Alright, so I'm reading this article, right? And itās aboutā¦ this building. A really big building. A church, I think? And apparently, tons of people go see it. Like, millions. Which is a lot of people, you know? I can barely get my family to agree on where to go for dinner, and these people are all lining up for thisā¦ building. Anyway, the article's saying they're not charging people to go in. Free. Which, at first, I thought, "That's nice! Free is always good!" But then they start talking aboutā¦ the money. Or the lack of money. Apparently, keeping old buildings in good shape costs a lot. Like, a *lot* a lot. More than my wife probably spends at Target in a month, and *thatās* saying something. And this writer, heās saying it's āincomprehensibleā that theyāre not charging people. Which, I had to look up that word. āIncomprehensible.ā It meansā¦ hard to understand. See, I could have just said that. "Hard to understand". So, he's saying it doesn't make sense. They have this beautiful building, millions of people want to see it, and the place is falling apart, money-wise, and they're not charging anyone? That's like having a bake sale and giving away the cookies. Itās notā¦ *efficient*, you know? I guess this country, they're having a hard time paying for all the churches and things. Which, I get it. My wife and I are still paying off Christmas. And Christmas is *every year*! How do you keep up? So basically, it boils down to this: Big, popular building. Needs money. Not charging people. Which, even I can see, is a littleā¦ backward, you know? I mean, Iām not an economist. I barely understand how to use the self-checkout. But, seems like a ticket booth might be a good idea. Just a thought. Maybe they should hire me. I'd probably mess it up, but, hey, I'm cheap.
2025-12-05 18:34
Okay, so I was reading... well, someone told me about this thing. This... thing they're talking about passing. It's a law, I think. Laws are... they're something. You know? Anyway, so, it's about businesses. Big ones. The kinds that... well, Iām not even sure what they *do* exactly. You know, the ones that give other businessesā¦ orders. Like a boss, but for businesses. I guess they're called "giving-order businesses?" Sounds official. And this law, apparently, some people are saying it's going to let these "giving-order businesses" off the hook a little. Like, if something goes wrongā¦ I donāt know, maybe someone spills coffee on the carpet at the smaller business? (Thatās happened to me, by the way. Real close to my laptop.) Anyway, if something goes wrong, this law might mean the big boss-business doesnāt have to take as much blame. Which, I donāt know. Seems a little weird, right? You're giving the orders, you kind of should be responsible, right? Like when I tell my daughter, "Don't touch the stove!" and then she touches the stove. Itās still partially my fault, because, you know, I should have maybe moved the stove? But, I don't know. Maybe these āgiving-order businessesā are just trying to avoid getting blamed for *everything*. You know? Like, if one of the smaller businesses decides to open a petting zoo in the break room, is that *really* the giving-order businessā fault? Probably not. So, yeah. That's the gist of it. A law, about big businesses, and whoās responsible for what. I'm still trying to figure it out. Maybe I'll ask my dad. He's good at understanding thingsā¦ sometimes. Unless it involves technology. Then we're both lost.
2025-12-05 18:04
Okay, so I was reading this thing, right? And it's aboutā¦ work. Which, you know, Iām all for, as long as it involves wearing comfortable pants. But this is about *other* peopleās work. See, apparently, since that wholeā¦ you knowā¦ thing happened a few years ago, everybody's working from home now. Which sounds amazing, right? Like, you can be in your pajamas all day. I mean, I basically already *was* in my pajamas all day, but now itāsā¦ acceptable. Thatās the word. But, there's this guy, Vincent. A smart guy, a sociologist. He studies work, at like, a school. Which I guess is good for him. I mean, I'm glad *someone* understands this stuff. So, Vincent is looking at how working from home is changing things, specifically forā¦ young people. Now, I'm not *old* old, but Iām not exactlyā¦ *new* new either. So, I guess I'm on the edge of this whole conversation. And what heās saying is, working from home changes how peopleā¦ trust each other at work. Think about it. Back in the office, you could *see* people. You knew if they were late, or if they were in the bathroom for too long. You knew if they were at their desk, *pretending* to work. You know, like I did. But now, nobody knows! Are they really working? Are they watching TV? Are they, you know, napping? Probably napping. I'd be napping. And that makes it harder to, uhā¦ trust. I think. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure this part out. So, basically, this guy Vincent is saying that this working-from-home thing, itās changed trust, especially for these young folks, trying to figure out if that person is actually doing their job...or playing video games. And honestly, now that I think about it, I'd be worried, too! It's tough to know if that person is actually working. Trust is hard. Especially if they're wearing pajamas. You just don't know what's going on. That's the whole thing.
2025-12-05 16:04
Alright, so I saw this thing, and I'm trying to figure it out. Basically, it's like... work is messing with people. You know? Like, *really* messing with them. They're talking about how it's hard to find a good job these days, a *stable* job. And I get that. I was a magician, remember? Stability wasn't exactly my forte. Lots of disappearing acts, but not much job security. And then they're saying work is bleeding into your home life now. Which, I guess, makes sense? Used to be you went to work, you left work, you were home. Now, everyone's got their phones and laptops and you're always "on." My wife, Natalie, she's got more emails on her phone than recipes. I thought she was supposed to be good in the kitchen. So, anyway, this thing I saw was basically asking people to talk about how this is affecting them. Like, how's it messing with their health, and their minds, and all their plans. They said something about "charge mentale." Mental charge? I don't know. I charge my phone. I thought everyone did. Maybe you plug yourself into the wall now? I don't know. It's just... a lot. Seems like work used to be just a job. Now it's like, it's got to be your passion, and your purpose, and also pay all your bills, and not stress you out too much. That's a lot of things for one job. I think I'll stick to telling jokes. At least if I mess up, people just laugh at me. That's easier than whatever's going on with this whole "work messing with your life" situation. Because from what I can gather, some people are experiencing what I'd call a "lack of contentment" and I'm not exactly sure what that means.
2025-12-05 15:04
Okay, so, I was reading this thing, right? I donāt usually read reports, Iām not a big report guy. I prefer, like, cartoons. But this was in front of me, and it said something about... this place. Some kind of official... establishment thing. You know, one of those places. And apparently, from 2018 untilā¦ well, the *future*. Which I guess theyāre confident theyāll reach, which is good. They said the management wasnāt, uh, ideal. Thatās what ādĆ©faillanteā means, right? I think it's like, not ideal. Like, if you were trying to manage something, and it went the opposite way, thatās probably what theyāre talking about. So, basically, this place was probably a little chaotic. Like, you know when youāre in charge of something small, like the remote control? And then *suddenly* everybody is watching HGTV and you wanted to see the football scores? You get a little frustrated. Well, I bet it was something like that, but on a much grander scale. And over many years, and even into the future somehow. I don't know how the future is going, but it is not going to be good for that place it seems. I'm not exactly sure what they *did* wrong, the report wasnāt specific. Just that they werenāt managing it well. Which, you know, could be anything. Maybe they had a squirrel in the office that was stealing important documents? Or, and this seems more likely, maybe everyone was just trying their best, but sometimes it just... doesnāt work out. That's what usually happens with me.
2025-12-05 14:34
Okay, so I was reading the news the other day, because you gotta stay informed, right? I mean, I try. But sometimes, it's like they're speaking a different language, you know? Anyway, there was this article about...well, it's about companies. Big companies. Doing stuff. Basically, it's like this: You know how Disney bought Fox a while back? Big deal. Everyone was talking about it. I think my wife even mentioned it. I nodded like I knew what she was talking about, of course. Well, apparently, *this* thing is even bigger than that. I'm not entirely sure what "this" is exactly, but it involves...entertainment. So, you know, movies and TV. Probably some singing. And maybe even some dancing, if we're lucky. So, some big company, or maybe a bunch of them, I honestly lost track, bought another big company. And it's the biggest deal since the Disney-Fox thing. Which means it's a *lot* of money. Like, more money than I've seen in my entire life. Probably more money than my *family* has seen. Maybe my *street*. Possibly the whole *city* of Nashville. I just don't understand why companies need so much money. What are they even *buying*? Do they just...put it in a big vault? Like Scrooge McDuck? I'd love to see that. Someone should do a show about that. I'd watch it. Especially if Scrooge was confused like me. So yeah, big company, big deal, lots of money. That's the news. I think. I might need to reread the article. Or maybe just ask my wife. She always knows what's going on. Even when I don't. Which is, you know, most of the time. So, this huge entertainment company purchase is the biggest since Disney got Fox. It is a lot of money and frankly, I am a little confused.
2025-12-05 13:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, and it was talking aboutā¦ well, it sounded important. Like, real important. It was about Netflix. You know, Netflix? We got it. We watch āBlueyā on there a lot. Real good show. I recommend it. But apparently, Netflix might beā¦ buying something else? It's Warner Bros. Discovery. I donāt know what that is, exactly. Is that like, Warner Brothers? With all the cartoons? Road Runner and all those guys? Cause if Netflix is buying the Road Runnerā¦ does that mean you gotta *subscribe* to see him anymore? Like, he runs behind a paywall now? That's just not right, man. Wile E. Coyote has been trying to catch him for years; he canāt afford another monthly fee! Anyway, so Netflix might get them, or whatever āWarner Bros. Discoveryā is. And apparentlyā¦ and this is the part I don't getā¦ the White House is worried. The *White House*. Like, the people who, you know, run the *country*. They're sitting around, thinking about what shows we're going to watch? I thought they had bigger problems. Like, potholes. There's a pothole on my street that could swallow a car. But they're thinking about Netflix? They said something about a ādomination.ā See, thatās what worries me! I donāt like domination. I just want to watch my shows. I don't want one company dominating! If there's only one company, what are they going to do? Raise the prices? I'm already paying for like five streaming services, because I don't know which one has what show. I pay for one, just so I can watch one cooking show. Now Netflix's gonna start telling me what to watch? I don't like that. I'm a grown man. I should be able to watch whatever I want, even if it's just another episode of a cartoon dog, you know? So, yeah, Netflix might buy this company, the White House is worried, and I'm just worried about the price going up and not being able to find the cartoons. I'm telling you, the world is getting complicated. I don't know, maybe I should just go back to DVDs. Anyone know where I can find a Blockbuster? They were simple.
2025-12-05 13:04
Alright, so I'm trying to understand this thing I read about Europe andā¦ Twitter, or X, or whatever Elon's calling it now. I think I got most of it, but honestly, some of this international stuff gets a little complicated. So, from what I gather, the Europeanā¦ uhā¦ the European āExecutive,ā which sounds like a really fancy gym membership, right? Like, you get a special towel and everything. Anyway, they're not too happy with Twitter, or X. They think Twitter broke, like, three rules. Now, I donāt know what those rules are. Probably something aboutā¦ I donāt know, Europeans love rules, right? I mean, that's what I heard. But here's the thing that gets me: they're *still* investigating Twitter. Like, the first three rules weren't enough? They're still digging around, trying to figure out if there's anything *else* wrong. It's like when my wife, Natalie, is looking for her keys. She'll look in her purse, then the counter, then the car. And *then* she'll go back to the purse, because maybe the keys just *moved* in there on their own. And what I found kind of funny is that they want to know what Twitter is doing to fight like misinformation or disinformation. I donāt even know what that means, I mean how are they fighting ? Throwing pillows ? Do they have a disinformation gym membership too? I don't know. I feel like the best way to fight misinformation is to just not read it. But hey, Iām not running Europe. Although, I have thought about it. I would make everyone nap for an hour in the afternoon. I think that would solve a lot of problems. But I think it would go as well as me running Twitter.
2025-12-05 12:34
Okay, so I heard this thing, right? I don't totally understand it, but basicallyā¦ the place in charge of, like, *everything* important decided they needed to tell the place in charge of, like, *all the money* to figure something out. See, they want to make the electricity cheaper. For everyone. Families, businesses, the whole shebang. And I'm thinking, āWell, yeah, thatād be nice.ā I mean, my electric bill, itās up there, you know? Iām looking at it and wondering, "Did I leave the lights on in a room I don't even *have*?ā It's like, how is it so high? I only use the microwave to warm up coffee. Which, by the way, is not a good idea. You get metal in there, sparks fly, and then *that* costs you more moneyā¦ to fix the microwave! So, they want to bring it down. Theyāre going to work on āscenarios,ā which sounds fancy. Like theyāre putting on a play about electricity prices. I don't know what the scenarios are, but I really hope one of them involves me suddenly finding a hidden solar panel farm in my backyard. I'd feel like a winner. Iād have a party. Iād invite you all, but... I'd probably make you bring the extension cords. But yeah, that's the story. They're working on making electricity cheaper. Which is good. I'm just wondering what took them so long. I mean, my electric bill has been saying "expensive" for a while now. It's almost rude at this point.
2025-12-05 12:04
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ and itās about Mark Zuckerberg. You know, Facebook guy? He had this idea, this thing he calledā¦ the metaverse. Sounds like a place where you order your pizza with a different type of crust. Metaverse. I donāt know. Anyway, apparently, it didnāt go so well. I guess people weren't that in to wearing those headsets and hanging out in virtual space. See, I thought the internet was good enough. I mean, I can already order pizza online. Why do I need a headset? And whoās got time for that? I'm already struggling to keep up with my actual friends, let alone *virtual* friends. So, he lost, like, a *lot* of money. Billions. Which, I donāt even understand. I lose twenty bucks and Iām looking behind the couch for a week. This guy loses billions andā¦ well, I guess heās still good. But here's the thing: because of this whole Facebook thing, Zuckerberg *still* has enough money ā like, enough money to buy all the pizza you could ever imagine, even the metaverse pizza ā he's decided to try something else. Heās going after "superintelligence artificielle". I donāt know what that is either. Sounds like some kind of robot that's really, really good at playing chess, or maybe it's a French pastry. I don't know! So, basically, the metaverse didn't work out. Big surprise. But Zuckerbergās got enough money to try making a super-smart computer instead. Which, honestly, I don't know if that's a better idea. I struggle enough with my phone's predictive text, I donāt need a computer judging my life choices. But hey, what do I know? I'm just a guy trying to understand the metaverse and artificial intelligence... and pizza. You know? That's it. That's the story.
