Alright, so, I heard about this thing, this law. Itās aboutā¦ well, about making stuff public. See, there was this whole deal withā¦ uhā¦ a couple of people, Jeffrey and Ghislaine. Epstein and Maxwell. Real names, right there. Just laying it out. And apparently, they were involved inā¦ a situation. Iām not gonna go into the details, my kids might watch this someday. But it involved a lot of people, and the government has files on it. Big files. Like, filing cabinet files, probably. Maybe even more than one. So, this law, right, it says the Justice Department, thatās the people with all theā¦ justice-ingā¦ they gotta release all the papers they have. Everything that's *not* secret. You know, the stuff they *can* tell us. Which, honestly, you gotta wonder, what *can* they tell us? What *isn't* secret? Itās like going to the store and they only sell you the stuff they *want* to sell you. Makes you think, doesn't it? The deadline for this whole thing is December 19th. They gotta get this information out by then. That's like, a hard deadline, you know? Not like my deadlines. I tell my wife I'll take the trash out by Thursday, and sometimes it's Saturday. But these government deadlines? They mean business. Now, I donāt know whatās in those files. Could be anything. Recipes for casseroles. Maybe some really complicated tax forms. Or, you know, maybe some stuff about thisā¦ *situation*ā¦ that everyone wants to know about. I just find it interesting that they have to make it a *law* to tell us. Youād think theyād just *want* to be open, right? Like when my wife wants to tell me about her day. Usually. Sometimes I have to ask. But you shouldnāt have to pass a law to get someone to be open. You know? Feels a littleā¦ weird. So, yeah. December 19th. Mark your calendars. Iām not sure *Iām* gonna read all those files. I get distracted easy. But itās happening. And maybe, just maybe, weāll all learn something. Or at least, have something new to talk about at Thanksgiving next year. I'm just hoping it won't be about politics, because I'm terrible at that.
2025-12-06 02:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day, you know, trying to keep up. Itās hard. But I saw something about the World Cupā¦ which, by the way, is getting closer. In 2026, I think. I gotta start planning, maybe finally understand soccer. So, they had thisā¦ thing. A drawing, to see who plays who, right? In Washington. Fine. But then, *this* happened. This guy, Gianni Infantino... I looked him up. Seems important in the soccer world. He gave President Biden an award. A āFIFA Peace Prize.ā I didn't even know they *had* one. I mean, I knew they had *trophies* for the winning teams, but a "Peace Prize"? And it was because of things Biden didā¦ outside the country. Stuff with other countries. See, Iām already lost. Now, I like peace as much as the next guy. Maybe more. I mean, I really enjoy a quiet afternoon nap. Very peaceful. Iām just saying, my accomplishments in international relationsā¦ are limited. Mostly, Iām just trying to be a good neighbor. Make sure the trash cans are spaced out right. Real peace keeping stuff. But President Biden got a *soccer* peace prize. See, itās justā¦ odd, right? I mean, I understand they're probably trying to get more good will... but can't you just give a trophy ? Are trophies only for victories now ? Iām not saying the President doesn't deserve it. He probably does. Itās justā¦ if I ever got a Peace Prize, and it was from *soccer*, Iād be like, āAre you sure you got the right guy?ā I mean, Iām more of a football, you know, the *American* football type of guy. So, yeah. World Cup, President Biden, Peace Prizeā¦ all mixed up. Iām gonna go take a nap. Seems more straightforward.
2025-12-05 22:34
Alright, so I heard about this, and I'm still trying to figure it out, you know? Apparently, the president, he put out thisā¦ thing. A document. I'm not sure why they call it a document, seems like anything longer than a grocery list should be a book, but that's just me. Anyway, this "document," it's all about what's important to the U.S. and how we're gonna deal with everyone else. Which, okay, makes sense. I mean, you gotta have a plan, right? Even if your plan is just to figure out what's for dinner every night. Which, honestly, thatās my plan most days. And in this document, he's telling Europe, like, "Hey, you guys need to get yourselves together." I guess they're not doing so hot. I don't know much about Europe. I know they have soccer. And castles. That seems pretty good. But the president is saying they need to find their "greatness" again. I don't know. Seems like a lot of pressure to put on a continent. Like, imagine if I told my son, "Son, you need to find your greatness!" He'd probably just look at me and ask if he can have a snack. Which, fair. Snacks are important. So yeah, that's the gist of it. The president put out a paper saying what we should focus on, and he gave Europe some advice. That's all I got. I'm gonna go see if there are any snacks. I'm trying to find *my* greatness, one chip at a time.
2025-12-05 21:34
Okay, so I heard about this award, right? A "prize," they're calling it. And the American president, before he even *got* it, said, "Yeah, I probably deserve that thing." Which, I mean, is a *bold* move. I don't even tell my wife I deserve a nap before I actually *take* the nap. I usually have to earn the nap. By doing, you know, nothing. But anyway, this award...Apparently, it's for people who, and I'm quoting here, "unite the people and bring hope to future generations." That's a pretty wide net, isn't it? I mean, technically, the guy who invented the self-checkout kiosk probably unites people. 'Cause nobody knows how to use it, so we're all just standing there, confused, together. Bringing hope? I don't know about that. More like, bringing a mild sense of panic that you're gonna accidentally steal something. And "future generations?" My kid hopes I can figure out the TV remote. That's about as far as his generational hope goes. So, Iām just saying, it feels like you can give this to pretty much anyone! I guess itās a nice thing, uniting people and having hope and all. Iām justā¦ thinking about it. What does the runner-up get? A pat on the back? "You almost united them! Better luck next time uniting, buddy!" Like itās the Olympics of making people feel good. I donāt know, maybe I just donāt understand awards. Iām still trying to figure out why they give trophies for participation. Seems like everybody's a winner now.
2025-12-05 19:34
Alright, so I was readingā¦ well, I was *trying* to read, this thing, and it was talking about... Russia. And America. And Europe. Which, right there, that's already a lot of countries to keep track of. I mean, I struggle just remembering which way I parked the car. Apparently, this guy, who works at thisā¦ institute place, Montaigne? Sounds fancy. Probably a lot of cheese. Anyway, heās saying Russia is, like, slowly pushing America away from Europe. Like when you're trying to talk to your wife at a party and some guy keeps inching closer, and youāre like, "Alright, buddy, personal space." Except, with countries. And, you know, possibly more serious. And heās worried about what this means forā¦ peace talks? I think theyāre talking about that situation in Ukraine. Which isā¦ complicated. You know, I try to stay out of arguments. Even with my daughter. Mostly because sheās usually right. But, this guy, he's saying that if America and Europe aren't buddies anymore, it's gonna be harder to, you know, get everyone to stop fighting. Makes sense. Like, if you and your neighbor aren't talking, it's tough to figure out who's responsible for the leaves in your yard. And you know you want to be nice to the neighbour, but there are just so many leaves.... So, basically, this whole thing is about Russia maybe messing with the world order. And I'm just trying to figure out what to have for dinner. You know, priorities.
2025-12-05 17:04
Alright, so, I was reading the news the other dayā¦ well, my wife was reading the news and telling me about it. I mostly look at the sports scores. But she said something about some companies buying each other. You know, like when you're playing Monopoly and somebody gets Park Place and Boardwalk and you just know you're done for? It was kinda like that, only withā¦ entertainment. Apparently, this deal is HUGE. Like, really, really big. My wife was trying to explain it to me, and she mentioned something about Disney buyingā¦ something elseā¦ a while back. For, like, seventy-one *billion* dollars. I donāt even understand how much money that is, I have to ask my accountant every year for my taxes. Heās always confused about my golf scores too. Anyway, this new deal isā¦ not quite as big, I guess. But still, a super lot of money. I think what it boils down to is: some people are buying other peopleās stuff in the entertainment world, likeā¦ you know, movies and TV and all that. And, uhā¦ well, I donāt know exactly *what* theyāre buying. Probably not my stand-up specials, though. Not yet, anyway. Maybe someday. I guess my wife would have to read about it in the news and then tell me. Which is fine, because Iām not really sure whatās going on. But thatās okay. Keeps life interesting, right? At least, thatās what my wife says.
