Alright, so I was reading this thing, right? And it said they found these, like, littleā¦guys. Little ceramic guys. 225 of them. That's a lot of little guys. Apparently, back in the day ā way back, I'm talking, like, 800 BC type stuff, which, I don't know about you, but I wasn't doing anything in 800 BC. Probably sleeping. Hopefully. Anyway, these little ceramic dudes were supposed to hang out with this pharaoh guy, Sheshonq the Third. Sheshonq. Sounds like a sneeze. I don't know, maybe I'm saying it wrong. So, Sheshonq the Third kicks the bucket, right? And they're like, "Alright, Sheshonq needs some buddies in the afterlife." So, they give him 225 little ceramic guys. I mean, that's a lot of company. I barely want to hang out with, like, two people. 225 little ceramic guys? I'd be like, "Guys, can I just get five minutes alone, maybe?" And theseā¦these ceramic guysā¦ Iām picturing them. Are they talking? Are they having conversations? Are they just standing there, silently judging you for your bad decisions in the afterlife? I bet they are. They found these things, by the way, in someā¦some place down there. Some delta. A delta, not like the airline, but like a geographic delta. That took me a minute to understand, I'm not gonna lie. I saw "delta" and was like, "Were they using SkyMiles in 800 BC?" Which, they weren't. I checked. And it took them, like, a hundred years to find these little guys! Like, somebody's been working on this for a century? I canāt commit to a restaurant for a century. That's dedication, man. They're really looking for these ceramic dudes. I wonder if they found them allā¦ Did they get all 225 of them? I bet there's one still missing. Probably under a rock. Someone will find him in, like, 200 years. So, yeah, 225 ceramic dudes for Sheshonq the Third. I guess he won't be lonely in the afterlife. Hope he liked ceramics. I mostly just like sleeping. And eating. And, you know, not hanging out with 225 ceramic dudes.
2025-12-05 19:04
Okay, so I was reading... well, I *saw* this thing the other day, right? It wasā¦uhā¦it was a long article. Lots of words. I'm not gonna lie, I mostly looked at the pictures. But it was aboutā¦doctors. And patients. Which is, you know, always a fun mix. Apparently, theseā¦ expertsā¦and, uh, I guess people who have been to a doctor a lot? They wrote something. To like, warn people. See, there's this system, I don't know the details, just trust me there's a system, and apparently it isā¦ not great for sick people. And thatās what they were warning about, basically. āHey everybody, the system is not good for sick peopleā. I mean, you kind of assume it *should* be. That's the whole point, right? You go to the doctor *because* you're sick. You *want* a good system. It's like going to a restaurant and they warn you that the food isn't good. I mean, what are you supposed to do then? Just leave? They have like, bread on the table. I donāt know what the system is. It sounds complicated. But the bottom line, I think, is: experts are worried that if we keep doing things this way, sick people will...stay sick, maybe? Thatās not ideal, you know? Especially since, well, nobody *plans* on being sick.
2025-12-05 12:35
Alright, so I was reading something the other day. I think it was while I was waiting for my coffee, which, you know, takes forever. I don't know why they can't just have it ready. Anyway... This article, see, it was talking about some science stuff. Real science. Like, the kind with microscopes and complicated words I can't pronounce, let alone spell. And I'm not good at spelling. That's why Iām a comedian. But, basically, they were saying that for about ten years, people have been looking into this idea of things thatā¦ repeat? Like a song you canāt get out of your head. Except it's a material. Like, wood or metal. You know, things you can touch. And these patterns in it? They repeat themselves over time. I don't know what that means, but that's what the article said. Now, here's the crazy part. Scientists... and I respect them. I do. But sometimes I just don't understand what theyāre doing... they made one that you can *see* with your *eye*. A thing that repeats itself! Like, without a microscope or anything. That's just... wild. I don't know what theyāre going to use it for. Maybe theyāll make a clock that repeats yesterday instead of showing you the new day. I donāt know, but, like, what are you even supposed to do with that? Are you supposed to *buy* one? Like, āHoney, I got us a repeating material for the house. It repeats the good times.ā I don't know where you'd put it either. I canāt even hang a picture straight, and now you want me to decorate with repeating material? So, yeah. Scientists. They made a repeating material you can see. I'm just trying to picture the meeting where they decide to *try* to do that. āLet's make something that repeats itself, but big enough for people to look at.ā I guess it's cool, or something. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to work the coffee machine.
2025-12-05 12:04
Alright, so I was reading this thingā¦ about Texas. You know, Texas? Big state. They got that Alamo thing going on, andā¦ well, it's big. So, apparently, a *long* time ago, like, thousands of years, before they had Whataburger, there were these guys, they were, like, hunting and fishing. I get the hunting part, I guess. You gotta eat. Fishing? I donāt know. Seems like a lot of waiting. My wife and I went fishing once, it was really about us watching boats on the water. We were watching other folks fish, which seems like more fun, honestly. You have none of the responsibility. Anyway, these hunter-fisher-dudes, they were alsoā¦ decorators? That's what this article was saying. They were decorating rocks. I guess they didn't have wallpaper. So, they painted these pictures on the walls of, like, caves, or whatever. Rock overhangs. Iām picturing like, their wives were like, āHoney, this rock is depressing, you should do something about it.ā And they were doing this forā¦ four thousand years? That seems like a long time to paint rocks. I can't even commit to painting a room in my house for four hours, let alone 4 millennia. But hereās the kicker, the article says they think the paintings meant something. Like, deep meaningful philosophical thoughts. Some type ofā¦ 'meta-physical' feeling. I'm not really sure what that is. Sounds important. They think this idea spread around. Like, from Texas, which is a big state, but still, seems far away from where other people were living. So, basically, Texas, a long time ago, had these hunting, fishing, painting fellas who painted meaningful pictures on rocks for four thousand years. And that's how things were done in the 'old-days'. I donāt know, it just seems like a lot of work to avoid getting a TV.