2025-12-05 11:04
Alright, so I was reading something the other day, I think it was... uh... some kind of report thing? I don't know where I found it, to be honest. Probably Kristen left it somewhere. She reads a lot of reports. I mostly just look at the pictures. Anyway, this report, it was talking about how companies, uh, they're not talking to their employees very well. It's like, you know, they have these meetings, right? They call it "dialogue." Sounds fancy. Like they're ordering croissants and having a real conversation. But apparently, it's not really like that. The report said, and I'm paraphrasing here because I skimmed it, that most of the time the employees are trying to get people to hear them out, like, hey, what about us? And then there were these things called "transformations" happening, which I think means the companies are changing stuff? I don't know. All I know is, whenever something "transforms," it usually ends up costing me more money. Like when they "transformed" the movie theater and suddenly popcorn was twelve dollars. Iām still recovering from that. And then the report said something about information not "circulating" well. Like it's supposed to be a blood drive, but no one is making it to the blood truck. I donāt know what any of this is about, itās confusing! Like, are people supposed to know stuff, or are they not? So, basically, it sounds like everyone's just wandering around the office, a little lost, wondering what's going on. Which, honestly, is how I feel most of the time anyway. I guess Iād be right at home in one of these companies. I just hope they serve coffee. Because otherwise, Iām not sure I can even pretend to understand the "dialogue." Iād just be standing there, nodding my head, hoping no one calls on me. You know how it is.
2025-12-05 07:34
Alright, so, I heard about this thing... it's like... a podcast. You know podcasts, right? They're like radio shows, but you listen to them whenever *you* want. Which is good, because sometimes I forget things. Anyway, this podcast, it's called... well, I'm not gonna try to say it. Let's just call it "The Climate Podcast." It's about...climate change. Which, I gotta be honest, is one of those topics where I'm like, "Okay, is this good? Is this bad? Should I recycle more?" I always end up just nodding and saying, "Yeah, makes sense." But here's the thing. This podcast, they answer *your* questions. Like, you can send them a question about climate change, and they'll try to explain it. Which is great! Because I have a lot of questions. Like, "Why is it called climate change? Is the climate just changing, or is it something *we're* doing?" See, I told you I had questions. I think it's a good idea, this podcast. You got people asking questions, and then people who think they know the answers trying to answer them. That's pretty much how most of life works, right? You just hope the people answering know what they're talking about. I know *I* don't. I'm just a comedian. Asking me about climate change is like asking my dog to do my taxes. He can look sad and confused, but he's not gonna help you. So, yeah, "The Climate Podcast." If you got questions about...all that stuffā¦ maybe give it a listen. Just don't blame me if you still don't understand it. I'm just telling you what I heard. And half the time, I don't even understand what I'm saying. It's a gift, really.
2025-12-05 06:04
Okay, so, I was reading something the other day... about computers. And you know how computers are getting smarter? Like, scarily smart? Itās like, I used to think my phone was smart because it knew how to get me to the nearest Arby's, but nowā¦ now they're trying to tell me what to *do* with my money. That's a lot of responsability for something that doesn't know what a Arby's is. So apparently, these Artificial Intelligence things ā AI, they call it ā they're becoming investment advisors. Like, you can just ask a computer, "Hey, where should I put all the twenty dollars I have left after buying gas?", and it'll tell you! 24/7! That's convenient, I guess. But here's the part that gets me. They said these AI advisors can *also* help you with, like, consumer problems. You know, like when you buy something and it breaks immediately, and you have to argue with the manager? Now a computer can do that for you. Which, honestly, sounds good. I hate arguing with managers. That's why I buy everything from the gas station now. The article, and I'm not sure if they knew it, said it could also be for arguing when the bank is being difficult. Now, I don't know about you, but that's when I need some actual help! Butā¦ and this is the big "but"ā¦ if the computer messes up your investmentā¦ or gives you terrible advice that gets you stuck with a bad toaster ovenā¦ it's not their fault! They don't get in trouble! Thatās what it said. They're not *responsible*. So, let me get this straight. We're trusting computers to give us advice about money and stuff, but if theyāre wrong, it's like, "Oops! Sorry! Guess you shouldn't have trusted a machine that runs on electricity." Itās like trusting a toddler to cut your hair. You *know* itās gonna be bad, but then you canāt even be mad because... well, it's a toddler. So basically, the lesson here is: computers are getting smart enough to give you advice, but not smart enough to take the blame when they're wrong. Which, honestly, sounds exactly like someone I know. But that's another joke for another night.
2025-12-05 06:04
Alright, alright, so I was reading this thing the other day, you know, just trying to understand what's going on. And this report...it's talking about raises. Raises at companies. Now, I like raises. Who doesn't like a raise? You get a little extra money, you can buyā¦ I don't know, more groceries. Groceries are good. But here's the thing. They're saying these raises... they're gonna be smaller. Like, *smaller* smaller. Apparently, this group, Alpha, they looked at all these company agreements, like 143 of 'em, all signed forā¦ 2026. 2026! That'sā¦ a while away. Theyāre already planning this out? I can barely plan what I'm having for dinner tonight. Anyway, these agreements, they're saying the raises are gonna be aboutā¦ 2%. See, that's where I get confused. Because last year, apparently, raises were 3.5%. And the year before that, 2.3%. So... it's going *down*. I don't understand. Usually things go *up*. Like, the price of gas. That always goes up. That makes sense. But raises? Theyāre getting *smaller*. They explained it, there's charts and graphs, but honestly? I just saw numbers going down. So, in 2026, expect a smaller raise, I guess. At least there is a raise, though, I suppose. Iāll take it. I just hope gas prices donāt go up more than 2% between now and then... that would be just my luck.
2025-12-05 05:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, andā¦ well, itās about these folks, right? Theseā¦ these lawmakers. They're voting on something. I don't know exactly what, but apparently, it's got some *stuff* in it. I think it's like...a bill. Now, the interesting part, at least *I* think it's interesting, is that it says if they don't like *one* part of it, this part about "recipes"... and listen, Iām already confused, what kind of law has a recipe in it? Are they gonna force everyone to eat liver and onions or something? I don't know. But if they don't like the "recipe" part, the whole thing is off. Just gone. And the government, who wants the thing to passā¦theyāre trying to be nice. Which is weird, right? Governments aren't usually known for being super friendly. It's like when my wife tries to make a deal with our daughter before bedtime: āOkay, just *one* more cartoon, and *then* brush your teeth, okay? *Please?*ā Same energy, I think. Desperation, maybe. They're trying to show everyone theyāre flexible, like, "Hey, we're reasonable! We're willing to listen! As long as you pass this thing." Which makes you wonder, how bad *is* that "recipe" part? Maybe it's like my mother-in-law's casserole. You just *have* to smile and say it's good, even though you know it's got, like, five different cans of creamed stuff in it. Anyway, theyāre being extra nice, doing whatever they can to get the lawmakers to vote *yes*. So, basically, the whole thing hinges on a "recipe" and some politicians being niceā¦itās very confusing. Iām just glad I'm not the one voting. I'd probably just order pizza and call it a day. That always seems to work for me.
2025-12-05 02:34
Alright, alright, so I was reading this thing, right? And it's about...wine. Now, I donāt know much about wine, okay? I know red and white. And I know some people swirl it around. I donāt know why. Looks like theyāre trying to hypnotize it, maybe? But anyway, apparently, there's been some sort of agreement. These guys... I don't know, European people? They got together, and they're talking about vineyards. You know, where they grow the grapes. And they're saying it's going to be easier to, uh... pull them up. Like, get rid of them. I guess if you have too many grapes? I donāt know. Seems like a lot of work to plant them in the first place, but hey, Iām not a vineyard guy. Iām a sitting-on-the-couch guy. And then, they're talking about giving more money to these grape farmers. Because the weather's getting...weird. They call it "dĆ©rĆØglement climatique." I think that's fancy for "it's hot." So, theyāre giving them money toā¦deal with the hotness. I don't know if theyāre buying bigger fans or something. Maybe tiny umbrellas for the grapes? I have no idea. I just picture a bunch of grapes with little sunglasses on. But hereās the kicker, okay? Theyāre also talking about making...alcohol-free wine. Now, hold on a second. Isnāt the alcohol the point? Like, isn't that what makes it *wine*? I mean, you take the alcohol out, youāre just drinking grape juice, right? My daughter drinks grape juice. Should I be charging her vineyard prices? I might be onto something here. So, yeah, theyāre making alcohol-free wine. I guess if you want to taste like youāre having a party, but you really arenāt. I don't know. It's all very confusing. Iām gonna go have aā¦ regular wine. To help me understand this whole situation, you know? For research purposes. Yeah, that's it. Research. Don't tell my wife.
2025-12-04 18:34
Okay, so I heard about thisā¦ this *thing* happening with Facebook, or Meta, or whatever theyāre calling themselves these days. My wife told me about it. Sheās more into the computer stuff than I am. I still don't know how to send a TikTok to my dad. So, apparently, they're getting involved with this newā¦ uhā¦ "AI thingy," letās call it. Itās like the *next* level AI, which I didn't even know there *were* levels. I thought AI was AI. It's like the software has a software upgrade. Is the app still free after? Anyway, this guy used to work for Meta, like he was the headā¦ the head computer guy, I guess? He said that Meta is going to be aā¦ a "partner" in this new AI thing. A partner. Which is cool, I guess. It's like when you and a friend are doing a project together but you're the one with a hammer, so you show your friend how to use it and he keeps hitting his thumb. But here's the part that got me. He also said Meta isn't going to be an "investor." So, they're partners, but not putting any money in? Thatās likeā¦ bringing chips to the party, but then eating all the guacamole. So are they like the silent partner who tells everyone else what to do but doesn't actually help at all? That's me at family reunions. I donāt get it. Maybe it's because I'm just a comedian, you know? I tell jokes for a living. I'm not supposed to understandā¦ computer stuff. But thatās the story. Meta. AI. Partners. No Money. It all seemsā¦ confusing. It makes me want to take a nap.
2025-12-04 18:04
Alright, so I heard about this town, and you know, sometimes you hear about towns and youāre like, āOkay, town.ā But this one, itās got a story. See, they had this bigā¦ building, right? A factory. Making, I think, pictures? Or maybe the stuff that *goes* in the pictures. I donāt know, something with cameras, thatās my understanding. Anyway, this thing went away. Gone. Like my ability to remember what I went upstairs for. Completely vanished. So now you got this big empty spot. And thatās never good for a town, right? You got people leaving, everyoneās sadā¦ itās just a whole thing. But then, this fella, Sebastienā¦ Sebastien Martin. Great name. Sounds like a magician. Heās like, āI got an idea!ā And everyoneās looking at him, probably rolling their eyes a little bit, ācause letās be honest, ideas are cheap. I have ideas all the time, mostly bad ones. Like one time I thought I could fix the washing machine myself. Let's just say I almost flooded the whole house. But, Sebastienās idea? Actually good. He says, āWeāre gonna build *more* factories!ā Right? On the *same* spot. Like, who does that anymore? I figured all the factories were headed toā¦where do factories go now? I donāt even know. China? Maybe. But no, Sebastien rebuilt them! And now the townās doing good again. And now he is in charge of all the industries or something. And the funny thing is, he wants to do this everywhere now! Like heās figured out the secret. And Iām just sitting here like, "You mean... build factories where *old* factories used to be? Wow. Thatāsā¦ something." I mean, I guess it makes sense. Like, if you already know how to build a factory, and you have the landā¦ why not, right? Maybe thatās why I can't fix my washing machine... it is on top of a washing machine.
2025-12-04 17:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, it was talking about rich people. Like, *really* rich. They're calling them "ultra-rich," which, you know, regular rich isn't enough anymore, I guess. My level of rich is like, "can afford the slightly better coffee this week." Anyway, apparently, there are more and more of these ultra-rich people. Like, they added 287 of them in just one year. Which isā¦ a lot of rich people being added. It's tough to even picture that many, isn't it? I can barely keep track of my family! And get this, a lot of them are justā¦getting the money. They're inheriting it. Which, I guess that's how it works, but it's still weird to think about. Like, I'm out here trying to earn a living, and these folks are just getting handed billions. I mean, I inherited my grandma's china cabinet. It's nice, but it's not *billions*. So, this bank, UBS, is saying that by 2040, these really rich families are gonna pass down almost six *trillion* dollars. Six *trillion*! You know how long it would take me to spend six trillion dollars? Forever! I probably couldn't even count that high. It just makes you think, you know? I'm over here trying to remember where I parked my car, and these people are figuring out what to do with trillions of dollars. It's a different world, that's for sure. I guess I need to start being nicer to my kids, maybe they'll think of me when Iām goneā¦ Maybe they'll let me have the china cabinet in the afterlife. Although, to be honest, Iām not even sure they want it.
2025-12-04 17:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day. I don't know why, you know? News is never good. It's always, "Something's happening," and you're like, "Yeah, but *what* is happening?" So, I'm reading, and itās about thisā¦ business. They make, uhā¦ vehicles. Cars, I think. Maybe trucks. Something with wheels. Probably. And they were supposed to start making these cars, or whatever, in 2026. Which, that's a long time away. You ever notice how far away 2026 sounds? Like, the future future. But here's the thing: the two guys who own the companyā¦ they don't agree. About the plan. The business plan. Which, I don't even know what a business plan is. I assume it's a planā¦ for the business? Seems redundant, doesn't it? Anyway, they disagree on it. One guy wants to do it one way, the other guy wants to do it another way. And you're thinking, "Well, that's business, right? People disagree." But this disagreement wasā¦ a *disagreement*. So, what happens when they disagree? Do they fight? I don't know, I picture two guys in suits, yelling about spreadsheets. Probably not, but that's what I see. So, what happens? They go to court. A special court. A court forā¦ businesses. And the court is like, "Okay, okay, letās get aā¦ conciliator." Now, I had to look that word up. Conciliator. Sounds like a Terminator that apologizes a lot. Like, āIāll be backā¦ for some tea. Sorry about trying to kill you.ā Turns out, a conciliator is just someone to help them agree. A professional arguer-ender. Itās a real job! I don't know, seems like they could just flip a coin. Heads we build the cars this way, tails we build them that way. But, no. They've got a conciliator now. So, yeah. That's the news. Two guys arguing about a business plan for cars they aren't even making yet. 2026. That's the future, man. I hope this conciliator is good, because I don't want to wait any longer for whatever these vehicles are. I'm guessing the whole world is going to be holding it's breath to see what happens with these vehicles. Anyway, I am sure they'll figure it out. I don't know. I should probably just stay away from the news. I understood none of that.