2025-12-05 13:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other dayā¦ or, well, I *tried* to read the news. It's always so loud, you know? Everyone yelling about something. But this one was about Netflix, and I understand Netflix. I mean, I *think* I understand it. I pay for it. That's a start, right? So, apparently, Netflix is thinking aboutā¦ buying something? It's called Warner Bros Discovery. Sounds like a law firm, doesnāt it? Like, if you need a lawyer, āWarner Bros Discoveryā ā they sound dependable. But it's not. It'sā¦ movies and TV shows. Now, I'm not sure why Netflix wants to buy *another* company that makes movies and TV shows. I mean, they already *have* movies and TV shows. You'd think they'd have enough. It's like when you go to the grocery store and you already have milk at home, but you buy more milk anyway. And then you get home and you have, like, *too much* milk. What are you gonna do with all that milk? Make a giant milk bath? I donāt know. Anyway, that's what Netflix is doing, apparently. Theyāre buying more āmilk,ā even though they already have a fridge full. And apparently, the White House is worried about it. The *White House* is worried about Netflix buying another company! Youād think theyād have bigger things to worry about, you know? Like, uhā¦ well, I don't know *what* they should be worried about, but probably not Netflix. Theyāre afraid Netflix is going to beā¦ too powerful. Like, theyāll have *all* the shows and *all* the movies. And then what? Will they start charging extra for comedies? "Oh, you want to laugh? Thatāll be an additional $5 a month." I don't know. Seems like a lot of fuss for a streaming service. I just hope they don't cancel my favorite show. Then *I'll* be worried. And probably confused. It's usually one or the other. Sometimes both. I thinkā¦
2025-12-05 13:04
Alright, so I was reading something the other day, you know, trying to keep up with the world. And it was talking about... well, people moving around. Migrations. Like geese, but... people. And, apparently, Washington ā not George, the other one, the city ā they said something about how this "era of mass migration" needs to, and I quote, "take its final curtain call." Which, you know, I appreciate the dramatic flair. You don't usually get that in government stuff. Usually it's just numbers and reports, and my brain just starts to glaze over like a donut left out overnight. But "final curtain call"? That's fancy. That's like something you'd hear at the end of a play. Which makes you wonder if someoneās thinking of the people involved in this situation as being part of a theatrical production. And the reason for all this, apparently, is border security. They're saying it's the "principal element" of national security. Now, Iām not a smart guy. You guys know that. I tried to build a birdhouse once, and I ended up nailing my shoe to the porch. It was a whole thing. But even *I* know that borders are important. I mean, otherwise, where *do* you put the welcome mat? Where does one end and the other begin? It just gets confusing. And I don't need more confusion in my life, honestly. My kids are already experts at it. They confuse *me*. So, yeah, thatās what I read. Basically, Washington thinks weāre done with a lot of people moving from place to place, because ofā¦ the borders. Which, again, makes sense. Because if you don't have borders, then you're just... everywhere. And nobody wants that. Especially me. I can barely handle being in one place at a time.
2025-12-05 12:34
Alright, so I saw this thing on the news, and I gotta tell you, I was a little confused. It was aboutā¦ well, two countries. Names wereā¦ complicated. Letās just call them Country A and Country B. Now, these two countries, they havenāt been getting along so well. Thereās been some disagreements, you know, like when you and your neighbor both want to park in the same spot. But, like, on a *much* larger scale. So, Country A and Country B, theyāre fighting overā¦ stuff. Land, probably. I donāt know. It always seems to be about land, doesn't it? Like my kids fighting over whose side of the car the window belongs to. Itās always something. Anyway, so these two countries are going at it, and then, here comesā¦ this guy. Let's just call him "The Negotiator." Big deal, apparently. He steps in and says, "Okay, we need to figure this out. Letās all justā¦ get along." And get this, they signed a peace agreement! Like, a real one. I mean, the Negotiator even called it "historic." Thatās a big word! I had to look that up to make sure I knew what that meant. So, you think, "Okay, great! Problem solved! They signed the paper; everybody goes home and gets a good night's sleep." Right? Nope. Apparently, even though they signed this thing, the fightingā¦ it didn't exactly stop. Like, theyāre shaking hands in one room, and in another part of the country, theyāre still throwing rocks. Maybe more than rocks. I donāt know. Itās like when my wife and I agree on dinner, then she still orders pizza even when I wanted something different. You signed the agreement! What are we doing here? So basically, Country A and Country B *say* they're at peace, the Negotiator *says* it's a historical moment, but down on the ground, I guess people are still not trusting each other. And you know, I get that. Trust is hard. It's like telling my kids that you only get one piece of candy. Nobody trusts that. You just gotta watch them. And then they have it anyway. So, long story short: they signed a paper, but they didnāt *really* sign a paper. Which, honestly, that might be the most confusing thing I've ever heard. I'm gonna need to go think about this. Maybe eat a candy, even if I only get one. I'm a grown-up, right? I can do what I want. Just don't tell my wife.
2025-12-05 10:04
Okay, so I was reading this thing, and it was about...the Secretary of Defense. You know, the guy in charge of, like, defending stuff. Real important job. Apparently, the Congress is a little upset with him. I guess they're saying he, uh...shot at some boats. In the Caribbean. Which, you know, the Caribbean, that sounds nice. I mean, if I'm gonna get shot at, might as well be somewhere with decent weather, right? But here's the thing, these boats...they think they were smuggling drugs. Now, I don't know anything about drug smuggling. Seems complicated. You gotta get the boat, find the drugs, figure out where to go... I lose my keys twice a day. I can't imagine coordinating a whole drug smuggling operation. Anyway, so he shot at these boats. And *that's* not even the weird part. The weird part is, the inspector general ā and I didn't even know we *had* an inspector general, but apparently we do, and they're inspecting ā the inspector general says he was using this app called "Signal" to do it. In April. Now, I'm not tech savvy. I just figured out how to use the voice thing on my phone. But "Signal"... it sounds like a walkie-talkie app, right? Like something you'd use when you were a kid playing cops and robbers. "Over and out, I see the suspect!" So, this is the Secretary of Defense, using a walkie-talkie app to... tell people to shoot at boats in the Caribbean that may or may not have drugs on them. And apparently, this created "a risk to operational security." Which, I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad. Like, maybe someone texted the wrong boat? "Hey, meet us behind the Piggly Wiggly at midnight...wait, wrong group chat!" I'm just saying, it all sounds a little... unorganized. You'd think with all the money and technology the military has, they'd have a *slightly* better way of taking care of these things. Like maybe, I don't know, send a strongly worded letter? "Please stop smuggling drugs. Thank you. Respectfully, The United States." It just seems like a lot of fuss. All this for a walkie-talkie app and some boats. I just hope the weather was nice for everybody involved. Because if you're gonna get investigated by Congress, you might as well get a tan out of it.
2025-12-05 05:34
Okay, so I saw this thing in the news, and itās about, you know, government stuff. Which, Iāll be honest, I usually zone out. Like, my wifeās trying to explain tax brackets, and Iām suddenly thinking about what kind of sandwich I could make with the leftover ham. But anyway, itās aboutā¦ let's call him the former president, and this other guy, Pete. Pete Hegseth. Sounds like a name you'd yell at a dog, right? "Pete Hegseth! Get outta the garbage!" But I don't know if he has anything to do with dogs or garbage. So apparently, these two were involved in something in the water. International waters. Now, Iām not a geography expert. I know thereās waterā¦ and some of itās around other countries. International waters, though, that sounds like the water parks that all the countries build together? You know, slides and lazy rivers and stuff, but everyoneās speaking different languages while they line up for the wave pool. Well, this wasnāt that. This wasā¦ something else. I don't know exactly what they were doing but it sounds like something maybe didn't go as planned, if you catch my drift. And because of that people were not happy with it. I donāt know all the details, I just hope there aren't any sharks in those international waterparks. I saw a movie once about that and, folks, it made me realize Iām more of a mini-golf guy. Way less chance of getting eaten, you know?
2025-12-05 04:34
Okay, so I was reading the news the other day, right? I try to keep up. It's not always easy, you know? Like, I understand the words, mostly. But sometimes putting them together... that's where I lose it. Anyway, there's this, uh, Supreme Court thing that happened. See, there was this earlier decision, like, from a lower court. I picture it like high school. You got your varsity court, which is the Supreme Court, and then you got your JV courts, just trying to figure things out. And this JV court had put a stop to something. I'm not even sure *what* exactly, but let's just say it had to do with a card. Probably like a credit card. I don't know why else they'd care. You know how it is with credit cards these days... everybody's got an opinion. So this lower court, they were like, "Nope. No more card." Maybe they were late on their payments. I don't know. But then, the Supreme Court stepped in. They said, "Hold on a second, fellas. We're gonna overrule you on this one." Which is... that's just gotta be embarrassing, right? Like, you put all that work into deciding something, and then the big guys come in and say, "Nah, we disagree." So, bottom line is, they're still using the card. And honestly, that's about all I understood from that article. I'm gonna go assume it involves some kind of rewards program. And that they probably get airline miles. Cause that's the kinda stuff I can relate to. I could never figure out how to use airline miles to actually get on a plane, though. I get so close and then it's like, "nope, no seats!" I don't know. Maybe one day.
2025-12-05 01:34
Alright, alright. So, I was talking to this guy the other day, nice guy. You know, real friendly. He was telling me about...work permits. Now, I gotta be honest, I don't know a whole lot about work permits. I mean, I have one, I guess, for comedy. Though, some nights, you wonder, right? Anyway, this guy was explaining it to me, and it's like...they used to give these permits out for, like, five years. Five years! That's a long time. You could learn to play the banjo in five years. I mean, I *should* learn to play the banjo. Iāve been saying I would forā¦ well, five years, probably. But then, he says, "Now they're only giving them out for...eighteen months." Eighteen months! That's, what, a year and a half? That's hardly enough time to figure out what your job *is*, let alone do it! You know? I mean, Iām barely figuring out my jokes as Iām telling them, soā¦ And, get this, he said it's affecting... refugees. Refugees! Those are the people who need the *most* help. I mean, they're just trying to get their lives started, and weāre over here handing out short-term passes like itās a Chuck E. Cheese. Like, "Here's your pass, go play skee-ball for a year and a half, then get out!" So, basically, the whole thing seems a little backwards to me. They're making it harder for people who are already having a hard time. It just...doesn't seem right. But what do I know? I'm just a comedian who still can't figure out how to work the hotel room thermostat. Eighteen monthsā¦ maybe that's how long it takes me to figure that out.
