s a lot of birthdays. The Urssaf said that all the info—names, birthdays, when you started working—got looked at. And then they put out a warning for everyone to watch out for phishing. It’s like they just handed out everyone’s keys and then yelled, "Hey, lock your doors!"

2026-01-19 20:07

Liquidation of NovAsco, ex-Ascometal: the State initiates an unprecedented judicial procedure

I don't know a lot about steel groups, but apparently this one, Ascometal, just fell apart. And now the government is suing the guy who owned it. They’re trying to get 95 million euros back. That’s a lot of money. I don’t understand how you can just forget a steel group somewhere. That seems like something you should probably keep track of.

2026-01-19 20:07

In Aude, the rains intensify; one person is in absolute emergency, according to the prefecture

They had a weather alert in France today. Five departments on orange alert for rain. And they listed all the specific names. I looked at that list—Haute-Corse, Corse-du-Sud, HĂ©rault, Aude, PyrĂ©nĂ©es-Orientales. I’m thinking, "That’s a lot of specific information to process for rain." I don't even know if I'm supposed to do something with that or if I’m just supposed to be proud of them for having a good map.

2026-01-19 15:34

The value of gold reaches new highs after Donald Trump's economic threats

So, I saw on the news that the US and Europe are getting into it again. It sounds serious, so investors are nervous about the stock market. And when they get nervous about the stock market, they go and buy gold. And silver. We really decided that when things get bad, we’re just gonna start collecting shiny rocks. I guess we figure we'll use those to buy bread or something later. I don't know.

2026-01-19 13:04

In Antwerp, a fossil fuel-free plastic project relocated to China, a painful signal for Europe

So, this Danish company, Vioneo, they were going to put 1.5 billion euros into something. A Belgian port. Specifically, an industrial wasteland there. Which, I feel like you don't need to specify "wasteland" when you're trying to get people excited about an investment. It’s right there in the name. But they canceled it. And now the local authorities are mad at Europe for not supporting the program. It feels like they’re mad at Europe for not making the Danish company go through with putting money in the wasteland. Like Europe was supposed to hold their hand and say, "No, no, go on, put the money in the wasteland. It’s fine."

2026-01-19 12:04

Budget 2026: unions skeptical of the announced increase in activity premium by Sebastien Lecornu

See, this is what I don't get. They're giving out money. Three million households are gonna get a little extra. Fifty euros a month. That’s
 that’s almost enough for groceries for one trip if you don't buy anything fancy. And the workers—they're not even mad about it. They're just looking at it like, "Thanks, we appreciate it. But maybe while we're here, we could just talk about the wages?" It's like when my wife tells me I can help her with a chore, but then she just wants me to do the whole chore. And I'm like, "I thought we were doing a small thing here. Now we're talking about the whole thing."

2026-01-19 11:10

IMF forecasts: global growth momentum surprises, driven by artificial intelligence

The IMF just released a new forecast for 2026. I guess they looked at their previous one from October and realized they were off by 0.2 points. I mean, that's almost more impressive than being right. When you miss by 0.2 points, are you really wrong? Or are you just *adjusting*? It feels like they’re just guessing. But very specifically guessing.

2026-01-19 11:10

Davos still resonates with the speech given by Ronald Reagan in 1980: Tariff protectionist rights do not work

So, they had this thing, right? The World Economic Forum. It was in Davos. January 19th through the 23rd. Which feels like a specific window to be doing something really important. They said there was an "avalanche" of heads of state and CEOs. I don't know if I like the image of an avalanche full of suits. It feels like a lot of high-security luggage. Donald Trump was there. And they said it was all very secure, like a barnum. I think "barnum" is just a fancy word for a lot going on. Apparently, history was being made. It just sounds like a lot for a four-day trip. A lot of pressure on the guy scheduling the flights.

2026-01-19 10:38

The economy of China is marked by deep imbalances, with production and exports on the rise, and consumption and birth rate in decline

I was reading something where they said we're going to have 5% growth in 2025. Five percent. They said the factories are just selling everything, selling to everybody, all over the place. But then they said the reason for all this growth is because the Chinese are having a real estate crisis and aren't buying as much. So we’re doing good because *they're* doing bad. It just seems like we're celebrating the wrong thing, right? I don't know how that works out. I'm just confused.