2025-12-04 16:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day, you know, trying to figure out whatās going on. And they got this thingā¦ thisā¦ law thing. It's been around for a hundred years, some of these laws. A hundred years! That's a long time, right? I mean, I canāt even remember what I had for lunch last Tuesday. A hundred yearsā¦ Wow. Anyway, apparently, they're changing it. Making it easier for companies to, uhā¦ well, you knowā¦ let people go. Fire them. I'm not a lawyer, so I don't know all the details. I just know that when people start talking about ārestructuringā and āoptimizing,ā that usually means someoneās getting a pink slip. I've seen that movie before. And they're also talking about making it easier to hire people for, like, temporary jobs. You know, like, āHey, we need you for six months! Maybe longer! Probably not, butā¦ maybe!ā Which, I guess, is good for the companies. I mean, they're saving money. Now, hereās the thing. They're also talking about giving people, like, a minimum wage. Which sounds good, right? Everyone likes getting paid. I like getting paid. Butā¦ and this is where it gets confusingā¦ the unions, they're not happy. They're saying it only helps the companies. Soā¦ are they saying minimum wage is bad? I thought we were all for minimum wage. I get lost so easy on these things. It's likeā¦ youāre ordering a pizza. You ask for pepperoni, they give you pepperoni, and then you get mad that thereās pepperoni. Makes no sense to me. So, basically, they're changing some old laws, making it easier to fire people, hire them temporarily, and give them a minimum wage. And nobodyās happy. Whichā¦ kinda sums up everything, doesnāt it? I tell ya, figuring out these things is harder than parallel parking a minivan. And Iām terrible at that. Just terrible. I once got stuck between two Smart Cars. It was embarrassing. I had to call my dad. He's good at parking. And figuring out laws, apparently.
2025-12-04 15:34
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ well, somebody told me about it, 'cause I don't really *read* read. More like, I look at the pictures. Anyway, it's about this book company. Or comic book company, I guess. Apparently, they were, like, the *original* alternative comic book guys. Which, I don't know what that means exactly, alternative comic books. Are those the ones with, like, different colors? Or do they just sell 'em in a different part of the store? Anyway, these guys, they were doing real good back in the 90s and the early 2000s. That's a good run. I remember the 90s. I think. I was younger. Anyway, they were selling all kinds of books, making money, living the dream. But nowā¦ now they got, uh, *cash flow* problems. That's what they called it. Cash flow. I don't know why they gotta use those fancy terms. Just say you don't have any money. We all get it. So, they did what anyone in a tough spot does these days. They started a GoFundMe. You know, one of those online things. Which, I still don't totally understand. You're just asking people for money on the internet? And it works? Seems crazy to me. I feel weird asking my *wife* for money, let alone a bunch of strangers. So, yeah, this comic book company, they need help. They used to be big, now they need a little boost. Makes you think, doesn't it? Maybe I should start a GoFundMe forā¦ well, for just being me. I'm pretty sure I'm running low on cash flow, too. My kids are eating *a lot* lately. I don't know, maybe I should start drawing comic books about my kids eating all my money. That could be the new alternative thing, right? I just have to learn how to draw first...
2025-12-04 15:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, and it was talking aboutā¦economics. You know, money stuff. Which, right there, Iām already lost. My wife, she handles all that. If I had to balance a checkbook, weād be living in a tent. A really nice tent, probably, because Iād focus on the tent part. Anyway, this articleā¦it was basically saying things are okay with the money right now. Like, stable. Which is good! I like stable. I prefer it to things falling apart. Although, my car is only *mostly* stable. It makes a weird noise. Probably nothing. But hereās the kicker. It said that the *only* thing that could mess things up isā¦uncertainty. Thatās what it said. Uncertainty. I thought about that for a while. Itās like saying the only thing that can make you sick is germs. Well, yeah! That's what gets you ! What else is it gonna be ? Pixie dust ? So, according to these super smart money people, everythingās fine, as long asā¦nothing weird happens. Which, I mean, thatās kinda the definition of āfine,ā right? If nothing weird happens. But, you know, usually weird things happen. Just ask my kids. One time, they tried to pay for our groceries with Monopoly money. Thatās pretty uncertain, right there. The cashier didn't take it. I tried to convince her that it was rare collector's money... I was kidding. I think. So, yeah, thatās the big news. Everythingās goodā¦until itās not. Thanks for coming. I'll be here all week, try the veal!
2025-12-04 15:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing the other dayā¦ about these cars, right? Out in California. Theyāreā¦driving themselves. I guess Google makes them, or owns them, or something. I don't know. It's Google, they probably own everything at this point. And there are like, *eight hundred* of these things. Driving around. With no one behind the wheel. Which, I gotta be honest, already sounds like a few of the drivers Iāve seen *with* people behind the wheel. So, apparently, these cars are a big hit with the tourists. Tourists *love* this. Which, I get it. I mean, who wouldn't want to ride in a car with no driver? Itāsā¦ different. I just picture myself in there and wondering if it's too late to learn how to actually drive, *just in case*. And the thing is, these cars are taking over the ride-sharing market. Like, twenty-five percent of it, they said. A *quarter* of the rides in that city are now justā¦robot cars. Which is probably good for introverts. You don't have to make small talk. No awkward "so, how's your day going?" you know? You just get in, and *go*. Although, I bet the tips are terrible. And nowā¦ get thisā¦ now theyāre thinking about bringing these things to London! London! You know, with the roundabouts? I donāt even understand roundabouts *with* a driver. I get in a roundabout and I just start praying somebody knows what they're doing. So, now you're telling me a computer is supposed to figure that out? I don't know, seems like a lot to ask of a computer. Thatās a lot to ask of *anybody*, really. I just picture these self-driving cars in London, all polite, going "after *you*, no, *after you*," while a bunch of black cabs are just zooming around them. Itās gonna be chaos. I'd pay to see that though, I really would.
2025-12-04 14:34
Okay, so I was reading this thingā¦ I think it was about Europe? Itās always Europe with these stories, right? You know, where they have the power outletsā¦different. And the cars are smaller. Anyway, seems like this group ā a *big* group, an *American* big group ā and I don't want to name names, but letās just say they make a thing that everybody uses to talk to each other on their phones. Itās how I keep in touch with my dad, whichā¦is its own comedy show, trust me. So, this group, they have thisā¦business version of their thing. You know, for companies. So you can, like, order pizza, or complain about your cable bill. That kind of thing. And apparently, the *other* companies who make the *smart* stuffā¦ the AI, the stuff that actually *answers* your questions... they weren't allowed to work with this app for businesses. And thisā¦ Commission? I think that's like a group of people who makes sure everyone is playing fair, but in Europe. They think this big American group was being a littleā¦bossy. You know? Not letting the other AI companies get in on the action. So, basically, from what I understand, this company was using its size toā¦ to be big. Whichā¦ isnāt illegal usually. Unless it's against the rules, or something. And that is what the Commission is trying to find out. And I'm just sitting here thinking, "Man, I can barely work my phone, and they're talking about *artificial intelligence* and *business applications*." I just wanted to know if I should buy more toilet paper at the store. See, I tried using voice-to-text to write my shopping list last week. It did *not* go well. I said "yogurt" and it wrote "Yodel hurt." Like I'm injured from Yodeling. My wife was looking at me like I lost my mind. So, yeah, that's the story. Big company might be in trouble forā¦ technology stuff. Probably has something to do with why I canāt get my phone to understand me. The end. I gotta go get some āYodel Hurt.ā Gotta keep up with the grocery list.
2025-12-04 13:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, you know, aboutā¦ well, about something being hacked. It was a company, a big one, I think. And they were saying that some information got out. Now, Iām not a computer guy. I barely know how to send an email. Actually, my wife usually sends them for me. I type it, then I hand her the phone, and she figures it out. It's a system. We're happy. But anyway, this company was saying that the *contact information* was, you know, *touched*. Thatās what they said. "Touched." I thought that was a weird way to put it. Like, did someone just gently tap the information? Did they give it a little hug? I don't know. Seemed strange. So what *kind* of information was touched, you ask? Well, they said it was the stuff like your name, your phone number, your address... you know, the stuff you give out every time you order pizza. Which, if youāre anything like me, is a lot. Email address too. Which is also helpful for pizza. They need to know where to send the coupons. Very important information. And they said your physical mailing address. Which, I guess, the pizza place also needs if theyāre sending, like, those fancy paper menus. Which they still do, which is honestly, I don't know why... who reads those? The good news, the really good news, is they said the bank stuff is safe. Your passwords are good. Which is a relief. Because, listen, if someone got my passwords, they'd be so disappointed. My password is "password123". No I'm just kidding, it's "password1234". So, basically, all your important information is probably safe... just that people might now know your phone number and address. You might get more pizza coupons now, is what I'm saying. It's a trade-off.
2025-12-04 12:04
Okay, so I was reading this thing, and it was aboutā¦ well, it was about money. You know, that thing you work for all week and then, poof, itās gone. Always happens. But this was aboutā¦ bigger money. Like, nation money. Turns out, Russia, theyāre having a littleā¦ financialā¦ situation. Nothing too crazy, just a little āisolatedā is what they called it. Isolated financially. Which, I guess, is worse than just being isolated, like when you're at a party and you don't know anyone. At least then, you can leave and get some pizza. Canāt exactly do that with a whole countryās economy. So, because of this isolation, they started dealing a lot with China. Like, a *lot*. All of a sudden, they got all this Chinese money. Yuan, they call it. Sounds like someone yelling, doesnāt it? "Yuan!" Like you dropped something. And so, they've got all this Yuan and, apparently, they're like, "What do we *do* with all this Yuan?" It's like when you buy too many bananas. Youāre like, "I thought I liked bananas! I was wrong." So what they are doing now is they're doing what they call a "State loan"... in Yuan. I'm not an economics major or anything, but that sounds complicated. Like, wouldnāt you want to borrow money in your own money? I donāt know. Maybe I'm missing something. I'm not the brightest bulb, I'll admit that. I tried doing my taxes myself one yearā¦ it did not go well. But basically, Russia has a ton of Chinese money, so theyāreā¦ borrowing more Chinese moneyā¦ from the Chinese. It's all very circular. Like a lazy Susan filled with dumplings. I donāt know if that makes sense. It made sense in my head. Anyway, that's the gist of it. Donāt ask me to explain it again, because I won't be able to.
2025-12-04 11:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thingā¦ not really *reading* it, more like staring at it, hoping the words would, you know, arrange themselves into something I understood. It was aboutā¦ markets. See, markets are already confusing, right? Like, you go to a farmers market, and youāre trying to figure out if those heirloom tomatoes are worth the extra two dollars. Thatās enough market for me. But *this* marketā¦ itāsā¦ capital. Capital markets. Which, I think, is where the heirloom tomato money *goes* after you buy them. Itās like the tomato retirement fund. Probably. So, apparently, they have this group of people in Europe ā because this whole thing is happening over there. I saw a word. Didn't pronounce it. Let's just say itās like their version ofā¦ I donāt knowā¦ the Department of Making Sure Everything Doesnāt Explode. But for money. And these people, they have a plan. A āpackage,ā they called it. Which makes me think theyāre sending a fruit basket. But, no. Itās a plan to make all the different money markets get along better. Like siblings. Whichā¦ good luck with *that*. I got siblings, trust me, getting them to agree on anything is a full-time job. The main thing is, they want to give this group ā letās call them the Money Police, because why not? ā they want to give them more power. More muscle. Which sounds a little scary, right? Like, are they going to start chasing people down the street for mismanaging their tomato retirement funds? I hope not. Iām already worried enough about my own. But, I guess the idea is to keep everythingā¦ stable. Which is what we all want, right? Stable money, stable tomatoes, stable familyā¦ It's all connected. Justā¦ don't ask me to explain how. I'm a comedian. Not... whatever these people are. Accountants? People with rulers? I don't know. Justā¦ trust them, I guess. And maybe buy some extra tomatoes. For the stability.
2025-12-04 10:04
Okay, okay, so I was reading this thingā¦ It was about this guy, Nicolas. Nicolas Puech. Sounds fancy, right? Like a guy who definitely knows what fork to use. And Nicolas, he's got this thing going on withā¦ well, HermĆØs. You know, the scarves. The expensive bags. My wife saw one once. Said it cost more than our car. I didnāt know bags *could* cost more than a car. Thatās justā¦ wow. So, Nicolas used to have a bunch of HermĆØsā¦ shares. I think that's like, parts of the company? Like owning a piece of the horse that pulls the carriage? I donāt know. Stocks. Shares. It's all Greek to me, really. Anyway, back in the 2000s, this other company, LVMH ā even fancier name, right? ā was trying toā¦ I think the article said "raid" HermĆØs. Like they were pirates or something. Going after their treasure...which in this case was probably more scarves. And Nicolas, he felt like he lost his HermĆØs shares because of all this. Someone told me LVMH is owned by the Arnault family. Makes them sound kind of dangerous to me, maybe they're the real pirates! Now, hereās the kicker. All those shares Nicolas *thought* he lost? Turns out theyāre worthā¦ wait for itā¦ 14.3 *billion* euros. Billion! With a "B"! You could buy a *lot* of car-priced bags with that kind of money. I canāt even wrap my head around that number. I can barely keep track of my checking account. So, Nicolas is now asking the court, because that's the thing you do, right? You ask a court to fix your multi-billion-dollar problem! He wants LVMH to pay him back for those shares he thinks he lost. Like, āHey, remember that time? Yeah, I'd like fourteen billion dollars now, please." I don't know, seems like a lot of paperwork. Plus, I always feel bad asking for money. Even when it's mine. I guess when you're talking billions, it's easier to ask. You probably have someone else do it for you. They probably have a different fork for that, too.