2025-12-05 01:04
Okay, so I saw this thing aboutā¦ diplomacy. You know, talking. I guess we're supposed to be good at it. America, right? We'reā¦ involved. So, there's this institute, a place where they teach people to, I don't know, *not* yell at each other when they're figuring out trade deals or whatever. They're trying to praise the country's "best negotiator ever", which, good for them. Gotta give credit where credit is due, right? Hereās the funny part. This institute, they said it was started back in 1984. That's a while ago. A whole different era. And, now, this institute gets praised. I have no problem with that. People should be acknowledged for the job well done. Here's the funny thing : apparently, I don't know exactly when, the new president took office, and the very first thing he wanted to do was shut down this institute. Said it wasn't necessary anymore. Like, "We're done with talking! Time forā¦ something else!" I don't know. It was probably something more complicated. Everything is, right? And they said he fired all the managers too. All of them. So that's awkward. So now they're saying, "Hey, remember this place we almost got rid of? They're great!" I don't know, sometimes it feels like we're just making it up as we go. Like when you're giving directions and realize halfway through you're completely lost. And, you know, the best negotiator ever? I wonder who that is. Probably someone I've never heard of. I'm sure they're great. I'm just imagining him trying to negotiate with my wife about how many dogs we can have. That guy would lose. That's a tough negotiation.
2025-12-04 22:34
Alright, so you guys remember that January of 2021? Seems like a long time ago now, right? It wasā¦a year. We all made it. Anyway, turns out, somebody was putting homemadeā¦bombsā¦ in front of theā¦uhā¦Republican and Democratā¦headquartersā¦things. I don't know what you call them. Buildings, I guess. So, thatās not good, right? You donāt put bombs in front of places. Seems like itād be against the law. And it would probably make people mad. But hereās the thing, this happened in January 2021, andā¦they JUST caught this guy. Just now. Thatās likeā¦four years! What were they doing? Were they looking? I don't know. I mean, I lose my car keys in the house and it takes me a week to find them. So I get it. Things get lost. You misplace things. Butā¦ a bomb-maker? That's a pretty big thing to "misplace," right? Youād think theyād maybeā¦try a little harder. I donāt know. Maybe they were busy. Everyone was pretty busy in 2021. Probably watching Netflix. I was watching Netflix. Maybe that was it. Maybe if we all hadnāt been watching Netflix, they would have caught him sooner. So, anyway, they caught him. Finally. I hope he's got a good lawyer. Heās probably gonna need it. And hopefully, they'll get to the bottom of why it took so long. Maybe they should have hired me. Iām good at finding thingsā¦ eventually. After like, a week. But still!
2025-12-04 21:34
Alright, so I saw this thing aboutā¦ well, Iām not even sure where it is. Someplaceā¦ Congo, I think? Yeah, Congo. Democratic Republic of Congo. That's a long name for a place. Youād think they'd shorten it, you know? Like, āDRC, wanna go?ā Nobody says that. Anyway, thereās a lot of fighting going on over there. Real bad. Apparently, *intense* fighting. Thatāsā¦not good. I don't like intense anything. Intense meetings? Nope. Intense workouts? Absolutely not. Intense fighting? Iām out. But the president ā the American one, yeah ā he says thereās gonna be a āgreat miracleā there. I donāt know what that means. I hope it's a good miracle. I hope it's not like a miracle where everyone suddenly starts liking mayonnaise. Because I don't need that kind of miracle. He says there's an āpowerful and detailedā agreement. "Powerful and detailed." Thatās two words you donāt usually hear together, right? Usually, itās like āsimple and clear.ā Like my instructions for making coffee. Powerful and detailed sounds likeā¦ complicated. And Iām not good with complicated. I can barely work my remote. Powerful and detailed. I wonder if someone could explain it to me. Maybe. Probably not. So, yeah. Fighting. Bad. Miracle? Hopefully good. And a powerful and detailed agreement. Somewhere in Congo. I hope it all works out for them. I really do.
2025-12-04 21:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, and it's about the Pentagon...you know, the place with all the shapes. Pentagon, five sides. I'm good with that. Geometry, surprisingly, not my worst subject. Anyway, inside this Pentagon, there's like, another group. An "independent" group. Makes you wonder, independent from *what*? Is the Pentagon not independent enough? It's like they need their own littleā¦Pentagon-within-a-Pentagon. I donāt know. Seems redundant. So this independent group, they're looking into something the Defense Minister did. Now, the Defense Ministerā¦that's a big job. You'd think they'd have, like, a special phone. Something super secure, like a phone booth made of titanium or something. But no, apparently, he was using this app called Signal. Signal. Sounds like a radio station. Werenāt we supposed to stop using radios? And if the government knows about it, can it *really* be that secure? And he was sharing information about theseā¦strikes in Yemen. Yemen. I always get that confused withā¦well, never mind. Itās just a place far away that I probably couldnāt find on a map. My geography isā¦developing. Still working on it. But here's the thing: heās sharing this info, supposedly sensitive stuff, on Signal, and then *The Atlantic*ā¦which I think is a magazine? Unless it's, like, an ocean thing. I'm not sureā¦ Anyway, *The Atlantic* found out about it. So basically, the sensitive info wasnāt that sensitive. It was like someone yelling a secret in a library. You *think* youāre being quietā¦ So now this independent group inside the Pentagon is looking into why the Defense Minister was using Signal to talk aboutā¦strikes. I guess the lesson here is, if youāre gonna plan something important, maybe just use, you know, a regular old phone. Or better yet, carrier pigeons. No one ever suspects the pigeons. They just think youāre nice. I don't know. Just seems like a lot of steps to get to "the public knows everything now." We're just figuring stuff out over here.
2025-12-04 20:34
Okay, so, I saw this thing about gas stations. I don't know, I just read it, and I was like, "Okay, I guess this is news." You know how it is. They tell you things. Basically, the U.S. Treasury Department ā and I don't know what they do *exactly*, other than have a lot of money probably, which is probably a good job to have if you can get it, but... they made this decision, see? About gas stations. Now, I'm not a gas station guy. I mean, I *use* them, obviously. You gotta get gas. But I'm not like, hanging out at the gas station. Unless they have really good snacks. Which, sometimes, they do. Like, a really good beef jerky. It's a whole situation in my head when that happens. But anyway, they're letting gas stations that aren't inā¦ *that country* ā I'm just gonna say "that country" 'cause, you know, I don't want to mess it up ā they're letting those gas stations keep running. Which, I guess, is a good thing. 'Cause people need gas. I don't know why they had to make a decision about it. I thought gas stations just *ran*. Like, you put gas in 'em, and then people buy gas. That's it, right? But apparently, there's more to it than that. Way more. I'm probably missing a lot of things, but at least it means people aren't walking, and I think that's a net positive for everyone.
2025-12-04 20:04
(Stands center stage, adjusts the mic a little) So, I was reading this thing, and, you know how it is, you read stuff, and you're like, "Am I understanding this correctly?" Because sometimes I don't. My wife will ask me something and I'll answer like I'm in a different conversation entirely. She thinks itās hilarious... I'm still not sure... Anyway, so the... uh... the defense peopleā¦the American defense people... They were saying something about journalists. The journalist people. You know, the people who write things down? My brother-in-lawās a journalist. He writes aboutā¦ fishing tournaments. Which, I guess, is important to somebody. So, what they were saying is... and again, I'm probably getting this wrong... but theyāre asking the journalists... nice ask, very polite... but they're asking them *real* politely... to not write some things. Some specific things. It's not like "Don't write *anything*!" Because then how would we know about the fishing tournaments? But specific things. And if they *do* write these specific thingsā¦ without askingā¦ *ahead of time*ā¦ which is importantā¦ then they mightā¦ *might*ā¦ lose their, uhā¦ their press pass. Which, you need, apparently, to stand near the things youāre writing about. So it's like, theyāre saying "Hey, you can be a journalist, but *please* ask us before you write about these things." Which seemsā¦ reasonable? I guess? I mean, Iām just thinking out loud here. You donāt want journalists running around yelling about stuff that nobody knows what to do with. Thatās what I do. It's like if I went into a library and started yelling aboutā¦ uhā¦ astrophysics. Everyone would be confused. And rightfully so. *I'd* be confused. So basically, the government wants the journalists to check in before writing about certain things, or they risk not being able to report those things. See? It's simple. I think... (Shrugs, smiles awkwardly) I probably got that completely wrong. My wife will be so upset.
2025-12-04 16:04
Okay, so you know how sometimes you see something on TV and youāre like, āWait, did that really happen?ā That's how I felt the other day. So, apparently, the U.S. President is a littleā¦ well, letās just say heās not thrilled about something he saw in a documentary. See, somebody took a speech he made and, I guess, put it together in a way thatā¦ didnāt make him look so good. Itās like when my daughter, Harper, tries to tell me what happened at school, and she leaves out, like, *all* the important parts. You're left going, "Okay, so... you just sat there?" Anyway, this documentary was on some channelā¦ Iām gonna be honest, I donāt know much about the channel. Probably one of those channels my dad watches where they show old British comedies. I'm not sure. But it was that channel. And so, the Presidentā¦ he feels like this documentary, with itsā¦ creatively edited speech, kinda, you know, *defamed* him. Thatās a big word. I had to look it up. It basically means they made him look bad, which, you know, sometimes *I* do myself, just by walking into a room. So now, here's the kicker, he's asking for money! A lot of money. Like, between one *billion* and five *billion* dollars. Now, I don't know about you, but if I had that kind of money, I wouldnāt be watching documentaries. I'd be on a beach somewhere, probably still confused about how I got there. I just think it's funny, this whole situation. You give a speech, they take it and chop it up, then you got to get a lawyer and sue people for billions of dollars, you know? It just sounds exhausting. Me? If someone made me look silly in a documentary, I'd probably just say, "Yeah, that sounds about right." Easier that way.