2026-01-19 10:38

With Venezuelan oil, Donald Trump upsets the balance of power on global markets

I was reading about this thing with oil. Apparently, we did something in Venezuela. I don't know what we did. They called it an operation. But the idea is, because we did that operation over there, it might help keep the prices low here. And I guess that’s what Trump wants. I always thought low prices just meant you pulled up to the pump, and the number was low. I didn’t know it involved a whole operation. It seems like a long way to go to save fifty cents a gallon.

2026-01-19 10:38

Tension between the EU and the United States over Greenland worries financial markets

The market’s in the red. I don’t know why everything’s in a color, but red usually means bad, right? They say it’s because of trade tensions, which I just feel like we always have. It’s like saying there are tensions at a family reunion. Of course there are. But then you got gold and silver, and they are doing fantastic. So the more nervous everybody gets, the more people just go buy up a bunch of shiny metals. It just seems like we're all making up the rules as we go along.

2026-01-19 10:03

The GOP is rather social or liberal what its votes on taxation of the ultra wealthy and corporations reveal

They got these multinational companies. And they got these things called "holdings." I don't know if you're holding a company, or a company is holding *you*. And then they gotta figure out how to tax 'em. It's like trying to figure out if you bought something at a store that’s in a different state, but you’re standing right here. I'd just tell 'em, "Can we just make it simple? Just one receipt for everybody." It sounds exhausting. They're trying to figure out where everybody stands on it. I don't know. I just think we should make it easy on ourselves. This is a lot of thinking. I don't want to think about where a company is. Just tell me what I owe.

2026-01-19 06:36

Succession and tax debt: when the heir summoned to take a position remains silent

So, if you don't answer for two months, that means you said yes. I don't know. I feel like if you send a text message, and they don't answer for two months, that usually means no. Or possibly, "Who are you?" I don't think that works for asking people on dates. Just stand there silently for two months and hope they don't call the police.

2026-01-19 06:35

US isolation, ready for trade war with Europe to get Greenland

Well, now, I don’t know. They say Trump is targeting eight countries. Eight. But only six of them are in the European Union. So he picked six specific ones out of the whole group. That seems like a lot of work. Why not just say, "Everybody over there"? Or "Nobody"? Eight feels like a very specific number for a thing that's so far away from where I am. And now they say this might mess up an agreement we already made for 2025. We haven't even gotten there yet. It's like arguing about something you might do in three years, while standing right next to the person. The MAGA people are confused too, apparently. When they're confused, I know I'm definitely confused. It all just feels so far away from what I'm doing. I'm just trying to figure out how to get my kid to soccer practice on time.

2026-01-19 06:04

From Donald Trump to the boss of Nvidia, all-powerful America is expected to arrive in full force at the Davos Forum

You know, I was thinking, the president of the biggest economy in the world is going to this big economic meeting in Switzerland. It's like, from Monday to Friday, all the big shots are gonna be there, talking about... stuff. And I heard it's all about international tensions and artificial intelligence. I'm not really sure what that means, but it sounds like a real party. I mean, who doesn't love talking about politics and robots? (pauses) I guess that's just what the president does, right? Goes to meetings in Switzerland. I'm pretty sure I'd get lost on the way to the conference room. (chuckles)

2026-01-19 05:39

What to do with the traces of French colonial past in public space, the question upsets, some cities are taking action

I heard they're changing the names of streets now. Like, places that have had a name for a long time. They’re going back, looking at the history, and if a guy did something bad, they want to change the sign. And I'm thinking, "I just finally learned where that street was in the first place." Now I gotta learn a whole new one. It’s hard enough figuring out where to turn. Now I gotta figure out who did what back in the colonial times. It’s a lot to keep track of.

2026-01-18 19:32

Threats of customs tariffs: United Kingdom takes unusually tough stance

Well, apparently we're really serious about buying Greenland now. I didn't realize you could threaten to charge somebody extra money on their stuff unless they sell you land. I mean, it just sounds like a tough way to negotiate. Downing Street—that’s where the UK guy lives—they just came out and said this whole thing is "totally unacceptable." Which means, up until recently, they were totally fine with it. It’s like they just got tired of being polite and finally decided to tell us what they really thought. It's probably just a lot of pressure over a big piece of ice.

2026-01-18 18:42

At a time when research is being called upon to participate in the coconstruction of public policies, it is paradoxical to condemn one of the places that contributes to it

So, there’s this group, right? They work on, like, big projects. Important stuff. Research. And they found out their funding got cut by seventy percent. Seventy. That’s a big number. That’s like telling your kid to go mow the lawn, but taking away seventy percent of the gas for the mower. Then all the smart people and the politicians are standing around going, "Hey, put it back in." And I guess the government just looks at them and says, "No, we decided to take it away." I don't know how you keep doing the research. It just seems like a lot to take away.