2025-12-04 09:04
You know, I was thinking about my finances the other day, and I stumbled upon this thing called a PER. Now, I'm no expert, but from what I gather, it's like a retirement account or something. (pauses) Yeah, because that's what I'm worried about at my age ā retirement. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm still paying off student loans from college. (chuckles) Anyway, so I found out that if you put money into this PER thing, it's like a deduction from your taxable income. Which sounds great, right? I mean, who doesn't love saving money on taxes? It's like finding a $20 bill in your pocket that you forgot was there. (smirks) Although, if I'm being honest, I'd probably just spend that $20 on something stupid, like a fancy coffee or a video game I'll never play. But here's the thing ā and I'm not exactly sure why this is the case ā this deduction isn't as amazing as it sounds. I guess it's like when you're at a restaurant and they're like, "Oh, you get a free dessert with your meal!" And you're all excited, but then you realize the dessert is just a cookie that's been sitting out for three hours. (laughs) It's still a cookie, but... you know? So, yeah, the PER deduction ā it's like that cookie. It's nice, but it's not as sweet as you thought it'd be. (pauses) Although, I guess that's just the way it goes with taxes, right? It's all just a big game of "find the fine print" and "don't get too excited." (smirks) Kind of like my love life, actually. (laughs)
2025-12-04 08:04
Okay, so I was reading this thing, right? About... startups. I still don't really get startups. Are they like, regular-ups, but they just started? I guess so. Anyway, this one's been around a while, apparently since 2007. So, is it still a startup? I donāt know. That feels like a long time to be just starting up. You'd think you'd be "upped" by now. Maybe theyāre just really slow getting going. Like me trying to assemble furniture from IKEA. But here's the deal. They do something with... customers. Customer relations. Digitally. So, like, on computers. Which, I guess most things are on computers now. Even ordering pancakes. You don't even talk to a person anymore! Just... *taps phone* ...pancakes. But this company, they raised... a bunch of money. The most money theyāve ever raised! Itās like winning the lottery, but for business. And here's the part that always gets me: It put their company value at... one *billion* euros. A billion? Like, with a *B*? I don't even know what a *thousand* euros looks like. Much less a billion. That's so much money, it's basically fake. You can't even picture it. I can barely picture buying groceries this week. So, this company that handles customers...on computers...they got a billion euros. That's the whole story. I'm still trying to figure out how they convinced someone to give them that much. I need to start a company. I'll figure it out later. I'll digitize something, probably. Maybe...cat photos. That's probably worth a billion, right?
2025-12-04 07:04
Okay, so I saw this thing... I was reading something, I don't even remember where, probably waiting for my wife to get ready ā you know how that is. Anyway, this lady, she's in charge of a, uh... a group of people... I think it's like a... club? No, it's bigger than a club. A union. That's it, a union. And she's talking about... well, numbers. Which, right off the bat, I'm out. Numbers are tricky. My wife does the taxes, mostly 'cause she's better at math than me. Although, honestly, that's not saying much. I still count on my fingers sometimes, especially past ten. So, she's talking about these... documents. Big ones. With lots of numbers. They're about... well, I think it's like how much money everyone has and where it's going. You know, important stuff. The kind of stuff you nod along to but don't really understand. But here's the thing she said. She wants to "clean" these documents. Clean them! Like they're dirty? What, did someone spill coffee on them? Are they smudged with, like, chocolate or something? My daughter, she's constantly got sticky fingers. It gets everywhere! But then she said she wants to clean them of the "horrors" they contain. "Horrors!" So, itās not just coffee stains, apparently. Now I'm thinking it's like a haunted house budget? Are they paying ghosts to work there? What is going on? I don't know about any of this. I just want my taxes to be done right. Is that too much to ask? Maybe I should just stick to counting on my fingers. Seems less scary than all this "horror" talk.
2025-12-04 06:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? And it's talking about these cars. Driverless cars. Which... I don't know about that. I mean, I like driving. I like being *in control*. Although, come to think of it, sometimes my wife is definitely more in control when we're in the car. I'm just saying. But, so these cars, they're popping up everywhere, apparently. San Francisco, okay, I get that. That's like, the future place. Then Shanghai, and Abu Dhabi. You know, the places with the... *buildings*. Real fancy stuff. And London is next. So, the article, it's talking about how these big companies, like from America and China, they're way ahead on this. Like, *way* ahead. I guess theyāve got the computers and stuff. I'm still trying to figure out how to program my DVD player. This is a little beyond me. Itās just... imagine getting in a car and there's no one there. Just a steering wheel... that's moving on its own. You'd be like, "Hey! Where's the guy?" And the car is just like, "I *am* the guy." Thatās... unnerving. Iād probably ask the car if it knows where the bathroom is. Just in case. So yeah, driverless cars are becoming more and more of a thing. It's like, we're all just passengers now, even when we're driving. Except, we're not driving. The car's driving. I donāt knowā¦ Itās a lot to take in. I think I need a nap.
2025-12-04 05:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day... and this stuff just gets weirder and weirder, you know? So, the President... this current one, right? He changed some rules. These rules... they were Biden's. I guess Biden made 'em, and now they're gone. It's like when my wife makes me clean the garage, and then I just... un-clean it, you know? It goes right back to how it was. She loves that. Anyway, these rules... they were about, uh... cars, I think? Or the stuff that comes outta cars. Pollution. All that. The Biden rules were supposed to make cars less polluty. Is that a word? It should be. Anyway, less polluty, and this President was like, "Nah, we good." Now, the car companies... big ones, the American ones... they were happy. Real happy. You could tell. They were probably like, "Yes! We don't have to make those... whatever-they-were-called... things anymore!" I don't know what they were making, something that was good for the world but probably cost them more money. I don't know. That's usually how it works. But then, you got these other people... the "environment" people. The people that care about the earth. Which, I mean, I do too. I live here. Seems important. But they were not happy. They were saying this was bad, a "step back." Like the world was doing the moonwalk away from the climate thing...which is like...backwards. It just seems like, either way, somebody's mad. You try to make the car companies happy, the earth gets mad. You try to make the earth happy, the car companies are gonna be callin' your office. I guess you can't make everybody happy. It just makes you wanna stay home, you know? Watch TV. Maybe clean the garage... for, like, five minutes. Until my wife gets back. Then, un-clean it. You know, just keep things simple. That's my strategy these days.
2025-12-04 01:34
Alright, so, I was reading this article... well, *trying* to read this article, you know how that goes. I'm not... I'm not the best reader, let's be honest. I mostly just look at the pictures. But, this one had words. A lot of 'em. Basically, it's about drivers, you know, like delivery drivers or ride-share drivers. And they're trying to... I guess you could say they're trying to get *out* of being, like, their own boss. That's the thing now, right? Everyone wants to be an entrepreneur. "Be your own boss!" they say. Which sounds great, until you realize your boss is... you. And you're kind of a jerk. I'd fire myself if I could. So these drivers are saying, "Okay, maybe being my own boss *isn't* all it's cracked up to be." Apparently, it's easier to get caught up with... well, not *great* companies. Companies that maybe aren't playing by all the rules. You know the kind. So, here's the funny part. They're joining theseā¦cooperatives, I guess. And these cooperatives give them paychecks. Like a regular job. So, itās kind of like theyāre pretending to be employees, but they're still drivers. It's like... a fake regular job. A "CDI de faƧade" someone called it, whatever *that* means. Iām assuming itās something fancy. Probably French. And some people are saying it's risky. Which, I mean, everything's risky, isn't it? I went to the grocery store yesterday. *That's* risky. You never know what's gonna be on sale. You end up buying things you don't even need. Last week, I bought a grapefruit. I don't even *like* grapefruit! It just... looked like it needed a home. But anyway, back to the drivers. So, they're trying to get a regular paycheck without, you know, actually having a regular job. It's like wanting to eat cake without gaining weight. You can want it, but... I just don't know if it works that way. Itās a very complicated situation when you start to think about it. I almost wish I hadnāt.
2025-12-03 20:04
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? It's about... tariffs. Now, I don't understand tariffs. Nobody understands tariffs. It's like paying extra money for something, but you already bought it? I think that's what it is. Anyway, this group... they filed a complaint. With a court. A commerce court. I've never been to a commerce court. I picture it just full of people in suits arguing about, like, the price of staplers or something. High stakes stapler deals. So, this group is saying these tariffs, these extra moneys they had to pay, were illegal. Illegal! Now, I always thought paying taxes was mandatory. Like, the government's just like, "Hey, give us some of your money." And you're like, "Okay." But apparently, there's wiggle room? They're asking for their money back. All the money they already gave to the government. That's a bold move. I've tried that once, asking for my money back. It was when I bought one of those magic kits. Said it could make a rabbit disappear. Turns out, it just involved putting the rabbit in a slightly smaller box than the rabbit. And I wanted my money back. Didn't work. So this group, they're in a commerce court, arguing over tariffs, trying to get their money back. It's a whole thing. I just hope they have better luck than I did with that rabbit trick. Because that rabbit was not happy in that smaller box.
2025-12-03 19:04
Alright, so, I saw this article. I think it was about work... stuff. You know, jobs and things. It was one of those articles where they're all talking about each other, but youāre not quite sure what theyāre saying exactly. It's like trying to understand my wife when sheās talking about decorating. āThis shade of beige needs a hint of... taupe?ā I just nod. Anyway, so these groups, they get together. Unions, companies... different groups of people who talk about job stuff. They were supposed to talk about how things work in companies and what types of job contracts they have. I think it has something to do with these short term jobs. I saw one of those once. So, two groups showed up to talk. That's good, right? People talking. But then, two *other* groups didn't show up. And one of the groups that *did* show upā¦ well, they wanted to save money. A lot of money. Like a billion dollars! I don't know what a billion dollars even looks like. I struggle to save five dollars on a coffee. I guess these employee groups got a little grumpy about that. So, nobody could agree. I'm getting this all right, right? It's like family game night when you think you understand the rules but nobody can agree. So, to sum up, people were supposed to talk about work, some people didn't show up, and someone wanted a billion dollars. Seems like a pretty standard Wednesday to me.
2025-12-03 16:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, it wasā¦ a report. I don't know who wrote it, some bank, I guess. The World Bank. Sounds important, right? Like theyāre in charge of the whole worldās piggy bank. And it's saying that these countries, the ones that... well, they don't have as much money, these countries are paying back *more* than theyāre getting. Which, I gotta be honest, thatās how *I* feel a lot of the time. Just constantly sending money out. You get that credit card bill and you're like "I paid this!" Then you look at your bank account and all you can afford is a bowl of pasta, again. But anyway, these countries are sending more money back than theyāre receiving. They're trying to, like, build things, you know, develop. Build better roads, schools maybe. Iām picturing like, bigger waterparks. But it's tough, because they owe money already. See, I donāt understand owing money, never did. I feel like I'm always behind, but I can't complain if I can afford pasta, right? So, they're paying off old debts, but itās taking up all their money for new stuff. Like if you spent all your money to pay off the waterpark, you wouldn't be able to afford the water, right? It's kind of like that. They're stuck. They just got to keep on keeping on, and hopefully they get all that money back. And hopefully I can afford more than pasta next month.
2025-12-03 16:04
Okay, so I read this thing, right? Aboutā¦ insects. You know Iām not a bug guy. I mean, I respect them, theyāre part of the ecosystem, sure. But I donāt need them, like, as a main course. So there was this company, and, uhā¦ well, they were making protein. Protein is good, right? You gotta have protein. My wife, she's always asking me to get protein, 'cause she knows I like to eat a lot of bread and ice cream. So the problem is, this protein wasn't coming from, you know, cows or chickens. It was...bugs. Little tiny, wiggly larva bugs. And Iām thinking, āOkay, thatāsā¦ a choice.ā I mean, people eat bugs, I guess. I saw it on a show once. Somewhere. Don't ask me why I was watching that show. Anyway, they seemed confident that they could find people who wanted to eat bugs. They had a whole plan, this company did. They were raising the bugs, and processing them, I guess. Turning them intoā¦ something. I donāt even want to picture what it looked like. But, here's the thing about bugs: they're small. So I'm guessing you'd have to use a lot of them to make a reasonable amount of protein to make it worth something. Like, way more than a burger. So, hereās where it gets interesting. It turns out, raising a whole lot of bugs is expensive! Who knew? I mean, you gotta feed them, keep them warm, keep them in a bug environment. I would assume a bug environment is gross. And then all the bugs, they don't sell for much. I guess because they are bugs. And this company, they just couldnāt make enough money from their bugs. They just couldnāt get the prices to work out. So they ended up... closing down. The whole thing. And Iām thinking, "Well, yeah, maybe people don't want to pay that much for bug protein." I'm not sure what they were expecting. And here's the thing about protein. Like, I'll just eat a steak. That way, it's just a cow. One cow, versus a million bugs. It just feels easier to keep track of, you know? Fewer lives being lost in the end. So, yeah. No more bug protein. At least, not from this company. I guess I'll stick with the steak. Or maybe just some bread and ice cream. It's not protein, but it's easy.
2025-12-03 15:04
Alright, so, the European Commissionā¦ thatās a group of people, right? I think so. They have this plan. A plan forā¦ stuff. See, they need theseā¦ raw materials. Like, to make things. I'm guessing itās for, you know, stuff like phones and maybeā¦ toasters? I don't know, I'm just spitballing here. The point is, they need the stuff to *make* the stuff. And apparently, they're getting it from, like, one place. Which, you know, that seems a little risky to me. Like, what if that place is suddenly like, "Nah, we're good. We're keeping all theā¦ whatever it is. All the stuff." Then what are you going to do? You're just standing there, holding the toaster parts, going, "Well, this is awkward." So, their plan is to get it from a bunch of different places. Diversify, they call it. Which is a big word. You know, sounds important. Makes them sound like they know what they're doing. Which, hopefully, they do. Because if they don't, and the toasters stop working, people are going to be upset. And I don't want to be around for that. People get weird about their toast.
2025-12-03 14:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day ā which, I donāt know why I do that, it mostly just confuses me ā and I see this thing about... cheese. Yeah, cheese. Specifically, Babybel. You know, those little red wax cheese balls? My daughter loves those things. I always feel weird unwrapping them. Like, is this a candle? Am I supposed to light it? Then you just...eat it. Always feels wrong. Anyway, apparently there's this company, it's a family company, that makes these things. Now, I don't know how many of you have ever tried to run a business with your family, but...good luck. I try to load the dishwasher with my family and thatās a disaster. Imagine making cheese! So, this family company, Bel ā yeah, like the sound a bell makes ā they're investing 60 million euros. Now, I donāt know what that is in real money, but it sounds like a lot. Like, enough to buy...a lot of cheese. And theyāre doing it in their factory where they already make Babybel. So, like, a Babybel factory...making more Babybel. Theyāre just all in on the red wax cheese ball thing. And get this, theyāre also thinking about making their factory in America bigger. So, more Babybel, but this time...in America. So, the summary is: more Babybel. That's it. That's the news. 60 million euros just to make more of those little cheese things. I donāt know, I guess people really like them. I still think the wax is weird. I keep waiting for someone to dip their cracker in it.