2025-12-04 14:34
Okay, so, I saw this thing... well, I didn't *see* it, but I read about it. It was about this...movie. Or, well, documentary, I guess. You know, the kind with all the fancy cameras and the dramatic music. *[Makes a sweeping gesture with his hand]* And it's about...the Revolutionary War. Yeah, the one where we told the British, "Hey, we're gonna start our own thing over here." I always think about that. Like, what did the British think? Were they surprised? Did they say, "Wait, really? You guys? *You're* going to try to run a country?" 'Cause that's kind of what I'd think. Anyway, this documentary...apparently, it's showing a *different* side of the story. Which I guess makes sense. History is, like, really old, right? So, a lot of stuff probably happened that we didn't know about. Like, maybe the British were just trying to be helpful. Probably not, but you never know. But, the thing is, not everyone's happy about this new take on the Revolution. And the people who aren't happy... well, they're these guys, these Republicans. Now, I don't know a whole lot about politics. I just know it's confusing. But, they seem pretty upset about it. I guess they thought the war was pretty straightforward, like 'we win, they lose'. And you just canāt change that, I suppose. I can see why they'd be confused by this different version of the story. I get confused when they change the cereal box at the grocery store. Iām thinking 'didn't I just buy you last week?'. So, yeah, this movie came out, some people didn't like it. That's pretty much it. I think. I probably missed something. Like I said, history is old, complicated, and a bit like when they changed the labels on the cereals and the box looks new, but the taste hasnāt changed... I donāt know. I just wanted to be clear, don't come yelling at me if you find that there is other things happening here, alright?
2025-12-04 13:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing, this news thing, and it was talking about diplomacy. Diplomacy. That's like, talking to people, right? Important people. And apparently, America...we have a "best negotiator of all time." That's what they're saying. "Best ever." Which is good, I guess. You want the best, especially when you're...negotiating. I don't know what they negotiate about, probably important stuff I wouldn't understand. Like, figuring out who gets the extra cheese on the moon, or something. But here's the thing. This institute, this *place* that said we have the best negotiator, they were created back in...1984. Which, 1984...that's a long time ago. I think I was like, building with Legos then. Probably not negotiating anything myself, unless you count getting my sister to trade me her blue Lego for my red one. High-stakes stuff. Anyway, the story goes on to say that the president...which president? I don't know. A president...he tried to, like, get rid of the whole institute. Like, dismantle it. Which seems...counterintuitive, right? You have this thing, this negotiator-finding machine, and you're gonna get rid of it? And the best part? He fired all the leaders. *All* of them. I mean, what were they doing, besides finding the best negotiators? I'd love to know. So, to recap, we got this place, this institute. They say we have the best negotiator ever. The president wanted to shut it down. And then fired everyone who worked there. It's kind of like when my wife is trying to organize the pantry. She gets all excited, throws everything out, reorganizes, and then two days later it's worse than before. Except, this is with the government, and negotiations with cheese on the moon. I tell you what, I don't understand politics. I really don't.
2025-12-04 11:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing the other day ā not a book, you know I don't really read books. More like anā¦ article? It was about the United Nations. You know, the UN? Big building, lot of flags. I always wonder how they decide which flag goes where. Like, is there a meeting for *that*? "Okay, delegates, today we're focusing on flag placementā¦" Anyway, apparently, this group, the Security Council, they're supposed to be, like, the peacekeeping force of the world or something. Which sounds exhausting. I have trouble keeping peace in my own house, you know? My daughter, she's got opinions on everything. Everything! So, this lady, Tatianaā¦ Svorou? Is that right? Good luck spelling *that*. She writes that the Security Council made this peace plan forā¦ an area. And it sounds like that peace plan was created without talking to the people who will be directly impacted by it. Which seems like a problem. Seems like common sense, right? You want to know where they are with all that? You have to go talk to them. I mean, if my wife was redecorating the kitchen without asking me, Iād be pretty confused. Like, āHoney, where did the coffee go? Did we vote on this? I don't remember a meeting." And a kitchen's smaller than the whole world! So, she's saying they didnāt consult the Palestinā¦ you know, the people there. The people this whole plan affects! Itās likeā¦ ordering pizza for everyone and not asking what toppings they want. You just bring a pineapple pizza and then youāre like, āPeace!ā Everybodyās just looking at you like, āWhereās the pepperoni?ā And apparently, the UN is supposed to be all about letting people decide things for themselves. Which is a good idea. I mean, I let my daughter pick her own clothes. Sometimes. Mostly I just hope she matches. Itās a work in progress, that's for sure. So, in short, it sounds like the UNā¦ made a plan for peaceā¦ without asking the people involved what they think. Whichā¦ well, it sounds like a recipe for a lot more talking. And you know Iām just trying to avoid talking. That's why I do stand-up. I just yell at people for an hour. It's perfect.
2025-12-04 09:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing the other day, and Iām still trying to figure it out. It involvesā¦ government stuff. You know how that is. So, apparently, the Secretary of Defense ā thatās a real job, right? I mean, it sounds important. Like you have to know a lot of stuff. Anyway, this guy, he's using this app, itās calledā¦ Signal. I donāt know Signal. Is that like email? My wife, she uses that Instagram thing, I think thatās how we communicate now. I get a picture of a grocery list. But this Signal thing, he was using it to talk aboutā¦ Yemen. See, now you lost me. Yemen. Where is that? Is that nearā¦ nope, I got nothing. Geography was never my strong suit. I thought the world was flat until I was, like, 20. Just kidding... mostly. Anyway, *apparently* there were, like, strikes happening in Yemen. And he was talking about it on this Signal app. Sharing āsensitive information.ā You know, the kind of stuff you probably *shouldnāt* be sharing on an app with, like, a username and a password. And then, get this, *The Atlantic* magazine ā thatās a real magazine, right? My dad used to read those things. I don't know if he understood them, but he read them. *The Atlantic* found out about it. And then they told everyone. So now, this independent group, theyāre investigating the whole thing. Theyāre trying to figure out who said what to who, and why they said it on Signal. It sounds like a headache. I donāt know, maybe they should just go back to carrier pigeons. You gotta train them, which sounds hard, but at least it's not Signal. Honestly, I donāt know whatās going on half the time. I'm just trying to figure out what kind of pizza to order. World affairs? That's above my pay grade. I'm not even sure what my pay grade *is*. I should probably ask someone. But then they might think I'm trying to get a raise, and I don't want that kind of attention.
2025-12-04 09:04
Alright, so, you know how the President changed some rules? Yeah, rules about cars. See, Biden had these rules... I don't know all the rules, honestly. Rules about how efficient cars had to be. You know, gas mileage, the whole thing. I get it, trying to help the environment. Seems like a good idea, right? But then the new President came in, and he was like, "Nah, we're good. Scrap those rules." And the car companies? Theyāre all pumped. Theyāre high-fiving each other, probably. I don't know if car companies high-five... maybe they just nod at each other really seriously. Point is, they're happy. Now, the environmental people? Not so thrilled. They're saying it's a setback. Like we're going backwards on the whole climate change thing. I don't know about all that, seems complicated. It's like, I bought an electric car once, to do my part, you know? Charged it up at home... Except, turns out my house is really old, and the car kept tripping the breaker. Kept blowing out the lights when I tried to charge the car. So, then I'm sitting in the dark, in a green car, feeling really guilty. Ended up just driving my old truck everywhere. You know, the one that sounds like a jet engine taking off? So yeah, new rules, car companies happy, environmental people not happy. It's like everything else, I guess. Someoneās always going to be upset, and me? Iām just trying to keep the lights on.
2025-12-04 01:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? And it's about, you know, that guy from "Friends". The one who was always...you know, making jokes? Good guy. Anyway, apparently, there was this doctor. A doctor, right? You'd think doctors, they're supposed to, like, help people. That's their whole thing. I mean, I go to the doctor, and I expect him to not accidentally sell me something that's going to, you know, *not* help me. So, this doctor, his name is Salvador...Plasencia. That's a name. Sounds like a town in Spain. Anyway, Salvador here, he didn't, like, *give* the "Friends" guy the stuff that caused, you know, the problem. Okay, that's a good start. I'm thinking, "Okay, Doc's in the clear." But then it turns out, Salvador...he sold him, like, twenty bottles of it. *Twenty*. Now, I'm not a doctor, I didn't even go to college, but twenty bottles of *anything* sounds like a lot. You go to the grocery store, you buy twenty bottles of ketchup, the cashier looks at you funny. Imagine twenty bottles of anesthesia. What are you going to do with that? Is that, like, a party trick? "Hey, everybody, watch me go to sleep!" So, yeah, the doctor didn't *directly* cause it. But he sold him twenty bottles. So, it's like... he didn't push the guy off the cliff. He just, you know, opened the gate. I don't know. Seems like maybe Salvador shouldn't be selling twenty bottles of that stuff to anybody. Maybe just me... I am kidding! I'm good. I just need a nap sometimes. Maybe that's the answer?