2026-01-18 18:42

In the face of the threat of new Trump taxes, Europeans ready to retaliate, between new customs duties and anti-coercion measures

I just heard about this thing. I don't really know what's going on, but apparently, Europe is having a meeting this Sunday. On a Sunday. I don't know what kind of meeting you have to have on a Sunday that can't wait until Monday. It's probably important, though, because they're trying to figure out what to do about some "punitive measures" from Washington. I'm not exactly sure what a punitive measure is, but it sounds expensive. It sounds like a punishment for countries. Like when you get a speeding ticket, but for international relations. And apparently, this whole thing involves Greenland. I don't know what Greenland did to get involved. I thought Greenland was just ice. I didn't think Greenland was in a position to be making tariffs. It's just a lot for me to process on a Sunday.

2026-01-18 15:05

Agriculture show: Minister Annie Genevard tries to reassure about bovine dermatosis, breeders maintain their boycott

They’re having the Agricultural Show in 2026, but they said no cows allowed. For the first time since 1964. The government keeps saying, "It’s totally fine, no risk at all." But still, no cows. So I guess it's just an agricultural show for people who want to look at where the cows used to be.

2026-01-18 13:33

What is known about the collapse of a building in Paris, where about fifty people had gathered for an evening party

I don't know why they always give you all the details. Like, I heard about this thing that happened in Paris, right? On Amelot Street. And they tell you it was on the 5th floor. It’s just very specific for a bad situation. Because now I’m wondering, if you’re seriously injured on the 5th floor, does that mean the 4th floor was safe? I don't know. Maybe the building was just bad. I think I'd just stay on the first floor if I lived there. Avoid all that confusion.

2026-01-18 12:33

A building floor collapses in the 11th district of Paris, twenty injured including one seriously

I saw where this building collapsed and they said fifty people were inside. And the report came back, and they said it was "structural." I mean, I appreciate the report. But I feel like that's not... I don't know what else it would be. Is there a non-structural collapse? Is that a thing? Like, it just decided it was done? "Well, we determined the building just got tired. And it laid down." They did clarify that it wasn't a gas leak. Which, I guess that's good. But if you have to clarify that it *wasn't* an explosion, that makes it seem worse. "No, no explosion. Just a general lack of structure." You know, maybe we should be checking these things. Before we go to a party. You know, look around. Check the beams. Before we commit to fifty people. Like, if I walk into a place and I see fifty people, and I'm like, "This place feels... structural." I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'd like to think I could spot it. I'm just trying to make sure I don't walk into a structural situation. That's all I want out of life.

2026-01-18 12:01

In Montreal, the presence of a robin from Europe astonishes and draws crowds

I guess there’s this specific bird, and it's supposed to be in Europe. But then, it just shows up here. And everyone's trying to figure out how it got here. Like, how does a bird get lost across an entire ocean? Did it take a wrong turn? That's a serious commitment to a wrong turn.

2026-01-18 12:01

In the Massif Central, the route of the TGV Bordeaux-Lyon is causing anger and dismay: We feel like we are being wiped off the map

You know, I was talking to some folks the other day, and they were telling me about these small towns that keep getting hit with one thing after another. I mean, it's like, they're already dealing with not having a Walmart, and then the diner closes, and now the bus doesn't even stop there no more. I'm starting to think, what's the criteria for a town to just give up? Is it like a certain number of closed restaurants? 'Hey, you've had three diner closures, you're on your own now.' I don't get it.

2026-01-18 10:32

Between Venezuela and the United States, one hundred years of a troubled oil history

You know, I was thinking, Venezuela and the US, we used to be buddies, right? I mean, we were like two old friends who loved oil. And then, somehow, we're like, complete opposites. It's like, what happened? Did we have a fight over who got to control the oil or something? And now, Trump's all like, 'Hey, Venezuela, you're on my list.' I'm just standing here, wondering, how did we go from oil pals to, like, oil enemies?

2026-01-18 07:34

What are the risks if I don't register my furnished rental business

I guess I forgot to sign something. Just one thing. One small thing. And now they're telling me that's "damaging consequences." I didn't know forgetting was damaging. I thought forgetting was just forgetting. Now I got consequences. I didn't even want consequences. I just wanted to go home.