2025-12-03 14:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing. It was aboutā¦politics. You guys know how I feel about politics. I'm mostly just trying to figure out what day it is, you know? Figuring out who's running for what is just too much information for my brain to handle. But, apparently, there was this lady, Sabrina, running for something, and she wasā¦ from the Green Party. Which, immediately, Iām thinking, "Green? Like Kermit the Frog green? Or is this a different kind of green?" I'm easily distracted. Anyway, she drops out of the race. And the reason she dropped out? Apparently, somebody said someā¦not nice things about her, some things that were, I guess, offensive? To some people? It's always something. Everyone's offended by everything now. Itās hard to keep track, I'm always afraid I am going to offend someone. You probably have been offended by something I've said already...I apologize in advance. Here's where it gets weird. So, supposedly thereās this secret document. I don't know why they don't just call it a "paper". I mean, come on! I thought it was a real document, it was so secretive, like James Bond or something. So, this document says that if she won, her own people, the ones she was running WITH, they were basically going to tell her what to do. Like she was a puppet or something. I don't even understand running for office. I mean, who WANTS that job? And then, on top of that, you gotta worry about your own team pulling the strings? I get nervous ordering a pizza. Imagine trying to run a city. And it mentioned something about an alliance with...LFI. I donāt know what that is. Another political party? It sounds like a brand of dish soap. So, I'm just picturing this whole thing, and I'm thinking, "Man, politics is complicated." So, to recap, this lady quits, people are maybe not nice, and thereās a secret paper telling her what to do if she wins. That's the whole thing. I still don't understand what she was running for, but honestly, it's probably for the best. I'd just end up confusing everyone more than I already have. I should probably just stick to telling jokes, right? I'm better at that, I think. Hopefully.
2025-12-03 13:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thingā¦ you know, one of those articlesā¦ I think it was near the comics. Anyway, it was talking about economists. You know economists, right? The guys who are always telling you what's gonna happen with the money? I always listen to them, and then everything is still the same, so I don't knowā¦ But this professor, Pauline something-or-other, she's saying that these economists, for years, they haven't been paying attention toā¦ well, to whether countries are, like, *friends*. That's what it sounds like. Like, if all the countries are lined up, doing the same thing, agreeing on stuffā¦ that actually matters for the economy. Who knew? I mean, I thought it was all about numbers andā¦ whatever else economists do. Charts? I don't know. Itās kind of like, you know, if youāre trying to get a group together to move a couch, right? If everyoneās on the same page, knowing where to grab it, knowing which way to goā¦ you can actually move the couch. But if half the people are trying to go left, and the other half are yelling about the best way to fold a fitted sheetā¦ good luck getting that couch anywhere. So, according to this article, the world economy is basically a giant couch, and all the countries need to figure out where to grab it. Otherwise, weāre just gonna be stuck with this couch, I guess. Which, you know, could be worse. At least we have a couch. I don't know. I'm just trying to understand economics. I'm not good at it. My wife's better with money. She's probably the one who's gonna have to figure out this whole couch situation, to be honest. I'll just stand there and nod and pretend I get it. That's usually what I do.
2025-12-03 12:04
Okay, soā¦ I heard about this thing, right? Itās aboutā¦ Coimisiun na Mean. Itās a name, Iām assuming. Might be a guy. Could be a building. I don't know. I'm bad with names. I forget my own kids' names sometimes. Not really. But I *think* about forgetting, you know? Anyway, thisā¦ Coimisiun na Meanā¦ they were looking into this social media platform. You know, one of the ones with all the words. I'm on social media. I have to be. To tell people when I'm performing at their town. But I don't really "get" it. Everyone's shouting at each other. I don't know why everyone is so angry all the time. You think they'd be happy with a hamburger. But anyway, *this* investigationā¦ apparently, it was the *first* one. Ever. Youād think theyād have investigated, you know, other things before. Like, did anyone *really* like mullets? So, Coimisiun na Mean, first time they've looked into this. Which is interesting, because they probably did a lot of paperwork for it. And paperwork, that's what I *hate*. Like, the other day, I had to change the address on my driver's license. I got it done. After, it was still the wrong address. Turns out, I put my old address in on the form! The forms are confusing. So yeah, this Coimisiun na Meanā¦ they started looking at this social media thing back on November 12th. That was a Sunday, probably. Sundays are the worst days to start investigations, but if you need to get it done you have to. So yeah, it seems pretty important. Probablyā¦ or else people wouldnāt be doing it.
2025-12-03 11:34
Alright, so, I heard about this thing, and I gotta tell you, business dealsā¦ theyāre something else, right? I mean, Iām a comedian, I tell jokes. Thatāsā¦ simpler. So, thereās this news channel, you know, on all the time. Like, if youāre at the airport, itās probably on a TV somewhere. And they had thisā¦ agreement, a partnership thing, with this other company. This company, it wasā¦ they made video stuff. Good video stuff, I assume. Or, good *enough* video stuff. I donāt know, I didnāt *see* the video stuff. Iām just relaying the information here. Now, this video company, they were part of a newspaper. Downā¦ somewhere. I think they grow wine there, maybe? I donāt know. Thatās just what I think of when I hear the name. Anyway, so the newspaper owns the video company, the video company provides video to the news channel, makes sense, right? Well, thenā¦ it *didn't* make sense anymore. Because the news channel, they called it off. They said, "We're done. No more videos." Just like that. I imagine there were some meetings involved, maybe some strongly worded emails. Iām guessing. I wasnāt invited to those. It's like if I fired myā¦ well, I don't really *fire* people. But if I did, it would be like firing the guy who brings me water on stage. And it's like, "Hey, you were bringing me water! Thatās your job!". But then Iād have to fill the glass myself. So then *I* have to remember to drink water. And I forget things. This is why I donāt fire people. Iām a disaster. Anyway, the news channel broke up with the video company. That's the story. Itās kinda sad, actually. Somebody probably had to fill out some paperwork. Which is *always* sad. That's all.
2025-12-03 11:04
Alright, so I heard about this company, right? A big one. Like, *really* big. Sixty-three thousand employees. That's a lot of people. I can barely manage my fantasy football team. Imagine trying to keep track of 63,000 people showing up for work! And apparently, this company makesā¦ well, they do *services*. What kind of services? I don't know, the article didn't really get into it. Probably things I don't understand. Likeā¦ complicated computer stuff. Or maybe they help you move, I donāt know. I just imagine them saying "We do services!" And youāre like, "Okayā¦ great. What kind?" And they just shrug. Anyway, they make a *lot* of money. Two billion euros. I don't even know what a euro *is*. I should probably look that up. But two billion of *anything* sounds like a pretty good year, right? But hereās the kicker. Even with all that money, they're having a little trouble with their bills. Theyāre negotiating with the people they owe money to. Itās like when I try to explain to my wife why I bought that thing online. Itās not going well. So, they're trying to push the due date back. Itās like when I tell my accountant Iāll get him those receipts next weekā¦ *again*. Heās a patient man. And get this. The solution they came up with? Selling stuff. Maybe some of the divisions of the company. Maybeā¦ the *whole* company. That's like cleaning out your garage because you can't afford the new tires. You start with the old baseball cards, and next thing you know, you're selling the lawnmower. And then the garage itself. So, this company, with the 63,000 employees and the two billionā¦ *euros*ā¦ they might just sell the whole shebang. I don't know. Seems like a lot of work to go through for "services." Maybe they should have tried selling something easierā¦ like t-shirts. Everyone loves a good t-shirt. I wear them all the time. See? Services. Never understood them.
2025-12-03 09:34
Alright, so, I was reading this thing the other dayā¦ about airplanes. You know, the things you fly on. Usually. I mean, *I* fly on them. Sometimes. If I have to. Iād rather just drive. You see more. Plus, you can pack snacks. But anyway, this company that makes airplanes ā the big ones, not the little crop dusters ā they said they were gonna make 820 of these things this year. Thatās a lot of airplanes. I don't know if you've ever seen where they build an airplane, but it's big. So, 820 was the plan. But then they said, āUh, weāre only gonna make 790 now.ā See, I don't know what happens to those 30 airplanes. They just gonna go back to the airport and wait until next year ? That's funny, right. And the reason? This is the best part. Itās because of some, uhā¦ panelā¦ things. On the side of the airplane. The fuselage. I donāt know what a fuselage is. It sounds like a fancy pasta. Maybe a big rigatoni. You know, one of those shapes that really holds the sauce. But itās the side of the airplane, apparently. Turns out, these panels, they werenāt quite right. A "quality issue", they called it. Which is polite, I guess. You donāt want to say, āWeāre making airplanes that mightā¦ I don't knowā¦ fall apart?ā Thatās not good for sales. But basically, they had to slow down because they messed up a little bit. And now, 30 fewer airplanes this year. You know, sometimes I mess up, too. Like the time I tried to assemble that bookshelf? Letās just say Iām glad itās in the basement. And it's supporting a bag of grass seed. So I guess even the people who make airplanesā¦ they have their bookshelf moments, too. Just on a slightly larger scale. Like, "whoops, we accidentally only built 790." Okay. Well good for them, at least theyāre fixing it. I would just put more glue on the panels.
2025-12-03 09:04
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ I think it was aboutā¦ work? Yeah, work. Apparently, there's thisā¦ thing going on with young people and their jobs. Now, I'm not a young person anymore. I remember being young, but mostly I remember being tired. And confused. Like, I knew I needed a job, but I didn't really know *what* job. Turns out a lot of young folks are in the same boat. But this thing I was reading, it says itās like, awkward when the topic of work comes up. I mean, work *is* awkward, right? Even *having* a job is awkward. You gotta show up, do stuff, pretend to be excitedā¦ I don't know how they do it. I still don't know how I do it. Anyway, so these young people, theyāre having a tough time. It's like, they're trying to get their careers started, but things areā¦ difficult. Like when you try to parallel park, and you keep getting closer and closer to the car, and then you need to start over, but then there's also someone waiting in front of you now. That kind of difficult. So, yeah, theyāre feeling weird about their jobs, and other people are feeling weird *asking* about their jobs. It's a whole thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you meet a young person, maybe don't ask about their job right away. Maybe start with, like, the weather. That's always a safe bet. Or maybe talk about a baseball game you saw. Even if you don't *like* baseball, it's a conversation starter. "Boy, that was a game." Something like that. You just donāt want to get them caught up thinking about their jobs - I mean, if theyāre anything like me, theyāre probably already thinking about it too much.
2025-12-03 07:34
Okay, so, I was reading this thing, I don't even know where I was, probably waiting for my coffee, which, you know, that takes forever. Itās like they're growing the beans right there. Anyway, I read this thing about Germany. See, Germany, they got all theā¦industry, right? Like the cars. I mean, *they* make the cars. I just, you know, drive them. I'm more of a "driving" guy than a "making" guy. Iām good at driving. Not like racing. Just, like, getting to Target. Thatās my kind of driving. But apparently, their industry thing? It's not going so good. This thing was saying that their money, all their "receipts," which I think is likeā¦ what they sell stuff for? Their receipts are down like 6%. Which, I don't know how much that is, but it sounds like a lot, because it's followed by the word "percent." When something is followed by the word "percent," I know it's important. And then, this is the part I didn't understand, they said they lost 120,000 jobs. Now, I'm not sure where they *lost* them. Like, did they just misplace them? Did someone leave them on a bus? I mean, thatās a lot of jobs to lose. You'd think someone would notice. I lose my keys all the time, but that's just one set. 120,000 jobs. Thatās gotta be a problem. And apparently, 50,000 of those jobs were in the car-making business. The *car* business. The *German* car business! So, they are losing the job making cars. That's kinda weird, right? I thought that was their thing. So, yeah. Germany's receipts are down, and they lost a bunch of jobs. I don't know what that means, exactly. But, it probably means somebody needs to find those jobs. Or maybe find some new receipts. I donāt know, I just drive the cars, I am not good at solving such a big problem.
2025-12-03 07:34
Alright, so, I heard about this thing, and honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out. It's about... taxes. You know, taxes? They're always fun. So, apparently, there's something about accounts your kids open. Now, my daughter, she's still on our taxes. We haven't fully launched her yet. She's like a satellite, orbiting the house. We're still sending up supplies. And I guess, if she, or any of your kids who are *also* still "orbiting", opens an account... like a savings account, or one of those "online influencer" accounts where they're supposed to be making money by, you know, showing people how to put on makeup or whatever... if they open one of those, and the government comes and looks at your taxes... See, this is where I get lost. They come look at YOUR taxes because your kid is on them, and somehow, if your kid messed up, you're responsible? That's how I'm understanding it. It's like, "Hey, nice taxes. But your kid put glitter in an account and now you owe us." I don't know all the details, but the main thing is that if you're still paying for their groceries, and they're dabbling in digital commerce, your taxes might be affected. So, maybe check in with your kids, see what kind of financial mischief they're getting into. Before the tax people show up at your door with a ruler and a disappointed look. I mean, I'm just saying. Maybe keep the kids grounded a little longer. For tax reasons.
2025-12-03 07:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing online, right? You know, X. Not sure why itās called X. Like, did they run out of letters? Or is it a mystery? I donāt get it. Anywayā¦ So, the president, heās got this video on there. And, apparently, people are saying stuff about him. Like, they're criticizing what he wants to do with the media. He wants to, uhā¦ "label" them, I think? It sounds like he wants to put a sticker on āem or something. Like they're a Tupperware container of leftovers. āThis is from Tuesday, donāt eat it.ā Iām not sure what a media label would even say. āWarning: May contain opinions?ā But these news places, CNews and this other one, the āJournal of the Sundayāā¦ I like Sundays. Thatās the day you can just kinda wear sweatpants, you know? I feel like everyone in the world agree on that. Anyway, these places, they were saying stuff he didn't like. So, he made a video to tell them he disagrees. Itās likeā¦ imagine youāre trying to explain to your kid why they can't just have cookies for dinner, and then they just post a video on TikTok about how much they disagree with you. Thatās what this feels like. So, basically, the president heard some complaints, made a video, and put it on X. Itās justā¦ very internet-y. Iām not sure whatās going to happen with it. I just know it involves labels and news andā¦ X. Which still confuses me. I think I might just stick to watching the weather. At least I know what clouds are doing. Usually.