2025-12-04 01:04
Okay, so I heard about this thing happening down in Louisiana, right? Louisiana. I've been there. Nice place, good food. They deep fry everything. Even the air, I think. But anyway... So, theā¦ uhā¦ the "secretariat," that's a big word. Sounds important, like theyāre guarding secrets. I don't know *what* secrets. Maybe the recipe for that beignet they got down there? Theyāre real serious about that thing, but... I wouldnāt know for sure. That's a heck of a thing to guard. Anyway, these "Secretariats for Inner Security" - thatās what they call 'em now. Theyāre doing this thing where theyāreā¦ catching people. People that don't got their papers. You know, like when you forget your driver's license, but, uh, probably a little more serious than that. And it's happening in Louisiana. So they're like, "We need more help!" Which, I get. Louisiana is big. And, well, so they're calling in the National Guard. Now, the National Guard... those are good people. I always liked the National Guard. The thing is, they're not coming right away. The Guard are gonna be there... in about two weeks. Two weeks! That's a long time. Like, if I lost my keys, and someone said, "I'll find them in two weeks," I'd just start walking. I'd just buy a new car by then, you know? So thatās how it is. They are catching people without the right papers in Louisiana, and the National Guard is comingā¦ eventually. It's all veryā¦ organized. In a couple of weeks, but you knowā¦ Organized. Sometimes things happen at different speeds and places. And sometimes you just gotta deep fry the air, I donāt know. Just the way things are, ya know?
2025-12-04 00:34
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day... you know, trying to figure out what's going on. And there's this group ā I don't know exactly what they do, probably something important that I don't understand. But they weren't happy. See, they filed a complaint, which, right there, is a whole process. Filing. You ever filed anything? It's like filling out paperwork but with more... anger. Anyway, they filed it with this Tribunal ofā¦ International Commerce. I think? Iām not entirely sure what that is, but it sounds very official. Lots of people in suits, probably. Talking about things like "tariffs" and "duties." I always get those confused. Isn't a duty like... something you're supposed to do? And a tariff is... I don't know. But these folks thought some extra fees, these "surtaxes," they were being charged were... illegal. Like, *actually* illegal, not just the "forgetting to put the buggy back" kind of illegal. Big-time, courtroom illegal. And get this, they want their money back. All the money they already paid! To the "fisc" - that's, uh, the government money people. It's like they are saying : "Hey, those fees were'nt right, so give us our money back." Which, I gotta say, takes guts. 'Cause dealing with the government... it's not always easy. You try to return something to the government? Good luck with that. You probably need more forms. So, that's the story. Some group is fighting back against extra fees they think they shouldn't have to pay. I hope they win. Because if they lose, who knows? Maybe they'll start charging us extra for everything. Like, imagine having to pay a "surtax" on your sweet tea? I don't know if I could handle that. It's already too expensive.
2025-12-03 19:04
Alright, so I was readingā¦ or, well, *trying* to read something. It was one of those articles that, you know, starts out saying one thing and then halfway through you're like, "Wait, am I still talking about the same thing?" It's about this billionaire guy, tech guy, super smart, you know the type. Heās saying thereās like, a global thingā¦ an āorder,ā they called it. And he doesn't like it. Says itās stopping progress. Iām not sure exactly what he means by "progress," but I assume it involves a new app where I can order pizza with my mind. Which, let's be honest, would be great, but also probably a disaster. Imagine accidentally ordering 17 pizzas in your sleep. My wife would kill me. So he's against this thing, this order. Seems reasonable enough. I mean, who likes being ordered around? But then this other person ā a smart lady, a researcher ā she comes along and says, "Hold on a second! This guy and his Silicon Valley buddies? They're trying to replace that 'order' with their *own* thing." And she calls itā¦ wait for itā¦ "technological totalitarianism." Technological totalitarianism! Thatās a lot of words. I think. See, now I'm confused. One guy is against something that's supposedly holding us back, but the other person says heās just trying to replace it with somethingā¦ worse? And the kicker? She says Europe shouldnāt go along with it. Which makes me wonder, why are they asking Europe? Are we out of the loop on this? Did they already try it on us here in America, and we're just too busy arguing about whether pineapple belongs on pizza to notice that we're living in aā¦ technological totalitarianism? I don't even know what that would look like! I guess what I'm saying is, it's probably best to just order a regular pizza and not worry about any of this.
2025-12-03 14:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? This lady, she knows a lot about the United States, likeā¦ way more than me, definitely. I mostly just know where Cracker Barrel is in each state. But she was saying that the President, he's got this way of doing things, a... *forceful* way. Like, he really likes getting his way, which, I mean, who doesn't? I like getting my way, especially when it comes to having popcorn at the movie theater. But apparently, he's doing this even if it means, likeā¦ not following the rules everyone else is following. International rules. Which, Iām not sure I even know what those are. Like, is there a rule about not using the wrong fork at a fancy dinner when you're visiting another country? I feel like there probably is. Iād probably break it. And she was saying itās not always working out so great. Some things are good, some things aren't. Which, thatās life, right? Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. I mean, I thought I could beat my wife in mini-golf once. *Once*. Learned my lesson. So, the President, he's just out there, trying to get things done, his way. And sometimes it works, sometimesā¦ well, you end up with a bad score on hole 17. Just gotta keep swingin', I guess.
2025-12-03 11:34
Alright, so I saw this thing, and I'm trying to figure it out. Basically, there's this list of countries, right? Afghanistan, Myanmar, Chad, Cubaā¦ you know, the usual vacation spots. Not really, butā¦ you get the idea. And apparently, they've kinda stopped processingā¦ well, the green card thing. The permanent resident card. That's what you need, right? If you want to live somewhere, not just visit. Like, longer than a week. So, they stopped doing that. They also stoppedā¦ the citizenship thing. Naturalization. Which, I always think of like, youāre planting a citizen. Watering them, hoping they grow big and strong and, you know, pay taxes. But thatās not it. It's like, becoming a citizen. Officially. And theyāve stopped doing that for folks from these countries. Which, Iām guessing, probably makes things a littleā¦ inconvenient. I mean, applying for that stuff is already likeā¦ you gotta get documents, and fill out forms, and then wait. A long time. My dad applied for a permit once to build a shed in his garden, and that took longer than this sounds. So, yeah. No green cards. No citizenship. For now. From those countries. I don't know why, exactly. They didn't tell *me*. Iām just trying to understand it. My wifeās trying to explain it to me. She's much smarter than me with this kind of stuff. I just nod. It seems like a good strategy. It generally keeps things calm at the house. But basically, for some people, moving somewhere, and becoming a citizen there, is on pause. Which, you know, for a lot of people, is probablyā¦ not great news. Especially if they've already packed. You gotta unpack now. Thatās never fun. Unpacking. Itās likeā¦ the opposite of Christmas. You're taking stuff *out* of boxes. I just thought I should let you know. That's all. I read it. Now you know. We can all be confused together.
2025-12-03 09:04
Okay, so, I heard this thing, right? And I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happened, because...well, you know me. Apparently, this guy, Pete Hegesth ā I think he's like, in charge ofā¦ well, defense. You know, the stuff that keeps us safe. Which I appreciate, because I'm terrible at defending myself. I'd probably just apologize to whoever was attacking me. Anyway, Pete, he's getting accused of somethingā¦ intense. They're saying he told people toā¦ uhā¦ finish off survivors. After some sort of... a double hit? In the water. International water. Which, I didn't even know water *had* countries. Like, is there a passport you need for international water? Do you have to declare it when you're coming back? "Sir, are you bringing any foreign water into the country?" And these hits, they were back in September, which is a long time ago. Youād think if you were gonna accuse someone of something like *this*, youād bring it up sooner, but that's just me. So, everybody's pointing fingers at Pete, and he's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. I didn't tell anybody to do anything like that." He denies it. Flat out. Which, you know, you gotta believe *someone*. And I'm leaning towards believing the guy in charge of defense, because if he *did* order something like that... I don't even know *what* to think. The whole thing is justā¦ it's a lot. Iām just trying to understand it. I feel like I need a whiteboard and a team of investigators just to keep up with this news. Makes you wonder what else is going on that you don't even know about, you know? It's always something, isn't it? You know, I just came to do comedy. Now I have to understand international law and naval protocols. I donāt even like the ocean. I like pools. Are the rules the same in international pools?
2025-12-03 06:34
Alright, so, I was reading something the other day, and itās about... well, it's about Russia, and, you know, like Europe. (pauses, looks slightly bewildered) These guys are trying to figure something out, right? And it's, like, some sort of disagreement. I don't know exactly what the disagreement *is*, because honestly, I saw ādiplomatic advisorā and my brain just kind of...checked out. You know, those jobs where you're like "What *is* that?" Iām sure theyāre important, I just don't get it. Like being a mime, I can't believe someone get paid to do that. Anyway, so this guy, this... advisor guy... says, and I'm paraphrasing because I don't want to try to pronounce his name, heās basically saying they havenāt figured out a solution yet, but some ideas the Americans came up with might actually work. Which is good! I guess. (shrugs) But then, *before* the advisor guy said that, someone else said, basicallyā¦ well, they mentioned the possibility of a war in Europe. (long pause, stares blankly ahead) Now, I don't know about you guys, but "possible war" is not something I like to hear. It sounds like a bad thing. Especially if it involves *all* of Europe. That's a lot of people, a lot of countries. It feels like a BIG problem! Itās like when my wife, sheāll start a sentence with, āWe need to talk.ā Thatās never good. Itās NEVER āWe need to talk about how great things are!ā No! Itās always followed with a problem. So yeah, no compromise yet, but maybe they'll use an American idea. And, also, maybe, war? Which, I'm hoping they figure that out. Because war...war is definitely not the punchline anyone wants. I think even I can figure that out.