2026-01-18 06:37

Tensions among competitors in French careers

So, there’s this little company called Exploroc. They’ve been battling for two years now against these giants of the explosive industry—Dyno Nobel and EPC Groupe. Exploroc says the big companies are doing something called "anticompetitive practices." I don't really know what that means. It sounds like when you're playing Monopoly and someone puts a hotel on Free Parking, but in business. Exploroc is worried that if this keeps going, they're going to get wiped out completely. And they're worried about the other small explosive companies too. It’s just hard to compete when you're trying to make things go boom, and the other guy is already bigger and makes things go even bigger boom.

2026-01-17 22:34

We tested
 agent browsers that surf the Web for us

These new computer programs, they're trying to help us shop for stuff. It's very generous of them. It’s like, I’m trying to buy groceries online, and it keeps putting things in my cart that I didn't ask for, which is just... very aggressive behavior. And then it'll suggest hotels for you. But it never really suggests a *good* hotel, or a convenient one. It’s trying really hard, making all these big promises, but then it just doesn't work right. So nobody's using it. It’s hard to get excited about something that’s constantly failing.

2026-01-17 20:34

Signing of the EU-Mercosur agreement: story of a suspense that lasted a quarter century

Alright, so Ursula von der Leyen—that's a good name right there—she signed this free-trade treaty. And they’d been working on it since 1999. Nineteen-ninety-nine. That’s a long time to have a project going on. You know how hard it is to get two people to agree on what kind of pizza to order? These guys got a whole continent. I mean, if a project takes that long, you probably don’t even remember what the original goal was. You’re just like, "I guess we’re still working on that treaty from '99." I bet the guy who first suggested it retired ten years ago. He probably just woke up last weekend and said, "They finally got that thing signed? Well, good." He's probably just happy it's not on his desk anymore.

2026-01-17 20:07

The European Union and Mercosur sign a historic free trade agreement in Paraguay

I saw where the European Commission has been trying to negotiate this treaty with Mercosur—Argentina, Brazil, Uruguay, and Paraguay—since 1999. That's a long time. At some point, you gotta ask, "Are we even negotiating about the same thing we started with?" I mean, in 1999, I think I was negotiating with my wife about what kind of couch we wanted. That took two weeks. This is... longer. I feel like I would just walk in and go, "Look, I’ll take whatever deal is on the table, I just need to get out of here. My car is running."

2026-01-17 18:38

In Indonesia a plane carrying ten people disappeared from radar in the east of the country

They’re looking for this thing in the Maros region. I don't know where Maros is, exactly. Maros sounds like a place where you'd lose something. They lost contact at 1 p.m., which is a hard time to lose anything. Right after lunch, you’re just in that fog. You’re trying to figure out if you want to take a nap or if you need to go search for this thing. And they got everybody involved. They got the Air Force, which makes sense, I guess. The police, which makes sense too. But then they got volunteers. I don't know. That's a lot of people with different levels of training, all trying to look for the same thing. You got guys in camouflage next to Bob from down the street who just wanted to help out. It's a lot, man. I guess you just need as many sets of eyes as you can get. I just hope they find it. Before it gets dark.

2026-01-17 17:03

In Argentina, massive job losses in the local industry could be exacerbated by the EU-Mercosur agreement

I was looking at this economy down in Argentina, and I don't know how this works. The numbers are just confusing me. The economy is growing really well, like four percent. That’s good. But then, almost three hundred thousand jobs disappeared. It feels like if you went to the bank, and your balance went up, but you looked around and realized you lost your wallet.

2026-01-17 16:05

How Chinese tech is reinventing the electric car

So, I saw where these new electric car companies, over in China, they’re really changing things. They’re building cars, but they’re not building a car like we used to think of it. They’re building a car, and then they're just... updating it constantly. Like, XPeng and Xiaomi and all these companies. They're just pushing updates. And I don't know how that works. I just picture sitting in my car, trying to go to the grocery store, and all of a sudden, I see a little message on the screen: "New software update available for your vehicle." And I'm just like, "I don't need an update. I just need to turn left. The car worked fine yesterday." What if I'm going ninety down the interstate and it asks me if I want to install updates now or later? Do I hit "Restart" and just hope I don't crash into a guardrail? I don’t know. I'm just trying to drive to see my wife. I don't need a computer that updates on wheels. It's too much pressure.