2025-12-03 06:34
Okay, so, I was reading this thing, this... *situation*... about some people, like HR people, you know, the people who make sure you get paid and stuff, which is important. And they were at a meeting, which, you know, meetings... it's a lot of sitting. Iām good at sitting. I could probably do HR meetings. Just, maybe not the *talking* part. Anyway, this meeting was aboutā¦ well, something from Europe. I donāt know exactly what it was. It was kinda like when you ask someone for directions and they use a lot of landmarks you don't recognize ā "Turn left at the old Johnson place that burned down 20 years agoā¦ā Makes no sense. But these HR folks, they have to take this Europeanā¦ thingā¦ and turn it into something that makes sense for *our* laws. Like translating. I took Spanish in high school. I can say "Hola" and "Donde esta la biblioteca?" That's about it. Iām pretty sure they need something more than that. And the funny thing is, even *they* werenāt totally sure how it was going to work. Like, they knew *generally* what they were supposed to do, but the specific *how* was still a little fuzzy. You know, like when you're trying to bake a cake and you realize you don't have enough flour. You *know* you need flour, you just donāt have the right *amount*. But, here's the thing, and this is the part I thought was interesting, they were *optimistic* about it. Optimistic! After all that confusion! They were thinking thisā¦ whatever-it-isā¦ from Europeā¦ was gonna be a *good* thing. I donāt know. Maybe they know something I donāt. Which is likely. Iām optimistic I'll remember to pay my light bill this month, so...maybe optimism is the key. Hopefully, whatever they're doing with that European thing, it all works out. Otherwise, I guess they'll have another meeting about it. And I hear those chairs are brutal on your back.
2025-12-03 06:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, and it was aboutā¦ investing. Which, you know, right away, Iām in trouble. I don't even know what stocks I might even have. My wife probably knows. She handles all that. I justā¦ work, I guess. But anyway, the government, they want us all to, uhā¦ "place our savings at the service of the real economy." That's what they said. The "real economy." Like there's a fake one somewhere? I'm picturing a bunch of Monopoly money floating around. Is that the fake economy? I don't know. So, basically, theyāre saying put your moneyā¦ somewhere. In something. Iām assuming, like, not under your mattress. My grandma used to do that. Under the mattress. I don't know if that counts as investing in theā¦ realā¦ economy. Probably not. But here's the kicker: Apparently, this whole āsaving the economy with your savingsā thingā¦ it's risky. They told us to put our money in, but now theyāre saying it is risky. Isn't everything risky, though? Driving is risky. Eating sushi is risky. My jokes are risky. So, basically, the government is encouraging regular people to gamble with their money, under the guise of the economy. They want us to fix this "real economy" of theirs, but only if it's convenient. Like, if it goes well, great, weāre all heroes. If it doesnāt, then what, they're gonna come to my house and take back the investments. Because I am not rich. I don't know, man. Seems like a lot of steps. I just want to know, should I still put my money under the mattress? Probably not. But I'm just saying, maybe.
2025-12-03 06:04
Alright, so I was talking to my buddy the other day, heās trying to find a job. Seems simple enough, right? I mean, you fill out an application, you show them you can do the job, they give you the job, you workā¦ itās pretty straightforward. But then he tells me about this thing that's happening now. It's like, people are pretending to *be* companies, or pretending to *have* the skills for the job. They are completely lying. Itās like Halloween, but instead of candy, theyāre taking your job! So, apparently, with all these computers and fancy gadgets, it's gotten easier to make fake documents. You know, like a degree from a college you never went to, or a job offer from a company that doesnāt even exist. I mean, I can barely work my TV remote, but apparently, these people can fake a whole *career* on a computer. Itās wild. And you know what's even funnier? Because people are faking all this stuff, now there's a *whole new industry* popping up to *check* if itās fake! So, now you need to pay someone to make sure the person youāre hiring isnāt lying about who they are. It's like paying someone to make sure your waiter really *is* a waiter. Just seems like weāre adding extra steps to the whole process. Iām telling you, people these days. They're always finding a way to make things more complicated. Iām just trying to figure out how to change the channel, and they're out here faking job offers. Makes you wonder what theyāre teaching in schools these days, doesnāt it? Probably how to make fake IDs. I donāt know. Maybe I should just go back to playing mini golf. At least the windmills donāt lie. Usually.
2025-12-03 06:04
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ well, someone *told* me about it, because you know I donāt actually read that much. But apparently, inflation is happening. I think I knew that? My wife, Natalie, keeps saying things are more expensive. I just thought she was buying more stuff. Turns out, *everything* is more expensive. And whatās happening is, people are trying to save money on groceries. Which makes sense. I mean, I like saving money. Who doesnāt? Even though Iām not great at it. Like, Iāll buy a whole box of cookies because theyāre on sale, and then I eat them all in one night. Savings! But hereās the thing. People are trading out meat and fishā¦ for eggs. Eggs! Now, I like eggs. Donāt get me wrong. Theyāre great for breakfast. But for dinner? Every night? That's a lot of eggs. Iām picturing families sitting down at the dinner table, and it's justā¦ egg night, again. The kids are looking at their parents like, āAre we sure youāre good at this budgeting thing?ā And the parents are like, āHey, itās protein! And it was on sale!ā Iām just saying, eggs are good, but you can't have only eggs. I think at some point, you just have to accept you're spending more money. Probably on the cookies I mentioned. It's a cycle, really. So, yeah, inflation. Eggs. It's all connected. I just donāt know how, exactly. But itās funny, right?
2025-12-03 05:34
Okay, so, I saw this thing in the news, right? About...the ocean. Seems pretty straight forward. But then it gets weird. There's this company, they're from England ā Ocean Infinity, I think they're called. Which, infinity... is a long time, right? Like, if you're infinite, you're *really* not in a hurry. So I figured, these guys must be *real* patient ocean explorers. And they were looking for something in the Indian Ocean. I don't know exactly what, probably treasure or something. People lose stuff in the ocean all the time. I lost my car keys at the beach once. Took me three hours to find 'em. Three hours! You'd think keys would be easier to find, but the ocean is a big place. Anyway, they started looking earlier this year. Like, "Alright, let's find this thing!" They're searching, searching...Then, bam! They just stopped. Like, mid-search. April, they say. "Alright, that's it, shut it down." The reason? The weather. Apparently it was too...weather-y. I mean, it's the ocean, right? You'd think they'd know it gets a little... moist from time to time. And windy. Probably some waves too. I dunno, maybe Iām over simplifying. So, this company that's named after *infinity*... got shut down by a rain storm. I mean, I get it, weatherās annoying but that's kind of like me quitting mini-golf because there's too many windmills. Seems like you knew going in, ya know?
2025-12-03 05:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, I donāt know where I found it, probably on my phone, which I still haven't quite figured out how that thing works, you know? Like, it has *everything* on it. Including, apparently, news about food. And this article was talking aboutā¦ well, you know how you go to the grocery store? And itās, like, huge? And youāre trying to find, I donāt know, some chicken. You just want some chicken, but you gotta walk past, like, a million things. Cereal that glows, and juice thatās purpleā¦ all kinds of stuff. Iām always thinking, āWho *needs* purple juice? What even *is* purple juice?ā Well, apparently, these companies, they're makingā¦ what they call "ultra-processed food." Which, I guess, is anything that doesnāt come directly from a farm. Or, like, a cow. Anything past that. And this is a problem. I guess theyāre saying these ultra-processed foods areā¦ everywhere. Like, *seventy percent* of the stuff in the grocery store. Seventy! I thought it was high, but I didnāt know it was *that* high. And thatās wild to me, because I thought the problem was they were all in the *middle* of the store! I always heard you gotta shop on the outside of the grocery store to be healthy. But now it sounds like they're everywhere! And get this, the article was basically saying that all this ultra-processed foodā¦ is making us sick! Like, they think itās a āpublic health crisis.ā Which, thatāsā¦ thatās not good. I always wondered if I felt bad after eating the purple juice, but now that explains a lot. I donāt know. Iām not a doctor. Iām just a guy trying to buy chicken and avoid the purple juice. But maybe we should all pay attention to this ultra-processed food thing. Maybe we should just stick to, like, carrots and stuff. I donāt know. Carrots are still okay, right? I really hope they havenāt figured out how to ultra-process carrotsā¦ That would be rough. I like carrots. It's hard to enjoy a salad without a little color. So, thatās the news. Apparently, the grocery store is trying to kill us. Iām going to need a nap. And maybe someā¦ just regular water. Not the kind with the bubbles. Just plain water.
2025-12-03 03:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, you know, about airplanes. And it turns out, not *all* the airplanes are the problem. It's just... a *portion*. That's what they said. A portion. Like, is it a small portion? Is it a medium portion? I need to know what portion we're talking about here. Because if it's a big portion, I'm driving. See, they had to replace this computer thing, this software, becauseā¦ get thisā¦ the sun was messing with it. The *sun*. Itās always something with the sun, isn't it? Sunburns, melting popsicles, now messing with airplane software. I mean, I get a sunburn, I put on some aloe. But what do you do when the *sun* is messing up your *airplane*? That's above my pay grade. And it was this *same* type of airplane, they said, that had the problem last week. So, they replaced the software last week, *and* they have to do it again this week? It's like changing your car's oil every week. Iām pretty sure you donāt have to do that. Something isnāt right. I don't know, I'm just saying, if I'm getting on a plane, I want to know they have all their sun protection in order. Maybe they should put a big umbrella on top of the plane. I don't know. Just spitballing here. So, the summary is: *some* of the airplanes, not *all*, need fixing because the sun is giving them problems. Itās the second time this happened on the same airplane model in a short period of time. That's the whole story. I donāt know, fly safe, I guess. Just wear sunscreenā¦ even when you're flying. You know, just to be safe. And maybe pack a hat, just in case.
2025-12-03 00:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing... I don't even know what it was, to be honest. Some kind of, I think it was a paper. You know, with words on it? And it was talking about... taxes. Yeah, taxes. Which, who understands taxes? I just know they take money out of my check. That's the extent of my knowledge. But anyway, they're talking about this "exceptional contribution." I think that's just a fancy way of saying a tax, right? They just make it sound nicer. "Exceptional contribution." Like, "Hey, thanks for being *so* exceptional, we're gonna take some of your money!" And apparently, these... uh... Senators, they voted on it. On a Saturday, even. Who works on a Saturday? I mean, I do. But that's different. I'm trying to make people laugh. They're... taxing people. Big difference. So this tax thing is happening because, and this is where I get lost, Brussels... which I think is a place? I'm not sure, I'm not good with geography... Brussels is about to say something about it. I don't know what they're gonna say. Probably something about taxes. And then, there's these fiber optic networks... you know, the internet stuff? Out in the... countryside. Apparently, they're having money problems. Which, makes sense. You're trying to run the internet in a field? Seems complicated. Like, do the cows need Wi-Fi? I don't know. So, basically, they're taxing people because the internet in the country is broke. That's the whole story. And honestly, I'm just glad I'm a comedian. I don't have to deal with any of this. I just stand up here and try to be funny. Which, sometimes I am. And sometimes, I'm just standing here. But at least nobody's making me explain Brussels or fiber optics. I don't even know what fiber is! Is it like... cereal?
2025-12-02 23:34
Okay, so I was reading this thing the other day, and it was talking about...Dunkerque. That's a place. I looked it up. It's in Europe. And, apparently, they're building a steel factory there. Now, steel factories...I don't know a whole lot about those. I know they make steel. That's the main thing. You can make bridges, or spoons, with it. That sort of thing. I guess. But this steel, they said, is *special* steel. Very, *very* thin steel. For electric car engines. I didn't even know electric car engines *needed* steel. I figured it was all wires and...electricity. But, turns out, they need steel too. Thin steel. Apparently, it's crucial. The people in charge of this company, they're saying this factory is a big deal. Like, "the biggest deal we've done in Europe in ten years" big. I don't know if they're saying that to impress people, or because it's true, but it sounds pretty important. I'm thinking, "Okay, Dunkerque. Thin steel. Electric cars. Big deal." I just hope they know what they're doing. Because, you know, building a whole factory for *thin* steel...seems like a gamble. But what do I know? I still can't figure out how to work the automatic windows in my car. So, maybe these guys are onto something. Maybe thin steel is the future. I'll stick to driving a regular car, probably. But, good luck with the thin steel, Dunkerque. I'm rooting for ya.
2025-12-02 22:34
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, and it's about...Shein. You know, the clothing company? My wife orders from them. I don't get it. They have shirts for, like, five dollars. I'm always like, "Honey, is that... legal?" She just rolls her eyes. But anyway, apparently Shein was supposed to go talk to some... uh... people. Important people. People who wear suits. My dad wears suits. He's retired. Wears them to the grocery store. He says you never know who you're gonna meet. He's never met anyone. So, Shein was supposed to meet these suit-wearing people, and they didn't show up. Not once. Not twice. Apparently, they kept not showing up. And these... suit people? They got a little frustrated. I would be too. I hate when people don't show up. It's like, did I miss an email? Am I in the right place? Should I be wearing a suit? So, because Shein kept ditching them, these suit people decided to, like, take them to court. I think? I don't know much about court. I've only been to jury duty once, and they didn't pick me. I think it's because I kept falling asleep. It was really boring. But yeah, these suit people are suing Shein, because Shein wouldn't meet with them. And apparently, this might be a big deal. I guess it could change things. It's like when I tried to change the lightbulb in the kitchen. I ended up breaking the lamp and my wife had to call someone. So, yeah, big deal. Might change things. We'll see. Hopefully, my wife can still get those five-dollar shirts.
2025-12-02 19:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing the other day. I think it wasā¦ it was about money, which is already confusing, right? Iām always like, āWhereās my money? Oh, right, spent it on snacks.ā Anyway. So, apparently, you could *tell* people to pay you money. Like, you could send an invoice, or write a check, or whatever. You could *order* them to pay up. Which, I mean, that sounds a little aggressive, but okay. But hereās the thing. You could tell them to pay, but they didnāt actually have to pay. Not right away. They could justā¦ ignore you. Well, not *ignore* you. They would *eventually* pay. But not until, like, December 29th. So basically, you could do all the paperwork, all the talking, all the demanding of moneyā¦ but nothing actually happened. It was likeā¦ a practice run. You get to rehearse being rich, and they get to rehearse being poor, but nobody actually changes anything. I donāt know, it just seemed like a lot of effort for no immediate result. Like building a Lego set, but you don't get to put the pieces together until next week. What's the point of building it in the first place? Youāre just gonna forget where everything goes and now you've just got tiny plastic bricks everywhere. And the worst part? Iām pretty sure I donāt even understand *why* they were doing this. Something aboutā¦ computers? I donāt know. Computers and money donāt mix in my brain. Too many numbers. I just know that for a little while, you could pretend to get paid, but you actually didn't. Which, honestly, sounds like my life most of the time.