2025-12-05 07:04
Alright, so I was reading this article, I guess... about plants. You know, the things outside? Green? We have some in the house, my wife loves 'em. I mostly just water 'em when she yells at me. But this wasn't about watering. This was aboutā¦ their *secret lives*. Apparently, plants are way more complicated than I thought. Which, I mean, honestly, I didnāt think they were *that* simple to begin with. Itās not like I thought they were just sitting there, taking selfies all day. So, back in 1865, this guy Darwin ā you might have heard of him ā he noticed these *structures* on plants. Like, little details. You know, like when you look at a flower and youāre like, "Yeah, thatās a flower." He was looking closer than that, apparently. More power to him. I donāt know if Iād have the patience. I can barely focus on what my wife is saying when weāre watching a movie, let alone a plant. Anyway, these scientists now, they're using physics ā *physics*, folks! ā to try and figure out how these little plant details work. What Darwin saw. I guess theyāre trying to understand the mechanics of it all. Like, how do plants even *do* what they do? It's likeā¦ think about it. They just stand there. In the dirt. All day. No coffee breaks. No bathroom breaks. Justā¦ existing. And they grow. I canāt even get myself to fold laundry consistently. And *theyāre* growing. They're literally just standing around growing. So, yeah, scientists are studying these plant bits, the secrets that Darwin uncovered, and theyāre trying to understand how they work. Itās prettyā¦ I donāt knowā¦ complicated. I'm still trying to figure out how to properly load the dishwasher. But they're doing this. Good for them, honestly. I'm glad somebody is looking into it. Less work for me.
2025-12-05 06:05
Okay, so I saw this thing, right? And it was about animals. I don't normally follow animal news, I'm not a veterinarian, I'm not Bob Barker. But, it was interesting. They were talking about monkeys and lemurs. You know, the ones at the zoo. We took my daughter to the zoo last year, and she wanted to see the monkeys. I was like, "We can see them anywhere! My house is a zoo sometimes!" But, you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, this study, right? It's saying that with these monkeys and lemurs, it's not always the guys who are in charge. See, you always think it's the big, strong monkey, chest-beating, throwing bananas. That's what I thought, you know? Like in my family. I try to be in charge, I really do. But my wife... well, sheās very persuasive. But, apparently, with these animals, like, seventy percent of the time, it's not the male monkey calling the shots. Seventy percent! That's a lot of monkeys. I mean, imagine going to a business meeting, and you find out the intern is actually in charge. You'd be pretty surprised, right? So, what's happening is, these female monkeys... they're like, "Nah, weāre good. Weāve got this." And they share the power. I guess they just work it out. I don't know how. My wife and I tried to share the laundry duties, and that lasted about a week. And the article said the females often have the last word. The last word! That sounds very familiar. You know that feeling? You try to explain something, you have your point all planned out and then your wife just makes a remark. The conversation just ends right there. And you are like "Well, that's that, I guess..." So, yeah, turns out monkeys and lemurs might have some stuff figured out that we're still working on. Which is a little embarrassing, if you ask me. But I guess thatās justā¦nature.
2025-12-05 05:34
Okay, so I saw this thingā¦ it was in the newspaper, but, you know, the grown-up part of the newspaper. The part with, like, numbers and stuff. And it was aboutā¦ France. You know, France? They have good bread. Anyway, apparently, theyāre figuring out their budget. A budget is like when you try to figure out how much money you have so you donāt accidentally buy, like, three boats. Which, I almost did that once. Almost. So, in France, theseā¦ these *scientists* are getting a little worried. They're saying that the French government maybe isn't giving them enough money. Money for science, you know? Which, I don't fully understand science. Like, electricity. I get that it powers the lights, but *how*? Still working on that one. But these scientists, they're saying that if they don't get the money, it's going to be bad for everyone's health. Which makes sense, I guess. I mean, I know if *I* didn't get enough money, my health would probably go downhill pretty quick from all the fast food. So, yeah. French scientists, worried about money, worried about everyoneās health. Itās kind of serious, I guess. But you know, itās also France. They probably have a cheese for everything, even a cheese for being worried about budgets. I donāt know. Iām just saying.
2025-12-05 05:34
Alright, so I was reading this thing, and it was talking about schools and kids. Which, you know, kids are... they're something. They're always doing something. And what they're doing, apparently, is being *tired*. Now, I'm not a scientist or nothing. I just, you know, observe things. Like, I observe that my kid is always tired. But he's also always playing video games until 2 AM. So, I figured that was probably it. Maybe thatās a factor. But this thing I was reading, it was saying that kids are tired 'cause the *school schedule* is all messed up. Like their bodies are telling them one thing, and the school bell is telling them another. Which, that makes sense, I guess. I'm often tired when someone tells me what to do, too. I get it. But here's the part that got me. This professor guy, he's like, "Wait a minute, hold on." Heās saying, it's not *just* the schedule. He says, we've actually *lost* a whole bunch of school time. Like, a whole YEAR of school! All the way from kindergarten to fifth grade. That's a lot of learning. So, now I'm thinking, "Okay, *that* makes sense." Less time in school means... well, I donāt know what it means exactly. Probably something to do with the learning. Maybe it makes them more sleepy to know they're missing out. And apparently, this missing school time is hitting some kids harder than others. The kids that need the school time the most. Which just seems... unfair. So, the kids are tired. The school schedule might be messed up. And they're missing a whole year of school. Iām just reporting the facts here. I don't know, it's a lot. Youād think being a kid would be easier than this. I miss nap time. They got rid of nap time for adults, right? That was a mistake. Big mistake.