2025-12-03 06:04
Alright, so listen to this. I was reading about... politics, I guess. You know I try to stay out of that stuff. It's just... loud. So, this guy, Matt Van Epps, right? Good name. Sounds like a guy who sells...van parts. I don't know why I thought of that. Anyway, he's a Republican, and he won this election in Tennessee. Now, Tennessee...that's where I live. Near Nashville. Which is weird because I barely leave my house. Apparently, this district, it's real... Republican-y? I don't know the right word. Just, you know, if you wore a donkey costume to a parade, you might get some weird looks. But here's the thing. He won, but it was close. Like, REALLY close. Like, someone said it's a "scathing warning" to the White House. I don't know if the White House can even *hear* warnings. They're pretty busy, I imagine. So the headline is: Republican wins in Tennessee, but it wasn't by much. See, I donāt get it. I mean, either you win or you lose. Right? Itās likeā¦ if you're playing mini-golf, and you get a hole-in-one but your ball BARELY went in... is it less of a hole-in-one? I don't think so! Maybe the White House should just get better at mini golf. That might help. I donāt know. Iām just trying to figure this out. Itās a lot.
2025-12-03 05:04
Okay, so, I heard about this thing... it's about food. Specifically, the stuff you find in the grocery store. You know, where you go to get the ingredients for, like, a sandwich, or maybe a casserole if youāre feeling ambitious... which I never am. Sandwiches are easier. Anyway, apparently, some of these food companies...and I'm not gonna name names because I don't know which ones are gonna sue me, but they make a lot of stuffā¦ They've, uh... they've made too much stuff, maybe? See, thereās this prosecutor... and theyāre saying that these companies, with the way they *make* and *sell* all this food... it's created a public health crisis. Public health crisis... that sounds... serious. I saw that on the news once. I just thought it was an overreaction. Now, Iām no doctor, obviously. If I was a doctor, I wouldn't be telling jokes about food, I'd be *diagnosing* jokes. But, this prosecutor is saying it's the design and the marketing of this "ultra-processed" food. Ultra-processed... sounds like something from space. Is that stuff safe ? Like when they came out with microwaved food. Is that safe? But hereās the crazy part: apparently, *over 70%* of the stuff in the grocery store is this ultra-processed stuff. 70%! So, like, if you walk down an aisle, and pick out, say, ten thingsā¦ seven of them are probably this. It is a lot! I wonder if I would like this ultra-processed food... So, basically, theyāre saying the grocery store is like, uh... a health minefield. And I'm just trying to make a sandwich. Itās getting hard.
2025-12-03 03:34
Okay, so I saw this thing the other day. It was aboutā¦ lawyers. You know, the guys with the robes and theā¦ arguments. I always thought they just yelled at each other, but apparently, thereās more to it. So, these lawyers, they were helping migrants. You know, people moving from one place to another. I always get confused by that, like, "Where are they going? Is there free coffee over there? Is it closer to the outlet mall?" I donāt know, I just never got the big picture of moving. Anyway, these lawyers, they were helping these people. And then, *poof*, gone. Like they disappeared during a magic show, except less impressive, because there were no tigers or doves involved. And the people who were into migrrrants, they were saying that the government wanted to replace these lawyers with lawyers whoā¦ agreed more. With the government, on migrant stuff. Which, I don't know, sounds like a lot of paperwork. To try and find lawyers that were okay with what the government wanted. I'm guessing you have to check some boxes on the application or something. Itās like when my wife wants me to pick a paint color for the living room. I don't have an opinion on paint colors and she does. I guess the paint thing is to give the wife what she wants and in this case the government probably just wants to make things a little easier on themselves. So, basically, the story is that lawyers were helping migrants, and now those lawyers are gone. And some people think the government might have had something to do with it. Itās all veryā¦ lawyer-y. And migrant-y. And government-y. I'm gonna need a nap after that.
2025-12-03 02:34
Alright, so I saw this thing in the news, and I gotta be honest, I had to read it a couple of times. It's aboutā¦ the President, right? Heās talking about Somalia. Now, Iāve seen Somalia on a map, I think. Itāsā¦ somewhere. Like, I couldn't point to it exactly on a map but I know it's there, right?. And I think he's not happy with them. So, he's saying some things, theseā¦ what do they call them? "Incendiary" remarks. See, right there, thatās already a confusing word. Incendiary. Sounds like you should be putting it on a sandwich, you know? Like, "Man, this ham needs some incendiary on it." But no, it's bad. He's saying stuff. Apparently, heās going to, like, maybeā¦ completely stop people from coming here from "third-world countries". That's what he called them. Third world. I don't even know what that means exactly! See, I'm picturing a world map, right? And there's a First World, a Second Worldā¦ and somewhere in the back, there's the Third World. Like, they drew the map, ran out of space, and just stuck the Third World way in the corner. You know? "Ah, just put Somalia there, that's the Third World". But seriously, stopping all those people from coming here? That sounds like a big decision. Lotta paperwork, I imagine. My wife, she got one speeding ticket fixed. One. Took six months. Imagine getting an entire world to stop immigrating. I don't know, seems like a headache. And he said "permanently suspend". You know, permanently is a long time. I can't even commit to anything for a week, let alone permanently. Like, I can't even figure out what I'm having for dinner tonight. I definitely can't make decisions about the rest of the world and the people who are trying to live here, forever! I guess we will just have to see what happens. But I'm not sure what exactly will happen. Iām not sure he does either.
2025-12-02 22:34
Okay, so there's this guy, Rahmanullah Lakanwal. Name's a bit of a mouthful, right? I feel bad for the guy ordering coffee. They're gonna need a whiteboard. Anyway, they're doing this whole investigation thing, trying to figure him out. But here's the thing... nobody knows *anything*. Like, they're looking at him, scratching their heads, going, "Huh?" I swear, it's like trying to understand my wife's directions. You think you're getting somewhere, and then BAM, you're in a completely different state. The authorities, they're confused. The public? Also confused. Which, honestly, I find comforting. Makes me feel like I'm right there with them. Usually, I'm just confused by myself, but this time, everyone's like, "Yeah, what's this guy's deal?" They're saying his motivations are unclear. Unclear! You know what else is unclear? The instructions on assembling IKEA furniture. I swear, they give you a little picture, and you're supposed to magically turn that into a whole dresser. It's the same level of clarity as trying to understand this Lakanwal guy. So, basically, they're trying to figure out why this Rahmanullah Lakanwal did whatever he did, but right now, they have absolutely no clue. And thatās the whole story. Makes you think, doesn't it? Or maybe it just makes you want a nap. I know that's what I'm leaning towards.
2025-12-02 22:04
Alright, so, I was reading the news the other day, you know, trying to stay informed. And I saw this story... it was about this guy. Seems like he used to be the president, somewhere... I'm not exactly sure where. Somewhere with elections. Anyway, this president, he was in prison in the US. For 45 years! Forty-five! I don't know what he did, but youāre not getting sent away for 45 years because you accidentally bought the wrong kind of milk. This was for... dealing with drugs, I guess. Which, you know, probably not the best job to take *after* being president, if you're trying to avoid prison. So, here's the weird part. His wife announces on social media that he's getting out. After 45 years! That's like, a retirement party with a jail cell attached. And it turns out, he is getting out early because of this upcoming election in that country. They have two candidates who are neck and neck. Like, I don't know if that's how it's usually done, but it's like having that one contestant back on "Dancing with the Stars" that got voted off in week 2. And apparently he is really popular. I don't know if he is going to get back into the political game or not, but I would assume his strategy is to tell his wife to not announce things on social media before they happen. I mean I'm just guessing, because I don't even know how to get on social media. I don't know the whole story. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out how he went from president to drug trafficking. I guess the takeaway is this: elections are weird, social media's confusing, and maybe don't deal drugs right after being president. It just seems like a bad plan.
2025-12-02 16:34
Okay, so I saw this thing... about this movie guy, right? American movie guy. I donāt know his name, but he made a movie. And...well, it didn't go great. Like, you know, people didnāt really *go* see it. See, I always wonder about that. Like, how do they *know* if a movie fails? Is it just like, they sit in the theater and nobodyās there? And then theyāre like, āWell, I guess this oneās not gonnaā¦ work out.ā Because, sometimes I'm late to movies, you know? And maybe everyone else is late too? They should probably wait longer. Maybe give it, like, a week before they call it a failure. Thatās just my opinion. Anyway, so this movie didnāt do good. And apparently, it cost him some money. Iām not a movie maker, so I donāt know all the specifics, but it sounds expensive to make a movie. So, here's the funny thing. This guy, to get some money back, heās selling hisā¦ watches. Real fancy watches. Like, names I can't even pronounce. "F.P. Journe"? What IS that? Sounds like a doctor. Like, "I'm gonna need to see Dr. F.P. Journe for thisā¦ uh... time problem." And Patek Philippeā¦ Philippe? Is that how you say it? I think that's right. I always want to say "Phillip." And Breguet? All these French names... I'm sure they're great watches, I really am. But here's what Iām thinking... You make a movie, and it flops. And your plan to get out of this financial hole is to sell watches? Isnāt that backwards? Shouldnāt the *successful* movie people be the ones with the watches? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the trick is to fail at a movie first, THEN get the watches. That could be my problem. I'm doing the stand-up first. Maybe I should just buy a bunch of watches, then try to make a movie. It's worth a shot, right? Iāll let you know how it goes. If you see me selling my watch collection, youāll know the movie bombed. And I'll probably blame you for it, cause, you know, you didnāt go see it.
