Headlines Served With Humor You Didn’t Know You Needed

"Daily news retold with gentle confusion, clean humor, and everyday absurdity that makes reality surprisingly funny."

The rise of the far right exacerbates Latin America's divisions

You know, I was thinking, it's weird that countries in the same area can't get along. I mean, I have trouble with my neighbors and we're on the same street. But I guess when you're talking about entire countries, it's a little different. Apparently, they're arguing about following the rules and who gets to be in charge of their own land. I'm no expert, but it seems like that's just a big fancy way of saying they can't agree on who gets to be the boss. It's like a big family reunion, but instead of fighting over who ate the last piece of pie, they're fighting over who gets to be in charge. And the weird thing is, this isn't even the first time they've had a disagreement. I guess you could say they have a history of not getting along. But this time, it's about something called international law and territorial sovereignty. Sounds like a real party.

2026-01-22 16:41

The Peace Council, Trump's new whim

They started a new "Peace Council." A whole new organization for peace. But they said the contours were vague. A vague peace council. I don't know. Seems like you don't want to leave peace vague. You want a pretty clear peace. Not like, "we might be peaceful, possibly, depending on traffic."

2026-01-22 16:03

A respite in the transatlantic crisis, only a respite

So, the president wanted to buy Greenland, right? And then just decided he didn't. I don't know if he changed his mind or if he just forgot. It’s hard to keep up. Now, on top of all that, he's in a big fight with Europe. It just feels like we're trying to figure out where to eat dinner, and everyone's mad. And I'm pretty sure we're still going to have to do the dishes.

2026-01-22 11:13

Anthony Edo and Hillel Rapoport, economists: L impact of immigration on native employment rates is overall neutral

People are debating all this stuff about immigration and jobs. So these two economists decided to figure out what's going on. They went through over a hundred studies. A *hundred*. To try to figure out if people moving here affects jobs. I mean, that's a lot of reading just to find out if something changes things.

2026-01-22 06:42

Comment Paris, city behemoth, was able to be transformed

So, this guy wrote a book about working for the mayor of Paris. He talks about how hard it was to get the city's bike plan approved. The bike plan. He also says that when he worked there, she just pretty much ran everything herself. I mean, that's probably why it was so difficult, right? If you're trying to figure out where all the bikes go, and you're the only one making all the decisions, that's a lot of bikes. It's a lot of responsibility for just one person to figure out where to put a bike. I assume a lot of meetings about tire pressure.

2026-01-21 19:43

Cheers

Man, they said our international policy is like the mafia. I don't know, I always thought the mafia just meant really good pasta and then you gotta pay for protection. Now I gotta worry about this on a global scale. I don't know if I want to get involved in that. I just want to go to Target.

2026-01-21 13:07

A peace council for what purpose

So they're trying to set up a new "peace council" over there in Gaza. Which sounds like a very important meeting. But I guess they're building the whole council around one guy's "morality." I don't know. That seems like a bad place to start. Because morality changes a lot. I feel like sometimes I'm moral, and then five minutes later, I just took the last cookie and told my kid I didn't see it. So I don't know how you build a whole council on that. It seems like you'd just want to use the UN. At least they have a big building.

2026-01-21 12:10

Predator, an actor who distorts the market economy and prevents geopolitical harmony

You know, I was reading this book by Giuliano da Empoli, "L'Heure des prédateurs", and it got me thinking, when did 'predator' become a thing in geography? I mean, I thought that was just for wild animals and bad 80s movies. But no, apparently economists are the ones who've been studying predatory behavior, which is just a fancy way of saying 'being a bully with money'.

2026-01-21 06:46

An early diagnosis of autoimmune encephalitis reduces mortality

You know, I was talking to a doctor the other day, and he was telling me about these weird diseases that start with psychiatric issues. And I'm thinking, 'Wait, so you're saying my crazy uncle might not be crazy, he just has a disease?' (laughs) But seriously, if they catch it early, it's reversible, which is good, I guess. I mean, who doesn't love a good 'I'm not crazy, I just have a rare disease' excuse, right? (chuckles)

2026-01-20 14:36

The rise of Chinese universities is shaking Western certainties

I read this thing. It said China’s universities are getting really good at science. Like, really good. Almost as good as ours now. And they made sure to say, "This isn't propaganda." Which is helpful, I guess. I just don’t know why everything has to be a race. I thought we were already good. We’re in a competition with everybody, all the time. I just found out where the new grocery store is. I’m just trying to figure out where I can get a good deal on socks. Now I have to worry about international research rankings. It's too much. I just want a nap.

2026-01-20 13:36

Dilnur Reyhan, staunch defender of the Uyghurs' fight against Chinese oppression

I saw this article about a sociologist. She divides her time between Prague and Paris. Which, I guess, that’s a lot of travel. And she’s representing this group of people way over in Xinjiang, China. They call them “Turkic-speaking Muslims.” So, you gotta remember both of those things. That’s just a lot of details for one person.