2025-12-05 05:04
Alright, so I was reading something the other dayā¦ I don't know why I read things, but I do. It's about dinosaurs. You know, those things that were around a long time ago. Before phones. I don't know how they did it, but they did. So, they're talking about the T-Rex. The king, right? Everyone knows the T-Rex. Big teeth, tiny arms. Like, what were they even doing with those arms? Flossing? But here's the thing. Scientists, they're always changing their minds. Like, I think they just get bored. So, they were saying, "Oh, those smaller T-Rex fossils? Those are just *baby* T-Rexes." Makes sense, right? You have a big one, you gotta have a little one. Like a family. But nowā¦ *now* they're saying "Nah. We were wrong." Which, I appreciate the honesty. It's good. They did their best. Apparently, there were *other* big, toothy things running around at the same time as the T-Rex. They used to think they were just young T-Rexes going through a phase like a teenager with the goth look but now they have come to think that there were multiple species living side-by-side. They all died anyway at the same time. I don't know what that means, really. All I know is, imagine being a scientist having to explain: "Yeah, we thought it was just the kids, but turns out it was a whole different group of terrifying, gigantic reptiles running around the neighborhood". They are constantly digging in the ground for them, anyway. I don't get it. I lose my keys, and I just get new keys made. So basically, the T-Rex might not have been *as* special as we thought. He had company. Kinda like when you find out youāre not the only one who doesnāt know how to use the self-checkout. Suddenly, you don't feel so alone. It does not make the line move faster though. But I still think they were big enough to use the carpool lane.
2025-12-04 20:04
Alright, so I was reading something, and I gotta tell you, I still don't fully understand it. It was about... sugar. But not, like, the good kind of sugar in donuts. No, this is sugar... in meat. Mammal meat, they said. I didn't even know meat had sugar. You learn something new every day, I guess, even if you don't *want* to. Apparently, this sugar, it's called alpha-galactose. I'm not even gonna try to spell that again. Let's just call it "meat sugar," okay? This meat sugar is causing problems. Like, *allergy* problems. People are eating a burger and then, boom, they're not feeling so good. It's an *emerging* allergy, which means it's, like, new-ish. I don't know why allergies are emerging. Seems like we got enough allergies already. And the thing is, this allergy is unpredictable. So, you might eat a steak one day, you're fine. Next day, you eat the *same* steak, and your face swells up. How is that even possible? It's like the steak is playing a prank on you. "Ha! Gotcha! Today, I'm gonna give you hives!" The worst part is, apparently, doctors don't even know that much about it. I mean, these are doctors! They went to school for... a lot of years. And they're still just learning about this meat sugar allergy? Makes you wonder what *else* they don't know. Like, maybe my back pain isn't just from sleeping wrong. Maybe it's meat sugar. We gotta look into this. So, yeah, that's the deal. Meat sugar allergy. It's real, it's unpredictable, and doctors are still figuring it out. I'm thinking of becoming a meat sugar expert myself. How hard can it be? I've already learned the name... kinda. Alpha-something. See? I'm halfway there. Probably just need to avoid meat for the next few years. Maybe I'll just stick to donuts, just to be safe. Easier to understand.
2025-12-04 15:04
Okay, so, I saw this thing, right? About mushrooms. Not, like, the *bad* mushrooms. Just... regular mushrooms. I mean, I think. I don't really know mushrooms that well. I eat 'em on pizza sometimes, but that's about it. Anyway, this guy, Hubert, wrote a book. He's got a whole ten of 'em. That's a lot of mushrooms to care about, honestly. I can barely keep track of my keys, let alone ten different types of fungi. And the book is called, get this, "10 Mushrooms That Changed Men's Lives." That's a pretty big claim for a mushroom, isn't it? I mean, my wife changed my life. My kids changed my life. Mushrooms? I'm not so sure. Maybe one gave somebody a stomach ache once, and they learned a lesson about eating weird stuff in the woods. But Hubert, he goes into all of their family history and how people use them now. Like, I guess some mushrooms are good for things? I don't know what. I wasn't paying that close attention. I was mostly thinking about pizza. You put mushrooms on pizza, itās pretty good. I don't know if it changes your life, but it definitely makes it better. I guess it's supposed to be educational and funny. Educational, I don't know. I'm not sure I learned anything. Funny? Well, the *idea* of mushrooms changing men's lives is kinda funny, right? Like, imagine a mushroom taking credit for the invention of the wheel. "Yeah, I was there. I inspired him. He saw my cap and thought, 'Hey, that could roll!' " So, yeah, mushrooms. Apparently, they're a bigger deal than I thought. I still think pizza is the best thing they do, but hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'll read the book. Or, maybe Iāll just order a mushroom pizza. One of those things is definitely gonna happen. I'll probably go with the pizza.
2025-12-04 12:34
Alright, so I saw this thing about the moon the other day. You know, the moon? That big ol' thing hanging up there? My wife was telling me about it. She's into the... I don't know what you call it... the sky stuff. Astronomy, I guess. Anyway, she said there was gonna be a "Super Moon." Now, I'm not a scientist, obviously. I sell refrigerators... well, I used to. Now I tell jokes, which, if you think about it, is pretty much the same thing. People need to laugh; people need to keep their food cold. But "Super Moon" sounds like a comic book character, right? Like he fights crime with... moonbeams? I don't know. Anyway, she said it meant the moon was gonna be bigger and brighter. And apparently, the color of the moon changes sometimes too. I didn't know that! I thought it was just... moon-colored. Like, greyish-white. But she was talking about how it can be different shades, depending on... stuff. Atmospheric conditions, she said. I think that means "weather." If it's cloudy, it might look different. Makes sense. So basically, this moon was gonna be bigger than normal, and maybe a slightly different color. Like if the regular moon was a medium t-shirt, this Super Moon was a large. Not a *huge* difference, but you'd notice it. Or, you wouldn't notice it. Honestly, I don't know if I saw a difference. I looked up, saw the moon, and thought, "Yup, that's the moon." You know, sometimes I think scientists just make things up to sound smart. "Atmospheric conditions." Just say it's cloudy! You're making me feel dumb. Iām gonna go look to the sky and tell my wife : Look, atmospheric conditions are perfect tonight ! I'll sound really clever. She's gonna think I've been reading. Sheās gonna be impressed. And Iām gonna be just as confused as always.