2025-12-02 15:04
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day ā I try to stay informed, you know? I mean, I don't *get* it, but I try. And I'm reading about this country...it's got problems. Like, a *lot* of problems. Theyāre having a disagreement, a pretty big one, with their armyā¦ and, uh, another army. I don't know exactly what happened, but you know how it is when two groups of people get mad at each other. So, this place, theyāre having a tough time because their neighbors arenāt exactly helping. They're involved, which I think isn't really what you want when you're trying to settle something. Like, if you're having a family argument, the last thing you need is the neighbors weighing in, right? My family is the same! I feel like if me and my wife are arguing, my dad has an opinion. Everyone has an opinion! But hereās the kicker. Get this. Someone thought that *Donald Trump* should fix this. Right? Donald Trump. The person who is well-known for having peace. They were like "Hey! I know a man who can help!" Not sure why, but that's what they thought, but that's their plan. I guess maybe they think heās got someā¦ leverage? I don't know. Maybe he knows a guy? I donāt know the guy he knows, maybe that is the problem. So basically, this country is in trouble, their neighbors are making it trickier, and the plan is Donald Trump fixes it all. Good luck, fellas! I hope it works out for them. Me? I'm gonna stick to figuring out the self-checkout at the grocery store. Thatās enough international relations for me today.
2025-12-02 13:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? Aboutā¦ stuff thatās happening in the world. I'm not, like, a *world expert* or anything. My expertise, as you all know, is trying to figure out why the microwave is beeping even when it's not cooking anything. Thatās my wheelhouse. But anyway, this thing said that countries are, I guess, just doing whatever they want now? Like, using theirā¦ muscles? I don't know, maybe they all started lifting weights. Suddenly everyone's a tough guy? It used to be that only countries that, you know, were having *issues* were acting this way, but now everyone's in on it? I don't understand, are we having a global midlife crisis? I thought I was the only one who got to question all my decisions. And then, on top of that, the President's been forgiving everyone. He's just giving out these "Get Out of Jail Free" cards left and right. It makes you wonder, what are people even doing? Is it THAT bad that everyone needs to be forgiven? Did I miss something? I'm not sure if I should be relieved or start building a bunker. So, basically, it's likeā¦ everyoneās suddenly decided to act like they're in charge and we have a president who seems to think everyone is doing their best? Am I missing something? Should I also be doing whatever I want now? I donāt know, this is why I mostly stick to figuring out the microwave. At least thatās *my* problem.
2025-12-02 12:04
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, I don't even remember where I got it, probably my wife, she's always giving me articles. And it was talking about, like, the world economy. You know, the whole planet's money situation. Which, I don't understand anything about that, but I'm trying. So, apparently, they're saying things are gonna get, like, *slightly* better next year. Like, not a lot better. We're talking 3.2%. See, right there, they lost me. Anything with a decimal point, I just... I check out. I'm still trying to figure out percentages on coupons. Iām always at the register with like, 5% off, and Iām asking them āwhatās that on $10, exactly?ā And theyāre busy, and they have to do the math for me. Itās embarrassing. But anyway, 3.2%. Thatās what they think. And apparently, things are moving at different speeds in different places. Which, makes sense, I guess. Like, Iām pretty sure my neighbor down the street mows his lawn faster than I do. And he always looks at me weird when I wave to him. Iām thinking about getting a faster mowerā¦ but I donāt know. So the article said that in America, things were kinda slowing down. Trading, I guess? Trading what, I don't know. Probablyā¦stuff? You know, stuff. We make it, we send it, we buy it. The whole thing is very complicated. But then it says, in other places, mostly in Asia, things are speeding up. So that's good, I guess? Unless you're trying to catch up to Asia, then youāre in trouble. Iām bad at running anyway. I tried to race my kid the other day and pulled something. Heās 8. That's not good. So yeah, the world economy. 3.2%. Things are speeding up in some places, slowing down in others. It's all very confusing. Honestly, I just hope it means gas prices go down. That's all I'm asking for. Is that too much? Probably.
2025-12-02 11:04
You know, I was reading about London the other day, and I found out they just made a deal to avoid getting hit with some big tariffs on their pharmaceuticals. Which is great, because who doesn't love not getting charged extra for stuff? (pauses) I mean, I'm pretty sure that's just a general rule of life: don't pay more than you have to. Unless it's for pizza, then I'm willing to pay a little extra. (chuckles) So, London was facing these tariffs, and I guess they didn't want to pay them. Can't blame 'em. I don't want to pay my electricity bill, but it keeps showing up anyway. (laughs) But seriously, they made a deal with... whoever it is they make deals with... and now they won't have to pay those tariffs. The catch is, they have to raise the prices of new treatments by 25%. Which, you know, is just a fancy way of saying "we're gonna charge you more for stuff now." (shrugs) I'm not really sure how that works, but I'm pretty sure I've been doing that with my wife for years. "Honey, I know I said I'd take out the trash, but now it's gonna cost you 25% more in emotional labor." (laughs) Anyway, I guess this deal is a good thing for London. I mean, who doesn't love a good compromise? It's like when I compromise with my wife on what to watch on TV. I want to watch sports, she wants to watch... whatever it is she watches... and we end up watching a documentary about bees. (smirks) It's all about finding that middle ground, right?
2025-12-02 09:44
You know, I was reading about this thing that happened in Washington, where two National Guard soldiers got attacked. And, I guess, the authorities are trying to figure out what to do about it. (pauses) Now, I'm no expert, but it seems like they're doing a lot of... talking. (chuckles) Yeah, that's it. They're talking a lot about migrants, and how to, you know, deal with the situation. I mean, I've seen some announcements, and I'm like, "Okay, that's a big word: 'announcement'." (laughs) But, seriously, they're talking about... (pauses, searching for the right words) ...moving people back to where they came from. I think that's called "remigration"? (in a mock-confused tone) Is that even a word? Sounds like something I'd say by accident, like, "I'm gonna remigrate to the couch, I've been there before." (laughs) Anyway, it's all a bit confusing, but I guess the idea is to, you know, address the issue. (shrugs) Now, I'm not saying I have a better plan, 'cause, honestly, I can barely plan my day. (laughs) But, hey, at least they're trying, right? (smiling) That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.
2025-12-02 06:04
Alright, so I was reading the news the other day. You know, trying to stay informed, which is hard for me. It's a lot of words. But anyway, so, I see this thing about the FBI...and terrorism... near the White House. And, here's the deal: apparently, some fella fromā¦ Afghanistan, he shows up in 2021, which, not to age myself, but that was, like, two years ago, right? Time flies. I think I lost a year somewhere. I just can't account for 2016. Anyway, this guy, he's now the subject of a terrorism investigation. He did something to a couple of military guys. And the FBI is getting involved. Terrorism! Right by the White House. And I'm thinking, "Man, that's not good." You know? Because I'm all about being safe. I saw a spider in my garage last week and I hired an exterminator. Terrorism seems like a step up from a spider. So, they are looking into this fella, and they are probably going to figure out what's going on. That's their job, right? To figure stuff out. I tried to assemble an Ikea dresser once. The FBI seems way more complex. So, yeah, guy from Afghanistan, military dudes, White House, terrorism investigationā¦ I tell you what, makes you want to just stay home and watch TV. But then I'd have to deal with the spider in the garage. It's a real dilemma, you know? It really is.
2025-12-02 05:05
Alright, so I was reading this thing the other day... about space. You know, space. Up there. Still trying to figure that whole thing out, honestly. Like, what IS it? Anyway, this Russian space agency, right? They got a problem. Apparently, something went wrong at the launchpad. I'm not a rocket scientist ā I'm pretty sure that's a real job, rocket scientist ā but I'm guessing when you're launching rockets, the launchpad is kind of important. Like, that's where the rockets LAUNCH from. And it's messed up. They had some damage. Now, I don't know *what* kind of damage. Maybe someone backed into it with a forklift? That's happened to me before. Not with a launchpad, obviously, just... parking lots. Forklifts are sneaky. But the thing is, even with this damaged launchpad ā and I'm picturing it just covered in caution tape, which is probably not the case, but that's how *I'd* handle it ā they were very insistent that the whole "sending people to space" thing is still going to happen. Like, "No big deal! We're still launching people!" Which, you know, is good to hear. I guess. Because if you were already signed up to go to space, you'd be a little nervous right now. "Hey, is that launchpad safe? Because I'm going to be SITTING on top of a GIANT BOMB on that thing!" They're saying everything's fine. Which is what you want to hear. You don't want them to say, "Yeah, we're a little worried... could be a rough one!" No, just say "Everything's good!" Even if it's not. So, basically, the launchpad is a little dinged up, but the space flights are still on. Just hoping they double-check that thing before they send anyone up. Because, you know, it's SPACE. A little scary, right? Iād much rather stay here on Earth, in a parking lot trying to avoid a forklift. A much easier life, really.