2025-12-02 18:04
Okay, so, I heard about this story. A guy, uh, from somewhereā¦ somewhere that, you know, they eat the croissantsā¦ I think. Anyway, he went to, uhā¦ Kabylie. Which, I gotta be honest, sounds like something youād order at a smoothie place. āYeah, Iāll take the Kabylie with a little spinach.ā But no, itās a place. He was there, doing aā¦ report. On a soccer team. I think. See, I donāt really follow sports. I tried to watch golf once, but then they just started whispering, and I fell asleep. Plus, itās on all afternoon, that's a really long time to be awake. So, heās doing this soccer report, and thenā¦ well, things got weird. They arrested him. Said he was, uhā¦ praising terrorists. Which is never good. Seven years in jail. I donāt know exactly what happened. Maybe he said something like, āHey, those guys areā¦ dedicated!ā And they just took it the wrong way. Itās easy to misunderstand things, I do it all the time with my wife. "I didn't mean to let the cat out, it was really windy!" Now heās got an appeal coming up. Hopefully, theyāll sort it out. You know, maybe someone will say, āActually, he was just trying to figure out if they had good team jerseys!ā Because thatās what I would be doing.
2025-12-02 17:34
Alright, so I was readingā¦ well, *trying* to read something, you know how that is. Iām not great at reading. Itās why I mostly listen to audiobooks. Theyāre easier. But this was inā¦ a magazine. About buildings. I think. Anyway, it was about this tower, see? Tower number 8. And it's in this placeā¦ letās just call itā¦ a place. I donāt want to mess up the pronunciation. Places are tricky, arenāt they? I mean, Nashville is easy. But some of these other place namesā¦ whew. So, Tower 8 in this place, they're gonnaā¦ fix it up. Make it nicer. Which is good! I like nice. Especially when it comes to buildings. Donāt want a building falling apart. Now, hereās the thing. There are *three* other towers in the area. And theyāre getting knocked down. Demolished. Gone. And I'm thinking, "Well, that's a lot of towers!" You know? I can barely keep track of the floors in *one* tower, let alone four. So you got Tower 8, getting the fancy treatment. And then these other three are just... *poof*. Maybe they had structural issues. Maybe they were just ugly. I donāt know. I wasnāt there. I donāt know about building structure. I can barely put together an IKEA bookshelf. Thatās a whole other bit. But it seems like a lot of energy. Fix one, demolish three. Youād think theyād just fix all four. Or demolish all four. Just to keep it simple. But I guess they have a plan. Architects, you know? They make drawings. They use rulers. They understand things I definitely don't. And apparently this fancy Tower 8 makeover, it's being done by this group ofā¦ architects. I only caught one name. Perrault. Dominique Perrault. It's a good name for an architect. Sounds official. Sounds like someone who knows their tower stuff. So yeah, theyāre fixing up Tower 8. Three other towers are going away. Itās a whole tower situation. I still donāt understand why theyāre not all the same. But hey, thatās why Iām a comedian. I tell jokes, not build skyscrapers.
2025-12-02 17:04
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day, and, uh, I saw this thing about schools. You know, grade schools, middle schools, high schoolsā¦ the whole shebang. They had a strike. Yeah, a strike. I guess the teachers weren'tā¦ happy. I donāt know, Iām never sure what the teachers are striking about. Remember when you were in school and you were pretty sure your teachers loved their job? Now that Iām older, I wonder about that sometimes, you know? Anyway, apparently, some of the teachers decided, "You know what? Weāre not going in today." Which, honestly, I get. Some days I feel that way aboutā¦ well, about most things. But especially chores around the house. My wife would probably strike if she could. But here's the thing. They had a percentage of the teachers striking. And this is where it gets complicated, 'cause numbers... you know how I am with numbers. It said in elementary school, like the little kids, the number was, like, six-point-something percent. 6.31%. Now, Iām thinking, āOkay, thatās notā¦ terrible?ā Like, more than six, less than seven? Weāre in that range, right? And then it said that in middle school and high school, it was even less. It was four-point-something percent. 4.57%. Like, less than five? So, fewer teachers than the little kids even. So, I'm thinking two things here: First, did they have a contest? Like, "Whoever has the lowest percentage gets a free pizza party?" Because that sounds like something my kids would enjoy. And second, I wonder, did they actually need to strike? Like, did anyone even notice that small a percentage? I mean, Iām not saying it wasn't important. Maybe that four and six-point-something percent are really important. But I'm just picturing a few teachers staying home, and everyone else going, āHuh, looks like Mrs. Johnson took a day off.ā You know, I bet they'll work it out. Teachers and schoolsā¦ they always do. Itās justā¦ the numbers, you know? Always gotta be a percentage. I just think if you're gonna strike, you need to commit to a higher percentage. Or just call in sick, no big deal.
2025-12-02 16:04
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day... trying to. You know how that goes. And I saw this thing about... Sofia. Yeah, Sofia. It's in... Bulgaria. Right? Somewhere over there. (Gestures vaguely) I didn't know where it was either, don't worry about it. Anyway, apparently, a whole bunch of people ā like, *tens of thousands* of them ā got together in Sofia. On a Monday. That's rough. Nobody likes doing anything on a Monday. I usually just try to make it to lunch on a Monday. And they were all protesting. Now, I don't get into politics too much, mainly because I don't understand them. But it sounds like they were protesting this budget the government had planned for... 2026. 2026! That's, like, *years* away. I can barely plan what I'm having for dinner tonight. So these people are upset about something that's gonna happen in, like, two years. They must be really good planners. I'm impressed. I'm just trying to figure out if I need to go to the grocery store before Tuesday. I guess they're worried about... the money stuff. Budgets are always confusing. My wife, she handles our budget. I just nod and say "sounds good," because honestly, if she asked me about it, I'd just be guessing. Itās easier this way, for everyone. So, yeah. A lot of people in Sofia, Bulgaria, not happy with a budget for 2026. That's the news. I hope they figure it out. I'm gonna go try to figure out what a deductible is. That's my Monday.
2025-12-02 14:34
Okay, so I heard about this thing happening overā¦ you know, across the pond. In the place with theā¦the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, that place. Paris. So, apparently, thereās this building. It's called "La CitĆ© de l'Architecture et du Patrimoine". Try saying that three times fast. I can't even say it *once* good. Iām already winded. And I'm not even running. Anyway, this building is like a museum for architecture. Theyāve got blueprints and modelsā¦the whole shebang. But this thing theyāre doing now is about this āgrande concertation architecturale.ā Which, I think, translates to aā¦a really big conversation about buildings. See, they had this big meeting, right? I assume there were pastries involved. Probably some fancy coffee too. Iām more of a diner coffee guy myself, butā¦ And during the meeting, architects presented all kinds of ideas. Like, "Hey, what if we built a building shaped like a giant croissant?" or "What if we used only recycled baguettes?". Okay, maybe not, but that's the level I'm operating on here. Iām not an architect. I just make jokes about them. Itās easier. So, these architects, they had all these projects. And now theyāre showing them off at this museum. All the projects that came from this conversation. So, basically, it's like a science fairā¦but for buildings. You know, like the science fair in school, but instead of volcanoes and vinegar, you get buildings made ofā¦stuff. I don't know *what* they make buildings of. Probably not croissants. That would attract a lot of birds. The thing is, I just find it funny that they had a ābig conversationā about buildings. You know, like the buildings don't talk to each other already. Maybe they do. I donāt know. I havenāt asked one. Probably should. It would be a good bit. āHey, building! Howās the foundation?ā Iām going to assume that the buildings theyāre talking about are better than the ones I design. Because I don't design buildings. I can barely put together an Ikea shelf. The instructions? I swear, they're written by robots. So, yeah, that's what's going on. Big meeting, lots of buildings, probably some nice pastries. Paris. You know, the whole deal. I think I need a nap now. Thinking about buildings is surprisingly exhausting.
2025-12-02 13:04
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ actually, my wife read it, and then she explained it to me. Thatās how I get most of my news, you know? She filters it. Otherwise, Iād be convinced the sky was falling every Tuesday. Anyway, thereās this companyā¦ itās overā¦ well, somewhere. Somewhere with really good pastries, I think. Letās just say itās far enough away that I'm not rushing to invest. So, this company, they're doing the "intelligence" thing. Artificial intelligence. Whichā¦ I donāt know about artificial intelligence. Seems like regular intelligence is hard enough to come by, you know? I mean, I can barely work the TV remote. But these guys, theyāre *really* smart. Apparently, they used to work atā¦ Google-DeepMind, Metaā¦ and this other place I canāt pronounce. I think it had a "Q" in it. You know it's gonna be complicated with a Q. So, theyāre the people who left those giant companies that you know about to start their own place. They're saying, āNo, no, we're gonna be the next big thing!ā So, they all got together to start this company. And this company does AI. Like, the super-smart computers. But I will say, if they are so smart, then why aren't they on stage doing stand-up? 'Cause I think that's a test, right? So basically, thatās it. Smart people from big companies started a new company to do computers-that-think stuff. Iām sure it's very important. And I'm sure they're not just trying to program my coffee pot to insult me while I'm trying to make breakfast, because that's where we're headed, right?
2025-12-02 13:04
Alright, so, uh, I was reading this thing, right? This report. Donāt ask me where I got it, itās... complicated. It's a real fancy document, with all these numbers on it. I donāt understand any of the numbers, to be honest. My wife, sheās good with numbers. I just nod and smile. Anyway, apparently, the whole world economy thing, itās doingā¦ better? Thatās what theyāre saying. Like, I thought it was bad, you know? Gas prices, groceriesā¦ everything costs more. I keep waiting for the dollar menu to make a comeback, but I donāt think it will. But, according to this report - I'm sure they know what they're talking about - they think things are gonna grow about 3.2% in 2025. Which is good, I guess? I donāt know what that even means, honestly. Does that mean I can buy a bigger TV? I hope so. I was looking at one, the 85 inch model, and let me tell you... that's bigger than my first apartment. They said something about how the United States... we're slowing down. Which, I can understand. We got a lot going on. I just spent 45 minutes trying to program my dad's remote control. Thatās slowing *me* down, I can tell you that much. But, the report also said that in Asia, things are getting faster. So, that's great for them. I donāt know what theyāre selling over there, but apparently people want it. I still havenāt figured out what *I* want, you know? Except maybe that 85 inch TV. So, yeah. World economyā¦ doing alright. Or at least, it will be next year. I'm not an economist, and I think my wife will be tired of my questions about what all this means, so just trust them on this one. They know what they're doing. Probably. Hopefully. It's more comforting to think someone does. I'm just trying to keep the lights on. Maybe I should try to sell something in Asia. I bet they'd like my bit about the remote control. It's been killing in Des Moines.
2025-12-02 11:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day, which is... you know, a choice I make sometimes. And there's this story about this company that's, uh... they're not doing so good. Like, *really* not doing so good. They're having a meeting on Wednesday to figure out what to do with them, which sounds like a very fun Wednesday for somebody. Apparently, there's a couple of options. One option is that, uh, the employees are trying to buy the company. I didn't even know employees *could* do that. It's like if the students started running the school. I mean, you *think* you'd like it at first, but then you realize nobody's grading papers anymore. So, I donāt know that this is going to work. But the thing is, the employees aren't just buying it, they want to turn it into something called a ācooperative.ā I don't know exactly what that is. Sounds like something with chickens. You know, like a chicken coop, but... operative? I don't know. And the craziest part is, the government might help them! The government. Buying. A chicken-operative-company-thing. I'm just trying to follow along here. Which, I mean, I guess the government has a lot of money, right? It's like when you find a dollar in your jeans that you forgot about. Except instead of a dollar, it's, like, a *countryās* worth of dollars. This journalist, guy named Olivier, he says this is like, never been done before. "InĆ©dit," which is a word that I don't know because it's the language that this story was originally written in before someone translated it into English. But I think what he is trying to say is that this is a really crazy, maybe not a good idea, and I donāt understand it. So, yeah, that's the story. A company's in trouble, the employees want to buy it and turn it into a chicken... uh, cooperative, and the government might throw money at it. I'm just hoping they have a good Wednesday meeting. I'd hate for it to go to waste. I mean, it's Wednesday. You're already halfway through the week, you might as well use it productively.
2025-12-02 11:34
Okay, so, I was reading this thing, right? About a park inā¦ I wanna say Germany? Yeah, Germany. Big park. Real big, apparently. Like, Eastern Germany big. Which I didnāt even know was a separate size, butā¦ there you go. This park, they're called the... Compagnie des Alpes. Yeah, Iām not sure how to pronounce that either. Seems complicated. But anyway, *they* own this park, and theyāre gonna start changing it. Slowly. Like, *really* slow. You know, gradual. That's the word they used. And they're starting with a section dedicated toā¦ this dog. IdĆ©fix. Thatās the name. He's a "star" dog, apparently. From this series. I guess it's a big deal over there? I don't know dogs very well. My wife knows more about dogs than I do. She knows every dog on the street. I just see a dog, she's like "Oh that's a Brittany Spaniel, and its name is Steve!" I'm like, "How do you *know* that?" So, this IdĆ©fix dog is getting his own land, they call it. And it's not happening 'til Spring of 2026. 2026! Thatās two years away! I thought, āMan, that's a long time to wait for a dog section of a park.ā You know? I mean, I'm not complaining, but I just picture the meetings. Theyāre probably saying things like, "Okay, people, we need a fence for IdĆ©fix. Make sure it's the right height. We don't want a *short* fence, do we, Bob?" And Bob's like, "No sir, nobody wants a short fence." And they're talking about this like it's the moon landing, you know? āThe future of the park rests on the height of this fence!ā Just seems like a lot of planning for a dog. Even a "star" dog. But, hey, maybe it'll be fun. I don't know. I might go. But not 'til 2026. Iāll probably forget by then anyway.