2025-12-04 06:04
Okay, so, I was reading this thing, right? About theseā¦ telescopes. Big ones. Really big, apparently. They call them āgrande tailleā telescopes. I donāt know why theyāre saying it that way. Like, is it a different kind of big? Like a ābigā big? I guess that makes sense. Anyway, thereās four of these things, and the idea is, they all work together. Like, if one sees something, it can tell the other ones. Itās likeā¦ a neighborhood watch program, but for space. Which, honestly, seems like a good idea. You never know whatās going on out there. Probably just a bunch of aliens messing with the constellations, rearranging them to spell out funny words or something. So these telescopes are gonna be looking forā¦ these bursts. āGamma bursts.ā Sounds like something Iād order at a juice bar to try and get healthy, but turns out it's from space. Apparently, these bursts are quick. Blink and you miss it, or more realistically, build a few millions of dollars worth of telescopes and you can hopefully record it. They're far away, too. Like, REALLY far. Further than, you know, anywhere Iāve ever been. And Iāve been toā¦ uhā¦ well, Iāve been places. They're building one of these telescopes on this island calledā¦ Palma. Which, I thought was kinda funny, because you know, āpalm tree island, telescope looking into space.ā It just feels like there should be a more technical name. I guess it doesn't matter, as long as it works. So basically, these four āgrande tailleā telescopes are all gonna be looking for these super-fast, super-far-away space bursts. And if they find oneā¦ well, I donāt know what theyāre gonna do. Probably take a picture of it. And thenā¦ I guessā¦ write about it in a thing I donāt read. But hey, at least they're doing something with all this technology, right?
2025-12-04 05:34
Okay, so I heard about thisā¦ thing. A group got together. A big group. Like, a *really* organized group. They have a long name, I don't even want to try and pronounce it. But basically, they're all aboutā¦ obesity. Now, I'm not a doctor, right? I'm a comedian. But I *have* noticed people areā¦ bigger these days. Myself included, probably. I mean, between tour buses and hotel buffets... it's a tough life. So, this group, theyāre trying to figure out what to do about it. And they've released someā¦ recommendations. That's a fancy word for "suggestions," right? Like, "Hey, we think you should maybe try this." These recommendations, theyāre about theseā¦ specialized obesity centers. Which, I gotta be honest, sounds like a futuristic spa for people who like to eat. But I guess it's more serious than that. Itās like, if youāre having a *real* tough time with your weight, you can go to these places. And theyāre figuring out how these centers fit intoā¦ the ācare pathway.ā Which, again, is a fancy way of saying, āHow they try to help you get better.ā So itās like, step one: realize you have a problem. Step two: these centers. Step threeā¦ I don't know, salads? I'm just spitballing here. So, basically, these smart people got together and figured out some rules for how these obesity centers should help people. And thatās good, I guess. Because, well, nobody wants to be uncomfortable. Especially on a tour bus. Those seats are *not* designed for comfort. Iām just saying.
2025-12-04 05:04
Alright, so I was reading thisā¦ thing, right? This article. It was aboutā¦ well, history. Which, you know, I took history in school. Got a C-plus. Maybe. I honestly don't remember. But this was about *really* old history. Like, medieval times. Knights and stuff. Iām pretty sure. And itās about how theyāre usingā¦ genetics. You know, DNA? Like, if youāre trying to figure out if that kid is yours? Except theyāre doing it with skeletons. Skeletons from the Dark Ages. I didnāt even know they *had* skeletons back then. I thought they just, like, disintegrated. So, this guy, heās some professor, I guess. He's digging up old bones. And from what I understand, he's using their DNA to figure out who moved where back then. You know, like, who was in France, who was in Germany, who was in... wherever people were back then. Somewhere. Itās like 23andMe, but for people who died a thousand years ago. Except, instead of finding out you're 2% Mongolian, you find out you'reā¦ I don't know, 100% Visigoth? I don't even know if Visigoths are real. They sound like something you get at an eye doctor. "You need to see the Visigoth." And the thing is, Iām not sure what they're hoping to find. Like, are they going to track down where someone parked their horse wrong? Are they going to get a fine for something in the Middle Ages? I donāt know what the point is. But apparently, this DNA thing is changing how we think about history. So, maybe it's a big deal. I'm just glad I don't have to dig up any skeletons. I donāt even like digging holes in my yard. My back goes out. I think I have old bones *now*. It's terrible!
2025-12-04 05:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing... this article, right? And it was about... AI. Artificial Intelligence. Now, I don't know much about that, I'm just trying to understand it like everyone else. My wife, Natalie, sheās better with computers than I am. Actually, that's not saying much. I think my dog, Hot Dog, is better with computers than I am. But anyway, so these AI people, like, the *really* smart ones, scientists and engineers and whatnot... they wrote a letter. A long letter, apparently. I didnāt read the whole thing, you know, because it had a lot of big words in it. But basically, they're saying we should focus on the people who are good at AI. Like, the actual smart ones. It's like, if youāre trying to build a house, you probably don't ask me. I mean, I *could* try, but it wouldn't be a good house. It would probably have the roof on the bottom and the foundation on the top. Just a disaster. So, they're saying we need to invest in the smart people, the "talent" they called it, and the "science." Which makes sense, right? You donāt want me designing your robots, is what I'm saying. Unless you need a robot that specializes in tripping over things and looking confused. Iām your guy.
2025-12-03 16:04
Alright, so, I was reading...something. I don't know, my wife got it for me, said it was "important." It was... words. That's about all I understood. But, anyway, apparently there's this guy, Escher, right? I think I've heard of him. Maybe he designed the floor in my dentist's office. It was weirdly confusing. But this guy, Escher, he's got an art exhibit going on. At...the Money of Paris. Which, hold on. I need to unpack that for a second. The *Money* of Paris is having an art exhibit? Is that like, a bank? Are they displaying paintings behind bulletproof glass? "And here, kids, is Van Gogh's 'Starry Night,' valued at three million Euros. Please keep your hands inside the vault." I don't get it. But, apparently, this Escher guy, he's all about math. Which... look, I'm not good at math. I barely got through Algebra in high school. I still can't figure out how much to tip. I usually just throw a bunch of bills at the server and hope for the best. They seem happy. So, an art exhibit at the Money of Paris, by a math guy... I'm just saying, if you're looking for me, I'll be at the Cracker Barrel. Less math, more rocking chairs. It just makes more sense to me. You know?