2026-01-17 14:39

Jean Pisani-Ferry, economist: Does AI fuel new growth or a bubble

So, I was reading about this AI thing, and apparently, you got two Nobel winners arguing about it. And I’m just sitting there thinking, these are the top guys, right? Like, the peak smart people. If *they* can't figure out if this thing is going to be good or bad, I don't know why I’m supposed to put my money in it. The article said it’s a sign that the investments are risky. And then it says Europe's savings are exposed to it. I'm just trying to figure out where I’m supposed to put my money when even the geniuses can’t agree on what’s happening. It seems like a weird spot to be in.

2026-01-17 12:35

Joelle Pineau, of Cohere: We aim for an AI that creates value for businesses, rather than superintelligence

I read about this guy. He was the number two AI guy at Meta. Number two. That's a good spot to be in, right? You're near the top. You get to blame the number one guy for everything. But he just left. He quit Meta, to go join a startup. In Canada. I don’t know. That just seems like a weird move. You're number two at a huge company. Why leave that secure job? Maybe he just got tired of being number two. Maybe he just thought, "I'm going to go be number one somewhere else, where it's really cold and nobody will bother me."

2026-01-17 09:38

How to combat the rise of selfishness Najat Vallaud-Belkacem debates with sociologist Camille Peugny

You know, I was talking to this guy the other day, and he was saying how everybody's all about being their own boss now. Like, even people who aren't really doing great are just, like, entrepreneurs of their own struggles. And I'm thinking, 'That's weird, right?' I mean, it used to be that if you were struggling, you'd be like, 'Hey, can somebody help me out?' But now it's all, 'No, I've got this. I'm my own CEO... of being broke.' And then I saw these two people, a politician and a researcher, trying to figure out how to make people stop competing all the time. Like, they're trying to find a way to make everyone just get along and not be so focused on winning. But I don't know, man. It seems like everybody's already won the prize for trying to make it on their own. They're all just, like, solo winners of the struggle. It's like, I'm not saying I have the answers or anything. I'm just saying, have you ever noticed how everyone's always talking about being responsible for themselves? It's like, yeah, that's great and all, but sometimes I just wanna be irresponsible and have someone else handle it for a bit. You know? Like, can't we all just take a break from being our own bosses and just have someone else be in charge for a day? That sounds nice, right?

2026-01-17 07:08

Stock market: strategic metals, a sector galvanized by geopolitical tensions

I guess everything’s just expensive now, right? I mean, gold, silver, copper, platinum. All of a sudden, they’re breaking records. Turns out, all these new things we’re making—like electric cars and defense systems—they require all these specific metals. So investors are buying them up because they're scared about the economy and all this geopolitical stuff. So you're saying that if I want to save money, I have to guess which countries are going to start arguing next, and then I invest in the metal they’re fighting over. That's a lot of pressure on me just trying to figure out where I'm going to eat dinner.

2026-01-17 06:37

Roads destroyed by flooding and rails warped by heat: French infrastructure put to the test by climate change

Well, so they had a meeting. A big council meeting. The Economic, Social, and Environmental group, so you know it was a lot of different kinds of people in one room. And they figured out that... we need to adapt to warming. I mean, I guess. I feel like that was probably a pretty safe vote. I don't know who was arguing for *not* adapting. And they said all our bridges and airports are vulnerable. I didn't know bridges could be vulnerable. I thought they just... were. A bridge is a bridge. It’s supposed to be strong. Now they're saying we need to find new ways to pay for it. I don’t know where we get that kind of financing. I got twenty dollars. I don't think that’s going to fix the bridge.

2026-01-17 06:04

Roundup: US Supreme Court to review Bayer appeal on lawsuits linking cancer cases to herbicide

A German company had to pay a guy $1.25 million. Now, that's specific. $1.25 million. It was because the spray they sell gave him cancer. I don't know how they came up with that exact number. You think they just had a meeting, and somebody goes, "Okay, how much for this?" And someone else goes, "A million and a quarter?" And everybody just goes, "Yeah, that seems right. A million and a quarter for cancer." Seems like a lot for a bottle of weed spray.

2026-01-17 00:33

Lula and Ursula von der Leyen celebrate with 24 hours advance the EU-Mercosur agreement, priority of the Brazilian president

You know, I was reading about the president of the European Commission and the Brazilian head of state, and they met up in Rio on Friday. I guess the Brazilian guy couldn't make it to some signing thing in Paraguay on Saturday, so they're like, 'Hey, let's just hang out in Rio instead.' I mean, that's kinda like me rescheduling a dinner plan because I don't feel like driving to the next town over. 'Hey, can we just grab burgers here instead?' Yeah, I guess that's just how it goes when you're running countries.

2026-01-17 00:01