2026-01-20 06:07

Municipal elections, possible targets of foreign interference

You know, I was thinking, local elections, they're like the in-laws of politics. Not as exciting as the big leagues, but still, people are gonna try to sneak stuff past you. And usually, it's just the guy down the street trying to get ahead, you know? It's like, I'm not worried about international spies, I'm worried about my neighbor trying to rig the vote so he can be in charge of the homeowner's association. That's the kind of espionage I can get behind, or at least, understand.

2026-01-20 05:38

To infinity and beyond

You know, I was thinking, have you ever noticed how everyone's a foodie now? Like, every single person is an expert on food. 'I'm a foodie.' What does that even mean? 'I'm a foodie.' I'm a eater, that's what I am. I just eat food. I don't have a title for it. And then I started thinking, what if we did that with other things? 'I'm a breathie.' 'I'm a sleeper.' 'I'm a walker.' It just sounds weird. But hey, being a foodie, that's a thing. I also noticed that when you're at a restaurant, and they bring out the food, everyone's always like, 'Oh, this looks amazing.' Even if it's just a burger. 'This looks amazing.' I'm like, 'It's a burger, it's not a new car.' But I guess that's just me. And have you ever tried to order food with a group of people? It's like trying to solve world peace. 'I'll have the chicken, no, I'll have the steak, no, I'll have the salad.' Just pick something, we're all gonna eat the same thing anyway. I don't know, maybe I'm just not a foodie. Maybe I'm just a guy who eats food. But hey, being a guy who eats food, that's a thing, right?

2026-01-19 16:03

The necessary showdown with Donald Trump

It seems like to get respect from the U.S. President, you have to kind of fight with him. I don't know. That seems backwards to me. And then Europe has all these tools to make things better, but they’re just holding them. They’re just standing there with the tools in their hands. Like, "We could do this." But they don't. Why even own the tools then?

2026-01-19 11:37

Olivier Mantei, general manager of the Paris Philharmonic: If the only fear of scandal makes us back down, we will reduce the scope of culture

So I heard about this concert. An orchestra, which is already kind of tough to get into. You’re sitting there, trying to pay attention, you got your nice clothes on. And then people started yelling. Not yelling at the music. Not yelling because someone played a wrong note. They were yelling about where the orchestra was from. Like the musicians had something to do with it. Three times they interrupted them. I mean, what are we doing here? I guarantee you the fella playing the viola, he just wanted to play his songs and go home. He probably doesn't know anything about whatever big decisions were made. He just knows he's gotta practice. It’s hard enough to play the flute without having to worry about international politics.

2026-01-19 10:39

At a time when research is being called upon to participate in the coconstruction of public policy, it is paradoxical to condemn one of the places that contributes to it

So you got this group of people. They’re doing some research, right? Ambitious projects, they said. Big stuff. And then they get this news that their budget got cut by 70 percent. Seventy percent. That’s just a lot. I guess they’re supposed to keep going, but with 30% of the resources. I don't know how that works. I guess it’s like, you’re trying to build a house, and they take away 70% of the bricks. The researchers are asking the state to give the money back. Seems reasonable to ask, I guess.

2026-01-18 18:43

Jean Pisani-Ferry, economist: Does AI fuel new growth or a bubble?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but a lot of things seem to be getting complicated. They got these Nobel Prize winners. And they’re debating about AI. The robots, you know? I guess I always thought that if you won a Nobel Prize, you had the answers. Like, you know everything about the thing you won the prize for. But now they’re just debating whether the investments are risky or not. I guess the problem is, Europe’s savings are involved in this. So now my retirement money is depending on two guys arguing about whether the robots are going to work out. I don’t know. Seems like a lot of pressure to put on two people. I feel bad for them. I hope they figure it out. Before I need the money.

2026-01-17 12:35

The terror, ultimate driver of the Iranian regime

So, I saw where they said a government, a whole government, is running on empty. Like, the people don't really believe in it anymore. And I don't know how that works. Because if my car runs on empty, I stop. I just pull over, call AAA, maybe get a little embarrassed. But these guys, they run on empty, and they don't stop. They start getting real loud and serious with everybody. It's like a battery dying in your remote control. You don't take that remote and start beating people with it. You just... change the batteries. But I guess when you're running on empty, you figure a little bit of force will get you a couple extra miles. I don't think it does.

2026-01-17 11:35

How to combat the rise of selfishness Najat Vallaud-Belkacem debates with sociologist Camille Peugny

You know, I was talking to this super smart person the other day, and they were saying how everybody's always trying to one-up each other. And I'm like, 'Wait, what's going on here?' It seems like the people who are already doing pretty well are just getting more and more into this idea of 'it's all on you, buddy.' And then the folks who are just trying to make ends meet are like, 'Hey, I'm my own boss... of being broke.' I don't know, man. It's weird. So, this one lady who used to be in charge of some big stuff and this researcher guy are trying to figure out how to make people stop being so competitive all the time. But honestly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around why we're all so busy trying to beat each other in the first place.

2026-01-17 07:08