2025-12-03 13:04
Alright, so I was reading this article, right? It was about... well, it was about something old. Really old. Like, *before* old. I think. See, scientists found this... thing. They're calling it an archaea. Now, Iām not a scientist, obviously. I struggle with directions, so ancient biology is probably a little outside my wheelhouse. But from what I gathered, these archaea are like the great-great-great-great-great-greatā¦ Iād need a bigger whiteboard to list all the "greats"... grandfather of, basically, everything with a nucleus. And a nucleus, that's likeā¦ the head office of the cell, right? Where the important stuff happens. And apparently, this archaea... it's got compartments inside. Like, rooms. Inside the cell. Like a tiny little condo. Now, Iām thinking, "Why does a tiny thing need rooms? Is it throwing parties? What are they doing in there? Is it a single-celled organism trying to sublet?" I mean, I barely need all the rooms in *my* house. I mostly just stay in the kitchen looking for snacks. These cells are doing more than me. But the big deal, theyāre saying, is that this is the first time they've ever seen these "rooms" in something this old. It shows that these ācompartmentsā are really old. Like, billions of years old. And that this is how cells evolved. So, basically, it's like finding out your grandpa was secretly an astronaut. You knew he was old, but you didnāt know he was *that* old *and* doing *that* much. Which made me think... Maybe I'm not doing so bad. I might not be discovering the secrets of the universe, but at least I know where the kitchen is. And that's something, right?
2025-12-03 07:04
Alright, so I was readingā¦ something. You know, just trying to keep up with the world, which is a full-time job by itself, Iām telling ya. Anyway, this thing I was reading was about doctors. Doctors retiring. And apparently, thereās this problem. See, all these doctors, they're getting older. Like, Iām getting older, youāre getting older, even my dog, Hot Dog, he's starting to slow down. But when *doctors* get older, they retire. Which, good for them. They deserve it. All those years of schoolā¦ just seems like a lot. I barely made it through high school. But here's the thing: when a doctor retires, sometimesā¦ nobody replaces them. And then the town, or whatever, is like, "Well, where's everybody gonna go when they get the sniffles? We need a doctor!" So, the article was saying that these towns, they're trying to figure out a solution. And the solution, I guess, isā¦ public medicine. Which, I gotta be honest, I had to read that a few times. Public medicine. Like, the government runs the doctor's office? That's what I'm understanding here. I don't know all the details, I'm just trying to keep up. Now, I'm not a politician or anything. I just tell jokes. But apparently, even the towns that *arenāt* normally fans of, you knowā¦ *government* stuff, theyāre doing this. They're like, "Okay, maybe this one time, it's alright for the government to be in charge of the doctor." Which, thatās how you *know* itās a problem, when *everyone* is agreeing on something. So basically, towns are losing doctors, and to fix it, more and more of them are trying out this government-run doctor thing. And I guess we'll see how that goes. I hope it works. I really do. Because the last thing I want to do is try to diagnose myself using the internet. That's never gone well for me. One time, I thought I had a rare disease, and it turned out I just needed to drink more water. I felt so dumb. So yeah, that's the doctor situation. Hopefully someone figures it out. You know, for the kids. And for me, because Hot Dog is getting up there in age, and I'm going to need a good veterinarian at some point.
2025-12-03 05:05
Okay, so I saw this thingā¦ I donāt know where I saw it. Probably on my phone. My phone knows everything, which is terrifying. Anyway, it was talking aboutā¦ horse racing. You know, the horses? Run around a track? People bet on them? My wife, she likes the hats. She'd watch it if she got a good hat. And apparently, figuring out which horse is gonna win isā¦ complicated. People have systems. They look at the horsesā history, their speed, how they like the weather. It's like advanced math to me. I just pick the one with the coolest name, which is probably why Iām not rich. But thisā¦ this thing I saw, it said thereās a better way. Now, Iām no expert. I can barely figure out how to work the TV remote. But this guy, MickaĆ«l Launayā¦ I donāt know him. He sounds smart, though. Has one of those names that make you feel dumb. Apparently, he thinks he can beat the people who *always* bet on horses. The ones at the track, drinking theā¦ you know. They got their whole system down. And this MickaĆ«l thinks he can beat them. That's how you know he's either a genius, or doesn't understand horse racing. So, according to this article thing, this guy thinks he can do better. Probably with math. That's how they get you. If you want to do better at something, use math. This is also how I know this method wouldn't work for me. But hey, good for him. Maybe next time I go to the track Iāll try his way. As long as it doesnāt involve too much thinking. I can only handle so much. I'll probably still pick the horse with the best name, though. You know, for sentimental reasons.
2025-12-03 05:05
Alright, so I was reading this thing, and it's about the sun. You know, the big yellow thing. We need it. I get that. But apparently, sometimes, the sun gets a little...excitable. They're saying it throws out, like, these tiny things. Real fast. Energy things. You wouldn't want to get hit by 'em. I mean, I wouldn't. I'm not fast enough to dodge 'em, anyway. And these energy things, they can mess with, like, a signal. A *electrical* signal. From some... thing. It's like when you're trying to watch TV and the picture goes all fuzzy, but this is happening... in something important. So, basically, the sun's getting a little frisky and messing with electronics. Which, you know, figures. I can't even figure out how to work my universal remote, and the sun's changing the whole electrical system. What's with that ? I mean, I get that the sun is important, but the next time my phone won't charge, I'm blaming it on solar particles. I should probably buy a sun umbrella, right? Is that a thing? Maybe I could start that.
2025-12-03 05:04
Alright, so I was reading this thing, and it was talking aboutā¦ this surgeon, right? From Italy. That's already a lot. Surgeons are smart. Italy is far away. And she doesā¦ liver transplants. Now, I donāt know much about livers, except that you definitely need one. I think. I havenāt met anyone who doesnāt have a liver. Anyway, this surgeon, being a surgeon and all, sheās thinking about livers a lot, probably more than Iāve ever thought about anything. And sheās like, āYou know, sometimes these liversā¦ theyāre not all the same.ā Which makes sense. I mean, some apples are red, some are green, some are maybe bruised a little. Livers are probably like that, too. So, she invents an app. That's what she does. I can barely figure out how to stream a movie, and she's out here making apps. For doctors. To help them decide if a liver is good enough. Like, is it a good liver? A medium liver? Does it have too manyā¦ liver spots? I donāt know the technical terms. But that's the thing. It's just an app that tells you if a liver is okay for transplant. It's a bit much. I can see my doctor now "I think it is fine, but let me check the app first!". It makes you think, you know? Like, weāve got an app for everything. I wonder if thereās an app to tell me if Iām wearing my pants correctly. Probably is. I should probably check that now, actuallyā¦ Nope, seems good. The app would tell me if it wasn't, though. Or, at least, if *that* surgeon made an app for it.