2025-12-02 05:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing the other dayā¦ well, someone told me about it. I donāt actually *read* all that much. Itās more of a skimming situation, you know? Anyway, apparently inā¦ uhā¦ letās call itā¦ "South America Place." See, Iām good with geography, generally. I know where things *are*, but remembering the names? Thatās the hard part. Like, I can point to it on a map, probably. If the map's big enough. So, South America Placeā¦ theyāre saying some airlines are beingā¦ dramatic. Real dramatic. These airlines, Iberia, TAP, Avianca, Latam, GOL, Turkish Airlinesā¦ which is a lot of airlines. Like, I didn't even know there *were* that many airlines. I usually just fly the one that's cheapest. You know, the one where youāre pretty sure you're gonna make it. These airlines apparently justā¦ stopped flying to South America Place. Justā¦ *nope*. Turned around mid-flight, probably. Iām guessing. I donāt know if they *actually* turned around mid-flight, but thatās what Iām picturing. Just a giant U-turn in the sky. And South America Place, theyāre not happy. They're saying these airlines are beingā¦ and this is where it gets confusingā¦ "terrorists." Which, thatās a strong word. A real strong word. I mean, I get being mad when your flight's cancelled. Iāve been there. Sitting at the gate, eating a Cinnabon you paid way too much for, and then they tell you, "Yeah, you're not going anywhere." But *terrorism*? That seems extreme. Apparently, South America Place thinks these airlines are being "terrorists" because theyāre somehow doing what the United States wants. Like the US is sitting there saying "boo!" to the airlines and the airlines are all scattering around. I have no idea why. But that's what they said. So, basically, the story is: Some airlines stopped flying to South America Place forā¦ reasons. And South America Place is super mad and calling them names. I don't know who to believe. But the whole thing seems like a real overreaction. Probably just shoulda had someone call the airlines and find out what happened, right? Instead of straight to terrorism? I tell ya, I'm learning a lot. I just don't know what it is I'm learning.
2025-12-02 05:04
You know, I was reading about these young folks who are doing volunteer work in international finance in New York, and I gotta say, they're living the high life. I mean, I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that they're volunteering or that they're doing it in finance. (pauses) I guess that's like me volunteering to eat pizza ā it's just not something you typically do for free. So, apparently, these young volunteers are surrounded by this ultra-capitalist culture, and it's like they're swimming in a sea of money. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it's just interesting to think about how that must shape their perspective. I mean, when you're used to living a certain way, it's hard to imagine anything else. Like, have you ever stayed in a really nice hotel? And then you go back to your own place, and you're like, "Man, I forgot I had to do my own laundry." (chuckles) I'm not criticizing these volunteers, though. I'm just saying, it's funny to think about how they must navigate this world of high finance while also trying to do some good. It's like they're trying to find a way to make a difference, but also maybe get a good happy hour deal. (laughs) I mean, who doesn't love a good happy hour, right? But seriously, it's cool to see people trying to make a positive impact, even if they are doing it in a really comfortable way. I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes ā you've got to take the good with the good, and the comfortable with the comfortable. (smirks) And if that means enjoying a fancy dinner while also doing some volunteer work, then so be it. I'm just happy to be over here, eating my pizza and trying to figure out how to do my own laundry. (laughs)
2025-12-02 05:04
Alright, so, I heard this thing the other day. It was aboutā¦ well, it was about someone saying something. Probably a politician, because it was confusing. They were talking aboutā¦ people. Which, you know, is already a broad topic. I like people, mostly. Some of them cut you off in traffic, but generally, they're okay. Anyway, this person, I think he's in charge of a pretty big place, was saying that they were going to, and I quote, āchase down anyone who isn't an asset.ā An asset? Like, a stapler? Or a good employee? I don't know what makes you an asset, but I'm pretty sure I'm not one. I mean, I can hold a microphone, and I guess thatās useful, but thatās about it. I definitely wouldn't be on the asset column of a spreadsheet. And then, here's the kicker, they also said they were going to chase down anyone who is "incapable of loving" the place. How do you even measure that? Do they have, like, a love-o-meter? Are they going to walk around with a device and be like, "Sir, your love levels are dangerously low. You need to show more patriotic affection or face the consequences"? I donāt know how to love a whole country. I like it, sure. I live here. But love? Thatās reserved for my wife and maybe a good sandwich. This all just feels very complicated. So basically, the big boss is going toā¦ well, try to find anyone who's not contributing and doesnāt really care for things. That's the gist of it. Sounds exhausting, to be honest. Iād probably just take a nap. That's definitely not an asset. Maybe that's why they're chasing me.
2025-12-02 05:04
Okay, so I saw this thing about... Italy. Northern Italy. Apparently, it's a big deal. Like, they said it's the number two industrial area in Europe. Number two! I didnāt even know Italy *did* industry. I thought they were just, you know, making pizza and driving small cars really fast. Which, by the way, Iām a fan of both. But no, industry. And itās *north* Italy. See, I thought all of Italy was just, you know, the boot. I didn't realize there were different industrial zones in the boot. You learn something new every day, I guess. Like the fact that Europe even *has* industrial zones. I just think of castles. So, these Italian companies, they're making... stuff. I don't know what stuff, specifically. Probably important stuff. Stuff I wouldn't understand. Like, if you asked me to build anything with my hands, it would probably fall apart. I'm good with ordering pizza, though. I can handle that end of the process. Anyway, even thoughā¦ well, things are getting a little weird, let's say. I heard there's protectionism, and someone named Donald Trump is doing something again. I just try to stay out of politics. Makes my head hurt. But these Italian companies, they still wanna do business with America. Which is nice! That's good. I mean, we need stuff. And they make... stuff. So it all works out. Itās just interesting to me that theyāre *still* wanting to do it, even withā¦ all *this*. I guess thatās a testament to the quality of whatever stuff theyāre making. Must be some really good stuff. Maybe I should look into that. Is there like an Italian-American Chamber of Commerce? I could go check it out. Or maybe I'll just order pizza. It's less confusing.
2025-12-02 05:04
Alright, so I saw this thing on TV. And, you know, Iām trying to keep up with whatās going on. Itās tough, though, ācause sometimes I feel like Iām watching a movie I missed the first half of. So, this reporter, Nancy, I think her name wasā¦ anyway, sheās talking to the president. And she asks himā¦ well, sheās kinda asking him *why* heās blaming the *last* president for something. Which, I mean, that already feels like a setup to a bit, right? āWhy are you blaming the last guy?!ā You know, like I tripped over something in the dark, and Iām yelling at my kids, āWho left this Lego here?!ā Even though I know it was probably me. But hereās the kicker. She said some of his *own* people, the guys working *with* him, were saying something *different*. Something aboutā¦ Afghans. Being resettled here. See, Iām already lost. Afghans. Being resettled. Is this like, a moving company? Are they getting new furniture? I donāt know! But, apparently, *they* were saying everything was cool. Like, everyone was checked out. Clean bill of health. Good to go. Which, you know, you *hope* thatās the case when youāre resettling anyone. I mean, you donāt want to just let anyone in, thatās chaos. Like my wife, when we re-did our bathroom, she let me pick out the shower head. Chaos. So, to recap: President blaming *other* president, people in his *own* group saying something else completely. Itās like a family dinner. Someoneās blaming the dog, somebodyās saying the dog is innocent, and youāre just trying to figure out if the mashed potatoes are instant or not. Thatās basically whatās happening. Thatās my understanding of it. I think. Honestly, I might need to watch it again, slower this time. Maybe with subtitles.
2025-12-02 05:04
Okay, so I was reading the news the other day, you know, trying to stay informed. Which is hard, because, honestly, a lot of times I feel like I'm reading it backwards. Like, I understand the words, but... the overall message? Still working on it. Anyway, there's this countryā¦ itās in Central America. I'm not going to try and name it becauseā¦ geography. That's one of those things they teach you in school and you're like, "Yeah, yeah, I'll remember this!" And then you just don't. Ever. So, in this country, they're having an election. Which is fine, elections are good. People vote, they pick a leader, hopefully that leader knows what they're doing. You know, the basics. But here's the thing. Our president, the American president, heāsā¦ heās really involved in this one. Like, *really* involved. He keeps telling everyone over there to vote for this one guy, Nasry Asfura. And I'm thinking, "Okay, that's nice of him to have an opinion." I mean, everyone's got an opinion, right? Even me, and I mostly just have opinions on the best kind of potato chip. Salt and vinegar, by the way. Don't even argue with me. But then I'm thinking, "Wait a minuteā¦ why is *our* president telling *them* who to vote for?" It's like if I went to a birthday party and started telling everyone what presents they should bring. That's justā¦weird. So, yeah, basically, they're voting, and our president is being veryā¦ enthusiastic about one of the candidates. Which, you know, maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it's not. I don't know. I just read the news. Trying to understand it. Still working on that part. I think I'll go have some chips. Salt and vinegar, of course. Don't judge me.
2025-12-02 05:04
You know, I was reading this thing the other day, and it said that China's not really into that whole "new silk road" thing like they used to be. (pauses) Which, I mean, I'm not really sure what that even is, but it sounds like something my grandparents would've been excited about. (chuckles) "Oh, the silk road, we're gonna travel the silk road!" (laughs) Anyway, apparently, most of the money they're lending out now is going to projects in places like... well, like where we live, I guess. (shrugs) The rich countries. I don't know, it just seems weird to me. It's like, I'm trying to pay off my credit card, and China's over here giving loans to, like, Norway or something. (laughs) "Hey, Norway, you need some cash? We got you." (smirks) But, according to this journalist, Harold Thibault ā which, by the way, is a great name. I'm pretty sure I'd be a journalist too if my name was Harold Thibault. (laughs) I mean, it just sounds like someone who knows what's going on. "Harold Thibault says so, it must be true." (smirks) So, yeah, it turns out more than three-quarters of China's loans are going to these advanced economies. And I'm just sitting here thinking, "What's the plan, China?" (pauses) Are we, like, borrowing money from them to buy stuff from them? (laughs) It's like, I'm not even good at balancing my checkbook, and China's over here playing some kind of global economic chess. (shrugs) I don't know, maybe I'm just not seeing the big picture. (smirks) Maybe I should just stick to my day job... whatever that is. (laughs)
2025-12-02 05:04