2025-12-02 11:04
Okay, so I heard this thing, right? From the... well, it was a group of people talking about chickens. They said there's, like, chicken situations going on. Eighty of 'em. Eighty chicken situations. That's a lot of chickens. I don't even know eighty people, let alone eighty chicken situations. Turns out, these chickens, they're not feeling so good. It's like, they're having a bad week, and it's going on for a while, if you catch my drift. The "chicken situation" is affecting a lot of farms, and I guess some places are chicken situation hotspots. Like, "VendĆ©e" and "Adour." I don't know where those are, but I'm picturing, like, tiny chicken Vegasā there, with chicken slot machines, and you winā¦ chicken feed? So, the experts ā and, bless them, they *are* experts ā decided they need to give the chickens another shot. Like, a shot shot. They're going to give the chickens *three* shots now. Three! I get one flu shot a year, and I complain about *that*. I don't even like needles, which is a problem because I feel like every time I go to the doctor he always finds a way to give me a shot. But, you know, I think it's good they're trying to help the chickens. I mean, we need the chickens. Where would we be without chicken nuggets? I donāt want to think about it. But I do wonder, though, do the chickens even *want* the shots? I mean, nobody asked me when I got my shots. They just told me to roll up my sleeve. Anyway, that's what's going on with the chickens. Hope they feel better. I really do. Chicken nuggets are a good part of my diet. And if the chickens aren't feeling good, well, nobodyās feeling good. You know? You get it. You got it. We're all in this chicken situation together, I guess.
2025-12-02 10:34
Alright, so, I was reading the news the other day, which, you know, I try to stay informed. It's important. But sometimes, the way they say things...it's confusing. So, apparently, the train...you know, the one you take to get to different places? Well, it's gonna be messed up. Inā¦ um...the central part of France, like the middle and down toward the South. They're saying it's becauseā¦ uhā¦ everyone is kinda standing up for something. Like, a big group of people all decided to do it on Tuesday. Thatās the best day, right? Why not Tuesday. I don't know exactly what they're standing up for. I probably should. But all I know is that the trainsā¦the trains are gonna beā¦difficult. See, that's the thing about trains. They're great when they work. You just sit there, look out the window, maybe see a cow. But when they don't work? You're just...stuck. Like, where are you gonna go? You're in the middle ofā¦some place. I always think, what if you packed the wrong snacks? What if you only brought chips, and you were really hoping for a sandwich? That's the kind of thing that would happen to me. I'd be stuck on a train in France, with only chips, and I don't even speak French. I just assume everyone can understand me if I speak slow. So, yeah, if you're planning on taking a train in the general area down there on Tuesdayā¦maybe don't. Or, you know, pack a sandwich. And learn a little French, just in case. You know, the important stuff, like, "Where's the bathroom?" and "Are we there yet?" You know, things that might actually come in handy. Because you are more than likely going to need it. I am just saying. Youāre warned.
2025-12-02 10:34
Alright, so I heard this story. Itās about... a union leader. You know, those people who are like, "Hey, let's talk about this," only louder. This lady, she was on the radio ā you know, like people used to listen to? ā and she was talking about the heads of companies. The *big* bosses. And she said somethingā¦ interesting. She called them "rats leaving a sinking ship." Which, I gotta say, thatās a vivid image. Like, I get it, youāre trying to make a point. But *rats*? And a *sinking ship*? It feels a littleā¦ dramatic, doesn't it? I mean, I've seen a sinking ship, and it's not pretty, but I would call the boss a 'rat' but thats me, i'm not a professional Apparently, she was responding to something one of these CEOs said. Now, I donāt know what he said, because I'm terrible at following conversations. Like, you can be talking to me, and I'm nodding and smiling, but I'm really just thinking about what kind of chips I want to have later. Maybe Doritos. Or those ruffled ones. Anyway, this CEO, Bernard Arnault, had said something. I don't know what. But whatever it was, it made her call the bosses rats. Then she says that they only care about money. I mean, yeah, people like money. And I think he would prefer to be called Bernard rather than "rat". That's just a guess. So yeah, thatās the story. A union leader, a CEO, rats, a sinking shipā¦ I think I'm gonna go get some Doritos. This storyās making me hungry. And maybe I should avoid boats for a while. Just in case.
2025-12-02 10:34
You know, I was reading about this deal that just went down, and I'm trying to wrap my head around it. So, apparently, London was facing these big tariffs on their pharmaceuticals, which is just a fancy way of saying 'extra fees on medicine.' (pauses) I mean, who doesn't love extra fees, right? It's like finding out your pizza has an extra topping... of cost. Anyway, they managed to avoid these tariffs, which is great news for London. But here's the thing: to make that happen, their government, led by this guy Starmer, had to agree to something else. They're gonna raise the prices of new treatments by 25%. (chuckles) Now, I'm no expert, but that sounds like one of those 'pick your poison' kind of deals. You know, like when you're at a restaurant and they're like, "Do you want the burger with the extra side of fries, or the burger with the slightly smaller side of fries but also a smaller price tag?" (laughs) I guess what I'm saying is, it's a trade-off. They're trading off one problem for another, which is just very... human, I think. I mean, we all do that in our daily lives. Like, I'll give you an example: I once traded off doing laundry for playing video games. Now, my clothes are dirty, but my gaming skills are on point. (laughs) It's all about priorities, folks. So, yeah, that's the deal in London. I hope it works out for them. And if not, well, there's always the option to just play some video games and forget about the whole thing. (smirks) That's what I'd do, anyway.
2025-12-02 09:45
Okay, so I was listening to this thing, a podcast, right? I don't *usually* listen to podcasts, but I was driving, and my kids had control of the music. That's how those things start. Anyway, it was talking about trash. Just trash. And it turns out... trash is a *big* deal. I always knew we had a lot of it. I mean, I fill up that garbage can every week, and I'm not even trying. It just happens. Itās like when Iām making coffee, somehow I end up with coffee grounds everywhere. I donāt know how. But this podcast, they're saying our trash is causing problems. Not just like, aesthetically problems, like when you see a rogue shopping cart in a ditch. More like... global problems. Apparently, it's contributing to emissions, which I guess is like... the bad air stuff? I'm not a scientist. I took history in college, which, you know, really prepares you for understanding emissions. And the real kicker is this: They said we're not recycling enough! We're making too much stuff, and then just throwing it away. It's like... my wife making too much food for Thanksgiving. We end up eating leftovers for a week. Except instead of leftover turkey, it's... leftover plastic bottles contributing to the greenhouse effect. I feel like Iām already recycling, you know? I separate the cans and the bottles. But Iām starting to think itās not enough. I might have to start separating my trash *by color*. Just to be sure. Or maybe just stop buying things. Which my wife would probably appreciate anyway. Although, she might get mad if I stop buying coffee. And then, well, that's a whole other podcast waiting to happen.
2025-12-02 08:04
You know, I was reading about this big project in London, and I'm not really sure what's going on, but it sounds like they're having some second thoughts. (pauses) They were gonna give this French group 1.15 billion dollars, which is a lot of money. I mean, I'd take that, but I don't think I'd know what to do with it. (chuckles) I'd probably just buy a bunch of socks. Anyway, London decided, "You know what, this might be a little too risky." And I get it, because apparently, there's some concerns about... (pauses for comedic effect) ...some not very nice people causing trouble on the site. I don't know, it's like if I was trying to have a picnic, but there were a bunch of people playing their music really loud nearby. I'd be like, "You know what, I'm just gonna go have my sandwich at home." And then there's the Netherlands, they were like, "Yeah, we're thinking about backing out too." But before they could even make up their minds, TotalEnergies was like, "You know what, we're good. We don't need your help." It's like they were at a dinner party, and the Netherlands was like, "Do you want some more mashed potatoes?" And TotalEnergies was like, "Nah, I'm full." (laughs) I don't know, it's just weird to me. I mean, I've backed out of things before, like that time I tried to start a garden. (laughs) I was like, "I'm gonna grow my own food!" And then I remembered, I have a black thumb. I can kill a cactus. (audience laughs) But hey, at least I didn't lose 1.15 billion dollars. (smirks) That's just a whole different level of regret.
2025-12-02 08:04
You know, I was browsing the internet the other day, and I stumbled upon this website. It was like a big list, and I'm thinking, "What's all this?" Apparently, it's about these GNL projects, and I'm not even really sure what GNL stands for, but I'm gonna take a guess it's not "Great Nacho Locations" ā although, that would be awesome. (pauses) So, it seems like a bunch of non-profit organizations, about a dozen of 'em, got together and made this website to keep track of all these GNL projects. And from what I understand, it's a big deal. They're calling it "unprecedented expansion," which sounds like something my wife would say when I leave the cap off the toothpaste. (chuckles) But seriously, I guess it's a pretty significant thing. I mean, I don't know much about GNL, but I do know that when a dozen organizations come together to make a website, it's like my family trying to plan a vacation ā it's a miracle it happened at all. (laughs) I'm not really sure what to make of all this, but I'm gonna keep an eye on it. Maybe I'll even learn what GNL stands for. Although, if it's not "Great Nacho Locations," I'm not sure I care. (smirks) I mean, priorities, right?
2025-12-02 07:34
Okay, so I saw this thing aboutā¦ Europe. Theyāre doing stuff. I donāt know all the details, I just read the headlines. It had a bunch of words in it. You know, like āregulationā and āinstitutions.ā Iām like, āHold on, I just wanted to know if I need to buy a new car or not.ā See, apparently, they were thinking of making it illegal to sell new gas cars after 2035. Like, completely gone. No more vroom-vroom. Which, thatās fine, I guess. Iām not a car guy. I mean, I *own* a car. It gets me places. Thatās all I need. It's a great car - so long as you don't mind the permanent smell of my kid's leftover french fries, which are now about a year and a half old. But now Iām hearing that they might not do it. Because the people who *make* the cars? Theyāre not too happy about it. I guess they like making the vroom-vroom ones. And then there are... other people, the āinstitutionsā - they're not sure either, I guess they like vroom-vroom too. So, now theyāre thinking about pushing the whole thing back. Delay it. You know, kick the can down the road. Which, honestly, thatās probably good for me. Because, 2035? That's... a while away. Iām not even thinking about cars in 2035. Iām mostly thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner next Tuesday. 2035, I don't even know what I'm going to be *doing*. Probably still trying to figure out how to work the TV remote. So basically, they *might* ban gas cars. Or they might not. It's still on the table. It's justā¦ further down the table. Further down the table, past the mashed potatoes. Thatās the best I can do for you. Iām not a car expert, I just tell jokes. And eat mashed potatoes. Sometimes at the same time.
2025-12-02 06:04
You know, I was thinking, have you ever noticed how some things just seem to magically get done around the house? (pauses) Like, I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up to take out the trash, but it's always gone by the time I wake up. (chuckles) Anyway, I was reading this thing, and it said that women are still doing most of the household chores, and I'm like, "Yeah, that sounds about right." (laughs) I mean, I'm not saying I'm a expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure my wife is the one who keeps our house from looking like a college dorm room. But what's really interesting is that women are also the ones who are mostly in charge of making sure the house is, you know, not hurting the planet. (smirks) Like, they're the ones who make sure we're recycling, and not using too much water, and all that stuff. And I'm like, "Wow, that's a lot of work." I mean, I can barely remember to turn off the lights when I leave the room. (laughs) This economist, Mathilde Guergoat-LariviĆØre, she's saying that women are doing all this extra work to make the house more eco-friendly, and I'm like, "Yeah, that makes sense." I mean, someone's got to keep me from single-handedly destroying the planet. (laughs) But seriously, it's pretty interesting to think about how much work goes into making a house run smoothly, and how much of that work is done by women. (pauses) And I'm not saying I'm going to start doing more chores or anything, but... (trails off) actually, I should probably start doing more chores. (laughs)
2025-12-02 06:04
You know, I was thinking, have you ever noticed how much people love their pets? I mean, I love my dog, but I'm not sure I'd call it a passion. Although, I did spend $50 on a dog bed the other day, and now I'm starting to think I might have a problem. (pauses) Anyway, apparently, the French really love their animals. Like, they've got 17 million cats and 10 million dogs. That's a lot of pets. I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that they have that many pets or that they're all apparently registered somewhere. I mean, I can barely keep track of my own phone number. So, with all these pets running around, it makes sense that the places that take care of them would be doing pretty well. I guess that's why investment funds and big food companies are getting into the pet health business. It's like they're saying, "You know what's a great way to make money? Taking care of all these cats and dogs." And honestly, who can blame them? I mean, have you seen the prices of dog food lately? It's like they're selling gourmet meals or something. (chuckles) I'm starting to think my dog is eating better than I am. It's funny, though, because now these pet health places are just printing money. I guess that's what they mean by "ultra-profitable." Although, I'm not really sure what that means. Is that like a technical term or something? "Ultra-profitable" just sounds like something a guy in a suit would say to sound impressive. (laughs) "Yes, our pet health business is ultra-profitable. We're going to buy a yacht." (in a mock-serious tone) Anyway, I guess it's good news for all the pets in France. They're getting taken care of, and the people taking care of them are getting rich. That's just the circle of life, right? (smirks)
2025-12-02 05:34
You know, I was reading this thing the other day, and it said that China's not really into that whole "new silk road" thing like we thought. (pauses) I mean, I'm not sure what I thought, but apparently, it's not a thing. (chuckles) It turns out, over three-quarters of their loans are actually going to projects in, like, super developed countries. (in a dry tone) Yeah, because that's what I'd do with my money too ā lend it to people who already have a lot. (laughs) I was talking to my wife about this, and she said, "Well, doesn't that make sense? They're just investing in stable economies." And I'm like, "Yeah, I guess that's true." (pauses) But then I started thinking, what if I did that with my own money? Like, I'd be lending my buddy Steve money to buy a new lawn mower, and he's already got a nice house and a good job. (laughs) I mean, Steve's a great guy, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't need my help buying a lawn mower. Anyway, this journalist, Harold Thibault, he wrote about it, and I guess it's a pretty big deal. (in a calm tone) I don't know, maybe I'm just not understanding the whole thing. But it seems like China's just trying to make some smart investments, you know? (pauses) Like my grandma used to say, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket, unless that basket is a really stable economy with a strong GDP." (laughs) Yeah, I'm pretty sure she never said that, but it sounds like something she would say.
2025-12-02 05:05