2025-12-03 05:04
Alright, so, I read this thingā¦ about the moon. And I gotta be honest, space stuff, Iām always a little behind. Like, I know the moon is up there. That part I got. But apparently, on December 4th, real earlyā¦before the sun even thinks about coming up, the moon is gonna do this thing. Itās gonna go in front ofā¦what do they call it? āThe prettiest cluster of stars in the Northern Hemisphere.ā See, that's what gets me. Prettiest? How do they even *know* that? Is there a star beauty pageant I missed? Are they giving out sashes and tiny star crowns? I bet the other star clusters are real jealous. Theyāre probably up there saying, āOh, *Pleides* got the tiara AGAIN? What does she have that we don't?ā Anyway, so the moon goes in front of theseā¦pretty stars. And the article, or whatever it was, said itās a good chance to "realize how fast the moon is moving." Which, I didnāt even realize the moon *was* moving that fast. I mean, itās always just kindaā¦there. Like a big, slow, cheesy nightlight. But apparently, it's zipping around. Now, I'm thinking, am I supposed to be able to *see* it move? Like, is it gonna be like one of those time-lapse videos where it just whooshes across the sky? Because if it is, Iām definitely setting my alarm wrong. I'll probably miss the whole thing because I'll be trying to find my glasses. But no, I think they just meanā¦relatively fast, compared to the stars. Which makes even less sense to me. So, basically, if you're up really early on December 4th, you can look up, see the moon blocking some pretty stars, and then you canā¦think about how fast it's going. I don't know, sounds like a lot of work for something I probably wouldnāt notice anyway. Iāll probably just see the moon, go, āYep, thatās the moon,ā and then go back to bed. But, hey, if you're into that sort of thing...enjoy the moon's fast-and-furious moment. Just don't forget to put on a jacket. It's gonna be cold.
2025-12-02 17:04
Okay, so I saw this thing... actually, my wife showed it to me. She's way smarter than I am. Always reading. I mostly look at the pictures, but this time, I tried to read. It was about bacteria. You know, the tiny little guys that are everywhere. And apparently, some of these bacteria... they're getting tough. Like, really tough. Itās like when you try to open a jar of pickles and it just won't budge. These bacteria, they're the pickle jar that won't open for medicine. Thatās what they call "resistance," I guess. They're resisting. You know, like my kids resist brushing their teeth. Now, the article, and these "experts"... they're saying we shouldn't just yell at all the bacteria at once. It's like, you can't just yell at a whole stadium of people because one guy is throwing popcorn. You gotta find the popcorn guy. They want us to be more, like... specific. More targeted. Like a sniper, but for germs. Not, you know, an *actual* sniper. Just... thinking about the best way to treat it, I guess. And they said something about "stigmatization." Which, I had to look that up. It means like, blaming them, or not liking them because of it. So apparently, you're not supposed to, like, judge a bacteria for being resistant. I donāt know, Iām just saying what I read. I think what theyāre saying is, don't just blanket treat everything. That can make the problem worse, and some are fine. Itās like telling everyone at a buffet that theyāre overeating, even the people who are just getting a salad. So, basically, bacteria: some are good, some are bad, and some are just resisting the medicine. And we need to figure out the best way to handle each one individually. See, I told you my wife reads the smart stuff! I just relay it. Like a very slow, slightly confused postman.
2025-12-02 13:04
You know, I was reading about these researchers the other day, and I'm not really sure what they're doing, but it sounds like they're trying to figure out some stuff about birds. (pauses) Apparently, they're taking these birds and putting them in some kind of magnetic field. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not something you do to your pets at home. (chuckles) "Hey, Fluffy, just gonna stick you in this magnetic field for a bit, see what happens." (laughs) But anyway, these researchers are doing it to see how it affects the birds' inner ears and... (pauses) what's the other thing? Oh yeah, their hippocampi. (smirks) I had to look that up, by the way. I mean, I knew it was a part of the brain, but I wasn't really sure what it did. (laughs) I'm pretty sure mine's just filled with memories of what I had for lunch. So, they're putting these birds in a magnetic field, and I guess they're trying to see if it messes with their balance or something. (shrugs) I don't know, maybe they're just trying to give them a weird haircut. (laughs) "Hey, look at that bird, it's got a magnetically-induced mullet!" (chuckles) But seriously, I guess it's pretty interesting to learn about how animals navigate and all that. I mean, I get lost in my own neighborhood, so... (laughs) maybe I should be the one in the magnetic field. (smirks) Just kidding, I don't think that's how it works. Although, if it did, that would be pretty cool. "Hey, I'm not lost, I'm just magnetically challenged!" (laughs)
2025-12-02 08:34
You know, I was reading this book the other day, and it was all about how to live forever... or at least, not die from the usual stuff. (pauses) The author, Peter Attia, he's a doctor, and he's all about longevity. I mean, who isn't, right? We all want to stick around for a while. (chuckles) So, he's got this thing, "10,000 steps and more." Now, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that's just a fancy way of saying "get off the couch." (laughs) But seriously, he's saying that exercise is key to fighting off these... (pauses, looking puzzled) "four horsemen," I think he calls them. Cancer, heart disease, neurodegenerative diseases, and diabetes. That's a pretty rough squad, if you ask me. I mean, I'm no expert, but it seems to me that if you can just outrun those guys, you'll be okay. (laughs) But in all seriousness, it's just common sense, right? Move around, don't eat too much junk food... (shrugs) I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that's the secret to not dying. (smirks) Although, if I'm being honest, I'm still working on the whole "not eating too much junk food" thing. (laughs) Anyway, Peter Attia's book is all about how to live a long, healthy life. And I'm like, "Okay, sure, I'll give it a shot." I mean, I've already started taking the stairs instead of the elevator... (pauses, looking proud) Well, when I'm at the mall, and I'm not carrying anything. (laughs) Baby steps, right?
2025-12-02 05:34
Okay, so I was reading this thing ā well, *trying* to read it, I guess. You know how it is with reading. Words. Anyway, it was about a foot. Not *my* foot, thank goodness. I mean, I haven't lost a foot. Yet. Give it time, I'll probably trip over something. This foot, though, it's old. Like, *really* old. They said it was, uh... 3.4 million years old? That's a lot of candles on a birthday cake. I don't even know how they figure that out. Probably involves science. I'm not great at science. I always thought science class was just an excuse to wear goggles. So, they found this foot back in 2009, which, honestly, finding a foot just laying aroundā¦ that's a little weird, right? You'd think you'd remember where you left a foot. Anyway, they finally figured out what kind of foot it was. Apparently, it belonged to someā¦ what was it called? āAustralopithecus deyiremeda.ā See, even saying it is confusing. Iām not sure if itās a species or the name of a law firm. And get this: apparently, this foot thing might mean that this otherā¦ person? Ape? I don't know. Named Lucy? Ring a bell? They said she was supposed to be *our* ancestor. Like, *the* ancestor. Now they're saying maybe not. So now I don't know who to thank for my existence! Before it was easy. Iād just smile and nod when someone said "Lucy" and kept moving. But now Iāve got to pronounce "Australopithecus deyiremeda" at Thanksgiving dinner? My family wonāt know what hit them. I tell you what. I'm just gonna stick with thanking my parents. That seems safer. Plus, Iām pretty sure they didn't have hairy feet lying around Ethiopia. At least I hope not.
2025-12-02 05:07
Alright, so I was reading this thing... about science. And you know how I am with science. I'm good at knowing, like, "water freezes," and "the sun comes up." That's pretty much my expertise. But this articleā¦ see, some folks, smart folks, at a universityā¦ I think in America, which is good, 'cause I live hereā¦ they figured out how to make a super good antifreeze. Really cheap, too. You know, for your car, so it doesnāt freeze up. Now, here's the part that gets me. They learned this by watching *fish*. (pause, looks out at the audience with a slightly bewildered expression) Yeah, fish. Apparently, there are theseā¦ ocean fellasā¦ in really, really cold water. And they donāt freeze. Which, you know, makes sense. You don't see a lot of frozen fish. But *why* don't they freeze? So these scientists, they're looking at these fish and theyāre saying, "Hold on a second. This fish is in, like, water colder than my freezer, and he's swimming around happy as can be. He must know something." I mean, I guess that makes sense. If I'm ever having trouble, I always try to see what a fish is up to. Not really, but you see what I mean. So, long story short - well, itās already long for me - they figured out that the fish have something special in them that stops them from turning into fish-sicles. And these scientists, they're like, "We can use this!" So they copied it, made it cheap, and now we have better antifreeze. It's weird, right? Like, next time my car doesn't start in the winter, I'm gonna think, "Thank you, ocean fish. You saved me." And Iām thinking, maybe I should just be a fish scientist. Seems like they just watch fish all day. I could probably handle that. As long as they don't expect me to, you know, *catch* one. I'm not great at that. I'm better at ordering fish sticks from a restaurant.
2025-12-02 05:07
You know, I was reading about this thing the other day, and I'm not exactly a science guy, but I'll try to break it down for you. So, apparently, some scientists went to Siberia, which, by the way, is really cold. I mean, I've been to some chilly places in my time, but Siberia? That's like the freezer of the world. (pauses for comedic effect) Anyway, they were digging around in the northeast part of Siberia, and they found these old mammoth carcasses. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure mammoths are like the original hipsters ā they've been dead for thousands of years, but they're still really cool. (chuckles) So, these scientists, they managed to extract and characterize something called RNA from these mammoth bodies. And I'm thinking, "RNA, what's that?" I mean, I've heard of DNA, but RNA is like the cousin of DNA, right? (laughs) It's like, the one that doesn't get invited to all the parties, but it's still important. But seriously, this is a big deal. It's like a breakthrough in this field called paleogenetics, which is basically just a fancy way of saying "old genetics." (smirks) I mean, who wouldn't want to study old genetics? It's like looking at your grandparents' old photo albums, but instead of just seeing pictures of your family, you're seeing the actual building blocks of life. (laughs) And I guess what's really cool about this is that it opens up all these new possibilities for scientists to learn more about these ancient creatures. I mean, can you imagine being able to learn more about mammoths? Like, what they ate, how they lived, what kind of music they listened to... (laughs) Okay, maybe not that last one, but you get the idea. So, yeah, that's the news. Scientists are learning more about old mammoths, and I'm just over here trying to learn more about how to use a microwave without setting off the fire alarm. (laughs) Priorities, you know?
2025-12-02 05:07
Okay, so I was reading this thing the other day... about space. Space stuff, you know? And itās about Europe, which, you know, that's over there. Iāve been there. Neat places. Different outlets, though. Anyway, apparently, Europe has a space agency. I didnāt even know they *had* a space agency. I always just figured NASA was handling the entire situation. Like, theyāre already going to the moon... do we need more people going to the moon? I don't know. Seems like a lot of traffic. But they have one, and theyāre getting more money. Which is good, right? You want more money for space. Space is important. I think. I mean, stars are pretty. But hereās the thing. Even with *more* money, theyāre still not gonna be able to keep up with America or China. See, America and China are justā¦ ahead. They're *really* into space. They are justā¦ going for it. And the article was saying that the problem isnāt just the money. Itās like, they donāt have a *plan*. Like, a big, "what are we doing up there?" plan. Like, are we looking for aliens, looking for rocks, or building condos, what's happening? It's like when my wife tells me to go to the grocery store. She gives me the money and I go, but I donāt have a list. I just wander around the store, thinking, āI should probably buy *something*,ā and I end up with chips and dips and a gallon of ice cream. Probably not what you wanted from your trip to the grocery store. So, I guess thatās whatās happening with the European space agency. They got money. They got rockets probably. But they're like, āNow what? Should we point them toward a star? I don't know. Letās get some chips.ā So, they need a plan, or a good list. Maybe a list of aliens. That would be cool.
2025-12-02 05:07
Alright, so, I was reading this thing, and it was talking about...colonies. You know, like back in the day. And I'm trying to understand it, because usually when I read something, I end up more confused than when I started. That's just me. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, my wife always reminds me. But anyway, this thing was saying that a big part of what they were trying to do back then was, like, *control* everything. Not just the people, but also... nature? Yeah. Apparently, the idea was that nature was just sitting there, doing nothing, like a couch. Just completely passive. You know, like my dog when I'm trying to get him to go for a walk. He's just... there. Not helping. So, these people, they thought, "We gotta *govern* this nature. We gotta manage it." And thatās what they called it, "ecological governance." Sounds fancy, right? Makes you think they were building nature preserves or something. I don't know, maybe they were. Probably not. And they were saying this whole "controlling nature" thing, it had a history. Like, people were doing it for a long time. Which, I guess, makes sense. I mean, people have been trying to control things since, well, probably since there *were* things to control. Like my kids, you know? I try to control them. Doesn't usually work. And apparently, this history is all in this book called... "Empires. A Social History of the Environment." Yeah, I wouldn't pick that up to read by the pool. Sounds like a real page-turner. I mean, I'm sure it's important, but... man. So, basically, itās saying that a big part of these old colonial projects was this idea of controlling nature, treating it like something that just needed to be told what to do. Kinda like when I try to tell my lawn what to do. Doesn't listen, grows wherever it wants. Nature, right?
2025-12-02 05:07
Okay, so I saw this thing aboutā¦ space, alright? And Iām not a space guy, you know? Iām more of an Earth guy. I like being on the ground. Itāsā¦ stable. Space just sounds expensive. Which, turns out, it is. So these countries, theyāre all together in, uhā¦ a group. The "European Space Agency." Sounds official. Like they have matching jackets, maybe? And they all met up. Inā¦ Bremen. I've never been to Bremen, but it sounds like a town where they'd build rockets. Like, maybe itās just full of really dedicated Lego builders who leveled up. Anyway, theyāre talking about money. Always money, right? And theyāre talking aboutā¦ *22.1 billion euros*. Thatās a lot ofā¦ whatever euros are. Iām still trying to figure out pennies. Itās for 2026 to 2028. So, like, theyāre already planning that far out? I canāt even plan what Iām having for dinner tomorrow. My wife just tells me. Now, this is where it gets interesting to me. Itās going up, like, 32%. See, I don't know if you know this about me but math is NOT my strong suit, alright? That's a big number! So I guess they're making space more expensive? I don't know what that means, but it sounds important, like the price of space real estate is going up and that's not good for anyone trying to get into the space rental market. And then thereās Germany. I guess Berlin is giving, like, 5.1 billion of those euros. Which, again, *euros*. So Germany, theyāre like the big shots in the European Space Agency. Theyāre, like, the reason the rocket will even launch. The one who brings the snack for everyone to munch on. They're leading the charge to spend all this money... to look at more space. So basically, theyāre spending a ton of money toā¦ keep doing space stuff. I donāt know. Maybe theyāll find a new planet that I can move to. One where the math is easier. And they use American dollars. Because frankly, euros sound complicated.
2025-12-02 05:07
Alright, so I saw this thing, and Iām still trying to figure it out. Apparently, theā¦the space peopleā¦the Russian onesā¦they had a littleā¦mishap. See, I don't know the technical terms, but it sounds like where they *launch* the rockets? Theā¦ the launch *pad*ā¦ that thing got a little busted up. I donāt know *how* busted, but enough that someone felt the need to say something. And the funny thing is, instead of being like, "Oh no! Everything's on fire! We're shutting it all down!" they're like, "Nah, weāre good. Totally fine. Nothing to see here." Which, I appreciate the confidence, I really do. But if *my* porch fell off, I wouldn't be like, "Everything's great! Pizza delivery is still good to go!" Iād probably fix the porch. But see, these guys are launching people into *space*. So, I'm thinking they know what they're doing. I *hope*. Because what they're trying to say is that despite the... damage on the launch pad, they are assuring everybody that, the manned flight are on track. They didn't say *how* on track, just that theyāre on track. So, yeah, that's the news. Everything's fine. Probably. If youāre going to space anytime soon, though, maybe pack an extra helmet. Just in case. You know, for safety. You never know. I probably wouldnāt go to space anyway, it just sounds really far. And you can't just pull over if you gotta go to the bathroom. I'd hate that.
2025-12-02 05:06
You know, I was thinking, have you ever noticed how sometimes we'll spend years trying to figure out something, and then we'll still not really know what's going on? (pauses) Like, I've been trying to figure out how to use my smartphone for five years now, and I'm still not sure I've got it down. (chuckles) But, anyway, it's been five years since the Covid pandemic, and you'd think we'd have a pretty good handle on what's going on with it by now. But, nope, it turns out there's still a big debate going on about this thing called "long Covid." I mean, I've heard of it, but I'm not really sure what it is. Is it like a sequel to Covid? Like, Covid 2: The Revenge? (laughs) Apparently, some researchers and doctors are saying, "Hey, we're not really sure this long Covid thing is a real disease." And then you've got other people, like this group led by Solenn Tanguy, who are saying, "No, no, no, it's definitely a thing." They even wrote a big article about it in the newspaper, which is like, the ultimate way to settle an argument, right? (smirks) I mean, if you can't convince someone with a strongly worded letter to the editor, what can you do? I don't know, maybe I'm just not smart enough to understand all this, but it seems to me like, if people are still feeling sick five years after they had Covid, that's probably worth looking into, right? (shrugs) But hey, what do I know? I'm just a guy who's still trying to figure out how to use my smartphone. (laughs)
2025-12-02 05:06